The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I grew up with a pain pill popping dad and my Mom was a dry drug addict and A for most of my childhood and she was emotionally and physically abusive. I am not looking for sympathy and have dealt with this part of my childhood and have forgiven and gotten through this. I say it to see if anyone can relate to me. This childhood left me sad and empty growing up looking to be loved by someone and well my parents were not emotionally available, barely able to deal with their own lives doing the best they could working and getting by barely. They both grew up in worse dysfunctions than I. In my searching for attention I was molested as I grew up and well their was so much going wrong, I have blocked a lot of my childhood, but lately I feel a spiral coming on with sitting around too much and need to get to some projects and house cleaning, but haven't had the momentum. I have at times seen a counselor when things get to me, but this time I know I have to tools to get myself active and to move through this. I just hate when I spend too much time looking in the rearview mirror, but it happens less and less now. I understand why I married my exAH and took on so much. I know why I became a people pleasing enabler, I know I let people push me into things easily only to become unraveled and go off about it later. I learned to stop making resentments happen. The healthier I get the less I focus on all that went wrong and I look at all that went right to get me to where I am, who I am and how strong I am. When I divorced my exAH I never dreamed I could live without him and I had never truly been on my own. I never knew I could do it although since then I have been free for the first time in my life and not living under other peoples expectations. No egg shells to worry about and well now I am able to go back to college and be a more relaxed Mom and live out my dreams. I actually spent time getting to know me and to decipher my own goals and dreams and I am now heading towards them. I have 30 pounds to lose and I am working on it. I am on a break, but then will be heading towards the career of my dreams. I am free to be me and I am still figuring it out. Not sure if anyone else gets into a funk stuck in the past, but from time to time especially when I get too much time on my hands I know I do. Sending you all love and support on your journey's!
I relate to pretty much all of that BF. Hugs. When I'm busy and "stressed" I'm fairly happy and productive and when I stop and try to relax, I start thinking about all the bad stuff and fall in a heap. It's a work in progress trying to retrain myself to feel worthwhile and happy even when I am not DOING anything "important".
But you know yourself how much you have overcome and accomplished already and how many more awesome things you have ahead of you.
I find you really inspiring and I know you will pull yourself out of the funk and feel positive again!
Big hugs!!
You are doing fine. This sounds much like a 5th Step--That is never a waste of time. Lookiing to the past in order to free youself is what program asks us to do.
Keep up your "review "and know HP is with you every step of he way
When I feel as you do, I ask God to hover over me and let me hear/see the wisdom. When I stop trying to control the time frame in which I am to know, I can just settle in more easily. Sometimes, I just need to go have some fun. Keep doing all you know to do and KNOW that all is well. Big hug.
I see you as very much in metamorphasis. Over a few years, you have come sooo far. New life, getting educated for a new career, negotiating single parenting. While there is no end to changing in life, I think it would help if you stepped back and saw the big picture.
You have done a great job moving forward and bettering yourself despite some difficult hurdles.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 10th of January 2014 12:57:57 PM
Thanks for all the responses, they mean a lot to me. I went to the gym and biked farther, harder and longer than normal to get this ick out and it helped! I was told I suck at seeing how far I have come, because I tend to focus on how far I want to be and thus pinkchip you are right and I need to be in the moment and see myself as the overcomer I am! Paula you are right it is about Gods timing which is always better than mine, so I need to let go of the control and let time take time! Hotrod you are right and I am digging and reviewing some deep stuff that needs to be looked at in order to be more fully healed and I will let myself process through that! Thanks Melly I already feel more positive again. Inspiring, wow thank you very much for that, sometimes I only see the mess I am sifting through and forget about how much I have let go of to get where I am. So now I am going to shower and go be a more productive human and I already did one good deed for a fellow human today and my goal is one a day to be in service, it is a double bonus helps me feel better and helps them with whatever it was I chose to do each day. Sending you all love and support!
PP I love you so much!!! You are such a supportive and loving soul!
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Friday 10th of January 2014 02:30:38 PM
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Yes, I needed to read what Paula had to say here, too, BF. I can very much relate to what you wrote. You already are a productive human being, you're a great mom, and you're taking care of you. Those are huge hurdles for some people and you do them with grace and ease. Be gentle on yourself and know that sometimes our time frame just isn't the same as HPs!
BF: I think you're doing really good stuff and healing, too. I agree with all that has been said to you. The one thing that pops out big in my mind is a question: I can see you have been very productive, working your program, exercising your body, offering us support and being there with your girls while on break. I just can't help but wonder if you have taken any time to go out and just hang out with friends for laughter and maybe just a light movie or a light supper? Maybe you've said so and I missed it?
Thank you for being here, I always appreciate your shares! You are a very positive young lady and have so much going for you!! Love it!!
When I have to much time, as I did over Christmas break as well, it isn't always good....so I to would get busy helping someone else because ,it truly is a win win as you said!!
Its ok to LOOK BACK, JUST DON'T STOP & STARE FOR TO LONG~
hey girl, you have shown so much class, courage and guts to take on single parenting, school, and getting on w/your life
i do the same thing, can get into a funk when i see another thing that the abuse cost me, so i allow the feelings, cry if i need to and then let that pass through me, THEN, get in the quiet and see the good that has come into my life, too....and more good is yet to come b/c i am reaching out, getting out of my shell and actually living a abit here, LOL
sending you hugs of support
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
