The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello-So last night @ my F2F we discussed step 1. I shared that for 21 years I tried to change my spouse: crying, begging, pleading, talking, giving books and articles, meeting lists, and professionals to see. Guess how much of that worked? NONE! What did happen was a slow spiral downward for me, especially the last 7-8 years, where I grew more miserable, anxious, and obsessed, day by day. And lo and behold-I joined alanon and heard step 1. What a relief! It gave me a starting place for my reclaiming myself, or gaining a better, new self, or both.
This weekend I am making amends to my spouse. It's actually fascinating to me that I will talk to her about the ways I realize I have hurt her, and that it was not my intention, etc. I will not talk about blame, her behavior, or my hurting her is a response to her hurting me. But the fascinating part is that I have reached a point that I can feel regret for hurting her, no matter what she is doing or will be doing. She has her toes in program but that's it. Her eating is out of control, she is a dry drunk, and I don't know what she's doing with gambling. I no longer want to let her behavior control my day. No way! Thanks to all of you, my sponsor, and my F2F group. Love, Lyne
Good that you can recognize your part in it and the ways you are making amends - to you first and then to her! Letting her be is also letting you grow. Love seeing this, Lyne. I can remember when I first saw your shares. Look how far you've come in a relatively short amount of time! Good work.
I like this Lyne, you have made so much progress, Im only 1 year and a half in too so a rookie compared to the old timers but I can still see that 'coming to' in someone when I see it. Glad your here, I can relate to so much you share. The making amends to my ex is not something I have really done, not with real honesty and clarity yet. I do feel I am making amends in another way as I am changing my attitude and trying to not hate him. Maybe one day I will get the chance to have that conversation but maybe not, either way I can live with it.x
