The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone! As some of you know I am new to here! I am also new to this. First I would like to express how I got here. Well I am seeing a counselor bout self esteem issues. On my second session she advised me to check out Al anon groups here locally. Well I do have to admit I am very shy to that so I thought I would check around on the net and see what it is like. Then I got to here.
Okay I am gonna tell ya abit bout me. I am a very very sensitive person. I wear my feelings on my sleeve sorta speak. I have had people tell me that I need to toughen up and I just do not think that is the solution here! Even my counselor agrees to that!!!! I am who I am and I can not just change that. Anyway, my childhood was a pretty darn good. My father had a business and my mother worked there very part time. She was nurturing but she also did not interact with me that much as a child. My father was the one who spent more time with me. When I got older and my brother went to college my mother and I got closer in fact she and I were best friends. Well work got really really stressful to her and she did the thing that her mother and her mothers mother did, hit the bottle, and became a closet drinker. That got worst. She would say things to me that were deeply offensive. Call me names tell me that I am stupid. This went on for years. She would get mad at me for not being popular like my brother was, she would tell me go leave her alone when all I wanted to do was talk. And when I complained bout how I was such an outcast in high school she would always say "don’t you have anything POSITIVE to say". This hurt me. When I tried to talk to my father bout what was going on with me in high school and how I was teased he would just tell me that I needed to have a "come back" with these cruel people.
I am a shy person too. I also get hurt VERY VERY easily. So that added insult to what my mother was doing. I felt that when things go wrong (like my friend ditching me just like that) I blamed myself. I think I am not good enough. Well I remember back years ago I tried to take my life and when my mother found out she yelled at me and called me a "F*&@ing stupid idiot!!!!’ my father was the only one who was there for me in my family. Today however is a different story, he and my mother (mother especally) want nothing to do with me cause of my faith and my low tolerence for her booze.
To this day I have a very low self esteem. I am always hoping that I have cancer so I can be away from this world. Especially now that my "great friend online" ditched me. I blame myself thinking if I was smart as her then she would still be my friend today, if I just knew how to spell better or read faster than people would like me better.
Well if you want my personal opinion... you are in the right place. You are most certainly not worthless. Working this program and being honest with yourself will help you see that too.
What I love about this program is the fact that the focus it to help me work on myself, to become more self confident, to rely on others opinions less and to trust in a power greater than me to keep me sane and on the right path.
Putting that trust in other people has gotten me in great trouble emotionally. This program is what you make of it. In the end (as if there is an end) you are the one who can take credit for pulling yourself out of the muck. You and your faith can make you whole and the actions and reactions of others.... well, that is thiers to deal with.
We don't give advise here, just share our experiences, strength and hope. Expect us to support your efforts to get better, because we believe in you and your participation in the program helps us. (We all help each other... that's part of it)
Getting to a meeting will allow you to get access to literature and interact with others on the same journey. You don't have to worry about being shy... if you don't want to talk, don't. Just listen.
You are taking a great step for yourself, I don't know where I would be if my Higher Power had not taken me here.
Take care of you!
-- Edited by rtexas at 10:45, 2006-10-27
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
thank you for your kind words...i cant wait to heal and not get sadden by people who really let me down like that online friend of mine who deeply hurt me!!!!
I WANT to be happy again before I even met her!!!!
Welcome to this board. This board has saved my life. There are so many caring, loving people here. It sounds as if you are like me, pretty caring and sensitive. You can grow tremendously through this program and begin to heal your emotional abuse scars.
Life is a lot of what reaction you have to it. Someone told me once, "happiness is on the menu, you can choose it". It seems so hard when you are caught up in crisis and drama and everything seems so wrong.
There are tools you can learn to feel better about yourself, to become a loving, compassionate, open person, to change. Change is really scary, but leaping into the unknown is so freeing after a while. I have just touched the surface of becoming who I want to be. It takes a lot of prayer, a lot of courage.
I pray for you Sensitive, and pray that you find exactly what you need either in face to face meetings or this board. There is so much to learn, be patient, it can go really slow - but have hope that you will become happier the more you put into the program....
I can definitely relate to the feelings of wanting to die. I have been there and done that.
Do you have any books on dysfunctional families. That might help you to get a perspective. Anything by John Bradshaw, Claudia Black, Pia Melody would help. Melody Beattie has a formidable biography too.
I am glad you are here. Many many of us have boundary issues. Believe me it is not all about you but the milieu you were brought up in. You will encounter many many many wonderful men and women here who have been where you are and who have recovered.
Welcome to our MIP family - we are a family here and glad that you have joined us. We are all on a path to personal recovery. To try to be healthy individuals, to heal from past pains, unhealthy relationships and low self-image.
Together, using a relationship with a Higher Power, face to face & on-line meetings, recovery literature, sponsors, working the steps, visiting with other healthy people, and MIP this is how we learn to live Happy, Joyous and Free. And most of all, we learn to love ourselves.
So, keep coming back and don't give up before the miracle happens in you - You deserve it.
Progress Not Perfection,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Sheesh, I feel like giving you the biggest hug in the entire world!
LOL!
See, your post could have been written by my own beloved only child (daughter). Only I don't have addiction problems, her Dad does.
I could relate to SO much of what you wrote! So many things you wrote my own child has said to me. She is 21 years old now.
I have to say, you have a LOT going for you already...you are brave enough to keep trying. My daughter has been hurt by some friends and is so sensitive that she sort of gave up for a while, but with my encouragement is branching out a little again.
I can share some hints with you about how I helped my daughter develop her self esteem.
I am a teacher and when I was in college I learned a lot about self esteen, what it is and how to develop it in children.
Lots of people think that tons of praise develops self esteem, that is only a SMALL part of it though.
What I have found, even for myself, is that self esteem is gained through TANGIBLE results of seeing your skills and value.
For instance, I taught my daughter to cook and when she would cook anything for me I would not only thank her and give her a hug and tell her what a great job she did, I would also point out what a help she was to me. I told her how important she was to our family functioning, her cooking dinner made it possible for me to get more done for my job and I still got to eat a nice dinner. Then I took her out to eat the next week with my paycheck which was more thanks to her helping me with teamwork. See what I mean? Her efforts had a tangible reward, she really FELT that she was important in my life.
The same with the job I give her of cleaning the bathroom. She is totall resposible for cleaning the bathroom on her own. Each time I take a shower I thank her for her efforts. I tell her how pleasant it is to take a shower in such a squeeky clean environment, with no mildew or soap scum. I tell her that she makes my life nicer and more pleasant with her efforts...so, instead of cleaning the bathroom, with her taking care of that for me, I have more time to bake her favorite cake for dinner.
I tell her that she is a CRUCIAL part of my life, and I don't know how I would function without her (even though I have and did fine, LOL, but it sure is NICER and EASIER with her around ). She believes this since she sees how much it means to me the little things she does.
Anyway, if you are on your own you can learn to do more and more things for yourself. More than a decade ago I took some quilting classes and made myself a quilt. WOW! I can't tell you the self esteem boost I got to sleep under a quilt that my own hands had made from beginning to end. It felt so good to feel the wonderful results of my hard work in that warm comfy quilt. To SEE what I had made and USE it was the biggest self esteem boost in the world for me.
Also making my own clothes helped me a lot. I really felt good to get compliments on things I had made. I would think to myself "I am useful after all, I have skills and can do lots of things for myself and for others".
Real self esteem is more than just what you can DO, but hey, this is a good place to START and simple too.
My heart just goes out to you so much, I wish you lived near us, my daughter too is lonely and the three of us could do a bunch of stuff together and have fun and build each other up too. My daughter isolates herself since she is so ashamed about her Dad's alcoholism. She is afraid that she will make friends, then they will be scared away by scary out of control Dad, so she does not even bother , but slowly she is once again managing to blossom a bit.
Soon you will meet other friends and feel better about yourself if you keep going the way you are...reaching out, you really got a lot going for yourself. You may not see it now, but I do. You are a smart girl with good instincs...to know where to come for help and to be honest about what you need so we can reach out to you the way you need...and give you lots and lots of supportive hugs and let you know how much WE value you. Sometimes that is how it starts...seeing how much others value you can help you learn to see value in yourself.
). She believes this since she sees how much it means to me the little things she does.