Hello everyone, I have just discovered this board and am beginning to work on step 1.  I just wanted to introduce myself and give a bit of some background info. Thanks in advance to those who read through, I'll make it as brief as I can.

My 17 year old son will be turning himself in for probation revocation on Monday, at least we got to spend the holidays with him.  He was arrested 2 weeks after his 17th b'day for possession of pot. It was a very small amount-.13 grams.  His first visit with the PO, he couldn't fill up the urine cup.  Was it subconscious, or did the kidney stones that acted up 3 days later play a part?  Doesn't matter because once told a half filled cup is a failed test, he went out and used.  So, when they called him back in, his test was dirty. 

We've gone many rounds with this kid.  He first smoked pot at 12, when a friend's father smoked with a group of boys, yes, shocking!  That led to other drugs later, when we finally realized what was going on, he was smoking pot a lot and taking anything he could get his hands on.  We sent him on an Outward Bound expedition for troubled teens, that straightened him out for a few months, but unfortunately, a counselor there introduced him to New Age Religion, and he has been a non believer ever since.  Then we put him in an IOP program, when that failed, we sent him to a program recommended by his therapist, a wilderness program.  He was there for 45 days, got him back, again, good for a few months. 

Now, my fears of him not finishing high school, and going to jail are here.  My son is depressed, angry, and denies any problems.  His relationship with my husband has deterioated so badly, I fear it will never heal.  My husband is VERY controlling, and they get into loud fights, which result in my son just leaving the house for a day or two.  We have a 12 year old daughter who is witnessing this as well.  I try to keep her protected as much as I can, but she lives here, so she's living it as well.  I know I need to work this program to heal myself.  I feel like a complete failure as a mother and am very depressed over the bleak future of my only son.  He is a very smart person, very high IQ, handsome, funny, and caring.  Watching what drug use has done to him hurts my heart so bad.  Just typing these words is making me cry! We want to protect our kids, we want them to learn from their mistakes, and go out and live a happy, productive life.  Unless my son sees the light while he's in jail, I know that won't happen for him for a long time. I pray that him time in jail will open his eyes and he can reach out for help.

Thanks for reading,