The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just needed to share how I feel at the moment. My husband went down to our neighbours for a few drinks. I hoped that he wouldn't, but he did. Now I feel abandoned. I didn't rowse. I just told him he should've left our son at home, that was it. They are both in bed now sleeping while I'm still feeling this way.
I'm sorry you are feeling so alone. I wish I had the advice that the other members give so well. I just want you to know that as a partner of an A, there are many moments of feeling like that, even if they are home.
I know it doesn't help at this minute, but I think a lot of the reading will help you with these feelings. Courage to Change was a really helpful first book for me.
Thank you for posting Tracey. I can relate- I had feelings of abandonment throughout the 20 year marriage to my exHA. I also relive these feelings now that we're divorced. Any time I feel that I am awake, thinking about things, and feeling horrible when the A is involved, I realize that I am not focused on myself. I continue to practice focusing on me and it does make me feel better.
Something that has helped me is to be careful of the word 'should', as it implies expectations. While it may initially seem like I'm splitting hairs, I find it helpful to substitute 'wish' for 'should'.
Having or developing expectations causes me truckloads of grief. I am in the process of recognizing when expectations creep up on me and I am working on minimizing them by giving them to my HP and letting HP take care of things for me. This is not easy, but life is giving me plenty of practice!
Be gentle with you. There will most likely be a next time, and maybe you'll see an opportunity to keep your son safe with you.
Our son is our A and I have found that there is no people on earth more emotionally unavailble than an A. Addiction and emotional support are total opposite of each other. See what you can do for yourself today and give yourself the attention you are entitaled too, Blessings
Hi Tracy, I too have lots of lonely moments when my partner was drinking and even more so today he is away in rehab trying to get better. Thank you for your post what i want to say to you I need to hear myself. I know the best way to fight lonliness is to reach out when my A was drinking and missing I would come on here, ring my sponsor or another al anon member go to a meeting, go out with friends , pop in to my mums anything but stay alone. Today though I am isolating myself thanks for reminding me of the tools i need to use. I am off to my friday night meeting now to get some hugs.
Keep your focus on you. That is all I can do to get by. Take care of you, and remember that this too shall pass. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Detach with love :) Take care of you.
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I can relate too....Loneliness seems a constant companion....if I let it. I'm starting to learn to do things that I want to do so as not to feel lonely. I have a great relationship with my brother who lives 300 miles away but I can call and talk usually...I have some friends who I can talk or spend time with....I've actually gone to movies alone, or dinner, or walk through a busy town with the dog, or myself...just so as not to be sitting home alone stewing. I may feel lonely, but it doesn't mean I'm helpless.....and I may not really satisfy the loneliness in the end...but just knowing that I have some options and am not completely powerless helps.
Thank you everyone for your lovely replies. After a restless night, everyone seems to have woken up fine again this morning. This life really is a roller coaster ride. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Tracey
