The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't spoken to my son in over 24 hours. I don't know where he is, if he still has his job, or if he is sober today. I know the 3 Cs. I know that if I call him and all I hear is terrible stuff, I will be miserable all night. I know what I have to do for myself, meetings, detach etc. But all I want is to know that he is OK, sober, safe, functioning and happy, which surely is not happening.
I can't get him out of my head. It's as if my brain is split in 2 parts. One part works, cooks, cleans, talks on the phone etc. Simultaneously the other part just thinks about him, worries, is scared and loves him.
His separated from wife called 3 times today and I didn't pick up or return her call.
Just for today,, you made it! Good for you Laura, that is progress. You will make it taking it one day at a time.
I worried sick about my son too. The places my mind went. One day I really thought about it and when he was really in trouble he would call me....or the police would...Some how some way he would get a hold of me. When things were ok with him I usually didn't hear much. So when I started to worry I would think no news is good news. I would pray that his higher power would help and guide him. Somehow that really gave me comfort.
laurab, I have been reading your posts for a few days now, knowing what you are feeling. My son has problems also, and has for years. Not extreme with lost jobs, legal problems or anything, but loss of his family recently because he spent his weekends drinking. His wife of four years would absolutely not tolerate his withdrawal from family. I know the alcohol just fueled other problems that I won't go into. He drinks to bury his head in the sand so he doesn't have to face realities. I am not excusing him...excessive drink is excessive drink. He had a bad accident two years ago with resulting head injury complications. This, too, has caused problems with everything. Regardless, the worst happened and she divorced him in a two month period with absolutely no counseling or trying on either of their parts. As a result, he has no rights to his baby except what she gives him and without any legal counsel at the divorce, and trusting only what his ex told him would happen, he is in a mess. Sometimes he does not call me for a couple days. I have learned to let it go....do not call him. It is correct that if he is in real difficulty you will know. Your statement a couple posts ago about just wanting him to be 2 again and carry him on your hip just broke me down. I cried for you and for me and for other on this site who have children in trouble. Mother suffering is so horrible. I now carry my grandchild around on my hip each day (I am his caregiver in spite of the divorce; my DIL trusts me and has it made to have me do this) and pray for his future and that he will not have any genetic disposition to this terrible disease. Keep reading what people on this site have to say. I am not in a position to be good at talking to anyone, but I certainly know how you feel. You and your son are in my prayers for peace and understanding. Just take it minute by minute and trust that HP will intervene.
With better boundaries we can learn to detach with love. I work at this. I am struggling with my son and his issues. It is sooo hard as a mother. For me when I am going through the motions of life like cleaning, running, going to work, I know that I am in my addiction to my AHsober when my thoughts are of him. This is no place to be because I am making him my HP and I can't hear my HP trying to show me the way. The book I am reading says that there is your business, their business, and god's business. One day at a time.
