Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Gaby · Gaby

I'm so numb right now.. My son was doing so well.. N it happened my worst nightmare.. My son went to chair a meeting yesterday and something happened where he came home and after 5 months and 28 days clean. He relapsed ;( his roommate called me saying that my son is very sick and he has been in the bathroom fo...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am constantly being critical or over-analyzing myself these days. I am stuck in a muck. I have no business staying here. It doesn't feel comfortable at all. Ever since my mom came home, I have felt more insecure. My life is troubling me so much that I am unable to let go of the past & my difficult memo...

maryjane · maryjane

Last night was our AlAnon Information Services annual gratitude banquet. We had a young lady, age 20, just graduated from AlaTeen to AlAnon for our speaker. She started AlaTeen when she was 13. She know the steps. She really works the program. It was a lovely, lovely talk. In part of her talk was a...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi everyone, My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. My dad is home for the weekend. I spent some time with him today. He went on one of his rants advising me not to trust anyone in this world and that eveyone's out to screw you over. It was extremelly depressing and it honnestly felt li...

BlueCloud · BlueCloud

Alanon Family, This week has taught me a lot about myself and I can see how much I have grown through recovery! It's a joyous blessing. Earlier this week I came on the board with a concern about how much my partner was working and how much it bothered me. Since then, I really was able to step back and eval...

gingerfizz · gingerfizz

Someone I know is having issues in her marriage and a really really hard time coping with her husband's issues with internet porn. I found resources for her at http://www.cosa-recovery.org/index.html and http://www.sanon.org/index.html, but there are no meetings in our area and those site...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Whatever you let in your mind usually stays in your mind I heard recently. It is a shame that some things never go away. I have memories of crap that I try to let go of but they never really leave. Bad experiences can really taint the way you feel about life & how you live your life. I am totally for this ph...

pinkchip · pinkchip

Some of the other posts got me thinking. I know that in the end there is really only 1 type of drunk even though we attach other labels to them. Personally, I was an overdramatic, crying sloppy drunk (and goofy and fun I guess on the way up to getting to that point). My ex-A however, was goofy and fun on th...

Iwantthingsback · Iwantthingsback

I dont know. I guess I will find out. If it helps one person, great. My best friend asked me today, if Tom and I ever split up would I ever date another A? I said NO WAY - NO HOW. So she asked me: what if this new person didnt tell you and you didnt know until I was already involved, living with him and in love? (...

jillybean1 · jillybean1

I have been attending Al-anon meetings and they are really helpful, well, my AH found out that it is an open meeting so he figures he can attend. I asked my group and they said it is a bad idea at this stage, he is trying (I think) to stop drinking and is in therapy but he is now trying to control me and mani...

DavidG · DavidG

Sometime soon I will have bin in Alanon for half of my life... 31 years... a long time. I slept through 6 or 8 of those years... I was out of my wits for most of those years... but I kept coming back... and our higher power kept pouring love all over me... all I had to do was to sit down, open my mouth and suck it...

jillybean1 · jillybean1

Well I am thinking a lot.....about how I can explain my life with my alcoholic (mostly to myself)..........It starts with getting a puppy, you fall head over heels in love with this thing even though it is hard (it pees on the floor, it does inappropriate things, it keeps you up all night for no reason,...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

I hope everyone has a very blessed day today and a beautiful weekend. No matter what is going on in our lives, we still have the right to be happy and to experience peace and joy and serenity. For many years, I was happy but it was a happiness that was in denial. I was in 'pretend' land, where abuse was OK a...

Catherine Kitzmiller · Catherine Kitzmiller

I am new to the group and wanted to share. I grew up with my mothers alcoholism and Saturday night I finally had enough and it was worse than usual. I ended up in the ER and no one understands. All of my family thinks I am insane now and no one understands. I wrote a few blogs about my life but I am not finished an...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Good Morning I'm going to the River for Thanksgiving week. I going to go visit my sister and have a great time. I told my SO and he was fine with it. lol I'm going to be staying at a beautiful home, go boating, swimming, gambling, dining out and helping to prepare a fantastic Thanksgiving meal. I will...

joker · joker

I am having a melt down! I have court Dec 16 for severe abuse by the ex- alcoholic bf and today, I am having memories of the abuse comming back to me at an alarming rate and I can not stop crying! I had been doing so well, going for therapy and seeing my phycatrist and getting so strong, and now I am a pudd...

Somerset25 · Somerset25

As I wrote about over the last couple of days, I've found out that my 7-months sober wife is having an affair with a long-time sober member of her AA group. It's mostly been an emotional affair (texting, flirting, etc.) but they have kissed on at least two occasions that I know about. Despite all the BS, I...

abbyalana · abbyalana

My SIL is a great enabler and drama queen and my nieces are drama queens too. I have a 13 year old, my brother got custody of his now 14 years old (last year) from her severly addicted mother. The 14 year thrives and lives on drama and chaos and tends to hang with the bottom feeders. My 13 year old does not...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

I too am struggling with the "no expectations". Nothing has changed in 7 years; he doesn't lift a finger to do anything at all, but I no longer fight, or ask him more than once. Or, recently, at all. It's pointless, it's frustrating and I end up angry when he makes promises and doesn't keep the...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

lol. Abf was in a nice mood when I got home from the beach this evening and asked me if I would like to watch a movie with him, one that he has been "looking forward to watching with me". Well, I tried, but it was 3 hours long and a movie about a bunch of horrible drug-addicts shouting rude things ab...

Jozie · Jozie

Good Morning, Afternoon & Evenning Peeps :) So Much Whirling Going on Around me Recently, that sometimes its Hard to Keep my Head up, but Thanks Goodness, I Don't have to be In Charge & HP Can Be! I Recently Found out that My Dearest of Aunts Has Cancer :( I have Already Lost So Many to this Disease...

Mari1978 · Mari1978

Today is important because we are exchanging a day of our life for it. Let us leave behind something good. -- Edited by Mari1978 on Wednesday 6th of November 2013 09:50:14 PM

mm830 · mm830

I had the strangest feeling tonight to go outside. There is a long story there but short version we used to hang out outside, laugh, talk, drink beer, as in a normal amount, just be us. After the ASO started drinking a lot as in 12-18 a night and I started codependant behavior I remember him telling me some...

Raven Juniper · Raven Juniper

Hello everyone, I would like to ask for ESH from those of you who have parted ways with your (non-violent) A partner. What became the breaking point, how did it come about, etc...? I guess I'm looking for some inspiration to help me move on to the next step. Thank you :)

Iwantthingsback · Iwantthingsback

So I cancelled our couple therapy appointment for tomorrow (I am still going but he is not invited). Reason being, I told him 2 weeks ago if he didnt do some of the things we were asked to do and participate, I was going alone next time. He doesnt really do anything with the homework and we are not getting wh...

canadianguy · canadianguy

There have been a ton of posts on here recently, with members struggling with trying to please / rationalize / understand the workings of their active A's.... I offer a gentle reminder of the infamous egg story.... The wonderful wife of an active A decides she wants to please her husband, so she gets up...

farmerswife · farmerswife

Hi, I'm new here and I'm here because I am lost. I've never been an addict but my life has always involved one. My father was an alcoholic, my first 2 husbands were abusive alcoholics and my current husband is in rehab. We been together 10 years he has battled this demon his entire life. I knew he was recove...

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

Hello I am bitter tonight . My 1 year husband told me a lot tonight . A lot of crap . How Alaon teaching is wrong !! How I do not show any improvement . How I became a b*** because of Alaon teaching . I did what I could do with the tools of Alaon to focus on me and not the alcoholic and not to let him get in my way of rec...

Gaby · Gaby

So today my son that is out of recovery his Sponser calls me and tells me that he thinks my son will fall back to what he was doing.. As most of you know my son is a addict and came out of recovery early October. He said the reason he feels this way is because my son is not doing as he tells him to do and he feels that...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi Everyone, Not sure how many of you follow the news but the mayor of Toronto Rob Ford, has been caught several times with drugs, intoxicated in public, and acting lewdly. Living in the area, It's amazing to see the constant empty apologies, the 'let's forget it and just move on' rhetoric, and the mani...

BlueCloud · BlueCloud

MIP-ers, Thank you all so much for responding to my last post (brief recap: feeling lonely because my partner is super busy). It truly was helpful to hear your feedback and I am implementing the feedback and suggestions. It helps tremendously not to feel alone. Here are some things I am doing to chan...

joker · joker

Since my last post, I have moved to my own place and the alcoholic ex-bf is still in jail. I have been served and I am to attend court for his abuse toward me. In addition to moving to my own place, I am filled with additional stress, of dealing with my older sister, an active alcoholic, love affair. A ye...

Somerset25 · Somerset25

My wife is my qualifier and I'm pretty new to Al Anon. I've been having a very hard time dealing with our "situation" the last couple of days. My wife is seven months sober and in AA, regularly attending meetings with her sponsor. I found out a couple of weeks ago that she has been having an emot...

PIK · PIK

As a fairly new member of Alanon, I am struggling with the concept of limiting our expectations. My qualifier is 27 years sober, so I do not have to deal with the pain of having an active drinker as a partner. However, our relationship and both of our behaviors are very typical of the Alcoholic (him) and...

Raven Juniper · Raven Juniper

My days off have been seemingly uneventful and my judgemental side would say "wasted." Laundry didn't get done. The floors are still dirty. The vacuum is still broke; ABF didn't try to fix it as he'd promised, and I didn't stress over it. It's getting cold and the thermostat for the heater i...

Venera · Venera

I lost all my temper today, I yelled at my AH like a crazy person, and he kept calmly telling me that I am crazy, and other mean things like i am cheap, vulgar, etc.. I was going really wild, i feel bad for doing it to myself, but i feel a relief. But i felt trapped again, i cant sleep in my own bed again, and i am t...

angellerose · angellerose

Thank you to those who responded to my question. I really appreciate everything that you have said, and am taking it and applying it to my life. It really means a whole lot to me. I was able to resonate with a lot of the things that were shared. I have attended one alanon meeting, I was feeling quite despera...

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

I am smart . I feel healthy . I'm trying my best . We can't turn the heat up because of the spouse not working. Comes upstairs and want to fight about I'm lazy I best get a Job I'm again non supported wife I am now a self Alaon loser . Sent me mutiple texts and when did not answer them he threaten to break door down...

ryanhearted · ryanhearted

Well, yes, again. My AH cant seem to do anything with others from his work. I realize that he tried and succeeded in not drinking at the beginning of the month when he went to science camp with his coworkers, but this one night seminar this weekend was just too much I guess. My concern is that he drove with o...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I really wish I had more time to reflect & read more posts. I seem to run out of time before I am truly done. I am still a work in progress. You are all important to me & I value each soul who gets on here. I guess I am a little bit anxious. Maybe it is because I run out of time. I am so sorry that I can't alway...

neshema2 · neshema2

WEll, I have been trying to make amends with/ re-connect wmy Higher Power....or more truthfully connect w/him, really, intimately, for the FIRST time...since then, the step 3, thing, I have been under MAJOR attack.....satan is creating havoc in my life...When i told HP I do NOT WANT TO BE AGNOSTIC A...

Venera · Venera

Please somebody help me! What can I do now? My husband left on sunday to a hotel where he was going to drink after drinking on Saturday. He ususally takes 5 days drinking and then starts functioning again. Saturday night he was watching tv till 4 am, i couldnt sleep, I have a 3 week old baby which i have to fe...

BlueCloud · BlueCloud

MIPers, I could really use some encouragement to LIVE (and let live!). My partner is extraordinarily busy with full-time work and part-time school and I am finding myself at loose ends. And, by loose ends, I mean bored, frustrated (with her schedule), and resentful. It has been very hard for me not t...

neshema2 · neshema2

I read that post....I could see my pain all over the place..... I edited it so as to be more "generic" re: the HP thingy....i was NOT doing a proseletize job on anyone on the original....I was just crying out.....those of you who replied to my apology to the board post, I sooo appreciate you, a...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Hi all You know a little about my lazy SO and me doing everything in regards to the home. Well one of the things I stopped doing about 4 months ago was cleaning the office. I don't use it much so I decided it was his mess and he can clean it..or not...he uses it all the time. Well this weekend I guess he hit HI...

mongowal · mongowal

Breakthrough with my recovery today. My AH (who moved out a month ago) called yesterday to ask me where the truck registration tags were as his had expired in July. I kindly reminded him that I had given him the tags and new registration back in August and I'm not sure where it is, but I will look around...

Iwantthingsback · Iwantthingsback

Hello everyone. Just sharing. I took a break this weekend, didnt go anywhere other than outside my head. A break from Al Anon, reading, important talks, things like that. Tom and I had a wonderful - wonderful weekend. I let the worries and stress go and somehow told myself everything is normal, it is t...

RoseODAT · RoseODAT

Well, I'm living with my parents and niece (and her two month old) for the moment. Got a new job. My brothers children came over today and played with my children. I was very calm and peachy keen until I took a break in a room. I then heard my niece say " ...are a pain, especially Abram". She w...

neshema2 · neshema2

Step 3 progress update Its kinda nice to sit, breathe, meditate , first give thanks to HP for what IS correct in my life and to petition not just for me but for all who are struggling w/something...be it health, finances, family stuff, whatever, pain is pain and the steady "drip" i was getti...

nancymom4 · nancymom4

My husband and I are behind on our mortgage by 2 payments for quite a while now. Over a year. The bank wants us to modify our loan and stretch it out for 40 years. We have less than 10 years to pay it off. We will be in our 90's!!!! We can pay every month but it is difficult to pay the back payments. We have done fin...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

My son has 3 good friends over for his birthday right now. We're going to a concert in an hour or so and they're having pizza and cake in a bit. My AH is 'resting' in the bedroom, he's been in there for the past 3 hours. He has not come out to greet our son's friends. The boys probably don't even realize he'...

angellerose · angellerose

Hello, all! Background story (if you'd care to read):I've never been on here before, but I needed some advice so I figured I'm come on here. Growing up, I knew that my dad was an alcoholic, but things weren't so bad because he would stay sober for many years, and then maybe every 3 or 4 years or so (maybe mor...

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

Well it's Sunday and it's ALAON night yeah!!!! It's my face to face meeting . My children say mom why are you so happy your going to a meeting ? Dad hates his meetings! This is true it's become a chore for him he not happy when he leaves and not happy when he returns . My meetings are my only night I get out...

nancymom4 · nancymom4

Just wanted to say thanks to all who have responded to the few posts I have done. I am somewhat new here. But since I am not always able to get to my meetings with running my teen around, this place of Al-anon friends is such a comfort to me. Thanks for listening and responding. Sometimes we don't need great...

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

Well I decided to change my name and start over. Today I am grateful I'm alive and healthy and my AH is SOBER. I'm grateful for my children and grateful for taking action on my life and turn my life over to my HP who is my god. The day I had my true vision on how my HP wanted me to learn the right way live , he has...

bijela · bijela

I really shouldn't be having to deal with this. I almost can't believe I am dealing with this. I shouldn't let this bother me, but I am SO FURIOUS right now. I gave my recent ex the benefit of the doubt and didn't unfriend him on Facebook. I wanted to try to lessen the pain for him from us breaking up. Well now...

Ness · Ness

'Dont let your kids kill you' This is the emotive title of a book written by a parent, two of whose children were A's. This is not CAL literature, but (in my humble eyes) should be! It's by Charles Rubin It helped me a lot. Ness

Tyrone · Tyrone

Hi All, I'm new here and would like some opinions on what happened to my relationship with my ex GF. I am a compulsive overeater and go back and forth between going to OA meetings. I suggested my GF try Al Anon to deal with some problems her daughter was having and she liked the meetings and began to attend r...

bijela · bijela

I am trying SO HARD to trust my gut and not blame myself for other's behavior. I get this overwhelming sense of guilt that I did something wrong when logicially, I didn't. I guess it is the whole ACOA thing where you are blamed for everything that happens in the house that the addict had brought onto the...

rehprof · rehprof

for three years, I have struggled...bankruptcy...working extra to take care of my kids, with no support from exA...broken household things that I had to find a way to repair (like when my well pump went, and my dad and I had to replace it in below freezing weather). I try very hard to focus on the positiv...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	It happened !!! (Preview) I'm so numb right now.. My son was doing so well.. N it happened my worst nightmare.. My son went to chair a meeting yesterday and something happened where he came home and after 5 months and 28 days clean. He relapsed ;( his roommate called me saying that my son is very sick and he has been in the bathroom fo...	Gaby	8	508	Nov 10, 2013 by el-cee
	is there something wrong or different about me? (Preview) I am constantly being critical or over-analyzing myself these days. I am stuck in a muck. I have no business staying here. It doesn't feel comfortable at all. Ever since my mom came home, I have felt more insecure. My life is troubling me so much that I am unable to let go of the past & my difficult memo...	Hoot Nanny	6	302	Nov 10, 2013 by PP
	Out of the mouths of babes....... (Preview) Last night was our AlAnon Information Services annual gratitude banquet. We had a young lady, age 20, just graduated from AlaTeen to AlAnon for our speaker. She started AlaTeen when she was 13. She know the steps. She really works the program. It was a lovely, lovely talk. In part of her talk was a...	maryjane	8	505	Nov 10, 2013 by Jerry F
	Feeling Bitter (Preview) Hi everyone, My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. My dad is home for the weekend. I spent some time with him today. He went on one of his rants advising me not to trust anyone in this world and that eveyone's out to screw you over. It was extremelly depressing and it honnestly felt li...	slogan_jim	2	325	Nov 10, 2013 by bud
	Learning How To Grow (Preview) Alanon Family, This week has taught me a lot about myself and I can see how much I have grown through recovery! It's a joyous blessing. Earlier this week I came on the board with a concern about how much my partner was working and how much it bothered me. Since then, I really was able to step back and eval...	BlueCloud	4	245	Nov 10, 2013 by mm830
	Spouse of porn addict welcome at Al-Anon? (Preview) Someone I know is having issues in her marriage and a really really hard time coping with her husband's issues with internet porn. I found resources for her at http://www.cosa-recovery.org/index.html and http://www.sanon.org/index.html, but there are no meetings in our area and those site...	gingerfizz	14	3742	Nov 9, 2013 by maryjane
	whatever you let in your mind... (Preview) Whatever you let in your mind usually stays in your mind I heard recently. It is a shame that some things never go away. I have memories of crap that I try to let go of but they never really leave. Bad experiences can really taint the way you feel about life & how you live your life. I am totally for this ph...	Hoot Nanny	6	469	Nov 9, 2013 by ilovedogs
	Mean drunks (Preview) Some of the other posts got me thinking. I know that in the end there is really only 1 type of drunk even though we attach other labels to them. Personally, I was an overdramatic, crying sloppy drunk (and goofy and fun I guess on the way up to getting to that point). My ex-A however, was goofy and fun on th...	pinkchip	20	909	Nov 9, 2013 by Raven Juniper
	This may be an unethical, non Al anon share… (Preview) I dont know. I guess I will find out. If it helps one person, great. My best friend asked me today, if Tom and I ever split up would I ever date another A? I said NO WAY - NO HOW. So she asked me: what if this new person didnt tell you and you didnt know until I was already involved, living with him and in love? (...	Iwantthingsback	9	593	Nov 9, 2013 by Raven Juniper
	My AH wants to go to Al-anon meetings with me?! (Preview) I have been attending Al-anon meetings and they are really helpful, well, my AH found out that it is an open meeting so he figures he can attend. I asked my group and they said it is a bad idea at this stage, he is trying (I think) to stop drinking and is in therapy but he is now trying to control me and mani...	jillybean1	17	1143	Nov 9, 2013 by Wisdom67
	Half way on in Alanon... (Preview) Sometime soon I will have bin in Alanon for half of my life... 31 years... a long time. I slept through 6 or 8 of those years... I was out of my wits for most of those years... but I kept coming back... and our higher power kept pouring love all over me... all I had to do was to sit down, open my mouth and suck it...	DavidG	9	338	Nov 9, 2013 by Jerry F
	A puppy analogy (Preview) Well I am thinking a lot.....about how I can explain my life with my alcoholic (mostly to myself)..........It starts with getting a puppy, you fall head over heels in love with this thing even though it is hard (it pees on the floor, it does inappropriate things, it keeps you up all night for no reason,...	jillybean1	7	476	Nov 9, 2013 by hotrod
	Feeling joyful today (Preview) I hope everyone has a very blessed day today and a beautiful weekend. No matter what is going on in our lives, we still have the right to be happy and to experience peace and joy and serenity. For many years, I was happy but it was a happiness that was in denial. I was in 'pretend' land, where abuse was OK a...	ilovedogs	7	447	Nov 9, 2013 by hotrod
	New to the group and wanted to share. (Preview) I am new to the group and wanted to share. I grew up with my mothers alcoholism and Saturday night I finally had enough and it was worse than usual. I ended up in the ER and no one understands. All of my family thinks I am insane now and no one understands. I wrote a few blogs about my life but I am not finished an...	Catherine Kitzmiller	10	562	Nov 9, 2013 by wp
	I'm so Excited (Preview) Good Morning I'm going to the River for Thanksgiving week. I going to go visit my sister and have a great time. I told my SO and he was fine with it. lol I'm going to be staying at a beautiful home, go boating, swimming, gambling, dining out and helping to prepare a fantastic Thanksgiving meal. I will...	Cathyinaz	19	556	Nov 8, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	Having a hard day (Preview) I am having a melt down! I have court Dec 16 for severe abuse by the ex- alcoholic bf and today, I am having memories of the abuse comming back to me at an alarming rate and I can not stop crying! I had been doing so well, going for therapy and seeing my phycatrist and getting so strong, and now I am a pudd...	joker	8	506	Nov 8, 2013 by pinkchip
	Confused, Need Strength (Preview) As I wrote about over the last couple of days, I've found out that my 7-months sober wife is having an affair with a long-time sober member of her AA group. It's mostly been an emotional affair (texting, flirting, etc.) but they have kissed on at least two occasions that I know about. Despite all the BS, I...	Somerset25	14	547	Nov 8, 2013 by WorkingThroughIt
	How do you keep enablers at bay? (Preview) My SIL is a great enabler and drama queen and my nieces are drama queens too. I have a 13 year old, my brother got custody of his now 14 years old (last year) from her severly addicted mother. The 14 year thrives and lives on drama and chaos and tends to hang with the bottom feeders. My 13 year old does not...	abbyalana	8	403	Nov 8, 2013 by neshema2
	Also struggling with "no expectations" (Preview) I too am struggling with the "no expectations". Nothing has changed in 7 years; he doesn't lift a finger to do anything at all, but I no longer fight, or ask him more than once. Or, recently, at all. It's pointless, it's frustrating and I end up angry when he makes promises and doesn't keep the...	Melly1248	22	1429	Nov 7, 2013 by hotrod
	lol, huh? (Preview) lol. Abf was in a nice mood when I got home from the beach this evening and asked me if I would like to watch a movie with him, one that he has been "looking forward to watching with me". Well, I tried, but it was 3 hours long and a movie about a bunch of horrible drug-addicts shouting rude things ab...	Melly1248	14	597	Nov 7, 2013 by ilovedogs
	Choices, Chances & Change! (Preview) Good Morning, Afternoon & Evenning Peeps :) So Much Whirling Going on Around me Recently, that sometimes its Hard to Keep my Head up, but Thanks Goodness, I Don't have to be In Charge & HP Can Be! I Recently Found out that My Dearest of Aunts Has Cancer :( I have Already Lost So Many to this Disease...	Jozie	3	270	Nov 7, 2013 by PP
	Tomorrow (Preview) Today is important because we are exchanging a day of our life for it. Let us leave behind something good. -- Edited by Mari1978 on Wednesday 6th of November 2013 09:50:14 PM	Mari1978	3	396	Nov 7, 2013 by Jozie
	Strange epiphany (Preview) I had the strangest feeling tonight to go outside. There is a long story there but short version we used to hang out outside, laugh, talk, drink beer, as in a normal amount, just be us. After the ASO started drinking a lot as in 12-18 a night and I started codependant behavior I remember him telling me some...	mm830	12	424	Nov 7, 2013 by tiredtonite
	Cutting Bait (Preview) Hello everyone, I would like to ask for ESH from those of you who have parted ways with your (non-violent) A partner. What became the breaking point, how did it come about, etc...? I guess I'm looking for some inspiration to help me move on to the next step. Thank you :)	Raven Juniper	7	469	Nov 7, 2013 by Raven Juniper
	Back up plans, Boundary and Expectations (Preview) So I cancelled our couple therapy appointment for tomorrow (I am still going but he is not invited). Reason being, I told him 2 weeks ago if he didnt do some of the things we were asked to do and participate, I was going alone next time. He doesnt really do anything with the homework and we are not getting wh...	Iwantthingsback	11	625	Nov 7, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	Pleasing an Active A... the egg story (Preview) There have been a ton of posts on here recently, with members struggling with trying to please / rationalize / understand the workings of their active A's.... I offer a gentle reminder of the infamous egg story.... The wonderful wife of an active A decides she wants to please her husband, so she gets up...	canadianguy	23	841	Nov 6, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	Lost (Preview) Hi, I'm new here and I'm here because I am lost. I've never been an addict but my life has always involved one. My father was an alcoholic, my first 2 husbands were abusive alcoholics and my current husband is in rehab. We been together 10 years he has battled this demon his entire life. I knew he was recove...	farmerswife	11	460	Nov 6, 2013 by milkwood
	Is Alaon really teaching (Preview) Hello I am bitter tonight . My 1 year husband told me a lot tonight . A lot of crap . How Alaon teaching is wrong !! How I do not show any improvement . How I became a b*** because of Alaon teaching . I did what I could do with the tools of Alaon to focus on me and not the alcoholic and not to let him get in my way of rec...	Wisdom67	11	648	Nov 6, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	Don't know how to feel about this.. (Preview) So today my son that is out of recovery his Sponser calls me and tells me that he thinks my son will fall back to what he was doing.. As most of you know my son is a addict and came out of recovery early October. He said the reason he feels this way is because my son is not doing as he tells him to do and he feels that...	Gaby	13	666	Nov 6, 2013 by Melly1248
	Active Alcoholism in the news. Right in front of a city! (Preview) Hi Everyone, Not sure how many of you follow the news but the mayor of Toronto Rob Ford, has been caught several times with drugs, intoxicated in public, and acting lewdly. Living in the area, It's amazing to see the constant empty apologies, the 'let's forget it and just move on' rhetoric, and the mani...	slogan_jim	6	490	Nov 6, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	Change the Behavior, Change the Outcome (Preview) MIP-ers, Thank you all so much for responding to my last post (brief recap: feeling lonely because my partner is super busy). It truly was helpful to hear your feedback and I am implementing the feedback and suggestions. It helps tremendously not to feel alone. Here are some things I am doing to chan...	BlueCloud	12	743	Nov 6, 2013 by PIK
	Feeling off today (Preview) Since my last post, I have moved to my own place and the alcoholic ex-bf is still in jail. I have been served and I am to attend court for his abuse toward me. In addition to moving to my own place, I am filled with additional stress, of dealing with my older sister, an active alcoholic, love affair. A ye...	joker	2	228	Nov 6, 2013 by hotrod
	Having a very hard day (Preview) My wife is my qualifier and I'm pretty new to Al Anon. I've been having a very hard time dealing with our "situation" the last couple of days. My wife is seven months sober and in AA, regularly attending meetings with her sponsor. I found out a couple of weeks ago that she has been having an emot...	Somerset25	10	453	Nov 5, 2013 by grateful2be
	Struggling with the concept of "no expectations". Expections let-down feeling angry.... (Preview) As a fairly new member of Alanon, I am struggling with the concept of limiting our expectations. My qualifier is 27 years sober, so I do not have to deal with the pain of having an active drinker as a partner. However, our relationship and both of our behaviors are very typical of the Alcoholic (him) and...	PIK	24	529	Nov 5, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	Baby steps to sanity :) (Preview) My days off have been seemingly uneventful and my judgemental side would say "wasted." Laundry didn't get done. The floors are still dirty. The vacuum is still broke; ABF didn't try to fix it as he'd promised, and I didn't stress over it. It's getting cold and the thermostat for the heater i...	Raven Juniper	2	271	Nov 5, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	Lost it today (Preview) I lost all my temper today, I yelled at my AH like a crazy person, and he kept calmly telling me that I am crazy, and other mean things like i am cheap, vulgar, etc.. I was going really wild, i feel bad for doing it to myself, but i feel a relief. But i felt trapped again, i cant sleep in my own bed again, and i am t...	Venera	14	437	Nov 5, 2013 by Mari1978
	An Update and a Thank You (Preview) Thank you to those who responded to my question. I really appreciate everything that you have said, and am taking it and applying it to my life. It really means a whole lot to me. I was able to resonate with a lot of the things that were shared. I have attended one alanon meeting, I was feeling quite despera...	angellerose	2	359	Nov 5, 2013 by hotrod
	Poor behavior will not change (Preview) I am smart . I feel healthy . I'm trying my best . We can't turn the heat up because of the spouse not working. Comes upstairs and want to fight about I'm lazy I best get a Job I'm again non supported wife I am now a self Alaon loser . Sent me mutiple texts and when did not answer them he threaten to break door down...	Wisdom67	3	294	Nov 5, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	the relapse bandwagon..I am tired (Preview) Well, yes, again. My AH cant seem to do anything with others from his work. I realize that he tried and succeeded in not drinking at the beginning of the month when he went to science camp with his coworkers, but this one night seminar this weekend was just too much I guess. My concern is that he drove with o...	ryanhearted	7	460	Nov 5, 2013 by Ifnotforgrace
	wish I had more time... (Preview) I really wish I had more time to reflect & read more posts. I seem to run out of time before I am truly done. I am still a work in progress. You are all important to me & I value each soul who gets on here. I guess I am a little bit anxious. Maybe it is because I run out of time. I am so sorry that I can't alway...	Hoot Nanny	4	196	Nov 5, 2013 by ryanhearted
	**SPIRITUAL matter, I'll take ANY sincere prayer (Preview) WEll, I have been trying to make amends with/ re-connect wmy Higher Power....or more truthfully connect w/him, really, intimately, for the FIRST time...since then, the step 3, thing, I have been under MAJOR attack.....satan is creating havoc in my life...When i told HP I do NOT WANT TO BE AGNOSTIC A...	neshema2	8	405	Nov 5, 2013 by neshema2
	What to do? (Preview) Please somebody help me! What can I do now? My husband left on sunday to a hotel where he was going to drink after drinking on Saturday. He ususally takes 5 days drinking and then starts functioning again. Saturday night he was watching tv till 4 am, i couldnt sleep, I have a 3 week old baby which i have to fe...	Venera	7	632	Nov 5, 2013 by neshema2
	Encouragement & ESH Needed (Preview) MIPers, I could really use some encouragement to LIVE (and let live!). My partner is extraordinarily busy with full-time work and part-time school and I am finding myself at loose ends. And, by loose ends, I mean bored, frustrated (with her schedule), and resentful. It has been very hard for me not t...	BlueCloud	11	433	Nov 5, 2013 by BlueCloud
	with a clearer mind, I edited my "need prayer post" (Preview) I read that post....I could see my pain all over the place..... I edited it so as to be more "generic" re: the HP thingy....i was NOT doing a proseletize job on anyone on the original....I was just crying out.....those of you who replied to my apology to the board post, I sooo appreciate you, a...	neshema2	7	374	Nov 5, 2013 by grateful2be
	Refreshing Change (Preview) Hi all You know a little about my lazy SO and me doing everything in regards to the home. Well one of the things I stopped doing about 4 months ago was cleaning the office. I don't use it much so I decided it was his mess and he can clean it..or not...he uses it all the time. Well this weekend I guess he hit HI...	Cathyinaz	2	377	Nov 5, 2013 by grateful2be
	Breakthrough (Preview) Breakthrough with my recovery today. My AH (who moved out a month ago) called yesterday to ask me where the truck registration tags were as his had expired in July. I kindly reminded him that I had given him the tags and new registration back in August and I'm not sure where it is, but I will look around...	mongowal	4	234	Nov 5, 2013 by grateful2be
	It may be good or may not be (Preview) Hello everyone. Just sharing. I took a break this weekend, didnt go anywhere other than outside my head. A break from Al Anon, reading, important talks, things like that. Tom and I had a wonderful - wonderful weekend. I let the worries and stress go and somehow told myself everything is normal, it is t...	Iwantthingsback	4	390	Nov 5, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	I lost my temper today :( (Preview) Well, I'm living with my parents and niece (and her two month old) for the moment. Got a new job. My brothers children came over today and played with my children. I was very calm and peachy keen until I took a break in a room. I then heard my niece say " ...are a pain, especially Abram". She w...	RoseODAT	9	654	Nov 4, 2013 by neshema2
	some step 3 reflections and lesson I learned . (Preview) Step 3 progress update Its kinda nice to sit, breathe, meditate , first give thanks to HP for what IS correct in my life and to petition not just for me but for all who are struggling w/something...be it health, finances, family stuff, whatever, pain is pain and the steady "drip" i was getti...	neshema2	4	422	Nov 4, 2013 by hotrod
	My Alcoholic's deep depression (Preview) My husband and I are behind on our mortgage by 2 payments for quite a while now. Over a year. The bank wants us to modify our loan and stretch it out for 40 years. We have less than 10 years to pay it off. We will be in our 90's!!!! We can pay every month but it is difficult to pay the back payments. We have done fin...	nancymom4	13	568	Nov 4, 2013 by Iwantthingsback
	Thank goodness I dropped expectations! (Preview) My son has 3 good friends over for his birthday right now. We're going to a concert in an hour or so and they're having pizza and cake in a bit. My AH is 'resting' in the bedroom, he's been in there for the past 3 hours. He has not come out to greet our son's friends. The boys probably don't even realize he'...	ilovedogs	3	432	Nov 4, 2013 by ilovedogs
	A Question About Rehab rehab (Preview) Hello, all! Background story (if you'd care to read):I've never been on here before, but I needed some advice so I figured I'm come on here. Growing up, I knew that my dad was an alcoholic, but things weren't so bad because he would stay sober for many years, and then maybe every 3 or 4 years or so (maybe mor...	angellerose	6	5505	Nov 4, 2013 by Mattie
	New rules new management (Preview) Well it's Sunday and it's ALAON night yeah!!!! It's my face to face meeting . My children say mom why are you so happy your going to a meeting ? Dad hates his meetings! This is true it's become a chore for him he not happy when he leaves and not happy when he returns . My meetings are my only night I get out...	Wisdom67	7	422	Nov 4, 2013 by Mari1978
	Love to all Al Anon friends (Preview) Just wanted to say thanks to all who have responded to the few posts I have done. I am somewhat new here. But since I am not always able to get to my meetings with running my teen around, this place of Al-anon friends is such a comfort to me. Thanks for listening and responding. Sometimes we don't need great...	nancymom4	1	199	Nov 4, 2013 by PP
	New name (Preview) Well I decided to change my name and start over. Today I am grateful I'm alive and healthy and my AH is SOBER. I'm grateful for my children and grateful for taking action on my life and turn my life over to my HP who is my god. The day I had my true vision on how my HP wanted me to learn the right way live , he has...	Wisdom67	15	925	Nov 4, 2013 by ryanhearted
	How old are we now? I can't believe that I am dealing with this! (Preview) I really shouldn't be having to deal with this. I almost can't believe I am dealing with this. I shouldn't let this bother me, but I am SO FURIOUS right now. I gave my recent ex the benefit of the doubt and didn't unfriend him on Facebook. I wanted to try to lessen the pain for him from us breaking up. Well now...	bijela	11	475	Nov 4, 2013 by Jerry F
	Don't let your kids kill you (Preview) 'Dont let your kids kill you' This is the emotive title of a book written by a parent, two of whose children were A's. This is not CAL literature, but (in my humble eyes) should be! It's by Charles Rubin It helped me a lot. Ness	Ness	10	536	Nov 4, 2013 by LeenieBeanie
	Did my ex misunderstand Al Anon's message?? Al Anon boundaries addiction change (Preview) Hi All, I'm new here and would like some opinions on what happened to my relationship with my ex GF. I am a compulsive overeater and go back and forth between going to OA meetings. I suggested my GF try Al Anon to deal with some problems her daughter was having and she liked the meetings and began to attend r...	Tyrone	16	9022	Nov 4, 2013 by Tyrone
	How do you trust your gut and not take all the blame for everything? (Preview) I am trying SO HARD to trust my gut and not blame myself for other's behavior. I get this overwhelming sense of guilt that I did something wrong when logicially, I didn't. I guess it is the whole ACOA thing where you are blamed for everything that happens in the house that the addict had brought onto the...	bijela	5	376	Nov 3, 2013 by RoseODAT
	Update on the can of worms... (Preview) for three years, I have struggled...bankruptcy...working extra to take care of my kids, with no support from exA...broken household things that I had to find a way to repair (like when my well pump went, and my dad and I had to replace it in below freezing weather). I try very hard to focus on the positiv...	rehprof	11	502	Nov 4, 2013 by Breakingfree
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.