The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Many of you know that my AH is currently in hospital recovering from DTs. He was just moved from the ICU to a regular medical unit and is beginning to come up out of sedation. While he is still suffering from some psychosis -sporadic hallucinations, aggressiveness etc. he also has some moments of lucidity.
During one of those lucid moments today, his nurse asked him if he will be going to rehab. He totally shut down the idea.
What I am struggling with is the knowledge that if he doesn't seek recovery, I will lose him. I have known this for a long time, but tonight it is burning a whole in my gut.
As I was driving home from the hospital this evening, I prayed to my HP to help me understand what my role in this should be - the answer comes back that I am fulfilling my part - that's it. There's no more for me to do in this situation - try to look after yourself. But I have to say, this really hurts. In fact it just stinks.
I'm sorry to be so negative this evening, I guess I just need to vent and cry in a safe place.
Feeling sad and lost and worthless is normal and that is what you are... normal and yet still the spiritual side of you got an awakening. How blest you are to receive notice that you are and have been doing the best you can. So there's no escape from normality or not being perfect. We are and we are loved and cared for and guided by HP while the alcoholic is given their own choices and opportunities.
Stay in the moment. Know that you are loved by HP and family and continue to trust it all. You've done your work...time to let work be done on you.
HP is always here and ready to work with those who wish to work together. I will pray that your alcoholic lose his fear of changing.
There is no need to apologise for sharing how you are feeling, hon.
Unfortunately, recovery for us does not mean that everyone we care about will suddenly decide to start making good decisions for thier own lives, too. It is still horrible to watch people that we love destroy themselves. We still feel helpless, but just remember that you are not alone. We who understand are here whenever you need to let it out.
I will pray as Jerry does that HP give your A the strength to face his fear of change, and that you have the strength to get through this one day at a time.
Love in recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I'm sorry you had a rough day. There's nothing to apologize for. Our hospital had a rehab unit right in the hospital. Tim had councelors from there come and talk to him. He was more receptive to that. Sometimes you can also get in contact with someone who is from AA and they can go and talk to him, if he wants to hear them. He may feel ashamed talking to a nurse. Talking to another addict is a different thing. It doesn't mean he'll go. Even if he does, it doesn't mean that he'll stay sober. But perhaps the seed will be planted.
You're doing exactly what you should be doing. You have to turn him over to his HP and let him do the rest. I pray that he will find his way to a better life this time. Keeping you both in my love and prayers. Love and blessings to you and your family, Midnight too.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I was just sitting here thinking of you and then I read your post. I have nothing to add to what Jerry, Jen and Karilynn have said - they are all so wise. Just know that I'm sending tons of warm hugs your way.
My heart and prayers go out to you. HPs response to you was encouraging and although I know how it hurts and how sad you are feeling you are not alone.
I have been where you are and the serenity prayer repeated over and over again helped me when all else failed.
It never ceased to amaze me that my AH repeatedly got to where your Ah is now, and I could not understand how he could turn down the chance of health. The alcohol had such a power over him, even when he was struggling in it's death vice grip.
So I understand your sadness and your confusion of mind here. Those of us who have not been afflicted by the dependency on alcohol will probably never understand the vice one is in and the difficulty to let go of it and walk away from it and surrender to the change that is needed to escape it's grip.
That is why I cannot judge them, "...there but for the grace of God, go I". However it did not make it any easier for me to understand and stand back and watch someone die a little each day that they did not surrender to change and accept help to rid themselves of this abusive substance.
All I can do is add you and your AH to my prayers and send you (((((((((Rocky)))))))))) hugs and hope that your HP will comfort you and bring you through this saddness. No apology ever needed.
Love, Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
