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Have a question. I have never given birth to a child. Have raised one and I know I would go to the ends of the earth for her. I can't imagine how things would be for a child I had carried and birthed.
So, here is my question. My A stepdaughter has been in trouble more than once with the law. Her Mom always manages to get her out of these messes. I don't think that is a good thing.
Last time she did go to court, was convicted and put on probation. One of the terms of her probation was she was to consume no drugs or alcohol. The probation officer checked up on this not by testing but by calling her Mom to see if she had used. Her mother lied.
If this were my child I can honestly say I do not know what I would do. Would I tell the truth and have them throw my child in jail? Or would I lie?
What would you do?
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
Hi lilms. As Mom to two, I cannot imagine "ratting out" my child. Let the probation people do their job, and whatever that leads to is the way it is.
I appreciate your honesty in this. So many women - and men - who have never had children of their own think they have all the answers. Until one comes from your womb, you can't know.
Take care. I send best regards to you and partner, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
My daughter is facing her 2nd DUI charge in under 5 years. My husband and I protected her from the law in the past, by hiring good lawyers and "policing" her behaivor. We tried to control her. You can see where that got us. My daughter is lucky to be alive after her last accident. I'll never take part in that again. Hope this helps..Kabbie
But... I am of the opinion that the PO is not doing his/her job by asking me if my son has been using. I would hand the phone to my son and let him lie if he wants.
I am like Diva in a way, no I don't think I could call them and tell them. But I certainly would not get in the way of them finding out.
It just doesn't help anyone. My guilt and resentment would be huge for doing that.
Just my thoughts, you are all in my prayers.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I agree with Diva - I was never able to rat out my child - but I would expect the probation officer and any other official to do their job - then I'd expect my daughter to face the consequences of her actions.
If my son's probation officer asked me if I thought he was clean or not, I would answer as honestly as I could... We work a program based on honesty. I wouldn't even think that I was rating him out. I also have let my son know that I will not help him stay sick in any way, shape or form by ever covering for him. I may not always set perfect rules for him myself, but I will not help him bend rules that are set for him on probation. He knows I am completely honest with his psycologist and psychiatrist, his school administrations and the police. In doing so I have seen positive changes in him.
He is my last born son... I don't want the youngest spoiled brat syndrome attacking him. I've also lost a son many years ago but I refuse to be so "protective" that I end up causing him harm in the big picture.
I have not had a child so I can only assume what I would do if I were a mother. I could not imagine ever "ratting" out my child, unless I felt that her life was in danger. I know from experience that it is easy to get yourself in the trouble with the law even if you are not a druggie or alcoholic. So, I do not think I would tell the probation officer that my child was still going to bars with her friends, unless, like I said, she was harming herself. I would be hard on her about not driving drunk and practicing safe behavior. But I would not let the probation officer do that for me if I could do it myself.
