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I happen to think only God can love unconditionally. But then again, we all may have a different meaning of "unconditional love". If you have time your input on what it means to you, and is it mentioned in the Alanon literature? og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
I agree...God can do it all the time no matter what and I/we get to practice. Sometimes we learn to carry it on for a long time (practice, practice, practice) and at other times not. Learing how to love the person while not the behavior works for me. ((((hugs))))
The simplest way I've heard unconditional love defined or explained is: "I love you no matter what you do, whether you act, think or believe like I think you should or not. Just maybe not in the same room, house, town or state." Another is you don't need to have my approval for me to love you. My heart might break but there is nothing you can do that I wont still love you. Only God can provide unconditional love perfectly. Humans need to aspire toward perfection though we cannot achieve it in a broken world.
I was thinking about this too recently, having unconditional love for someone that hurts me or has hurt me, I think for me it comes down to acceptence, I feel I can love unconditionally as a thought to hold the person dear in my heart always, but I have to have the strength not to allow that person to use that love I have for them to take advantage of me, ermm interesting!
Hi og, ive never loved anyone unconditionally. I think when it comes to love everyone has their own definition of it but for me I am working on loving me more and more because thats the key to my recovery, building my own self love and self worth will keep me looking after myself and that keeps unacceptable behaviour at bay. I cant find any reading on unconditional love only love.
To me there is a sinister side to unconditional love. I mean it could be understood that we must love all the alcoholic behaviours and abuse included. I think there are certain ideas around love and marriage that keep people, especially women tied and locked in to unhealthy dysfunctional relationships. The idea of soul mate, what does that mean? And unconditional love could be just as dangerous an idea. It suggests that we have no choices, we must stick with a person who could destroy us because they are our ' soul mate' or we must love them unconditionally. Could it be a social construct that codependants latch onto to justify putting up with crap in their lives? And of course it suits their partners just as well.
I think detaching means we see ourselves as individuals in a more normal way, not special or different with the same rights to peace and safety and respect as everyone else. Its like untying the fantasy that keeps us shackled with another human being until we dont know where they end and we begin, we lose ouRselves. Thanks for this topic, I have learned something.x
After I got through the break up and got to a better point - warm feelings returned for my Ex-A. I do have love for him and all we had/went through. I certainly wasn't feeling the love during the latter part and the break up. I guess the unconditional part (and I feel this way about all of my exes that I was with for any real length of time) was that I really just want the best for them. I just know now that being with me is not "the best" for them lol.
My current partner - well, this is different than anything I've known before. We do not argue or fight. Don't hold grudges. I know my ability to have this kind of relationship stemmed from all the 12 step work I did leading up to it. He never put me in a position where I even questioned lf I should support him through negative behaviors. Even then, if he were to suddenly become abusive in any way - I would just leave. Having done it before, I know I can do it again. Doesn't mean I turn the "love" off - It means I turn the unconditional love for self on higher.
Family - That is a different story. I think I love them unconditionally, but just set boundaries to which that love works in my life in a positive way.
I can better describe what it isn't than what it is. I do know that I have experienced it - unconditional love - but in relationship to my HP. Like OG, I don't think human beings on their own are capable of anything other than conditional love. In partnership with a Power greater than themselves - then it can happen - unconditional love. That I have experienced.
A few weeks ago a wise friend shared something with me on this very topic. What I am working with is that only God can live unconditionally, and, as she stated and if I understood it, God works through us to love unconditionally. I have had those moments of loving unconditionally, and I aspire to experience God loving through me more often. If someone began abusing me, you bet, in a heartbeat that unconditional love I thought or was present, would be out the door in a New York minute, until I allowed The presence of God to once again love through me. Great topic and shares.
