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responding instead of reacting
(Preview)
Hi Everyone,
I have learned in the past week that I need to try to respond rather than react to myA. I have been confused with detatchment and boundary setting in the last while.
I have been unwittingly "reacting" to his behaviour and thought I was, in doing so, making my...
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annmarie
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4
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386
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(c:
(Preview)
did something for me!!!
My doctor friend invited me to his party with lotsa his friends up in the "city."
I asked Raini, my daughter to go with me.
It was fancy shmancy. I did not really know this. lol I had to drive to the train station, sit in a train for like almost 3 hours. Ride up was pretty....
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debilyn
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10
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311
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Lost my Mr. Chieferoni.
(Preview)
Subject: [Cat-A-List] My horse with wings, has flown away
Went to feed and Chief, my appy/paint was down. horrible. send message to my animal groups. this is a sad story. but part of it all.
thank you for your loving thoughts. NO question, I could feel it. All of a sudd...
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debilyn
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15
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507
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Debilyn, are you ok?
(Preview)
Sure would love to hear from you. I know you are going through a really hard time right now. Don't forget that we are here for you, and love you very much!
I read your post about Chief, and cried for you. My horse is 18 and I know the day will come sooner than I like to think, I also have a cat who is 14. Picture C...
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TLC2
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1
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251
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Lyrics that touched me
(Preview)
Just wanted to share a song that touched me ... not quite the impact of hearing it but close. Sorry for the reference to a particular HP, please replace with your preference. The whole CD this is on sounds like a sound track to my life for the last year, and it's kept me sane for about the same amount...
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Jennifer
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2
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274
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I learned something new last night..
(Preview)
Today is a new day and I will thank my HP for that.. I have been struggling with this seperation with days of feeling I can not do this.. My husband is still living in the camper and has been sober 6 weeks with the exception of the one night he drank on the anniversery of his mothers death. I have been real...
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Tammy
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5
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333
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Then the tears come
(Preview)
((((Everyone))))
I have never been an emotional person, that was reserved strictly for my mother. My ASober Dad came from a family of all boys, and my grandmother (who I loved so much) was tougher than anyone I have ever known. All 5'2" and 100 pounds of her.
Nobody that I grew up with p...
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rtexas
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18
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561
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No war tonight so far...
(Preview)
(((((Everyone)))))
I have read every post and every reply in gathering up the strength to meet my AW to pick up my son today. She is picking him up from school and I am getting him at 6:00 when I get off.
I am glad they have some time together each day.
Today she is still upset about the si...
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rtexas
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8
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469
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His latest bomb
(Preview)
Well, I came back from my trip. My AHsober called at first making small talk, asking me how my team did, how was my friend, did I hear from the boys. And then he tells me he put earnest money down on a trailer and land. It is a great deal he says, it is a divorce settlement and its cheap and the only thing wrong is...
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nmike
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2
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367
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Update
(Preview)
The A has been coming over and staying on weekends and then staying at friends houses during the week that are closer to his work. Here's my problem. I feel as though I am getting sucked back in. I am starting to think in terms of "we" instead of "me". I am relishing all the love a...
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carolinagirl
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2
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233
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Never underestimate....
(Preview)
.... the power of your prayers!
This has been the hardest day of my life. This part of it is over, and I know that I can deal with whatever comes next. (HP help me if it is like this again...)
I am so grateful for your support
I almost burst into tears when I saw the messa...
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rtexas
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4
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345
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Saying it-------MEAN
(Preview)
Most of the time when I am trying to communicate something to my A son I feel like I cannot do it without sounding mean and controlling. I try to say it without sounding like that but as I hear myself, it does sound like I am angry. I guess maybe I am angry at him most of the time. It has to do alot with expectatio...
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Gailey
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5
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391
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shame on Fisher Price
(Preview)
Press her magical wand to the star necklace, and Fairy Wishes Dora seems to come alive! Her face will change expressions; she can blink her eyes, smile, look surprised, sing and make wishes. She even sings the Wishing Fairy song! Dressed in her beautiful fairy gown, sparkly wing...
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Gailey
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8
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476
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some poems
(Preview)
Life Through My Eyes
In my life I have only known nothing but lies
In my own little world with my own little eyes
Where there in no sadness and I can hear no cries
I am sad but cannot cry
My tears have long been dry
I cannot fill a heart that was never whole
I also am dead inside
And hav...
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Lauren ashley
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2
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209
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What do I say to this?
(Preview)
I have finally calemd down to be able to talk to my A who is current;y in rehab He keeps bringing up the "Don't hate me, hate the disease" trying to make me not despise him for his behavior.All that I have been able to say back is that he has had a choce to drink or stay sober and he chose to drink and do horrible t...
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Mindy
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7
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427
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Letter To My Father
(Preview)
so most of you know my story, the ups, downs, inbetweens, etc, etc. well i have finally decided to get it all out. i'm starting a book. i don't have much time to write, but i've found myself writing furiously every second i have a chance. the book has started out as a letter to my father, its got a lot of stuff...
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Miranda
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4
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352
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Family members can't control a loved one's addiction
(Preview)
One of the truths about chemical dependency is that no person drinks or uses drugs in a vacuum. Relatives easily find themselves drawn into a maelstrom of anxiety over a family member's chemical use, and their sincere efforts to arrest the problem may only deepen it.
Judy's story off...
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Phil
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3
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418
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to rtexas
(Preview)
Some people may think it's easier to live without the alcoholic in their lives but it's not necessarily like that. Sometimes it's just as hard to live without them, I think. But, where did I read this, which is harder - the pain of living with an alcoholic or the pain of living without them? And I th...
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jaja
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2
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228
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Feeling better
(Preview)
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jaja
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1
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207
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GRIEVING MY MOTHER
(Preview)
It has been a week and a half since my mother died and I can hardly let myself think about it let alone, feel anything besides numbness. I know in many ways I lost her a long time ago, first to my father's alcoholism and then to her severe depression that never left her for the rest o...
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athena12
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6
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434
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Need Help dealing with brother
(Preview)
Hi. I need help dealing with my brother. He is an alcoholic and a gambling addict. He is 33 years old. What I need help with today is that he is threatening me with suicide unless I give him money. I am wavering and may give it to him. So here's the background. ...
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SusanP
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9
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472
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THANKS TO ALL WHO RESPONDED-THE SUPPORT REALLY HELPS
(Preview)
Dear Fellow Alanoner Friends,
Please know that am grateful to all who responded about the recent untimely death of my mother.
I think most of you would have liked my Mom. She never went into recovery but in many ways she was a natural a...
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athena12
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2
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325
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Catch up
(Preview)
Wow--I have been in these rooms for three months. What a crazy three months. Thanks for being there. I bottommed out when my A lost it on my 19 year old. He went to rehab. He got out. He lapsed a little several times. We are working through paranoia and he is...
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curious
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3
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267
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Safe Places
(Preview)
((MIP family))
Thanks to all of you that this is a safe place - a place that I can say what I think and feel without ever being judged - Thank you so very much.
I can't say it to my beautiful step-daughter, Ashley, because I have to take care of me. I can't have any contact with her so I'll just have t...
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Rita G
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7
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236
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The 3 Cs
(Preview)
I had a real "aha" moment this weekend, listening to a recovering A. He did 28 days of inpatient rehab, left the facility, hit the first bar he could find, and ended up in the emergency room the following day after his release with an above 4.0 alc level..it's a miracle he survived.
He's now over a year s...
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kabbie
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2
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281
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Using slogans against me?
(Preview)
Hello ((Everyone))
Perhaps I should say using slogans against himself, I am just allowing it to affect me.
My A has been through treatment after treatment since teen years. Sometimes I allow myself to forget the disease can take someting good like the slogans and twist them for his own purposes....
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Jennifer
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5
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379
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how to handle this
(Preview)
Hi everyone,
Thanks to everyone who helped me through my anger episode last week. I followed your advice and went to a meeting yesterday evening. It was extremely helpful, and I'm arranging to get to another one this evening. I had been slipping a lot on little things lately and needed to harness m...
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annmarie
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3
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251
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My A left today.
(Preview)
I said goodbye to my A today. After 7 years of our roller coaster ride, moving in moving out, thinking he would change, trying to accept the addiction, and finally knowing things will NEVER change unless I do.
So I did. I gave him the ultimate choice of a life as an addict... or a life with me after...
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kicky
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9
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360
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MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS AGREED TO EUTHANIZE MY MOTHER
(Preview)
Let me clarify my previous postings.
My mother was euthanized at a Catholic hospice. Less than one week after her cancer diagnosis. All treatment and food were withheld from her. My mother was not asked or given a choice about this. I was carrying on like Shirley M...
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athena12
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9
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750
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Today is a new day
(Preview)
(((((((((Everyone))))))))))
Thank you all for your support yesterday. I am trying to live in the moment right now, but last night was a lulu.
I don't have but a second, but I just wanted to say thank you so much. If you ever wondered if your posts and your support mean anything....
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rtexas
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7
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405
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Daughter in rehab, what next?
(Preview)
I'm new to the message board, and fairly new to Alanon. My 22 year old daughter has been struggling with alcohol and cocaine use for the past few years. She is now into her 3rd week of voluntary inpatient rehab, following a black out, horrific car accident, and 2nd DUI. (No one was injured,...
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kabbie
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6
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415
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thanksgiving plans
(Preview)
I am seriously thinking about doing a double take on my thanksgiving plans. The As brother is around and will have no place else to go. He and his brother normally smoke tons of marjuana and get stoned any holiday. They are cooked for by their mother.
I don't much want to fil...
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maresie2
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5
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220
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rtexas, please report in :)
(Preview)
retexas,
Just wanted to check and see how you are doing today.
Wishing you strength,
Christy
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Christy
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9
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370
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Does DWI show up in a background check?
(Preview)
AH had one four years ago, new job offer requires background check.
Anybody in the know want to share??
Thanks.
evey
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evey
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3
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671
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Following Alanon with Compassion
(Preview)
Hello Friends,
Needing to share a little this Sunday Morning.....yesterday, Chuck called about 8:30 am and asked me to come and follow him to take his truck to his dads and take him to detox. I thought about it for awhile and said, ok....so went.....it was a very hard thing to do but I was thinking, i...
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Andrea12
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7
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888
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Well... she's moving out right now
(Preview)
(((((Everyone)))))
For those who don't know, my AW and I have had a real rough time of it. Relationship really suffering and it came to a head for me on the 9th. I told her I really can't live this way any more and if she doesn't commit to a program to try and get sober that we needed to make arr...
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rtexas
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14
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515
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Now he recovers!!!
(Preview)
Hello everyone.
Recently I started back to the local meetings in this area. However I am still plagued by the decision I have made to divorce my A/addict. ( just moved here to finish degree, commute was too expensive).
Background - We went throught the drinking 10 years ago, I...
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kidsmom
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6
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369
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"How long do I have to be good"
(Preview)
So I'm on the phone with my A last night and talking about him getting a place to stay, paying bills, etc. and he says I don't want to get a place...how long do I have to be good before I come home! This really pissed me off, I guess the idea of being a foregone conclusion (of course I'm going to ta...
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carolinagirl
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3
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676
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Here We Go Again
(Preview)
Last night my husband was actually home & waiting on me when I got home from work. Met me at the door, even. Gave me a big hug and kiss. He had not been drinking, and had been off work about 3 hours. He is never home when I get home (always across the street at his friend's house, an A.)...
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Becky1
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8
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412
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taking care of myself
(Preview)
Hi,
I am at the end of a short break from my busy life. I participated in an athletic event with my peers (read seniors). I had a great time being physical and competitive. I played hard and won some and lost some. It is great to see old friends and listen to their stories. It is amazing what tragedies that...
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nmike
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3
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334
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What Alanon has given me today..
(Preview)
When days like today happen I always have to reflect at what Alanon has given me and how my reactions have changed. This day is one of those that is just soooo rediculous! Yesterday my son in law was going to put new rotors on my son's car. Normally they just slide off but not on my son's car! I had to go rent so...
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Christy
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9
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449
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If you happen to see Our Senorabob . . .
(Preview)
Today is the anniversary of her birth
Happy Birthday MyLovely&Talented Senora
I hope your day is full of love and fun
YourMaria
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Maria123
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10
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456
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a temp sponsor
(Preview)
If u would like to have some one help u with ur first three steps and u are willing to do some work on them let me know. I would like the person to work from the path book and i like the person to answer the questions at the end of each of the step. If u are willing to work throug im and pm in the room. I am looking for s...
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nycbt
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1
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280
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How Sad
(Preview)
Hello Friends,
It has been a very crazy week for me...so many things are happening...I know we are not to focus on the A but, I feel I need to for a minute...the reality of my husband is that he is homeless...he is living in his truck...he is dirty...same clothes for days now...omg I just keep thinkin...
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Andrea12
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7
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278
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Thought for the Day.
(Preview)
((((((Family)))))))),
Happy Sunday to you all! I was reading an article in the NY Times today and came across this quote from FDR: "When you get to the end of our rope, tie a knot and hang on."
How did he know about Alanon? Now I know you all do yoga () so when I get to the end of my rope, I'll t...
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Karilynn
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3
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341
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I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud
(Preview)
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretche...
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Maria123
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5
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1144
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Physical Abuse
(Preview)
(((((Everyone)))))
I know the rule of thumb is no advise here.. but.
If your A does anything close to hitting or shoving you, get yourself and your kids out of there.
I have lived with my AW for 18 years. In the past couple of months she has clobered me twice in the face, and kicked the h...
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rtexas
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12
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1001
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Prime Time Slogans
(Preview)
From a post by Jerry F :
I hated being controled at any and all times by events outside of myself so I adopted the slogan "Don't react" as one of my prime slogans. With it I can stop myself from rising to the occasion. I learned from my sponsor that when I get angry at any person, place o...
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greta
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7
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546
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Projection City hmmmm
(Preview)
I'm trying my hardest to get all the gear ready for this weekend Boyscout camp out. I'm finding I'm loading my gun w/ resentments to shoot the A /w and realize I have the power to destroy this weekend. So I've come here to vent.
A's are like magnets to each other, it never fails that my A will...
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Lunamoth
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5
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285
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desperate and so sorry
(Preview)
I did a terrible thing. I was very angry.
I was in a rage (very worried about these arger surges lately). He was taunting me and I lost it. I had the tv remote control in my hand at the time and I threw it at him. It hit him on the shoulder and the batteries flew out and hit him in the face. He then carried on sh...
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annmarie
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13
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447
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ESH needed please
(Preview)
I need some guidance on how to help a fellow Al-Anon member. Her life seemed to be going great, her A was dry, they seemed like the perfect happy couple he working his program and she working hers. Then out of the blue on Wednesday night he just up and left her. She is devastated to say t...
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Mobirdie
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6
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287
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drive home
(Preview)
I had a conversation the other night with someone. They said, do you know, if I would have done this instead of this, I would probably be doing this. I told them I don't do "what if's" the reason why is simple. I view it like this, if I wanted to change one thread in my life how many different asp...
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DoN4me
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2
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221
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Isolation
(Preview)
Lately I have been feeling a tremendous sense of isolation. I work from home and live alone. I do get to meetings but not every day. Today my feelings were especially intense. I have considered getting an office job, but then I would have to give up the business I have worked so hard to build. I enjoy my wor...
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plumeria
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7
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338
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Good day for a good cry!
(Preview)
((((((((Family))))))))))))),
I just had to come and finish the soul cleaning that started tonight.
Today was soooooo long.
I am training a new employee and add to that today is our client walk in day so they all came in today.
Well when I got the kids to be I started cleaning, babysitter will be...
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Dolphin123
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10
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402
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Pardon My Humor (Sing Along and Dance)
(Preview)
OK, Gather around, join arms at the shoulders~~~and begin the leg kicking like the Rockettes, and SING:
"He drives me CRAZY, and I CAN'T HELP MYSELF" (codependency showing today!) :roflmao:
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wallsal55
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3
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347
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son's court date is scheduled yet again
(Preview)
((((((((((friends))))))))))))
My son's (Ryan) sentencing hearing is scheduled for Oct. 30. As many of you know, this has been postponed and rescheduled many times. I so want to get off the roller coaster and so does my son. So, those of you that have been so kind to pray a...
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Lexie
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5
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438
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HURT BY MY MOM
(Preview)
Hi,
I've never been here before, and it feels weird. My friend sent me the link. My mom is an Alchoholic and today, a short while ago, she crushed my feelings again. I called to give her some "good" news and by the end of the brief conversation, she tearily announced that I am nothin...
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Piglette
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5
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254
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Thankful to be alive
(Preview)
Life has been looking great for quite some time now. I won my SSI case on Oct 4th I just have to wait for my 3 year lump sum no idea how long that will be. Not really thinking about it either. My health is doing good. I changed to cymbalta on my antidepressants & it improved a whole lot of stuf...
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hmrnrnmm
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2
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316
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So he's dead...
(Preview)
Got a heads up this last evening that one of the local MJ advocates just passed on. I hadn't heard from him for a while and in the past had some personal contact in public. My son told me that the man tried to "turn him on" to some very "great Cannabis" and my son could see thru it as a pass user.&n...
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Jerry F
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1
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439
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Takin a trip
(Preview)
I decided earlier this week that I was going to try to take a trip to DC just me and the kids. I have a 5 day weekend for Veterans day and I decided this would be an excellent time to see DC in all it's glory. I have never been there and it's on my "list of things to do before leaving here". I ke...
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carolinagirl
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4
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214
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