Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

sdisnie · sdisnie

Well, I finally heard from the very selfish and sick A. He emailed....said he's trying to find a job, and he wants to just move forward and that he's sorry that everything worked out this way and that he can't change anything. "Can't" change anything? Is that just a sick thing to say? It's...

Jerry F · Jerry F

clearer, wider, deeper more contrasted. When I found out that my blindness was in fact correctable and not inoperable I delighted in the news that the surgery was scheduled for the Thanksgiving holiday, the 24 and 25th. My wife and family didn't think that the best idea however I know from past expe...

tlcate · tlcate

That was something my brothers used to say to me and I swear God said it to me too just recently. I was on here complaining and feeling bad . . . over nothing. Tap tap tap in the middle of my forehead . . . "Tricia, are you listening?" I am all geared up to go to my first Friday night meeting in the new c...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Ran into a situation last night that I was unprepared for. Okay, that's kinda funny, because that pretty much sums up life with an A, and now for me, what life with teenagers is like. My son is 17. Our relationhip is a struggle, and my issues with him revolve more around attitude and honesty, than beha...

sdisnie · sdisnie

I go to a meeting every Friday that is through my church, it's been wonderful because first they have a BBQ if you want to eat dinner, then they have a little bit of worship and talk about troubles in life etc, then the men go to one side, the women to the other and break down into issue specific groups. I wis...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hey everyone, I've been learning/coming to terms with a lot, through reading and therapy, about the dynamics of an alcoholic/codependent relationship. That we had something in us that attracted the alcoholic, and they had something in them that attracted us. Just wondering, looking back, can y...

Grace7 · Grace7

Hi. Have dealt with A for Years. Now instead of my former mate, it is my child of whom I speak. He lives in another state and recently married a partier. He has had a dui, told me in his later teen years he was an alcoholic (in the military at that time). He quit for a time, turned to physical fitness and hi...

Cosmos · Cosmos

Hi. I havent been writing on this forum for a very long time and it has been about two months since I last attended a f2f meeting. I first joined Al-Anon because of problems with my ex-girlfriend. We started dating in 2007 while I lived in Norway and she lived in England. She was an alcoholic and I did what I...

glad lee · glad lee

... how do you "work" your program? Do you use the 12 steps? The beginning of step twelve reads: "Having had a spiritual awakening AS THE RESULT of these steps..." Does that motivate you? Does something else motivate you? I moved at a snail's pace on the steps when I came into...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

and feel terribly guilty that I (or we) upset our daughter so much. My daughter and I came home at 8PM from a nice day outdoors at a Christmas festival near us. Wife hadn't come because she wasn't feeling well (yes I did invite her). When I come in the door she starts telling me that a relative from Germa...

sdisnie · sdisnie

The insane scary death like binge has ended for the A and while I know he's actively drinking and trying to hold it together this time by just drinking beer, his mind is not stable. The actions he's taken and things he's done and the leaving our home without saying goodbye to any of us, not acknowledging...

lyndebi · lyndebi

Nothing yet, no news. My advocate called Mon. and Fri. I was thinking maybe one cannot be ok when lifes hard stuff hits us. Maybe the important thing is to keep kicking. To keep walking, dressing, cleaning house, talking to hp. My body honestly feels like a bunch of knots like how some viney plants get wh...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

My 11 year old son and 7 year old son were sitting at the kitchen table writing out their wish list to Santa. My 11 year old son just came into the living room and showed us his list. He had two things on it that he wished for which was a Nintendo DSI, and a cell phone that has service, but what he put below that...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

Last night as usual, AH was drinking and if I had to guess, I would say he was probably drunk. Everything was fine until around 10pm. The kids were in the kitchen making holiday crafts, and AH was in there with them making them some hot chocolate. I remembered something funny that happened at work on F...

Jozie · Jozie

I am Asking the MIP Family to Send some Prayers to ((((((Shelly123)))))) She Today Lost Her Only Uncle, and it is taking its toll... If you could take a second and send a Prayer to her & our Family, I would be Mosts Grateful, We all know that he is with his God, and Had a Faith Like Know other, and Now his S...

member922 · member922

Can I not have some stability? I just want to give up. And I know I can't.

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

As I've discussed the past, the pursuit of happiness has been a big deal to me lately in overcoming depression, negativity etc. I've begun to engage in more activities I enjoy on a regular basis and this has helped alot. I've also tried really hard (boy was it tough at first) to be aware of things in my li...

rainbojo66 · rainbojo66

I am having a TERRIBLE day, and ALL of it is because I crossed my own boundaries. I said yes, when I meant no...waaaay too many times, and the rtesults are PREDICTABLE and I'm tired and overwhelmed. Sigh...live and learn. I hope today is over with VERY SOON... grrrrrr

clep · clep

My A just asked me if it was better talking with me only about the weather instead of real things. He is upset I am sure because I am going to spend some time tonight with a male friend, his mom and kids for his birthday. I have never met his mom and can't stand his kids so I hope they are in bed. :) The woman m...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

My bf has decided to call NA/AA to get help. He feels like things have become totally unmanagable... He found the number, he said he would call. He also needs a ride to a meeting tonight. He didn't ask, I offered. I hope that is not too codependent of me? He can't drive because of a DUI a year ago... A...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

WELL... 2 WEEKS HAVE GONE BY SINCE I LAST POSTED! I WISH I HAD A COMPUTER AT HOME RIGHT ABOUT NOW! I HAVE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE GETTING ON THE COMPUTER AT ALL! I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING W/ DISCOMFORT & BAD WEATHER UP HERE! I GUESS I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I POSTED I HAD REALLY NO COMPLAINTS...

DrownTheEgo · DrownTheEgo

So it's about time. I've just become willing to make amends to the people I have harmed. Some of those people are no longer in my life. Where my concern lies is in making amends to people whom I have loved, romantically. In these relationships I have lied much and often. When making my amends with the p...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Interesting stuff came up in therapy last night. I had previously discussed my problems with intimacy. I set up walls and don't let people in. This shields me from being hurt. I'm also really good at "replacing" those who disappoint me or discarding them altogether. It's a countera...

casa · casa

The MIP Group Business Meeting is tomorrow (Sunday, Dec. 5th ) at 9pm EST. Everyone is encouraged to attend. If you have issues that you would like to have addressed at the meeting, please contact Kerry aka kerisha. Thank you!

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

So these past few weeks have just seemed to drag on and on. I am completely stressed out because I have to withdraw from a couple of my classes because I missed so much school from my pneumonia and my car accident. It's a horrible feeling. My dad payed for this semester and had faith that I would get good gra...

lyndebi · lyndebi

I don't find myself feeling this horrible feeling often. I honestly believe no matter what, everything will be ok. I have very strong faith. Being human however, I am again having a tough time. I was ok for a week or so, very serene and a calm inner me. Nothing from the mortgage people yet. I only have unti...

maresie · maresie

Christmas is next up for me on the calendar and normally I am full of issues around it. I can see now that most years I absolutely could not manage those issues so like any good al anoner I went to a practising alcoholic to try to to fix them. Talk about sabatage myself. I spent 7 Christmas's with the ex A try...

member922 · member922

I was up all night realizing that this will be the first Christmas morning that I will be alone. I made my choices, so it's nobody's fault but my own. Still makes me sad. I'm thinking of rejoining the gym so I will have somewhere to spend Christmas. What will you all be doing to cope? I know it's a hard tim...

failte · failte

Hi all Just to update you on my older post "desperately needing advice" things took a turn for the worse, I tried to get my husband to back me in putting down our new rule that my son would have ten weeks to leave, my husband dragged his feet and didnt agree with me and hadnt the courage to face ou...

tlcate · tlcate

So, after taking myself WAY too seriously, and as RLC said, getting a good chuckle at myself afterwards . . . I am snuggled up in my bed with one of my favorite books. Belly is full and I just smiled and laughed out loud. I thought I would share. "What's that you are writing?" asked Pooh, climbi...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

I am angry with my wife. Even though she has been going to AA regularly, even though she has apparently been sober for close to a month...I'm just really mad about what has happened and where we are currently at in our relationship. I don't want to be so angry, I want to be sympathetic because I know she is s...

clep · clep

I have been working my program consistently. I realized the other night when my A and I were talking that it doesn't matter how I talk he is angry. I can be accusing, angry, gentle, not accusing, patient, etc. No matter how I talk he is upset about the "way" I am talking, or what I am saying....

sdisnie · sdisnie

Last week I was told I was "the love of my life and I'm not going anywhere" by my A......tonight, because of all the hell he's put my kids and I through and because I'm using a liason to speak through to him, he sent a nasty email full of pure hatred towards me. Amazing how they go from love to hate...

tlcate · tlcate

Nothing big. It is all in my head. Don't know if it is the chicken or the egg - getting depressed so I feel bad physically - or getting sick/hormones so it is making me depressed. Or it may just be this darned rain. Nothing to complain about. My life is great. Just the darned stories playing in my head....

sdisnie · sdisnie

Well.....there will be no intervention, there will be nothing. He is sick, his addiction has taken him over and he has specifically chosen his addiction over his family. The kids even told him a week ago......Pick your family or pick alcohol. He made his choice when he finally came out of hiding thi...

DreamsOver · DreamsOver

I am going through a tough time right now. My AS came to our house a couple of nights ago and started drama with us and my stomach hasn't untied from the knot in it yet. There are so many triggers that makes my life very stressful, a song on the radio, a certain TV program or commercial, when the evening comes...

sdisnie · sdisnie

There are some people who are not involved in our lives (my life), or have any idea about addiciton or what it's like to love an addict, and I wish those people would stay out of my life. Let it be, let it go, let me be. I will always love my AH.......ALWAYS, nothing can change that, I know that he is sick, I h...

Suzannah · Suzannah

If you are serious about changing: "1) The first person you must know is yourself. Human nature seems to endow us with the ability to size up everybody-except ourselves. If you're not comfortable with yourself, you won't be comfortable with others. And if you don't believe in yourself, your la...

Speck · Speck

Hi everybody Could anybody recommend me a suitable solicitor here in the UK? Basically whilst Ive been looking after my former partner for the last 15 years I have been subjected to slander, hate mail, texts, poison letters, threatening phone calls etc by her family who are the people who abused he...

Holly09 · Holly09

After being together 8 years my A boyfriend quit drinking October 31st. The decision was all his and surprised me. He actually told me he doesn't want to drink anymore. In the 8 yrs. of out relationship he has always told me he will never quit and that he didn't want to. He has been going to therepy a...

abbyal · abbyal

Years ago a friend taught me how to go thru the steps quickly when ever a dilema presented itself , that has saved me alot of grief . At a round up one weekend the speaker said , some days the chaos is so overwhelming that 12 steps just are too much so he gave us his formula for 4 steps which have also served me w...

Mattie · Mattie

I was reading about the importance of setting boundaries for good relationships -- something I'd never thought about in this way. My practice was always to bend over backwards trying to be accommodating, since both my A and I saw my demands/boundaries -- for instance, for affection, equal say, etc...

Jozie · Jozie

Often Times I catch myself reaching out for the Next thing in my life, and yet somehow I dont feel Content with what I currently have I dont like that about myself, and I have been trying to make myself Aware of itI have so many things to be grateful for, and I do love the life I lead But when it comes to the proj...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Handling Family Problems"...as a family you must learn to cope with difficulties. So: 1) Try to remember that you're all on the same team. Don't take your frustrations out on your loved ones. Too often, home is where we go when we're tired of being 'nice.' 2) Before you speak, get the facts. Nothi...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

I need some E S & H today... I need to hear some things about detaching and letting go. I need to hear about focusing on me.... Please help. I am in the trenches today. :( I am giving my stuff to HP to handle, but I feel alone and very sad.

Lyn0202 · Lyn0202

I'm sure many of you have asked yourselves that question. My BF and I are reaching the breaking point. He keeps hiding his little relapses from me and I don't know if I can deal with it anymore. Today he came right out and said that, despite our previous agreement, he was no longer willing to fess up to me wh...

pamommy · pamommy

Talked with my dad tonight for the first time since my husband's horrendous behavior on Thanksgiving. For all his talk of how I have nothing to apologize for, he basically berated me for what my husband did. On the other end, my husband came home feeling sorry for himself again for how hard his life i...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Try to make this as brief as possible.... The A in my life was sober for a short period of time....working out of town and being alone and around heavy drinkers triggered him into taking a drink on Oct. 27th. This lead to a 11 day heavy extreme drinking binge (not working, not functioning, passed out 22 h...

glad · glad

I can't say for certain if it is the new anti-depressants my Doctor prescribed about two weeks ago, my determining to replace negative rambling worries with fun happiness and peace for me (repeating this over and over in my mind today) or the Alanon Meeting I attended Saturday but I can say for sure th...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

Detachment is something that has gotten so much easier the more I've practiced it. I say "practiced" because it IS all just practice - I've not gotten it down perfectly by any means, but it is definitely easier. Today I had lunch with my AH. I was happy, enjoying his company, enjoying my lu...

stomoxys · stomoxys

Hi Everyone - I am still new to this forum and have seen lots of posts about the book "getting Them Sober". What is this book about? Also, I looked on Amazon and saw there is a work book? Would you recommend this book? And the workbook? Also, are there any other books anyone would recommend?...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Anyone do an intervention to get an A into treatment? How did it go, what steps did you take etc?

member922 · member922

So I get treated like crap this weekend by this Abf. Today I get the "sorry" email. Then he phones me and starts a fight. WTH?? Tells me that as soon as I change, by making him dinners (he wants a 1950's relationship), then he will change. If I do it first to prove my love or whatever, then he...

member922 · member922

My therapist has been really helpful in helping me draw connections from my childhood with Afather to today. I need to quit thinking (from childhood) "what if" and concentrate more on "what if not" (today). Just wanted to share.

glad · glad

Just for today when my mind trys to race and those same depressing thoughts try to roll around and around I will replace them with the words: Fun, happiness and peace for me today!

LarryWhiteford · LarryWhiteford

Thank you to xeno and Robinks for hosting the meeting this morning. Great meeting.

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

The book The Language of Letting Go made me think a lot today when I read about "the good days". I have had so many times in my life where something that feels good (anything) should also hurt or have a time when the other shoe falls and it turns out all wrong. The page on May 10th reminded me to e...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

I had to do everything I could to maintain my composure last night. We went downtown to see the parade of lights, and to see the the lighting of the christmas tree. We found a place that was a restaurant that had outdoor seating where we had a great view of the parade. When we got there and got sat down, th...

Speck · Speck

This may be old news but just to share it with you anyway............ My councillor advised me to try acupuncture to relieve some of my stress and I guess anger, after the turmoil of the last 15 years. I gave it a go and completed my 6th session yesterday along with taking a selection of Chinese herbs. The...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Not planning anything or considering the possiblity of divorce at this time. But I'm wondering how divorce fits into our recovery process from Al Anon's perspective? Is it something that can be considered a natural step in the process of working on us?

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Finally heard from the A... (Preview) Well, I finally heard from the very selfish and sick A. He emailed....said he's trying to find a job, and he wants to just move forward and that he's sorry that everything worked out this way and that he can't change anything. "Can't" change anything? Is that just a sick thing to say? It's...	sdisnie	4	477	Dec 6, 2010 by Sweet Stanley
	My vision is still getting.... (Preview) clearer, wider, deeper more contrasted. When I found out that my blindness was in fact correctable and not inoperable I delighted in the news that the surgery was scheduled for the Thanksgiving holiday, the 24 and 25th. My wife and family didn't think that the best idea however I know from past expe...	Jerry F	7	861	Dec 6, 2010 by maresie
	Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about . . . (Preview) That was something my brothers used to say to me and I swear God said it to me too just recently. I was on here complaining and feeling bad . . . over nothing. Tap tap tap in the middle of my forehead . . . "Tricia, are you listening?" I am all geared up to go to my first Friday night meeting in the new c...	tlcate	7	769	Dec 6, 2010 by stomoxys
	What would you do? (Preview) Ran into a situation last night that I was unprepared for. Okay, that's kinda funny, because that pretty much sums up life with an A, and now for me, what life with teenagers is like. My son is 17. Our relationhip is a struggle, and my issues with him revolve more around attitude and honesty, than beha...	Loupiness	7	508	Dec 6, 2010 by Karilynn
	Meeting this Tuesday (Preview) I go to a meeting every Friday that is through my church, it's been wonderful because first they have a BBQ if you want to eat dinner, then they have a little bit of worship and talk about troubles in life etc, then the men go to one side, the women to the other and break down into issue specific groups. I wis...	sdisnie	3	707	Dec 6, 2010 by bud
	Relationships: What attracted you to your A? (Preview) Hey everyone, I've been learning/coming to terms with a lot, through reading and therapy, about the dynamics of an alcoholic/codependent relationship. That we had something in us that attracted the alcoholic, and they had something in them that attracted us. Just wondering, looking back, can y...	danielle0516	14	1028	Dec 5, 2010 by pamommy
	Dealing with Adult Alcoholic Child (Preview) Hi. Have dealt with A for Years. Now instead of my former mate, it is my child of whom I speak. He lives in another state and recently married a partier. He has had a dui, told me in his later teen years he was an alcoholic (in the military at that time). He quit for a time, turned to physical fitness and hi...	Grace7	2	4771	Dec 5, 2010 by DreamsOver
	I live with the person I love, but feel more alone than ever... (Preview) Hi. I havent been writing on this forum for a very long time and it has been about two months since I last attended a f2f meeting. I first joined Al-Anon because of problems with my ex-girlfriend. We started dating in 2007 while I lived in Norway and she lived in England. She was an alcoholic and I did what I...	Cosmos	6	853	Dec 5, 2010 by Cosmos
	I am curious to know... (Preview) ... how do you "work" your program? Do you use the 12 steps? The beginning of step twelve reads: "Having had a spiritual awakening AS THE RESULT of these steps..." Does that motivate you? Does something else motivate you? I moved at a snail's pace on the steps when I came into...	glad lee	13	1255	Dec 5, 2010 by Imogen421
	Screwed up royally last night...... (Preview) and feel terribly guilty that I (or we) upset our daughter so much. My daughter and I came home at 8PM from a nice day outdoors at a Christmas festival near us. Wife hadn't come because she wasn't feeling well (yes I did invite her). When I come in the door she starts telling me that a relative from Germa...	mjhyankees	7	930	Dec 5, 2010 by Jerry F
	Scared and need to know if I'm being crazy or just protective? (Preview) The insane scary death like binge has ended for the A and while I know he's actively drinking and trying to hold it together this time by just drinking beer, his mind is not stable. The actions he's taken and things he's done and the leaving our home without saying goodbye to any of us, not acknowledging...	sdisnie	18	875	Dec 5, 2010 by Grace7
	Please untie these knots....ugh (Preview) Nothing yet, no news. My advocate called Mon. and Fri. I was thinking maybe one cannot be ok when lifes hard stuff hits us. Maybe the important thing is to keep kicking. To keep walking, dressing, cleaning house, talking to hp. My body honestly feels like a bunch of knots like how some viney plants get wh...	lyndebi	4	472	Dec 5, 2010 by tlcate
	Off topic, but just have to share (Preview) My 11 year old son and 7 year old son were sitting at the kitchen table writing out their wish list to Santa. My 11 year old son just came into the living room and showed us his list. He had two things on it that he wished for which was a Nintendo DSI, and a cell phone that has service, but what he put below that...	kimmy1975	5	733	Dec 5, 2010 by member922
	Went to bed angry (Preview) Last night as usual, AH was drinking and if I had to guess, I would say he was probably drunk. Everything was fine until around 10pm. The kids were in the kitchen making holiday crafts, and AH was in there with them making them some hot chocolate. I remembered something funny that happened at work on F...	kimmy1975	6	716	Dec 5, 2010 by Bettina
	Prayers Needed (Preview) I am Asking the MIP Family to Send some Prayers to ((((((Shelly123)))))) She Today Lost Her Only Uncle, and it is taking its toll... If you could take a second and send a Prayer to her & our Family, I would be Mosts Grateful, We all know that he is with his God, and Had a Faith Like Know other, and Now his S...	Jozie	7	684	Dec 5, 2010 by Andrea12
	Sometimes honesty is NOT the best policy (Preview) Can I not have some stability? I just want to give up. And I know I can't.	member922	9	1064	Dec 4, 2010 by Mattie
	My personal happiness project. (Preview) As I've discussed the past, the pursuit of happiness has been a big deal to me lately in overcoming depression, negativity etc. I've begun to engage in more activities I enjoy on a regular basis and this has helped alot. I've also tried really hard (boy was it tough at first) to be aware of things in my li...	mjhyankees	5	782	Dec 4, 2010 by kitty
	terrrrrrible day...grrrrr (Preview) I am having a TERRIBLE day, and ALL of it is because I crossed my own boundaries. I said yes, when I meant no...waaaay too many times, and the rtesults are PREDICTABLE and I'm tired and overwhelmed. Sigh...live and learn. I hope today is over with VERY SOON... grrrrrr	rainbojo66	8	718	Dec 4, 2010 by xeno59
	Yipee....I didn't take the bait. (Preview) My A just asked me if it was better talking with me only about the weather instead of real things. He is upset I am sure because I am going to spend some time tonight with a male friend, his mom and kids for his birthday. I have never met his mom and can't stand his kids so I hope they are in bed. :) The woman m...	clep	8	1154	Dec 4, 2010 by xeno59
	Help me center... (Preview) My bf has decided to call NA/AA to get help. He feels like things have become totally unmanagable... He found the number, he said he would call. He also needs a ride to a meeting tonight. He didn't ask, I offered. I hope that is not too codependent of me? He can't drive because of a DUI a year ago... A...	sunflowergirl	10	1749	Dec 4, 2010 by xeno59
	where have I been? (Preview) WELL... 2 WEEKS HAVE GONE BY SINCE I LAST POSTED! I WISH I HAD A COMPUTER AT HOME RIGHT ABOUT NOW! I HAVE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE GETTING ON THE COMPUTER AT ALL! I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING W/ DISCOMFORT & BAD WEATHER UP HERE! I GUESS I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I POSTED I HAD REALLY NO COMPLAINTS...	Hoot Nanny	5	771	Dec 4, 2010 by xeno59
	Taking that 9th step (Preview) So it's about time. I've just become willing to make amends to the people I have harmed. Some of those people are no longer in my life. Where my concern lies is in making amends to people whom I have loved, romantically. In these relationships I have lied much and often. When making my amends with the p...	DrownTheEgo	8	4156	Dec 4, 2010 by xeno59
	My need to possess....and possibly why..... (Preview) Interesting stuff came up in therapy last night. I had previously discussed my problems with intimacy. I set up walls and don't let people in. This shields me from being hurt. I'm also really good at "replacing" those who disappoint me or discarding them altogether. It's a countera...	mjhyankees	2	780	Dec 4, 2010 by xeno59
	Business Meeting Reminder (Preview) The MIP Group Business Meeting is tomorrow (Sunday, Dec. 5th ) at 9pm EST. Everyone is encouraged to attend. If you have issues that you would like to have addressed at the meeting, please contact Kerry aka kerisha. Thank you!	casa	0	400	Dec 4, 2010 by casa
	Going through the motions (Preview) So these past few weeks have just seemed to drag on and on. I am completely stressed out because I have to withdraw from a couple of my classes because I missed so much school from my pneumonia and my car accident. It's a horrible feeling. My dad payed for this semester and had faith that I would get good gra...	Brookiebabe222	3	505	Dec 3, 2010 by xeno59
	Anxiety is awful! (Preview) I don't find myself feeling this horrible feeling often. I honestly believe no matter what, everything will be ok. I have very strong faith. Being human however, I am again having a tough time. I was ok for a week or so, very serene and a calm inner me. Nothing from the mortgage people yet. I only have unti...	lyndebi	17	761	Dec 3, 2010 by lyndebi
	going to the butchers to buy bread (Preview) Christmas is next up for me on the calendar and normally I am full of issues around it. I can see now that most years I absolutely could not manage those issues so like any good al anoner I went to a practising alcoholic to try to to fix them. Talk about sabatage myself. I spent 7 Christmas's with the ex A try...	maresie	8	914	Dec 3, 2010 by hotrod
	Holiday time starting to pack a punch (Preview) I was up all night realizing that this will be the first Christmas morning that I will be alone. I made my choices, so it's nobody's fault but my own. Still makes me sad. I'm thinking of rejoining the gym so I will have somewhere to spend Christmas. What will you all be doing to cope? I know it's a hard tim...	member922	13	926	Dec 3, 2010 by Jerry F
	update on desperately needing advice desperately needing advice (Preview) Hi all Just to update you on my older post "desperately needing advice" things took a turn for the worse, I tried to get my husband to back me in putting down our new rule that my son would have ten weeks to leave, my husband dragged his feet and didnt agree with me and hadnt the courage to face ou...	failte	7	765	Dec 3, 2010 by failte
	A ten thousand-mile journey starts with one step. (Preview) So, after taking myself WAY too seriously, and as RLC said, getting a good chuckle at myself afterwards . . . I am snuggled up in my bed with one of my favorite books. Belly is full and I just smiled and laughed out loud. I thought I would share. "What's that you are writing?" asked Pooh, climbi...	tlcate	4	1063	Dec 3, 2010 by lyndebi
	How to not be angry? (Preview) I am angry with my wife. Even though she has been going to AA regularly, even though she has apparently been sober for close to a month...I'm just really mad about what has happened and where we are currently at in our relationship. I don't want to be so angry, I want to be sympathetic because I know she is s...	usedtobeanyer	19	644	Dec 3, 2010 by hotrod
	I have a roomate (Preview) I have been working my program consistently. I realized the other night when my A and I were talking that it doesn't matter how I talk he is angry. I can be accusing, angry, gentle, not accusing, patient, etc. No matter how I talk he is upset about the "way" I am talking, or what I am saying....	clep	9	1046	Dec 3, 2010 by member922
	From Love last week to pure hatred this week (Preview) Last week I was told I was "the love of my life and I'm not going anywhere" by my A......tonight, because of all the hell he's put my kids and I through and because I'm using a liason to speak through to him, he sent a nasty email full of pure hatred towards me. Amazing how they go from love to hate...	sdisnie	3	807	Dec 3, 2010 by Bettina
	Bad Day (Preview) Nothing big. It is all in my head. Don't know if it is the chicken or the egg - getting depressed so I feel bad physically - or getting sick/hormones so it is making me depressed. Or it may just be this darned rain. Nothing to complain about. My life is great. Just the darned stories playing in my head....	tlcate	7	791	Dec 3, 2010 by bud
	When they Choose their addiction (Preview) Well.....there will be no intervention, there will be nothing. He is sick, his addiction has taken him over and he has specifically chosen his addiction over his family. The kids even told him a week ago......Pick your family or pick alcohol. He made his choice when he finally came out of hiding thi...	sdisnie	8	1536	Dec 2, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Hello Everyone.... (Preview) I am going through a tough time right now. My AS came to our house a couple of nights ago and started drama with us and my stomach hasn't untied from the knot in it yet. There are so many triggers that makes my life very stressful, a song on the radio, a certain TV program or commercial, when the evening comes...	DreamsOver	2	597	Dec 2, 2010 by tlcate
	Some People Should mind their own business...just saying (Preview) There are some people who are not involved in our lives (my life), or have any idea about addiciton or what it's like to love an addict, and I wish those people would stay out of my life. Let it be, let it go, let me be. I will always love my AH.......ALWAYS, nothing can change that, I know that he is sick, I h...	sdisnie	9	1529	Dec 2, 2010 by tlcate
	Change (Preview) If you are serious about changing: "1) The first person you must know is yourself. Human nature seems to endow us with the ability to size up everybody-except ourselves. If you're not comfortable with yourself, you won't be comfortable with others. And if you don't believe in yourself, your la...	Suzannah	4	656	Dec 2, 2010 by tiredtonite
	Help Please - Legal contact needed in UK (Preview) Hi everybody Could anybody recommend me a suitable solicitor here in the UK? Basically whilst Ive been looking after my former partner for the last 15 years I have been subjected to slander, hate mail, texts, poison letters, threatening phone calls etc by her family who are the people who abused he...	Speck	4	417	Dec 2, 2010 by Speck
	When they quit (Preview) After being together 8 years my A boyfriend quit drinking October 31st. The decision was all his and surprised me. He actually told me he doesn't want to drink anymore. In the 8 yrs. of out relationship he has always told me he will never quit and that he didn't want to. He has been going to therepy a...	Holly09	5	833	Dec 2, 2010 by Jerry F
	Some days 12 steps are just too much . (Preview) Years ago a friend taught me how to go thru the steps quickly when ever a dilema presented itself , that has saved me alot of grief . At a round up one weekend the speaker said , some days the chaos is so overwhelming that 12 steps just are too much so he gave us his formula for 4 steps which have also served me w...	abbyal	7	874	Dec 1, 2010 by Imogen421
	Something that helped me (Preview) I was reading about the importance of setting boundaries for good relationships -- something I'd never thought about in this way. My practice was always to bend over backwards trying to be accommodating, since both my A and I saw my demands/boundaries -- for instance, for affection, equal say, etc...	Mattie	5	859	Dec 1, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Sick N Tired of being "Just that" (Preview) Often Times I catch myself reaching out for the Next thing in my life, and yet somehow I dont feel Content with what I currently have I dont like that about myself, and I have been trying to make myself Aware of itI have so many things to be grateful for, and I do love the life I lead But when it comes to the proj...	Jozie	4	1138	Dec 1, 2010 by tiredtonite
	Handling Family Problems (Preview) Handling Family Problems"...as a family you must learn to cope with difficulties. So: 1) Try to remember that you're all on the same team. Don't take your frustrations out on your loved ones. Too often, home is where we go when we're tired of being 'nice.' 2) Before you speak, get the facts. Nothi...	Suzannah	6	620	Dec 1, 2010 by glad lee
	Please help (Preview) I need some E S & H today... I need to hear some things about detaching and letting go. I need to hear about focusing on me.... Please help. I am in the trenches today. :( I am giving my stuff to HP to handle, but I feel alone and very sad.	sunflowergirl	13	1247	Dec 1, 2010 by tlcate
	Is it love? Or fear of being alone? (Preview) I'm sure many of you have asked yourselves that question. My BF and I are reaching the breaking point. He keeps hiding his little relapses from me and I don't know if I can deal with it anymore. Today he came right out and said that, despite our previous agreement, he was no longer willing to fess up to me wh...	Lyn0202	13	4655	Dec 1, 2010 by tlcate
	Berated for my husband's behavior :( (Preview) Talked with my dad tonight for the first time since my husband's horrendous behavior on Thanksgiving. For all his talk of how I have nothing to apologize for, he basically berated me for what my husband did. On the other end, my husband came home feeling sorry for himself again for how hard his life i...	pamommy	11	1551	Dec 1, 2010 by glad lee
	Help me answer this question...Intervene to possibly save a life or let it go? (Preview) Try to make this as brief as possible.... The A in my life was sober for a short period of time....working out of town and being alone and around heavy drinkers triggered him into taking a drink on Oct. 27th. This lead to a 11 day heavy extreme drinking binge (not working, not functioning, passed out 22 h...	sdisnie	5	750	Dec 1, 2010 by abbyal
	Positive feelings do happen, hip hip horray!!!! (Preview) I can't say for certain if it is the new anti-depressants my Doctor prescribed about two weeks ago, my determining to replace negative rambling worries with fun happiness and peace for me (repeating this over and over in my mind today) or the Alanon Meeting I attended Saturday but I can say for sure th...	glad	3	1469	Dec 1, 2010 by tiredtonite
	Detachment (Preview) Detachment is something that has gotten so much easier the more I've practiced it. I say "practiced" because it IS all just practice - I've not gotten it down perfectly by any means, but it is definitely easier. Today I had lunch with my AH. I was happy, enjoying his company, enjoying my lu...	White Rabbit	10	716	Dec 1, 2010 by Sweet Stanley
	Getting them Sober (Preview) Hi Everyone - I am still new to this forum and have seen lots of posts about the book "getting Them Sober". What is this book about? Also, I looked on Amazon and saw there is a work book? Would you recommend this book? And the workbook? Also, are there any other books anyone would recommend?...	stomoxys	7	883	Nov 30, 2010 by nmike
	Intervention (Preview) Anyone do an intervention to get an A into treatment? How did it go, what steps did you take etc?	sdisnie	15	838	Nov 30, 2010 by member922
	I have run out of patience! (Preview) So I get treated like crap this weekend by this Abf. Today I get the "sorry" email. Then he phones me and starts a fight. WTH?? Tells me that as soon as I change, by making him dinners (he wants a 1950's relationship), then he will change. If I do it first to prove my love or whatever, then he...	member922	13	971	Nov 30, 2010 by member922
	Something interesting from therapy today (Preview) My therapist has been really helpful in helping me draw connections from my childhood with Afather to today. I need to quit thinking (from childhood) "what if" and concentrate more on "what if not" (today). Just wanted to share.	member922	3	792	Nov 30, 2010 by abbyal
	Fun, happinesss and peace for me today! (Preview) Just for today when my mind trys to race and those same depressing thoughts try to roll around and around I will replace them with the words: Fun, happiness and peace for me today!	glad	2	541	Nov 30, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	thank you for the meeting this morning (Preview) Thank you to xeno and Robinks for hosting the meeting this morning. Great meeting.	LarryWhiteford	1	564	Nov 30, 2010 by xeno59
	trying to not sabotage the good days... (Preview) The book The Language of Letting Go made me think a lot today when I read about "the good days". I have had so many times in my life where something that feels good (anything) should also hurt or have a time when the other shoe falls and it turns out all wrong. The page on May 10th reminded me to e...	sunflowergirl	3	779	Nov 30, 2010 by pineapple
	Difficult night last night (Preview) I had to do everything I could to maintain my composure last night. We went downtown to see the parade of lights, and to see the the lighting of the christmas tree. We found a place that was a restaurant that had outdoor seating where we had a great view of the parade. When we got there and got sat down, th...	kimmy1975	6	757	Nov 30, 2010 by kimmy1975
	Acupuncture (Preview) This may be old news but just to share it with you anyway............ My councillor advised me to try acupuncture to relieve some of my stress and I guess anger, after the turmoil of the last 15 years. I gave it a go and completed my 6th session yesterday along with taking a selection of Chinese herbs. The...	Speck	5	575	Nov 30, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Divorce (Preview) Not planning anything or considering the possiblity of divorce at this time. But I'm wondering how divorce fits into our recovery process from Al Anon's perspective? Is it something that can be considered a natural step in the process of working on us?	usedtobeanyer	12	2041	Nov 30, 2010 by abbyal
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.