The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been around much of late. First of all had the flu or something for about a month, feeling somewhat better now.
School is keeping me tied up as mid-terms are here and wow it's a lot of work. Espically for an old fart like me.
Son got a job as soon as they called him in to ask if he had anything on his background check that would be holding it up he was honest and told them he had a pending dui. They inturn let him go.
So he is almost 19 mops around the house, bums money from his mom when I can give it. I am lost right now. Not that it is ever much but still.
I am to the point of just chucking it all in. Daughter is doing well in school and g-daughter is beautiful.
I miss my husband I know if he were with us he would know how to handle Zach much better than I can.
I know there are things beyond my control. I find myself being angry a lot lately. Not a good thing but just can't seem to help it. Either angry or teary. They both stink, don't remember the last time i laughed out loud.
Yes I know, I find myself back on the pitty pot. Sometimes life is just so overwelming that as much as I try, I can't help it.
Sis I love the avatar...gotta be the g-daughter right? Aloha to you and I just went thru a bit of low hope value which was turned around by listening to others in program and here. Thing I found out was that I was not in control of the process and therefore wasn't trusting a power greater than myself. I spent time in reflection of all of the miracles I have received in Al-Anon up to date and that I wasn't in control during those times at all infact I was totally dependent on my HP and others and HP with them were there for me beyond my wildest dreams.
I was supposing I should get a guarantee without any surrender at all and what I got was if I don't do the work I don't get the outcome. Quiet reflection, meditation, prayer and surrender was the key. That's what rebuilt my hope and trust accounts.
Wish you well and Happy Thanksgiving...little late but there still is leftovers.
(((Andrea)))) I'm sorry you're feeling down. Please come on into chat soon. You've had a LOT on your plate , so don't bash yourself for feeling this way for a little while. Progress , not perfection, remember? 19 is a tough time for a young man and for cryin out loud any parent might feel as you do now. You are doing your best with what you've got and you know it. Meanwhile we've got your back, as does HP. See you soon, wp
Oh sweet lady - you have had so much going on over the last couple of years - you are allowed to feel down once in a while. Be gentle with yourself. Parenting is hard! I have an 18 year old and getting them to move and be productive is difficult!
We are here for you and love you.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I sure hope you can find some peace, doing all the things we know we must do. I was also feeling down this week, and in my F2F group on Wed. noon, I stated this. And the more negative I feel about the burden of the Holidays and things in general, the more my mind can find other things to add to it.. and I can easily feel alot of self pity that builds on itself. How to find my way out is the question.. I cannot just 'snap out of it'..
I asked myself was I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, and realized that I was many of these things. So I sought to remedy these things first. I also had to realize that my response to things was under my control.. I may not be able to put on a smile right away, but at least I can perhaps remove my internal frown for now and stay neutral. Then I can look for ways to move forward and be happier. With a troubled son in the house I know what that is like from the years my son lived with us.. a day by day challenge. Trying to maintain any sort of internal peace is difficult.
I am planning to go to more meetings and more online activity now, try to physically find peace by taking more walks, scheduling fewer activities, trying to get my shopping done early (going today to buy things to send the relatives, early). I went to a party last night, saw friends and played music, even though my son called in the middle to report on his latest troubles and ask for money for his vehicle, making it sound like the only way he could survive.. I listened, said no and gently ended the conversation, and did not let it affect me too negatively as it might have in the past. I now see his recurring patterns that I have been feeding into by enabling, and I am now reacting differently and thus he will have to as well. Knowing he is not alright and facing homelessness is troubling, but I have to empathize with his pain without feeling I need to fix things. That is what I have done before and it has never worked.
So look for some of these things perhaps and I hope things can improve for you. Focus on being in touch with your Higher Power (which is actually alot of what the Holidays are supposed to be about) other family members and making the Holidays an OK time or with luck even a happy time.
What an absolutely adorable avatar picture - that must be your gd!! She is just precious.
You have been through an awful lot. It's okay to feel down sometimes - that is part of living life on life's terms. Stick close to the things that bring you joy, lean on your fellows in recovery, and be nice to yourself. It sounds so trite, but it's so true - this, too, shall pass.
I am so sorry you had the awful flu too. Mine is 3 weeks now and it is pretty hard to take on. I hope you are drinking plenty of liquids and getting some rest! I can imagine that is pretty hard to do with a small child there!
I hope you do well in your exams.
I have had my moments of despair. I also have many many times found myself at a limit around an alcoholic. Detaching right then is so hard because nothing seems to make any difference to the pain.
Your son is young so his felony record won't show up for ever! For some people the first dui is the turning point. Maybe he will get there in time. We can pray for a miracle. After all its an absolute miracle he's alive after so many of his friends have perished. I can imagine its tremendously difficult to feel hopeful under these circumstances. Just know that all of us here love, cherish and support you through this bleak time. Let yourself know that deep down because you are a much loved member of this board.
I know you are the absolute rock for your family and I hope you will lean on all of us in these hard times.
