Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

So I updated my avatar today. Last Thursday was the one year of anniversary of my AH's passing. I wanted to go away and be at a place that made me feel at peace- and this spot in my avatar photo is where I ended up (it's a lookout point in Kauai). I think I am finally at a point where I can start to give up the anger...

oldergal · oldergal

You should be honest and tell your little children/adult children that you used drugs/alcohol at one time... or not say anything about your past use? Are they going to say "well you did it!" or will your lessons learned impress them? ....og

TryingHard2013 · TryingHard2013

If you are going through hell kept going the only way out is through.

Jozie · Jozie

Hey All... Was Sitting Rereading some of earlier Post, Seems they Help me See Growth and What I need to Work on, Something I have Always Loved about Writting... Just a Breif Update, HP has been Very Busy in my Grandkids Lives these Last 3wks since the Split, doing what HP Does... My Grandkids home is heat...

ssilver · ssilver

Well, I've been busy this morning reading and relating to all these posts. My meeting is tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it, but this forum is a tremendous resource for me, too. Thank you to all of you who offer such thoughtfulness and sincerity. I must be detaching. AH constantly complains/crie...

skahtul · skahtul

My wife is recovering from a pretty bad addiction to a number of different types of pain medication over the past 6 years (which started almost as soon as our beautiful twins were born). It's amazing how bad that stuff really can be. She has been clean for 30 days (just got her chip over this past weekend)...

el-cee · el-cee

I was wondering what denial is to you. For me denial was when I chose not live in reality, I chose to sweep hard facts under the carpet because they seemed too enormous to deal with. Denial for me was also the idea that I could change my alcoholic partner, if only I said the right thing or cooked the right di...

Jerry F · Jerry F

We celebrate this annually on the Big Island. The west side of the island and the east side meet center distance in the village of Waimea and we introduce ourselves and others and have discussions on topics and a special speaker, this time it was Tom our World Service Rep and we snack and eat and hug and...

1976love · 1976love

What a day, what a day. With all the progress I have made this episode can't drag me down. Even when the A is sober any little thing can trigger an "ism". Such as a son or daughter not living up to their expectations at church. My AH only wants to go to church when sober and I support him and go....

AmyK · AmyK

Here I am again, still home. I saidf my AH used/drank one more time I was taking the kids and leaving. Sure enough he came home in the middle of the night and thats exactly what he was doing. He gave me his usual speech I've been hearing over the past month and a half since he relapsed about how he is done and d...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

My cousin who I mentioned yesterday is starting to give up! I went through this w/ her before last summer. I feel like I am totally powerless & helpless because she is hopeless or feeling that way anyway. I have to deal w/ the sadness right now. I am very present in her life. She called me this morning w...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I awoke just in time to get my 15 year old off to high school at 7:30 a.m., that is sleeping in for me. I came back home and put a healthy soup in the crock pot for dinner tonight. I swept the house and am now cruising online drinking my coffee and when I am done I am off to the gym. I have not a worry sitting on my sho...

Jerry F · Jerry F

was just on my mind as I spoke with my wife about Sunday's "Day in Al-Anon" event. It was triggered this time by language on the TV especially the word "Bitch". That reminded me that Sunday after the event was over one of the elder newcomers approached me with a question writte...

SpiderArcana · SpiderArcana

This is frickin' torture. The slightest indication that he's had too much and my thoughts go haywire. He can't even be sick without me thinking it has to do with the alcohol. I was doing so well, but today I cannot manage to wrangle my thoughts. So frustrating!

mm830 · mm830

I have been doing a lot of reading and reflecting lately, and have come to realize that I feel more acceptance of who I am for where I am, mistakes flaws and everything than ever in my life. And more self acceptance as a result. So when they say acceptance is the answer to all of your problems, there is a silv...

texas yankee · texas yankee

My adult son has asked for some space as his life "crumbles around him" (his words) - according to him, I apparently bear some of the blame for his problems and situation and he feels bad whenever we talk - I haven't discussed with him whether him blaming me is reasonable or not - but I have hono...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

My cousin has reappeared in my life since 2012. I love her dearly. It was a long time--probably 20+ years since we talked or even knew where each other were. Last night on the phone, I found myself sharing a bit too much. I trust her a lot but can I trust myself to not open up so much that I feel icky after I hang...

Hope2000 · Hope2000

Please keep me in your prayers, I stepped in and tried to control tonight and I fear I've made things worse. AH had been drinking heavily all day when he got the call a close family friend has passed. When he came by the house I knew he was upset. I knew he was drunk. He wanted to drive so I drove him. It was an 1....

heythere · heythere

After my addict son called and was stranded on Saturday (due to getting messed up on too many pills) I blocked his calls & texts because I wasn't going to his rescue and he can be relentless with calls and texts saying whats going to happen if I don't go along. So by sunday he had somehow gotten back to...

Lyne · Lyne

One thing, among many, that I am learning here with alanon, is that I will make mistakes, I will have setbacks, I am a human being, and I will never be perfect. I can accept and like myself regardless. After my set-back the other night, I went through the 3 A's, became aware, accept my limitations, and w...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I had a bad couple of days followed by a great day and a great morning. I had not been in the zone of the program, then got back in and felt very resilient..up to about right now. Maybe this isn't so much as not being in the zone as just being sad and or scared for my AH. He was all liquored up yesterday and in...w...

Awaken · Awaken

Attended a meeting yesterday and shares on love really got me thinking Humm I really over the years wonder if I really knew how to love Can you love someone if you do not love yourself first? If you don't is it real love you are sharing? Is it control? is it dependence? Is it love of an idea of how thing...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I have had a couple of thought provoking things come up recently and the court stuff is crazy .. while there is nothing new with that really there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can share more once things have settled down a bit. I have learned a LOT in this process though and I am grateful for those...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I had posted a while back (Christmas I believe) about a friend of mine that was very ill. It didn't look good then...He hung in there for 3 weeks. He died today. It was gut wrenching. He was only 47 but had been diagnosed with lymphoma, then had 3 strokes, then blood clotting, then organ failure.......

ArtStudent1 · ArtStudent1

hi, i am doing an art project on the topic of alcoholism and would love to hear any information you may want to share on personal experiences if at all possible. i don't want to be naive on the topic and thoughts from friends/ family would be great too, many thanks for any participation :)

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

Hello it's been a while since I been on here I think ! My memory has got worst . I'm still upstairs in my room I don't think I will ever go back downstairs and sleep with my sober A . I feel if I let that guard down it will be a set back for me . He still has not drank we made it to the holidays . I went to one meeting remi...

heythere · heythere

Have been working on letting my addict son go. Have not spoken with him since Monday and as the week wore on, it became apparent to me that most of the things he had said/promised since before Xmas were lies. I had been waiting to see if he had been telling the truth and wasn't surprised that it turned out...

farmerswife · farmerswife

Well I have orientation for my new job tomorrow but I had my first day yesterday. An hour after they told me I got the job they called and said they need me to see a patient, so I spent 4 hours yesterday with a patient knowing no company policy very vague job description no patient information, but I didn't l...

TryingHard2013 · TryingHard2013

I just need to vent and also ask if any of you ever experienced a stage where your A began questioning you trying to get every detail of your life while giving no false information. Friday night predictably AW went out and stayed out at her gf's place. So I made arrangements to stay at a friends place with o...

tortuga · tortuga

... i would not feel like crying all the time ... i would not fight for love from others all the time ... i would feel proud for my achievements .... i would not be angry all the time ... i would become a mother right now ... i would make people around me happy ... i wouldn't feel invisible al the time ... my pare...

Venera · Venera

We are on vacation in Mexico. This day 6 of AH drinking non stop, which is longer any other time before and more strong. The sickness is so obvious. It is very open to kids now, they asked him to go to the doctor many times, but he refused. Don't want to write about all the damage during these days. We are all s...

el-cee · el-cee

Highlyfavored · Highlyfavored

Happy new year everyone! I've been lurking and getting a lot of support from this board and my f/f meetings etc. Funny how yesterdayI expressed how thankful I'm for the things my H/P allow to come into my life and I say "thank you" and look for what I'm supposed to learn from it. Well today,...

cwya · cwya

Well my ceaseless struggles with my dysfunctional boss ended today. I smelled alcohol around her this morning which explains just about everything that's happened between us over the last 3 months. So maybe she's both an alcoholic and in or around an alcoholic family dynamic. No wonder she makes me...

el-cee · el-cee

gingerfizz · gingerfizz

... by how much love and patience and gratefulness I have for the elderly man in my face-to-face group that shares for way too long and keeps acting like he is going to wrap up and then gets going again.

TryingHard2013 · TryingHard2013

I was in the angry dumps this morning like real angry. I posted read codependent no more and still so angry. I went to a f2f and I say there at first feeling angry at me at AW at everyone in the room for being weak like me. But I sat there very still listening trying to breathe. It was a big meeting about 50 peopl...

TryingHard2013 · TryingHard2013

Last night AW went out with her gf And stayed over there while stayed at a friends house with our daughter. I ate and slept well. I also decided that hearing my kid cry and tell me to tell Mami to come home was a poor result of allowing AW to talk with her before bed. So no more. If she goes out we are gone for the n...

Lyne · Lyne

So yesterday I made my amends to my A. Typically she is not able to respond much to important, from the heart things, and she didn't. If someone made amends to me, I would be grateful and talk to them but my A is not capable of that. Can't get blood from a stone. I did my part and I am proud of that. But last n...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I have been through a lot these last 6 months. I have gone from leaving my verbally abusive AH because I had lost myself to the point where I was afraid I would end up hurting myself in a rage. I got a fun job, got into a great Church, got into alanon, this board, got into CoDa, and a family support group where m...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

Had a strange realisation today. These past few weeks I've been kind of surprised at myself. I feel like I've turned a corner, and although other people's behaviour can still upset, anger or confuse me, it doesn't seem to CONTROL me anymore. Somehow, after trying and trying to "row alongside&q...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I will make this short! I will make this short! As you can see, I am repeating myself like it is constantly at home. My AH is either deaf or has a hard time listening to me. He says HUH a lot & it irritates me to no end. Usually by the time he says HUH he realizes what I said. He sometimes says " Bite Me!...

Mimi3 · Mimi3

heythere · heythere

I have been working on detaching from my addict son. This is a process for me, I just don't jump into things. I think, I test the waters, I swim in and see how far I can go. This is a necessary step for me, to recover some peace and necessary for him to do whatever it is he needs to do for his life. Co-depende...

oldergal · oldergal

I happen to think only God can love unconditionally. But then again, we all may have a different meaning of "unconditional love". If you have time your input on what it means to you, and is it mentioned in the Alanon literature? og

TryingHard2013 · TryingHard2013

yesterday was a numbing day. All day at work I just kept thinking of how sad it is that AW has no chance of ever gaining my trust again. I chatted on MIP for a while and heard some very similar stories. It helped to hear that others have heard their loved ones say "you are the reason everything in my life...

AmyK · AmyK

Hey everyone, Im new here and am not really sure how it works. My husband and I have been together for four years. He was sober for 5 years and recently has relapsed. over the past month he has been in and out of AA and drinking/drugging. Im terrified for him and for our family. I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year...

farmerswife · farmerswife

my interview went well! She said she has to check my references but that's just a technicality I got the job, orientation Monday! A lot less money than I made as a nurse but itll do until I can get enough money to renew my license. As soon as she saw my references she said I have more experience than she does ....

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I grew up with a pain pill popping dad and my Mom was a dry drug addict and A for most of my childhood and she was emotionally and physically abusive. I am not looking for sympathy and have dealt with this part of my childhood and have forgiven and gotten through this. I say it to see if anyone can relate to me...

barbaralewis · barbaralewis

accept the things we cannot change: the financial whirlpool sucking us down as a result of trying to help (which we now recognize as enabling) our adult A children. accept that we cannot make our adult A son take care of himself by getting a drivers license and a job as his lawyer instructed him to do be...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

So, today I am in a pissy mood. Yes, that's right: pissed off. AH was off traveling and doing what he always does: drinks. I am always wondering when I get ready to set a boundary if I am doing it in the right frame of mind or not or if it's going to be perceived as punishment. I'm at the point again where I r...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Hi Everyone: I have been here benefiting from all of your generous shares, and enjoying the fellowship of this family for over a year now. I have not been posting much, responding some, but I wanted to share a bit tonight. My life started to change from the first moment I came to this site, found the onli...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Being retired and self employed has many benefits for me. Where I work in contract has me meet many travelers who vacation on my island home. I tend the grounds of a hotel and the center point is a inner garden that is beautiful...with bridges and pools and plants and trees and ...me. Today some vis...

farmerswife · farmerswife

Well my husband finally showed up this am rushing around trying to get a shower and off to work trying to keep his job since he's been partying for 48 hours straight. I told him I am done I cannot do this anymore I want a divorce. He showed no emotion except maybe a little anger he hasn't been working his step...

el-cee · el-cee

I am not sure of the difference between advice and suggestions. I want to work on how I share my progress and I know that in order to keep it you must give it away. I am aware that sometimes my replys can be a bit reactionary, certain posts can trigger my emotions and I can become a bit panicky for the person an...

ma belle · ma belle

I attend an Al-Anon group formed by Adult Children of Alcoholics. We moved into a new facility about six months ago and decided to split the rent with another Al-Anon group as our meetings are only in the morning and theirs are in the afternoon. This place was leased for a year and the contract will be val...

mongowal · mongowal

Talked to AH (left home 3 months ago) last night. When AH left he admitted how badly he had treated me over the last year and that he needed to get help. Three months later, he still has not attempted to get any sort of help. In our conversation last night I talked to him if he had any interest in workin...

texasgal · texasgal

Ive been on my own for a month slowly I've gotten into my work routine and doing positve things for myself but I still worry about my AH daily. On Sunday was a terrifying episode. He called me franitc that he couldn't breath. I went over to check on him he was throwing up so bad and hyperventilating. He was c...

SerenitySoon · SerenitySoon

I've been reading a lot about being in the moment (one second at a time), in various sources. Alanon approved, and Alanon helpful books, readings, and reflections. I've been putting it into practice by saying...be in the moment, be in the now, and let your HP guide you...well, I tried doing this and oh...

ssilver · ssilver

Hi. I'm new here and have attended a few face to face Al-Anon meetings, but have no sponsor yet. I'd like some feedback if anyone is offering. I have a long story and won't elaborate here, but last week I met with my doctor who is also my husband's GP. I've attended his appts for a few years as his health has d...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Moving Forward a Year After my AH's Passing (Preview) So I updated my avatar today. Last Thursday was the one year of anniversary of my AH's passing. I wanted to go away and be at a place that made me feel at peace- and this spot in my avatar photo is where I ended up (it's a lookout point in Kauai). I think I am finally at a point where I can start to give up the anger...	Green Eyes	7	441	Jan 15, 2014 by Jerry F
	What Do You Think? (Preview) You should be honest and tell your little children/adult children that you used drugs/alcohol at one time... or not say anything about your past use? Are they going to say "well you did it!" or will your lessons learned impress them? ....og	oldergal	9	495	Jan 15, 2014 by el-cee
	Biggest fear not so big after all (Preview) If you are going through hell kept going the only way out is through.	TryingHard2013	8	512	Jan 15, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Even in the Mess.... I Am Blessed... (Preview) Hey All... Was Sitting Rereading some of earlier Post, Seems they Help me See Growth and What I need to Work on, Something I have Always Loved about Writting... Just a Breif Update, HP has been Very Busy in my Grandkids Lives these Last 3wks since the Split, doing what HP Does... My Grandkids home is heat...	Jozie	4	528	Jan 15, 2014 by Jozie
	Definitions detachment codependency denial (Preview) Well, I've been busy this morning reading and relating to all these posts. My meeting is tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it, but this forum is a tremendous resource for me, too. Thank you to all of you who offer such thoughtfulness and sincerity. I must be detaching. AH constantly complains/crie...	ssilver	7	11672	Jan 15, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Trying to put my life in order and save our marriage. (Preview) My wife is recovering from a pretty bad addiction to a number of different types of pain medication over the past 6 years (which started almost as soon as our beautiful twins were born). It's amazing how bad that stuff really can be. She has been clean for 30 days (just got her chip over this past weekend)...	skahtul	21	670	Jan 15, 2014 by skahtul
	What is denial? (Preview) I was wondering what denial is to you. For me denial was when I chose not live in reality, I chose to sweep hard facts under the carpet because they seemed too enormous to deal with. Denial for me was also the idea that I could change my alcoholic partner, if only I said the right thing or cooked the right di...	el-cee	15	591	Jan 15, 2014 by Debilyn
	A day in Al-Anon (Preview) We celebrate this annually on the Big Island. The west side of the island and the east side meet center distance in the village of Waimea and we introduce ourselves and others and have discussions on topics and a special speaker, this time it was Tom our World Service Rep and we snack and eat and hug and...	Jerry F	3	372	Jan 15, 2014 by Debilyn
	we were only going to church? (Preview) What a day, what a day. With all the progress I have made this episode can't drag me down. Even when the A is sober any little thing can trigger an "ism". Such as a son or daughter not living up to their expectations at church. My AH only wants to go to church when sober and I support him and go....	1976love	6	718	Jan 14, 2014 by Debilyn
	still not leaving and feeling weak for it (Preview) Here I am again, still home. I saidf my AH used/drank one more time I was taking the kids and leaving. Sure enough he came home in the middle of the night and thats exactly what he was doing. He gave me his usual speech I've been hearing over the past month and a half since he relapsed about how he is done and d...	AmyK	21	640	Jan 14, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	she is starting to give up again... (Preview) My cousin who I mentioned yesterday is starting to give up! I went through this w/ her before last summer. I feel like I am totally powerless & helpless because she is hopeless or feeling that way anyway. I have to deal w/ the sadness right now. I am very present in her life. She called me this morning w...	Hoot Nanny	2	406	Jan 14, 2014 by PP
	Having a great day..... (Preview) I awoke just in time to get my 15 year old off to high school at 7:30 a.m., that is sleeping in for me. I came back home and put a healthy soup in the crock pot for dinner tonight. I swept the house and am now cruising online drinking my coffee and when I am done I am off to the gym. I have not a worry sitting on my sho...	Breakingfree	9	340	Jan 14, 2014 by hotrod
	Compassion (Preview) was just on my mind as I spoke with my wife about Sunday's "Day in Al-Anon" event. It was triggered this time by language on the TV especially the word "Bitch". That reminded me that Sunday after the event was over one of the elder newcomers approached me with a question writte...	Jerry F	7	1122	Jan 14, 2014 by ssilver
	sliding back a bit today (Preview) This is frickin' torture. The slightest indication that he's had too much and my thoughts go haywire. He can't even be sick without me thinking it has to do with the alcohol. I was doing so well, but today I cannot manage to wrangle my thoughts. So frustrating!	SpiderArcana	7	392	Jan 14, 2014 by karma13
	Acceptance (Preview) I have been doing a lot of reading and reflecting lately, and have come to realize that I feel more acceptance of who I am for where I am, mistakes flaws and everything than ever in my life. And more self acceptance as a result. So when they say acceptance is the answer to all of your problems, there is a silv...	mm830	6	328	Jan 14, 2014 by grateful2be
	Sometimes I forget about my son's problems - and then I feel guilty (Preview) My adult son has asked for some space as his life "crumbles around him" (his words) - according to him, I apparently bear some of the blame for his problems and situation and he feels bad whenever we talk - I haven't discussed with him whether him blaming me is reasonable or not - but I have hono...	texas yankee	6	528	Jan 14, 2014 by Jerry F
	my cousin...have I mentioned her before? (Preview) My cousin has reappeared in my life since 2012. I love her dearly. It was a long time--probably 20+ years since we talked or even knew where each other were. Last night on the phone, I found myself sharing a bit too much. I trust her a lot but can I trust myself to not open up so much that I feel icky after I hang...	Hoot Nanny	4	358	Jan 13, 2014 by mm830
	Prayers (Preview) Please keep me in your prayers, I stepped in and tried to control tonight and I fear I've made things worse. AH had been drinking heavily all day when he got the call a close family friend has passed. When he came by the house I knew he was upset. I knew he was drunk. He wanted to drive so I drove him. It was an 1....	Hope2000	27	588	Jan 13, 2014 by grateful2be
	I said there would be drama, and there is (Preview) After my addict son called and was stranded on Saturday (due to getting messed up on too many pills) I blocked his calls & texts because I wasn't going to his rescue and he can be relentless with calls and texts saying whats going to happen if I don't go along. So by sunday he had somehow gotten back to...	heythere	8	448	Jan 13, 2014 by Jerry F
	It's OK not to be perfect (Preview) One thing, among many, that I am learning here with alanon, is that I will make mistakes, I will have setbacks, I am a human being, and I will never be perfect. I can accept and like myself regardless. After my set-back the other night, I went through the 3 A's, became aware, accept my limitations, and w...	Lyne	5	386	Jan 13, 2014 by karma13
	Trying to detach but still really worried. (Preview) I had a bad couple of days followed by a great day and a great morning. I had not been in the zone of the program, then got back in and felt very resilient..up to about right now. Maybe this isn't so much as not being in the zone as just being sad and or scared for my AH. He was all liquored up yesterday and in...w...	sadsusie	7	482	Jan 13, 2014 by Beatrice
	Love??? (Preview) Attended a meeting yesterday and shares on love really got me thinking Humm I really over the years wonder if I really knew how to love Can you love someone if you do not love yourself first? If you don't is it real love you are sharing? Is it control? is it dependence? Is it love of an idea of how thing...	Awaken	11	834	Jan 13, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Powerlessness .. (Preview) I have had a couple of thought provoking things come up recently and the court stuff is crazy .. while there is nothing new with that really there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can share more once things have settled down a bit. I have learned a LOT in this process though and I am grateful for those...	SerenityRUS	12	691	Jan 13, 2014 by ryanhearted
	Really emotional... (Preview) I had posted a while back (Christmas I believe) about a friend of mine that was very ill. It didn't look good then...He hung in there for 3 weeks. He died today. It was gut wrenching. He was only 47 but had been diagnosed with lymphoma, then had 3 strokes, then blood clotting, then organ failure.......	pinkchip	22	593	Jan 13, 2014 by ryanhearted
	art student looking for any info about personal effects of alcoholism, please share if possible :) art project alcoholism personal experiences share (Preview) hi, i am doing an art project on the topic of alcoholism and would love to hear any information you may want to share on personal experiences if at all possible. i don't want to be naive on the topic and thoughts from friends/ family would be great too, many thanks for any participation :)	ArtStudent1	17	11463	Jan 13, 2014 by tortuga
	Attempt to attach (Preview) Hello it's been a while since I been on here I think ! My memory has got worst . I'm still upstairs in my room I don't think I will ever go back downstairs and sleep with my sober A . I feel if I let that guard down it will be a set back for me . He still has not drank we made it to the holidays . I went to one meeting remi...	Wisdom67	8	458	Jan 12, 2014 by cwya
	Letting go, a solid step (Preview) Have been working on letting my addict son go. Have not spoken with him since Monday and as the week wore on, it became apparent to me that most of the things he had said/promised since before Xmas were lies. I had been waiting to see if he had been telling the truth and wasn't surprised that it turned out...	heythere	11	431	Jan 12, 2014 by grateful2be
	Thrown to the wolves (Preview) Well I have orientation for my new job tomorrow but I had my first day yesterday. An hour after they told me I got the job they called and said they need me to see a patient, so I spent 4 hours yesterday with a patient knowing no company policy very vague job description no patient information, but I didn't l...	farmerswife	6	449	Jan 12, 2014 by Jerry F
	Holding on to peace while AW gaslights (Preview) I just need to vent and also ask if any of you ever experienced a stage where your A began questioning you trying to get every detail of your life while giving no false information. Friday night predictably AW went out and stayed out at her gf's place. So I made arrangements to stay at a friends place with o...	TryingHard2013	4	512	Jan 12, 2014 by PP
	if I was a good person... (Preview) ... i would not feel like crying all the time ... i would not fight for love from others all the time ... i would feel proud for my achievements .... i would not be angry all the time ... i would become a mother right now ... i would make people around me happy ... i wouldn't feel invisible al the time ... my pare...	tortuga	13	671	Jan 12, 2014 by mm830
	Vacation (Preview) We are on vacation in Mexico. This day 6 of AH drinking non stop, which is longer any other time before and more strong. The sickness is so obvious. It is very open to kids now, they asked him to go to the doctor many times, but he refused. Don't want to write about all the damage during these days. We are all s...	Venera	6	444	Jan 12, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Cute (Preview)	el-cee	7	289	Jan 12, 2014 by el-cee
	Help needed to keep my hands off! (Preview) Happy new year everyone! I've been lurking and getting a lot of support from this board and my f/f meetings etc. Funny how yesterdayI expressed how thankful I'm for the things my H/P allow to come into my life and I say "thank you" and look for what I'm supposed to learn from it. Well today,...	Highlyfavored	7	441	Jan 12, 2014 by Jen61
	crazy-making boss (Preview) Well my ceaseless struggles with my dysfunctional boss ended today. I smelled alcohol around her this morning which explains just about everything that's happened between us over the last 3 months. So maybe she's both an alcoholic and in or around an alcoholic family dynamic. No wonder she makes me...	cwya	11	499	Jan 11, 2014 by cwya
	Don't call me a mug!!!! (Preview)	el-cee	6	261	Jan 11, 2014 by Wisdom67
	I realized last night that I can measure my serenity... (Preview) ... by how much love and patience and gratefulness I have for the elderly man in my face-to-face group that shares for way too long and keeps acting like he is going to wrap up and then gets going again.	gingerfizz	7	303	Jan 11, 2014 by grateful2be
	F2F meeting magic (Preview) I was in the angry dumps this morning like real angry. I posted read codependent no more and still so angry. I went to a f2f and I say there at first feeling angry at me at AW at everyone in the room for being weak like me. But I sat there very still listening trying to breathe. It was a big meeting about 50 peopl...	TryingHard2013	7	469	Jan 11, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Day 11- that burning in your chest is not love (Preview) Last night AW went out with her gf And stayed over there while stayed at a friends house with our daughter. I ate and slept well. I also decided that hearing my kid cry and tell me to tell Mami to come home was a poor result of allowing AW to talk with her before bed. So no more. If she goes out we are gone for the n...	TryingHard2013	13	528	Jan 11, 2014 by Breakingfree
	amends update (Preview) So yesterday I made my amends to my A. Typically she is not able to respond much to important, from the heart things, and she didn't. If someone made amends to me, I would be grateful and talk to them but my A is not capable of that. Can't get blood from a stone. I did my part and I am proud of that. But last n...	Lyne	3	278	Jan 11, 2014 by hotrod
	Happiest I've ever been but do I want more? (Preview) I have been through a lot these last 6 months. I have gone from leaving my verbally abusive AH because I had lost myself to the point where I was afraid I would end up hurting myself in a rage. I got a fun job, got into a great Church, got into alanon, this board, got into CoDa, and a family support group where m...	sadsusie	9	532	Jan 11, 2014 by grateful2be
	Melly, meet Melly. (Preview) Had a strange realisation today. These past few weeks I've been kind of surprised at myself. I feel like I've turned a corner, and although other people's behaviour can still upset, anger or confuse me, it doesn't seem to CONTROL me anymore. Somehow, after trying and trying to "row alongside&q...	Melly1248	25	631	Jan 11, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	repeating myself...can anyone relate? (Preview) I will make this short! I will make this short! As you can see, I am repeating myself like it is constantly at home. My AH is either deaf or has a hard time listening to me. He says HUH a lot & it irritates me to no end. Usually by the time he says HUH he realizes what I said. He sometimes says " Bite Me!...	Hoot Nanny	7	580	Jan 11, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	LOVED THIS! (Preview)	Mimi3	5	285	Jan 11, 2014 by neshema2
	Reflection & realization (Preview) I have been working on detaching from my addict son. This is a process for me, I just don't jump into things. I think, I test the waters, I swim in and see how far I can go. This is a necessary step for me, to recover some peace and necessary for him to do whatever it is he needs to do for his life. Co-depende...	heythere	7	308	Jan 11, 2014 by grateful2be
	Unconditional Love (Preview) I happen to think only God can love unconditionally. But then again, we all may have a different meaning of "unconditional love". If you have time your input on what it means to you, and is it mentioned in the Alanon literature? og	oldergal	8	666	Jan 11, 2014 by PP
	It's 3am and I must be lonely (Preview) yesterday was a numbing day. All day at work I just kept thinking of how sad it is that AW has no chance of ever gaining my trust again. I chatted on MIP for a while and heard some very similar stories. It helped to hear that others have heard their loved ones say "you are the reason everything in my life...	TryingHard2013	9	595	Jan 11, 2014 by mercedes1959
	new to the program. (Preview) Hey everyone, Im new here and am not really sure how it works. My husband and I have been together for four years. He was sober for 5 years and recently has relapsed. over the past month he has been in and out of AA and drinking/drugging. Im terrified for him and for our family. I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year...	AmyK	9	509	Jan 11, 2014 by yanksfan51
	update: interview went well (Preview) my interview went well! She said she has to check my references but that's just a technicality I got the job, orientation Monday! A lot less money than I made as a nurse but itll do until I can get enough money to renew my license. As soon as she saw my references she said I have more experience than she does ....	farmerswife	9	506	Jan 11, 2014 by cwya
	Long one spiraling around in my head lately......... (Preview) I grew up with a pain pill popping dad and my Mom was a dry drug addict and A for most of my childhood and she was emotionally and physically abusive. I am not looking for sympathy and have dealt with this part of my childhood and have forgiven and gotten through this. I say it to see if anyone can relate to me...	Breakingfree	10	394	Jan 10, 2014 by neshema2
	grasping and implementing the concepts, positive results (Preview) accept the things we cannot change: the financial whirlpool sucking us down as a result of trying to help (which we now recognize as enabling) our adult A children. accept that we cannot make our adult A son take care of himself by getting a drivers license and a job as his lawyer instructed him to do be...	barbaralewis	3	333	Jan 10, 2014 by Mimi3
	The "just for todays" (Preview) So, today I am in a pissy mood. Yes, that's right: pissed off. AH was off traveling and doing what he always does: drinks. I am always wondering when I get ready to set a boundary if I am doing it in the right frame of mind or not or if it's going to be perceived as punishment. I'm at the point again where I r...	ilovedogs	18	742	Jan 10, 2014 by Hope2000
	Update; new chapter is one week away (Preview) Hi Everyone: I have been here benefiting from all of your generous shares, and enjoying the fellowship of this family for over a year now. I have not been posting much, responding some, but I wanted to share a bit tonight. My life started to change from the first moment I came to this site, found the onli...	yanksfan51	9	563	Jan 10, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Enjoying life.... (Preview) Being retired and self employed has many benefits for me. Where I work in contract has me meet many travelers who vacation on my island home. I tend the grounds of a hotel and the center point is a inner garden that is beautiful...with bridges and pools and plants and trees and ...me. Today some vis...	Jerry F	7	342	Jan 10, 2014 by el-cee
	Update, I did it (Preview) Well my husband finally showed up this am rushing around trying to get a shower and off to work trying to keep his job since he's been partying for 48 hours straight. I told him I am done I cannot do this anymore I want a divorce. He showed no emotion except maybe a little anger he hasn't been working his step...	farmerswife	16	532	Jan 10, 2014 by pinkchip
	Advice or Suggestions? (Preview) I am not sure of the difference between advice and suggestions. I want to work on how I share my progress and I know that in order to keep it you must give it away. I am aware that sometimes my replys can be a bit reactionary, certain posts can trigger my emotions and I can become a bit panicky for the person an...	el-cee	24	674	Jan 10, 2014 by WorkingThroughIt
	meeting interrupted due to money issues (Preview) I attend an Al-Anon group formed by Adult Children of Alcoholics. We moved into a new facility about six months ago and decided to split the rent with another Al-Anon group as our meetings are only in the morning and theirs are in the afternoon. This place was leased for a year and the contract will be val...	ma belle	4	505	Jan 9, 2014 by tiredtonite
	Progress or enabling (Preview) Talked to AH (left home 3 months ago) last night. When AH left he admitted how badly he had treated me over the last year and that he needed to get help. Three months later, he still has not attempted to get any sort of help. In our conversation last night I talked to him if he had any interest in workin...	mongowal	10	444	Jan 9, 2014 by tiredtonite
	the disease (Preview) Ive been on my own for a month slowly I've gotten into my work routine and doing positve things for myself but I still worry about my AH daily. On Sunday was a terrifying episode. He called me franitc that he couldn't breath. I went over to check on him he was throwing up so bad and hyperventilating. He was c...	texasgal	8	532	Jan 9, 2014 by grateful2be
	In the Moment (Preview) I've been reading a lot about being in the moment (one second at a time), in various sources. Alanon approved, and Alanon helpful books, readings, and reflections. I've been putting it into practice by saying...be in the moment, be in the now, and let your HP guide you...well, I tried doing this and oh...	SerenitySoon	10	450	Jan 9, 2014 by ssilver
	support vs enabling question (Preview) Hi. I'm new here and have attended a few face to face Al-Anon meetings, but have no sponsor yet. I'd like some feedback if anyone is offering. I have a long story and won't elaborate here, but last week I met with my doctor who is also my husband's GP. I've attended his appts for a few years as his health has d...	ssilver	14	704	Jan 9, 2014 by ssilver
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.