The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well my ceaseless struggles with my dysfunctional boss ended today. I smelled alcohol around her this morning which explains just about everything that's happened between us over the last 3 months. So maybe she's both an alcoholic and in or around an alcoholic family dynamic. No wonder she makes me nuts! I think I do the same to her because a) I cant be controlled because I am immune to guilt, and b)I refuse to dance the codependent shuffle with her--as of today.
I finally realized this week that there is someone sabotaging me at my job by deleting my computer documents and denying me access to computer functions. Guest wifi users don't have access to the office network and she doesn't seem to understand this. Its the only access to the computer they have given me. Yet, I am expected to produce computer documents, send emails, monitor the website etc. Since I don't have administrative access I also cant protect any documents I've created and all of the work I had saved on the computer over the last 3 months was deleted from the computer at some point since Tuesday and I cant get it back. So that means I have to recreate my documents using my own computer at home and try emailing it to the office or saving it to a jump drive! I have no administrative privileges on the computer but my boss doesn't seem to know what that means. She admitted today that she thinks I'm asking for access to her private documents as the Administrator of the office. I have to stop trying to explain, get along, or have relationships with these people but I have so few connections with others I've tried to befriend my coworkers.
I keep trying to fix this relationship with this woman even though I know my only option is accept her behavior or quit. Why is this still so hard for me?! Like so many here I'm trying to reason with an irrational disease and convince an alcoholic I'm not who she thinks I am.
I think I've now solved this computer issue. I'm simply going to use my own laptop at work for the time being. I expect to be fired any minute and would rather resign but I need the money so desperately. I want to quit, I know I should quit for my health, but I'm afraid to give up the income. Its probably not a coincidence this happened this week when I'm at my weakest emotionally as I commemorate my son's death tomorrow. I need all of you badly and any ESH you can offer.
Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear this. She sounds like alcoholic dysfunctionalism in a nutshell. And not too bright to boot. I'm surprised she's been able to hang onto a job herself. It does sound as if looking for a better job would be a good way to protect yourself. And I'm so sorry to hear about your son's death. I haven't always kept up with the boards so I don't know how long ago that was, but I know it's painful whether recent or not so recent. This sounds like a time to make every effort to take extra-good care of yourself. Hang in there!
"Well my ceaseless struggles with my dysfunctional boss ended today."
That opening line is so powerful, draws me in and want to park there for a while. Acceptance. What an "aha!" moment!
Dealing with the disease in the workplace boss can add new dimensions to the disease because getting paid to work for someone means seeking approval at some levels. If that person is irrational, it makes things much more challenging, and, perhaps, not possible. I used to think that it was important to hold onto a job until I've secured another; I now think serenity is number one priority- however best that will manifest. Please be gentle with yourself and remember that you're not alone. Sending prayers for wisdom and courage to do the next right thing for you for decisions made from a position of strength.
((((cwya)))) I'm in the group holding you up...sad with you about the loss of your son and also right now remembering the death of my aunt recently at 93 years of age. She was my mother's sister and treated me better, more kindly than my own mom did. She lived in this disease deeper than I ever did if there is a measurement. God Bless her double because she worked 10 times harder to be of use to her family while the disease tore it up. Alcoholic bosses...been there and done that and just for me what I did was left. I left after a joint meeting with the administrator and my supervisor who was setting me up for failure as yours seems to be doing and another supervisor who eventurally landed up in jail for drug crimes. I loved the job and was good at it and wanted to be there and then "To thine own self be true" brought me to the hard decision of getting away from a condition I did not cause, could not control and would never cure. I'll be holding you up and praying HP will shed extra light on your journey.
Thank you all for responding to my share. Input from you has enabled me to put my problem in its true perspective. The truths that I have to be an accomplice for someone to be able to take my Serenity and the slogan "To thine own self be true" pretty much locked down my decision. I even saw a post on another social media site about not letting others rob me of life. Long ago I heard it shared that things such as these are "soul murder."
There is never a shortage of people who will attempt to commit this crime. I can now, as a result of Al-Anon, choose whether they succeed. This has been a pattern for me my whole life, letting emotionally abusive people rob me of spirit in the hope of a paltry gain because my traumas started young and often.
So sorry to hear about the anniversary of losing your son! And on top of it you have an A boss to deal with and some of your work coming up missing. Make sure you back up all your work and cover your hinder. You will know what the right thing to do with the work scenario when the time is right. Stay detached and keep your boundaries and you will be fine. You have a good program and the support of your MIP family! Sending you much love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
This sounds hellish, I have to say I love that you are immune to guilt, im nearly immune, so good.x is icloud helpful to you? Hang in there, if your boss is an alcoholic you wont be the only one to notice, maybe she will get the sack or soon enough drama will surround her. It is what it is, you cant change her. I suggest working on a back up plan, look for another job.x
I thought I had to have privileges to access the hard drive to set up a password protected identity. I'm older person so not all thought that tech savvy I thought until I found out that I know more about computers than most people I know and I guarantee I know 100 times more than the people I work with. They have never heard of administrator privileges. I guess some computer guy comes in to set things up and tell them how to use a computer because they don't know jack, (is that a vulgar term? if so I apologize). I'm gone as soon as I find something else or I get put-down or yelled at again, whichever comes first.
