Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

buick23 · buick23

Just wanted to give an update on the court date. The judge asked for us to try and mediate before going into the courtroom. We came up with a good plan without problems. I had been trying to do this with my ex for many years and he always denied. I know that it helped that the guardian was there and she guided u...

luvinmom · luvinmom

Have alcoholic son, 20, still new to Alanon. Really practicing at detachment. Working at not giving "helpful reminders" and "R u OK? haven't heard from u" phone calls. He is not permitted to live at our house but can eat, shower wash clothes here (boundaries are good). ...

Sincerely · Sincerely

Testing In Progress...... 10 years and counting...life with an A....still in progress Met A's family, all addicts. passed, check Took care of A's mother while dieing with cancer. passed, check A had an affair. passed, check He filed for divorce, didn't divorce. passed, check I filed for divorce, d...

luvinmom · luvinmom

Son had court this morning for probation violation. Case could have been dismissed in 6 mos if he had kept his nose clean. The probation officer called me to let me know that son would not be coming home because they sent him to a Jump Start program. Then they are sending him to 3/4 housing. They even f...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Cannot believe a year has passed since I sent in my papers and yet it has and in just ten days time my appeal takes place. Another year of barely making ends meet, and yet I have survived it with the help of caring friends who have rallied to my side. Today, yet again my friend and I sat through ANOTHER gruell...

luvinmom · luvinmom

This morning my son stopped by to drop off his car before going to court. He was on probation, then got an an OUI. He had the arraignment for the OUI on the 5th. Today is court for possible revocation for probation. I know at the arraignment he had a long discussion with the prosecutor about handling b...

JulieSDgirl · JulieSDgirl

So this is my first time here. I got married to an alcoholic at the young age of 22. Fast forward 12 years and we have 2 children (ages 7 and 4). My husband has been sober for about 16 months. I had had enough, filed for divorce and he went into rehab. I was supportive of his rehab and held his hand the enti...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

It's good as always to come here and read the experience, strength, and hope of others. The holidays were very low key and pleasant for us. Youngest AD had arthroscopy on her right knee on the 30th of December, and they ended up doing extensive shaving in there, so on New Year's Eve, she was home with me, l...

debilyn · debilyn

The septic guys were all so funny and nice. Some idiot had "spliced" the power cord from the pump to the power source! Also the last tenants poured GREASE down the drain and clogged it up! $980 almost all my mortgage. So I have to gather up money at the end of the month and the first to make it. But...

rocky · rocky

I'm having a tuff time thinking that I still can't influence my 21 year old child to seek help. I understand it's her decision and I have even had argumrnts with my wife about another child, our oldest son, and how it's obvious he needs to learn on it his own, that speaking to him won't do any good. ANd ac...

missing out · missing out

Well, today went a little better then yesterday, the phone didn't ring near as much at work and I do enjoy my work but when you have some many distractions that happen ALL day long it can be tough for me seeing as I have a hard enough time consintrating on the NOW... BUT... I got some things done and felt pre...

debilyn · debilyn

Put my main house up for rent, next day the septic pump to drainfield died. $500-$900. Went to AH's court. Found out he has cancer, oral cancer. Was given a months extension to do his chemo etc. LIke he will make it. He then goes to prison. I cannot imagine him living thru this to go to prison, then to die in p...

buick23 · buick23

My daughter just came to me to talk cuz she couldn't sleep because all of this court stuff was bothering her. It felt good that she came to me on her own and I assured her (as I always have before) that I will always love her no matter how things turn out. She said that she wants me to be proud of her and I told he...

luvinmom · luvinmom

I feel so good!

Lyndie · Lyndie

Hi gang. Sorry I haven't been around, was busy with the holidays and then had a major panic attack the Fri. after Christmas that left me feeling blah for days. It's getting to the point where I just don't care anymore. My husband decided it was more important to have 150.00 headphones than pay the mortg...

Canary · Canary

Hi all. I am new here and happy to have a place to come while I am at home. To make a long story short, my husband and I have been together 13 years. The first 4 were rough. On and off drinking on his part only for him to go to rehab and have 9 years of sobriety. During that 9 year period, we married...bought a hous...

missing out · missing out

Well... I don't really no were to begin with this one.... I have been try'n for the last month to get my mind straight, and I just can't... My Father is/was an A... I lost him this past thanksgiving, and ever since I can not swing the fact that I am SOOO Extremely Pissed at him, and I don't know what to do with m...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Just having an "off" day and don't know why. I would imagine it could be readjusting/withdrawing from meds, and that I can cope with. But I think it is more about projecting today and thinking about the ex. I was thinking back to 3 mths ago and how crappy I felt most of the time, and t...

babysteps · babysteps

It has been a long time since I have been on MIP. Here is a quick summary: I have been married for 10 years to my AH. He went to rehab in '05, relapsed immediately upon return. Finally started taking AA seriously in '08, would be sober for 30 days, drink for 30 days... Then he achieved 72 days of sobriety only...

buick23 · buick23

I am going to our final courtdate on Thursday to get divorced and for custody decision of my daugther. We talked with the guardian yesterday and my daugther wants to live with her dad. She has said that a month ago and I thought it was just a phase because of me and her dad having to talk to her about problems...

Pantera · Pantera

My apparently sober AH came home from the halfway house last week. He said he was laid-off at his job? Hmmm... I had told him repeatedly I was not ready to try to live with him yet, and that's why he was staying at the halfway house after rehab (second time through). I have been looking for a place of my o...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Hi MIP family! For a while now I've been thinking about doing step 4 again. When I first did it last year, I used an alanon book that helped me think through my inventory - a workbook of soughts. It was very helpful. Over the weekend, I took a look at what I noted down as my character defects and really ha...

missing out · missing out

OK long story short...My husband and myslef run our own business, this year make 20 years for my husband, and we try really hard in todays world to run it the way it should run to survive in todays crazy world... I have told my family, (Mother, sister,brother) all thee above, ONLY call me at work IF there...

Wittsend · Wittsend

I don't know what type of lawyer to see, it looks like he has a lung clot and a brain clot, if he lives, what should I do so that I don't lose the house if he has to go into a facility?

maresie · maresie

There is a show on A & E called Intervention. When I first started watching it my eyes were on the alcoholic and the addict and how terrible it all was. Now my eyes are on the codependents, the family system that "enables" them. I'm so aware of how much I can be like them. I've gone from b...

Codependent · Codependent

This is a rant message just to get it out there. I keep thinking about how when he was in jail last time he thought he was back in love with me and seemed to be really in to me and said my new confidence was attractive and it's true- when he is in jail- I feel powerful and exude confidence I guess. When he first...

luvinmom · luvinmom

I was beginning to feel very very sad about my son this afternoon. Could not stop worrying, wanting my baby back. All of a sudden my radio started playing Don't Stop Believing by Journey. Maybe I'm being melodramatic but I felt like my HP was sending me a message. What's the meaning? Just before my son...

Loupiness · Loupiness

My last post was on my swirling thoughts and I appreciated the responses very much. Jean made the comparison to the flushing of a toilet. Made me laugh, as that is such a great analogy. Well, the paper (and poop) is still going round and round.... Last night I finally freaked. Thank goodness my spon...

lola1777 · lola1777

My father died about 4 months ago and even though he was sick for a long time, he was the one that held our family together...especially my alcoholic mother. She has been doing relatively well but was in a drunken stupor for the week of Christmas. I don't live in the same city so when I left, I was very sad...

luvinmom · luvinmom

Ok full of questions today...has this ever happened to other alcoholics/overstressed people? My alcoholic son, 20, has always had an incredibly thick head of hair. I kid you not, about 90% has fallen out! It first started falling out the first week of Nov and by Thanksgiving it was gone. To quote a Lea...

Namaste Nurse · Namaste Nurse

I just have so many questions! I want to know how did everyone deal with the financial troubles that your A caused? I know that in about 31 days I am going to loose my house because my A could not keep a job for the last 7 months. They won't even work with us because he does not have a job. I used to be the dum...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I just read a post and it really got me to thinking about the situation I have been through/am going through with ExABF-10 yrs sober and in program..... I was thinking driving home how he seems so much happier lately when we talk since I have been in program. He broke up with me, obviously I wasn'...

tommyecat · tommyecat

It has been a few years since I have visited this recovery website. Thank you all for your service work to make this special place possible. When I was unable to get to a local meeting and could not connect with my sponsor or program friends, I would would connect with you guys via message boards or onli...

Mariner · Mariner

((((Family)))) So my brave face never made it. I started crying yesterday I just couldnt stop, tears flowing quitely down my face. I tried to hide it fom my Abf in my good old codependant way. Still they came, he didnt notice at first ha ha, when he did he was kind and I kept a lid on it as neither of us c...

Diva · Diva

Spent the holidays at my condo on Maui. Sure hoped to see President-elect Obama, but no luck. But...paradise is paradise...no matter. A partner hasn't had a drink in about a month. Sure is more pleasant living with him sober. Sending good new year wishes to all of you. Diva

Loupiness · Loupiness

Hello Friends, It is wierd how my thoughts start swirling, and although they are not "new" ideas, they suddenly seem so in the way I perceive them. I am separated from my A, and though sober (chemically) for 13 mos, he is still in a sick relationship that began back in 2006, and is not a healthy...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

This weekend brought with it an opportunity for me to grow a little more and for that I am grateful. I was experiencing a "situation" with the ex that sent me, at first reaction, into a tail spin.......Then several minutes later, after several times reciting the Serenity Prayer....

missing out · missing out

Just wanted to share my crazy, sometimes tragic, almost magic, beautiful life, with the A's in my world... My brother is an "A". one of the many in my family... so to me that means, many many 6am calls saying, "please sister save me from jail, get me home, I can't live here I would rath...

Maryann1966 · Maryann1966

Well, tomorow is the day my 17 year old turns himself in for probation revocation. His lawyer says we can bail him out pretty quickly, then go to court in about 3 weeks. At first, this was our plan. But, for the past 2 weeks, he has treated our house as a hotel, not lifted a finger to help around here, and c...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, found out yesterday that the A got rearrested- this time with his old girlfriend. He got pulled over. She apparently overdosed- not sure if she swallowed stuff when they got pulled over or what. Anyway, she is supposed to go to jail too when she gets out. I have not called to find out any more de...

Harriet130 · Harriet130

My 24 year old daughter has been in recovery for 4 years; I' m truly grateful for that! I live in Maryland and she lives in my condo in Florida with a roommate (who pays me rent). She has been in school and working part time for the past 3 years. In February, she lost a part time job as a tech in a rehab. It t...

maresie · maresie

Tomorrow officially the holidays are over. I realize I am not much good at holidays myself. I still have a great deal of grief left over from my family of origin. I also think I am still suffering from the vestiges of people pleasing. Put me in a place of people pleasing and I can go through the motions a...

Mariner · Mariner

Dear (((All))) I finally got the courage to get honest with my Abf. He's on weekend home leave the last one before he's back for good from rehab. We had the conversation last night. He had stuff he wanted to tell me and I could sense the weight of it. I think it suprised him how much I had thought it through an...

Hopeless in AZ · Hopeless in AZ

I'm done dealing w/my father's alcoholism. I wrote him a letter last week telling him he had until the end of the month to get out. I refuse to continue to live like this in MY OWN home. He is my father but he has NO right to put me and my precious daughter through this. He's been living with me for almost a...

joyoma · joyoma

Happy New Year, Everyone and Blessings for 2009. I am grateful for MIP for the two years of participation I have done, the great responses I have had. I feel as if I know so many of you personally!! Essentially, my life is as "normal" and "positive" as one would expect with the -is...

Namaste Nurse · Namaste Nurse

So I have a AH. We live in a 920 sq foot house, so we a kind of on top of each other. I have only been to one meeting and I am feeling really good about it. My question is how have you detached from you situation? I will give you an example....he is pretty emotionally abusive when he is drinking and he gets in m...

Suzannah · Suzannah

...I am counting my blessings and beginning each day in FAITH and kicking DOUBT out. I am moving forward, one step at a time, and I am learning the discipline of POSITIVE thinking instead of STINKING thinking. O BOY though it has been a hard discipline to learn and DO over the years I am not afraid if I slip...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

well, its saturday night. Not every saturday night but maybe once a month there is a party in my house. I live in this house with two other women. Both are younger than I am. One owns the house. We are room mates. tonight is a party. I went to dinner. I went to a coffee house and sat and wrote. I am back...

missing out · missing out

Just wanted to share my crazy, sometimes tragic, almost magic, beautiful life, with the A's in my world... My brother is an "A". one of the many in my family... so to me that means, many many 6am calls saying, "please sister save me from jail, get me home, I can't live here I would rath...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear all, My A-father who was bereaved in November is still hacking away at the whisky. He had been out of my life for five years but is back in again. I deal with things differently now though and have not got hostile feelings but am very critical privately of him. At the moment my son who is very fond of him...

seekingserenity · seekingserenity

I don't understand why I keep acting like a 2 year old whenI know the consequences. Furthermore, I don't know until after the fact how to enact any positive change.

snowqueen · snowqueen

Hello Everyone, Just to identify...I am an adult daughter and have active and recovering alcoholics in my life at present. It's good to not make situations worse through simply not having knowledge of how to do things differently, this disease really is baffling and powerful. There is hope and help...

luvinmom · luvinmom

If I am undecided about asking it probably means that in my heart I know the right answer. My son was discharged from rehab on some meds, campral, naloxone & antabuse. He got a 90 day supply since he knew his insurance would end. I know I should be detaching... but still want to be engaged & s...

soconfused · soconfused

``Letting Go'' To ``let go'' does not mean to stop caring.It means I can't do it for someone else. To ``let go'' is not to cut myself off.It's the realization I can't control another. To ``let go'' is not to enable,but to allow learning from natural consequences. To ``let go'' is to admit powerles...

ppay · ppay

Hi, everyone. I am new and just not sure where to turn. My 32 year old son is an alcoholic and does continue to drink. Sometimes he admits he has a problem and is going to stop but never does for very long. His girlfriend is the same way. She is wanting to go to AA meetings and he doesn't. She wants my adv...

ddub · ddub

greetings mip family~ I have spent some time with posts from the past on functional alcoholic spouses - I can relate to all of them and also thinking about maresie current post on boundaries. Could be my focus on my own life with functional alcoholic makes me slip back to the its not fair pity party but kn...

maresie · maresie

I find myself all the time having to scrutizine all my boundaries and work on limits and looking at my expectations. Every single day I find different ways I've allowed others to broach my boundaries in different ways. As someone who was incredibly codependent I allowed all my boundaries to be broa...

maresie · maresie

As I've spoken about often I have moved into a phase of my life where I am constantly assessing my boundaries and working on them. What's come up for me recently is a suprize. I've set in motion a lot of boundaries around being around active alcoholics and addicts. What's a shock to me is that intuitiv...

somethingsimple · somethingsimple

My mother died in Nov of 2006. She was a vicious nasty person to her children but was a good Christian woman to the outside world. She stopped drinking when I was 12 but never attended AA. The day she died my 82 yr old father moved in with me. He's had 6 strokes and cannot live alone. I quit my job as a school bu...

Toto814 · Toto814

I've read on more than on occasion on this forum that the movie 'Gaslight' was not to be missed by those of us affected by the 'A' disease. It is on cable today at noon EST on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). May be worth giving it a viewing.

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	court is over with (Preview) Just wanted to give an update on the court date. The judge asked for us to try and mediate before going into the courtroom. We came up with a good plan without problems. I had been trying to do this with my ex for many years and he always denied. I know that it helped that the guardian was there and she guided u...	buick23	7	816	Jan 8, 2009 by nmike
	Detached but Supportive - How can you be both? (Preview) Have alcoholic son, 20, still new to Alanon. Really practicing at detachment. Working at not giving "helpful reminders" and "R u OK? haven't heard from u" phone calls. He is not permitted to live at our house but can eat, shower wash clothes here (boundaries are good). ...	luvinmom	5	620	Jan 8, 2009 by kitty
	Testing In Progress (Preview) Testing In Progress...... 10 years and counting...life with an A....still in progress Met A's family, all addicts. passed, check Took care of A's mother while dieing with cancer. passed, check A had an affair. passed, check He filed for divorce, didn't divorce. passed, check I filed for divorce, d...	Sincerely	5	668	Jan 8, 2009 by Sincerely
	HP looking out for son (Preview) Son had court this morning for probation violation. Case could have been dismissed in 6 mos if he had kept his nose clean. The probation officer called me to let me know that son would not be coming home because they sent him to a Jump Start program. Then they are sending him to 3/4 housing. They even f...	luvinmom	7	790	Jan 8, 2009 by Rocky38
	Time ticks away so slowly and then... (Preview) Cannot believe a year has passed since I sent in my papers and yet it has and in just ten days time my appeal takes place. Another year of barely making ends meet, and yet I have survived it with the help of caring friends who have rallied to my side. Today, yet again my friend and I sat through ANOTHER gruell...	Suzannah	4	653	Jan 8, 2009 by maire rua
	Court today (Preview) This morning my son stopped by to drop off his car before going to court. He was on probation, then got an an OUI. He had the arraignment for the OUI on the 5th. Today is court for possible revocation for probation. I know at the arraignment he had a long discussion with the prosecutor about handling b...	luvinmom	5	614	Jan 8, 2009 by Jerry F
	Newly Separated after supporting husband through rehab (Preview) So this is my first time here. I got married to an alcoholic at the young age of 22. Fast forward 12 years and we have 2 children (ages 7 and 4). My husband has been sober for about 16 months. I had had enough, filed for divorce and he went into rehab. I was supportive of his rehab and held his hand the enti...	JulieSDgirl	10	3308	Jan 8, 2009 by jeanmarie
	An update from Kansas... (Preview) It's good as always to come here and read the experience, strength, and hope of others. The holidays were very low key and pleasant for us. Youngest AD had arthroscopy on her right knee on the 30th of December, and they ended up doing extensive shaving in there, so on New Year's Eve, she was home with me, l...	Tenderheartsks	5	625	Jan 8, 2009 by Tenderheartsks
	another boring update (Preview) The septic guys were all so funny and nice. Some idiot had "spliced" the power cord from the pump to the power source! Also the last tenants poured GREASE down the drain and clogged it up! $980 almost all my mortgage. So I have to gather up money at the end of the month and the first to make it. But...	debilyn	3	554	Jan 8, 2009 by maresie
	Does powerless imply non-influencial? (Preview) I'm having a tuff time thinking that I still can't influence my 21 year old child to seek help. I understand it's her decision and I have even had argumrnts with my wife about another child, our oldest son, and how it's obvious he needs to learn on it his own, that speaking to him won't do any good. ANd ac...	rocky	11	668	Jan 8, 2009 by glad lee
	To another good day.... (Preview) Well, today went a little better then yesterday, the phone didn't ring near as much at work and I do enjoy my work but when you have some many distractions that happen ALL day long it can be tough for me seeing as I have a hard enough time consintrating on the NOW... BUT... I got some things done and felt pre...	missing out	3	600	Jan 8, 2009 by Suzannah
	Everything will be ok? (Preview) Put my main house up for rent, next day the septic pump to drainfield died. $500-$900. Went to AH's court. Found out he has cancer, oral cancer. Was given a months extension to do his chemo etc. LIke he will make it. He then goes to prison. I cannot imagine him living thru this to go to prison, then to die in p...	debilyn	13	559	Jan 8, 2009 by Suzannah
	feeling somewhat better and calmer (Preview) My daughter just came to me to talk cuz she couldn't sleep because all of this court stuff was bothering her. It felt good that she came to me on her own and I assured her (as I always have before) that I will always love her no matter how things turn out. She said that she wants me to be proud of her and I told he...	buick23	4	733	Jan 8, 2009 by Suzannah
	After an f2f meeting... (Preview) I feel so good!	luvinmom	4	574	Jan 8, 2009 by abbyal
	update on me (Preview) Hi gang. Sorry I haven't been around, was busy with the holidays and then had a major panic attack the Fri. after Christmas that left me feeling blah for days. It's getting to the point where I just don't care anymore. My husband decided it was more important to have 150.00 headphones than pay the mortg...	Lyndie	3	741	Jan 7, 2009 by Jerry F
	New here. Asked husband to leave for good. Devastated yet proud. (Preview) Hi all. I am new here and happy to have a place to come while I am at home. To make a long story short, my husband and I have been together 13 years. The first 4 were rough. On and off drinking on his part only for him to go to rehab and have 9 years of sobriety. During that 9 year period, we married...bought a hous...	Canary	10	2468	Jan 7, 2009 by Marley's Mom
	Lost my father to A last month how do I let go of the anger that gets me down everyday???? (Preview) Well... I don't really no were to begin with this one.... I have been try'n for the last month to get my mind straight, and I just can't... My Father is/was an A... I lost him this past thanksgiving, and ever since I can not swing the fact that I am SOOO Extremely Pissed at him, and I don't know what to do with m...	missing out	10	574	Jan 7, 2009 by missing out
	Could someone please help me with this board???? (Preview) Just having an "off" day and don't know why. I would imagine it could be readjusting/withdrawing from meds, and that I can cope with. But I think it is more about projecting today and thinking about the ex. I was thinking back to 3 mths ago and how crappy I felt most of the time, and t...	shellyj123	4	634	Jan 7, 2009 by missing out
	Update (Preview) It has been a long time since I have been on MIP. Here is a quick summary: I have been married for 10 years to my AH. He went to rehab in '05, relapsed immediately upon return. Finally started taking AA seriously in '08, would be sober for 30 days, drink for 30 days... Then he achieved 72 days of sobriety only...	babysteps	6	516	Jan 7, 2009 by artygirl
	court coming up (Preview) I am going to our final courtdate on Thursday to get divorced and for custody decision of my daugther. We talked with the guardian yesterday and my daugther wants to live with her dad. She has said that a month ago and I thought it was just a phase because of me and her dad having to talk to her about problems...	buick23	7	671	Jan 7, 2009 by buick23
	AH wants everything to go back to normal (Preview) My apparently sober AH came home from the halfway house last week. He said he was laid-off at his job? Hmmm... I had told him repeatedly I was not ready to try to live with him yet, and that's why he was staying at the halfway house after rehab (second time through). I have been looking for a place of my o...	Pantera	9	649	Jan 7, 2009 by maresie
	Another look at step 4 (Preview) Hi MIP family! For a while now I've been thinking about doing step 4 again. When I first did it last year, I used an alanon book that helped me think through my inventory - a workbook of soughts. It was very helpful. Over the weekend, I took a look at what I noted down as my character defects and really ha...	Rocky38	3	689	Jan 7, 2009 by abbyal
	Just a small Vent.... (Preview) OK long story short...My husband and myslef run our own business, this year make 20 years for my husband, and we try really hard in todays world to run it the way it should run to survive in todays crazy world... I have told my family, (Mother, sister,brother) all thee above, ONLY call me at work IF there...	missing out	3	662	Jan 7, 2009 by maresie
	He's in the last stage (Preview) I don't know what type of lawyer to see, it looks like he has a lung clot and a brain clot, if he lives, what should I do so that I don't lose the house if he has to go into a facility?	Wittsend	6	741	Jan 7, 2009 by maresie
	Intervention (Preview) There is a show on A & E called Intervention. When I first started watching it my eyes were on the alcoholic and the addict and how terrible it all was. Now my eyes are on the codependents, the family system that "enables" them. I'm so aware of how much I can be like them. I've gone from b...	maresie	10	890	Jan 7, 2009 by maresie
	Not wanting me (Preview) This is a rant message just to get it out there. I keep thinking about how when he was in jail last time he thought he was back in love with me and seemed to be really in to me and said my new confidence was attractive and it's true- when he is in jail- I feel powerful and exude confidence I guess. When he first...	Codependent	6	515	Jan 6, 2009 by nmike
	All Choked Up (Preview) I was beginning to feel very very sad about my son this afternoon. Could not stop worrying, wanting my baby back. All of a sudden my radio started playing Don't Stop Believing by Journey. Maybe I'm being melodramatic but I felt like my HP was sending me a message. What's the meaning? Just before my son...	luvinmom	3	745	Jan 6, 2009 by nmike
	and round and round... (Preview) My last post was on my swirling thoughts and I appreciated the responses very much. Jean made the comparison to the flushing of a toilet. Made me laugh, as that is such a great analogy. Well, the paper (and poop) is still going round and round.... Last night I finally freaked. Thank goodness my spon...	Loupiness	6	691	Jan 6, 2009 by nmike
	DysFUNctional family and my role (Preview) My father died about 4 months ago and even though he was sick for a long time, he was the one that held our family together...especially my alcoholic mother. She has been doing relatively well but was in a drunken stupor for the week of Christmas. I don't live in the same city so when I left, I was very sad...	lola1777	3	909	Jan 6, 2009 by missing out
	Hair Loss, Stress & Alcohol (Preview) Ok full of questions today...has this ever happened to other alcoholics/overstressed people? My alcoholic son, 20, has always had an incredibly thick head of hair. I kid you not, about 90% has fallen out! It first started falling out the first week of Nov and by Thanksgiving it was gone. To quote a Lea...	luvinmom	3	709	Jan 6, 2009 by Rita G
	Financial Recovery (Preview) I just have so many questions! I want to know how did everyone deal with the financial troubles that your A caused? I know that in about 31 days I am going to loose my house because my A could not keep a job for the last 7 months. They won't even work with us because he does not have a job. I used to be the dum...	Namaste Nurse	8	589	Jan 6, 2009 by maresie
	To many What If's inside my head this afternoon...........UGHHHHHH! (Preview) I just read a post and it really got me to thinking about the situation I have been through/am going through with ExABF-10 yrs sober and in program..... I was thinking driving home how he seems so much happier lately when we talk since I have been in program. He broke up with me, obviously I wasn'...	shellyj123	3	785	Jan 6, 2009 by Jerry F
	I am so glad MIP is still here! (Preview) It has been a few years since I have visited this recovery website. Thank you all for your service work to make this special place possible. When I was unable to get to a local meeting and could not connect with my sponsor or program friends, I would would connect with you guys via message boards or onli...	tommyecat	2	533	Jan 6, 2009 by abbyal
	Tears, more tears then a little miracle (Preview) ((((Family)))) So my brave face never made it. I started crying yesterday I just couldnt stop, tears flowing quitely down my face. I tried to hide it fom my Abf in my good old codependant way. Still they came, he didnt notice at first ha ha, when he did he was kind and I kept a lid on it as neither of us c...	Mariner	4	581	Jan 6, 2009 by nmike
	Just back... (Preview) Spent the holidays at my condo on Maui. Sure hoped to see President-elect Obama, but no luck. But...paradise is paradise...no matter. A partner hasn't had a drink in about a month. Sure is more pleasant living with him sober. Sending good new year wishes to all of you. Diva	Diva	3	527	Jan 6, 2009 by debilyn
	swirling thoughts (Preview) Hello Friends, It is wierd how my thoughts start swirling, and although they are not "new" ideas, they suddenly seem so in the way I perceive them. I am separated from my A, and though sober (chemically) for 13 mos, he is still in a sick relationship that began back in 2006, and is not a healthy...	Loupiness	4	715	Jan 5, 2009 by Jean4444
	Accepting what I can not change~Eye opener (Preview) This weekend brought with it an opportunity for me to grow a little more and for that I am grateful. I was experiencing a "situation" with the ex that sent me, at first reaction, into a tail spin.......Then several minutes later, after several times reciting the Serenity Prayer....	shellyj123	5	639	Jan 5, 2009 by Jean4444
	Yet another lesson.... (Preview) Just wanted to share my crazy, sometimes tragic, almost magic, beautiful life, with the A's in my world... My brother is an "A". one of the many in my family... so to me that means, many many 6am calls saying, "please sister save me from jail, get me home, I can't live here I would rath...	missing out	2	463	Jan 5, 2009 by Wittsend
	Time for "tough love"? (Preview) Well, tomorow is the day my 17 year old turns himself in for probation revocation. His lawyer says we can bail him out pretty quickly, then go to court in about 3 weeks. At first, this was our plan. But, for the past 2 weeks, he has treated our house as a hotel, not lifted a finger to help around here, and c...	Maryann1966	5	1356	Jan 5, 2009 by maresie
	Back in jail (Preview) Well, found out yesterday that the A got rearrested- this time with his old girlfriend. He got pulled over. She apparently overdosed- not sure if she swallowed stuff when they got pulled over or what. Anyway, she is supposed to go to jail too when she gets out. I have not called to find out any more de...	Codependent	5	530	Jan 5, 2009 by maresie
	How to stop enabling my daughter who's in recovery (Preview) My 24 year old daughter has been in recovery for 4 years; I' m truly grateful for that! I live in Maryland and she lives in my condo in Florida with a roommate (who pays me rent). She has been in school and working part time for the past 3 years. In February, she lost a part time job as a tech in a rehab. It t...	Harriet130	4	1132	Jan 5, 2009 by maresie
	holidays (Preview) Tomorrow officially the holidays are over. I realize I am not much good at holidays myself. I still have a great deal of grief left over from my family of origin. I also think I am still suffering from the vestiges of people pleasing. Put me in a place of people pleasing and I can go through the motions a...	maresie	4	638	Jan 5, 2009 by maresie
	The next right thing..... OUCH (Preview) Dear (((All))) I finally got the courage to get honest with my Abf. He's on weekend home leave the last one before he's back for good from rehab. We had the conversation last night. He had stuff he wanted to tell me and I could sense the weight of it. I think it suprised him how much I had thought it through an...	Mariner	8	554	Jan 5, 2009 by Loupiness
	I'm kicking him out..... (Preview) I'm done dealing w/my father's alcoholism. I wrote him a letter last week telling him he had until the end of the month to get out. I refuse to continue to live like this in MY OWN home. He is my father but he has NO right to put me and my precious daughter through this. He's been living with me for almost a...	Hopeless in AZ	8	656	Jan 4, 2009 by Canary
	Any resolutions?? (Preview) Happy New Year, Everyone and Blessings for 2009. I am grateful for MIP for the two years of participation I have done, the great responses I have had. I feel as if I know so many of you personally!! Essentially, my life is as "normal" and "positive" as one would expect with the -is...	joyoma	4	456	Jan 4, 2009 by soconfused
	Need some advice on what you have done to detach (Preview) So I have a AH. We live in a 920 sq foot house, so we a kind of on top of each other. I have only been to one meeting and I am feeling really good about it. My question is how have you detached from you situation? I will give you an example....he is pretty emotionally abusive when he is drinking and he gets in m...	Namaste Nurse	7	3012	Jan 4, 2009 by Jen
	With a song in my heart... (Preview) ...I am counting my blessings and beginning each day in FAITH and kicking DOUBT out. I am moving forward, one step at a time, and I am learning the discipline of POSITIVE thinking instead of STINKING thinking. O BOY though it has been a hard discipline to learn and DO over the years I am not afraid if I slip...	Suzannah	6	587	Jan 4, 2009 by snowqueen
	Party house tonight (Preview) well, its saturday night. Not every saturday night but maybe once a month there is a party in my house. I live in this house with two other women. Both are younger than I am. One owns the house. We are room mates. tonight is a party. I went to dinner. I went to a coffee house and sat and wrote. I am back...	Jean4444	6	631	Jan 4, 2009 by maire rua
	Yet another lesson.... (Preview) Just wanted to share my crazy, sometimes tragic, almost magic, beautiful life, with the A's in my world... My brother is an "A". one of the many in my family... so to me that means, many many 6am calls saying, "please sister save me from jail, get me home, I can't live here I would rath...	missing out	0	499	Jan 4, 2009 by missing out
	Dealing with A's and those in denial (Preview) Dear all, My A-father who was bereaved in November is still hacking away at the whisky. He had been out of my life for five years but is back in again. I deal with things differently now though and have not got hostile feelings but am very critical privately of him. At the moment my son who is very fond of him...	maire rua	6	493	Jan 4, 2009 by maire rua
	Why? (Preview) I don't understand why I keep acting like a 2 year old whenI know the consequences. Furthermore, I don't know until after the fact how to enact any positive change.	seekingserenity	3	526	Jan 4, 2009 by Loupiness
	Saying Hello (Preview) Hello Everyone, Just to identify...I am an adult daughter and have active and recovering alcoholics in my life at present. It's good to not make situations worse through simply not having knowledge of how to do things differently, this disease really is baffling and powerful. There is hope and help...	snowqueen	1	462	Jan 4, 2009 by maresie
	Ask son about medications? (Preview) If I am undecided about asking it probably means that in my heart I know the right answer. My son was discharged from rehab on some meds, campral, naloxone & antabuse. He got a 90 day supply since he knew his insurance would end. I know I should be detaching... but still want to be engaged & s...	luvinmom	1	500	Jan 4, 2009 by maresie
	letting go (Preview) ``Letting Go'' To ``let go'' does not mean to stop caring.It means I can't do it for someone else. To ``let go'' is not to cut myself off.It's the realization I can't control another. To ``let go'' is not to enable,but to allow learning from natural consequences. To ``let go'' is to admit powerles...	soconfused	8	681	Jan 4, 2009 by agatha
	Trying to accept son's alcoholism (Preview) Hi, everyone. I am new and just not sure where to turn. My 32 year old son is an alcoholic and does continue to drink. Sometimes he admits he has a problem and is going to stop but never does for very long. His girlfriend is the same way. She is wanting to go to AA meetings and he doesn't. She wants my adv...	ppay	6	5565	Jan 4, 2009 by Mobirdie
	functional alcoholic spouses (Preview) greetings mip family~ I have spent some time with posts from the past on functional alcoholic spouses - I can relate to all of them and also thinking about maresie current post on boundaries. Could be my focus on my own life with functional alcoholic makes me slip back to the its not fair pity party but kn...	ddub	2	1664	Jan 4, 2009 by maresie
	boundaries (Preview) I find myself all the time having to scrutizine all my boundaries and work on limits and looking at my expectations. Every single day I find different ways I've allowed others to broach my boundaries in different ways. As someone who was incredibly codependent I allowed all my boundaries to be broa...	maresie	3	575	Jan 4, 2009 by snowqueen
	People Pleasing a new vantage point (Preview) As I've spoken about often I have moved into a phase of my life where I am constantly assessing my boundaries and working on them. What's come up for me recently is a suprize. I've set in motion a lot of boundaries around being around active alcoholics and addicts. What's a shock to me is that intuitiv...	maresie	6	654	Jan 4, 2009 by snowqueen
	mourning... (Preview) My mother died in Nov of 2006. She was a vicious nasty person to her children but was a good Christian woman to the outside world. She stopped drinking when I was 12 but never attended AA. The day she died my 82 yr old father moved in with me. He's had 6 strokes and cannot live alone. I quit my job as a school bu...	somethingsimple	8	740	Jan 4, 2009 by somethingsimple
	'Gaslight" - the movie (Preview) I've read on more than on occasion on this forum that the movie 'Gaslight' was not to be missed by those of us affected by the 'A' disease. It is on cable today at noon EST on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). May be worth giving it a viewing.	Toto814	0	436	Jan 4, 2009 by Toto814
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