The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't understand all the lies - why? Not lies to cover up drinking - he is not actively drinking right now - but lies about so many other things - whether he is going to AA meetings, if he called - we started out the relationship with deceit - he told me so many things which were untrue - broke the trust factor.....so many lies and he tells me he is sorry and he turns them around on me - crazy. Now that he is getting angry and his cycle is climbing - I see the insanity starting and I don't want any part of it.
Why lie when you don't have to = part of the illness? So tough
My heart goes out to you. Remember that the addiction is running their lives and nothing we do or say will change their desire or willingness to drink. Remember you did not cause his drinking nor can you cure or control it. He has choices. You can always detach with love from him. It is just a suggestion. I know it is easier said than done believe me I do.
Lauren
__________________
~life is like a box of chocolates you never know whatcha gonna get~
I hear that the lying is part of the disease. Lie to cover up who they really are and what they really are doing. My AHsober just says I lie because it is easier. I have to work to not be drawn into it like the disease wants me to.
I understand your frustration about the lying. I have had it too, and anger. I've come to the conclusion in my relationship with my A that lying is part of his addictive cycle. Some people will only go to a certain liquor store, or need thier certain glass, or bar stool to complete the cycle .... mine needs to lie to me or anyone really in order to complete the whole cycle.
There is no reason or explanation. Try to keep the focus on you, and take good care of yourself.
I think it has something to do with keeping us at arms length - if they are not honest with us, they never have to admit to their true selves. And, of course, their true selves are cauldrons of shame, self hate, blame, guilt, all things they don't want to let anyone see. Alcoholics are masters at avoiding true intimacy, as a way of protecting themselves.
Understanding this does not mean that we have to take it. You can call him on his lies.
