The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Havent posted for a while as I've been in such turmoil and it took everything I had to get through the past few weeks. As you may remember my Abf is in rehab and things have been really tough for us, we have kept going and tried to do what is right for us both. On his home visits we've spoken about our situation and what we should do. I love him so much he is a really great guy and is doing so well in his program. He is due home in 4-6 weeks, I have told him he cant live with me, its important as part of his recovery that he is fully independant, he has so much potential and has alot of courses lined up that will put him in good stead to go onto doing the work he wants to do. There is so much background to our situation I cant put it all here. The point is I'm torn apart by all this, I want hin in my life so much but know that he's not in a position to commit in that way. I keep telling myself to let him go so he can find himself fully. But part of me wont let him go as I dont want to give him up. I'm a mess, I am reading lots of literature and have been to meetings. He is home again Friday and I know he has made some decisions, I'm praying I have the good grace and strength to do the right thing. Thanks for listening I'm so down at the moment, I have been on night work all over the holidays and am at a very low ebb. You guys have kept me going as ever and I really am grateful to you all.
You sound full of grace.! I'm hearing you say, it ain't easy, but you're aligning yourself with HP and doing the next right thing anyway. When we don't know what the next right thing is, we do the most kind thing we can.... you're doing it all!
I see you honoring his growth and recovery as the most important thing here, despite your personal will... and I think it's beautiful.
My sponsor says, we have to separate ourselves to find ourselves. I know that the attachment I had to my husband was unhealthy. Since the divorce, I am finally learning who I really am. As hard as it's been, I think this is my HP's will for me.
I feel grateful for what HP can accomplish through you! Thank you for sharing. Love, glad lee
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
(((((Carol))))), The only ESH that I can offer is that I know how you feel, and tell you that you are in the right place. I am in a similiar situation of sorts and letting go just seemed to me like saying "i don't care about you anymore" and giving up, but it's really not.......it's saying "I love you enough that I want what is best for you, and I care about both of us"
Try to do it just one day at a time Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Aaaaaaah there you are!! and you're still walking, talking and swinging your arms and doing program. How awesome and see while you've been out there no one here or anywhere have gotten perfect and we have held no graduation ceremonies. You chair is still waiting for you and so is your cup of coffee. Sounds like you are having a wee bit of troule with detach- ment (it's not abandonment or a frontal lobotomy that erases all memory from your mind and puts you in a state of (d)numbness. Detachment as I finally arrived at was having life priorities for myself, my goals, my work my dreams and....others in my life. I was practicing being a care taker up until that time...enabling...offering my life up to others who had made no demand for it and just wanted to do their own thing including compulsive drinking. I had to find and build a way of turning away from them, letting go of them with my mind, body, spirit and emotions and building something of value for myself, by myself. When I went about learning and doing this my self esteem and self love grew and so did the results of my work and I became pleased more than I ever was trying to save and rescue all the alcoholics in my life. To my knowledge none of them died or fell off the face of the earth (due to the protection of our Higher Powers) and some of them florished and my spouses recovery story became my example of courage, trust and persistence. I realized that she did this without me dragging on her body trying to get her to do it may way.
So detachment to me isn't abandonment. It's more like stepping out of God's way and going about my business and when a sane and sober moment presents itself coming together again with love and respect, honor and support and leaving the handcuffs or shackles at home.
Good to have you back. Letting Carol go and being glad she can walk back thru the door is detatchment.
YOu know in the Getting them Sober series, Toby Rice Drew does suggest that to live apart for as long as possible after a rehab. You certainly have a backing on that strategy from an expert.
I know for me its always hurry up now with recovery. I have been at it for 4 years now. There is nothing much to hurry for me its a long long job to learn boundaries, practice them, hold to them, keep them, polish them and more. I have to work so so hard to take care of me.
I know also for me personally all the hoping in the world did not make the exA sober. I turned a lot of that energy on myself and my l ife changed. I can't say it is easy, it isn't but it is much easier than living with someone who was totally out of control.
Thank you for your ESH, I am humbled always by your generous love and support. I am a very different person to the one who first found this place back in September. I believe I was guided here by my HP to learn the lessons I need to learn. I could not have got through the past few months without you. I really have grown so much and am on the road to recovery, a miracle in it's self. I am touched by your constant support, given so freely,you may never know how much you have helped me, I just want you to know the ripple effect of your love and wisdom is growing and changing many lives around the globe. I wish all of you lovely people here a very Happy and Peaceful New Year.
