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Try to make this as brief as possible.... The A in my life was sober for a short period of time....working out of town and being alone and around heavy drinkers triggered him into taking a drink on Oct. 27th. This lead to a 11 day heavy extreme drinking binge (not working, not functioning, passed out 22 hours of the day, unable to know he was messing himself) during this period he could come out of the stupor for short periods of time, would freak out and ask to get help sobering up, but would refuse the hospital (bcuz of so many medical bills he's already paying) This was tried, but he was to far gone, he'd slam a couple beers and be out for hours and hours bcuz his bac was SO high.
Finally got to a point to where we had to force him to the ER, he was so bad they had him on a ventilator in ICU for 4 days. The doc told him he is going to die if he drinks again and he was discharged and I had to help monitor his meds. He was anxious to start working a program at the church, but in order to keep his job had to go out of town that next weekend. There's no way his brain was fully recovered from the last death binge, being out of town immediately triggered him into believing if he drank just beer everyday, the binges would not happen (HAHA!! heard this before) he knows it doesn't work, but he was not recovered and truly should have been in outpatient after the hospital.
He began this binge Nov 19th and has heavily drank himself into what I mentioned above, we have all turned him away in order for him to get help, the police have picked him up twice during this time and he's been taken to the hosp where he checks himself out when coherent enough. Last Weds he finally found a place to go to stay and has been doing what I'm 100% positive that I witnessed in the prior binge, only we dont know anything bcuz where he's staying, this person won't have any contact with anyone, for their own weird selfish reasons.
My question is, should I let it go, let it run its course and possibly have him die, or do I try to intervene, contact a family member of this person to find out what is going on (or even try to contact this person directly) and if we can get him into detox on a 72 hour hold and then onto treatment if he'll agree. He is currently 50 miles away from his family hiding, and this person is letting him hide and knows nothing about alcoholism. I know this is all the case, because as I said in a prior post, his truck is here, his wallet, his clothes, everything. I'm trying not to drive myself crazy wondering if he's ok, and trying to think of me, but it's getting harder as the days go by, as I'm sure you all understand.
I wish I knew what to say. I read your post, and I am pretty sure someone else here with more experience will have some great suggestions. For me, I think I would get a hold of the family and see where they want to go. If they don't want to do anything and if you are not related, and he is not your husband or boyfriend, its out of your hands.... That is what I have learned here. I hope someone else has much more to say. Keep on keeping on with your program :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I'm so sorry for your pain. I think most of us here have gone through what you are experiencing in one way or another. My experience is similiar to yours as far as trying to make the decision of what I should do.... intervene, again... or walk... Long story short... My AH had been on a binge very similiar to the one you described, but I made my peace with him and my HP and walked. For me, who enabled him for years, I had to stop the insanity. I was basically "loving" him to death.. I had finally realized that I would not be able to save him if he didn't want to be saved. I had helped him with endless ER visits, 30 day rehabs, counseling, and I tried to do everything that I could think of to help "save" him. It was never enough to change anything. They (the alcoholic) have to want it. They have to embrace the idea of sobriety, knowing that it is going to be the hardest thing that they will ever do, to have and to continue having sobriety. My AH is doing well today. Every day is a gift. But, somewhere.... I had found peace deep within myself that if he hadn't survived it... I would survive and go on.
Please understand, I am not advising you. I am only sharing my experience with you. This could be life of death and the choices that you make, you have to be able to live with. I pray that you can find the peace to make the choices that you are comfortable with.
We just do not know what our intervention will do. We might get them well enough to just start using all over again. Which actually that is what he just did.
Unless he goes to jail, he cannot stop on his own. He just can't. Sadly my friend he has to do it on his own to do any good. We just get them well enough to use again.
He may need you and family to ask him if he is ready to go to detox and get help. He may not want to at all. He may get sort of well again and go right back out there.
Unless he is in AA, doing a very strict program of recovery, most likely he will go right back.
It is so sad as they NEED to be locked in somewhere and get help for a LOOOOOONG time. This is true insanity.
I did all I could until I was sure I could do no more. My AH would come home for long periods, be clean, then go out again, did this for years, but staying shorter times.
Then he went to jail, told me he wanted to be on program, we could make it, then got out,walked to this host womans apt, down he went.
Then got a couple more dui's tried to kill himself so he would not go to prison, now is in prison or back in jail.
Honey, I KNOW he will get out and drink as soon as he can get to a store OR he will have his host woman, bring him some vodka.
Look up "wet brain" online. There is a point that they are so brain damaged they just cannot function, all they do is use.
I don't know if I have given ya anything to think about. I feel your pain big time. We love them!
Knowing what I do, experienced what I have with more than my ex AH, I would have to stop and know it is in HP's hands anyway, not mine to intervene.
Hon considering how sick they are, how they feel, death to them is the only way out sometimes. I lost my first A to death from the dang disease, and lost my second to it too.
For him, death would be better. I don't wish it at all!! I just KNOW him and KNOW the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain he is in.
No matter what you decide, it is up to you, no rights or wrongs hon. Just know the outcome is usually not what we think or hope it will be.
If it makes you feel better, you need to know you did all you could, I avoid regrets so I chose to stick as long as I could.
I have been where your at and when my husb and I were separated for awhile after not seeing him for 6 months i chose to take him some of his things to h is office , one look at him and I knew he was drinking again and his skin was the color of concrete , I came home and imediatley called an AA friend who was aware of our situation and said I have to bring him home I cannot let him die alone . My wise friend said to me you have a choice bring him home and watch him die or leave him where he is and maybe he won't .. I chose to leave him where he was for the time being . God interviened and he didnt die he has 20 yrs sobriety at this time . Allowing them the dignity to live or die the way they choose is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life . I will add you and husb to my prayers . Just do the next right thing - for you .Louise
