The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
posting again, because I feel the urge to respond to his email again...to reach out to the nice guy in him again.
Still not sure if this is the right thing to do...but I also know I haven't been healthy and have let myself abuse too much, so for the moment I let other people guide me, friends who love me and realize that I'm suffering and changing into a different being....al Anon also, because people here know, what I still have to learn.
not much else to say, just wanting to gain a few minutes, hoping that the urge to write back lessens a bit....letting me breathe. I miss him also.
((((Tortuga))))...if it's hard to be hard...don't. Sometimes that urge to respond is our addiction...our addiction to the addicted and the alcoholic learns that the solution (one of) to not getting drunk is "don't pick up the first drink". Works for me also when I am addicted to reachout for the compulsion to use the drinker. I don't and I turn the compulsion over one more time. This is an easy program for complicated people. Keep coming back you're doing good (((((hugs)))))
I, like Jerry, agree this is a compulsion and one that will get easier and easier for you to turn over one more time. It takes practice. What I love is that you are also listening to the voice of health in you and reaching out to people who will help you continue to listen to that voice and do what it tells you to do, T. You aren't being hard. You are being self-caring and self-giving. Good for you. Keep reaching out and turning the compulsion over. We're here for you, T. We want to help you do what you really want to do and that is to save yourself. (((T))) Reaching out to the nice guys here won't result in you being hit again or hurt again or demeaned again. You are doing well. Keep doing it.
Thank you....indeed, it was a compulsion...and it passed... actually quite fast... wow.
I also liked what Jerry said in another post up here, that instead of asking myself the WHY of the alcoholic partner, i should turn it around and try the WHY on my own need for actions.
In this case today, I felt misjudged in the last letter by the A, and I wanted to set things right, make him see my real intentions, defend myself, giving in to his provoking me. Is it known or unknown manipulation by him, i don't know...and it doesn't matter....he knows how to trigger my weak buttons...and I don't want to be in that position and playing that role anymore.... it's frustrating. this game of self-pity and blame and guilt. period.
Thanks for your support. (do people get addicted to Al Anon instead???!.. i wonder!lol)
Oh, my!!!!!!! T!!!!!! What a big shift you've made here. You are so much stronger in such a short amount of time. There it is, T! Your health - bubbling over in you! And - it was you who listened to that healthy part of you and reached out. It was you who read the responses, took the wisdom that was right for you, and used it to your advantage!!! Can you hear the whistles and the cheering!!!! And yes, we probably do get addicted to Al-Anon and from what I've heard tell - nobody cares. Grin. I'm really happy for you and for what you discovered about yourself in checking your motives. (((T)))
I also liked what Jerry said in another post up here, that instead of asking myself the WHY of the alcoholic partner, i should turn it around and try the WHY on my own need for actions.
Is it known or unknown manipulation by him, i don't know...and it doesn't matter....he knows how to trigger my weak buttons...and I don't want to be in that position and playing that role anymore.... it's frustrating. this game of self-pity and blame and guilt. period.
I want to understand this and will follow in your footsteps if you will. Pull it back so I can look at it, then turn it over instead of joining the tango in which my feet get trod on. Looking at the WHY of my need to have him stop manipulating and x,y,z - especially when he doesn't know he does it. Without my having to delve in self-pity, blame, guilt. That would feel and be amazing.
