The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A while back somebody posted questions that they had learned to ask themself. I found this an excellent source to use during times of confusion.
So what is going on with me?
I'm trapped between having the need to feel hurt but at the same time know that good can come from this situation. My bf who has over the course of the past year brought over some of his things but has never officially moved in has made a boundary decision to take his stuff back to his place and just come over on the weekends since he realizes that he has not been taking full responsibility for himself. This comes at a time when me and the kids are getting ready to move into a new place and this just before we hear what the sentencing is for my son on November 15th. I'm somewhat ticked at myself my not having stronger boundaries for myself in the first place and letting myself give in a way that seems now to be harmful to the relationship. Also I'm hoping the kids (two are adults 18 & 21 the other is 13) don't take it personel that he has made this decision also as they and I deal with rejection and abandoment issues already (their father left the household about 4 years ago). It also makes me think about some of the trust issues I have and why I haven't fully felt totally comfortable with giving him full rein with voicing his authority over my kids. I guess I feel deep down that there wasn't a committment but also that we needed more time to understand each other. I need to remember to let people make their own decisions and mistakes and allow myself to do the same. I'm trying to hold onto the gratitude that he will still be around to help us move and that he is willing to continue to work on us. I just hope that I don't give way to unreasonable emotions and work through some of these depressed feelings and look more toward the positive aspects of this decision. Most of all respect the fact that these are the things he needs to do for himself.. Mostly right now I'm trying to keep the feelings of rejection under wraps. Feelings arent' facts right?
Hi, from my experience, when we have a relationship with someone other than the father of our kids, they never have full authority over the kids. He is not their parent.
Even if you get married, from what I have read, heard,seen is the step parent supports the real parent. Does not make rules, is more of an adult friend.
It can cause a horrible mess to have a person come in and start trying to boss the kids.
Anyway I feel a lot of sadness from your post and lack of having any anti stressors. I am sad about your son. Please let us know.
