The material presented
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HI all.... so I made an appointment to go back on anti-depressants, so I feel I am letting myself down and as strong as I have become and thought I was, I am not. I kicked depression in the BUTT a long long time ago AND have been able to pull out of it after a couple days when it would surface. This took years of practice and past therapy. I have not been on meds since 2005. But I know all too well, if too much time goes by depressed what that can do to someone. I have been there. And it is going on a month for me and I am not snapping out of it, so need a little help I guess.
MY A- saw my appointment card (I wasnt hiding it) but anyway ask if I was ok, I told him why I made an appointment and what does this lovely little creature do and say??? He is pulling his mean thing (like he does when I cry or whenever I need him for support) - it is like that switch goes off - lets be short and mean to her because she needs me... typical for him to push me away. He doesn't get real mean, but you know the kind, stern, short, ignores me, acts like I have fleas or something.
And he is saying his normal < I am tired of ruining your life, look what I am doing to you, I should just leave live on the streets so you can be happy and find someone else to love etc>. YEAH babe, that is exactly what I want and need to hear right now thanks!!! ARG LOL
Feeling a little resentful that this situation and my A (and me) has brought back to a place I never thought I would be again.
Talk about getting side tracked. I mainly hopped on here just to check in and to wish everyone a good day and hoping everyone is ok.
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
There is no shame and no judgement in working with your health professional to choose the appropriate level of care and treatment.
Taking medication does mean that you are weak. It simply means that your previous medicine (thought control, exercise, therapy without meds) is not enough.
Just because you are on medication now does not mean that you will be on medication for ever. You need help now and in a few months you will reevaluate the depression and respond accordingly.
Gentle, little grasshopper...you deserve loving care from yourself.
Last night's Alanon meeting topic was shame. In response to dealing with an A, Many of us can relate to an unhealthy attachment or patterns associated with shame.
It's a powerful, cunning, and baffling disease. Shame is one of the disease's universal languages. I've traveled a long journey before I was able to stop seeing myself through my A's sick eyes... and, even after, because my unhealthy patterns are ingrained that deeply- my Mom for one would make an excellent Shame Coach-, I continue to work on not accepting shame and it's lies.
There is nothing wrong with medicine to help gain traction to get through a time period or longer, if needed. Continue to cultivate friends, attend meetings, eat nutritiously, and exercise routinely to help give you a better balance of energy and clarity.
I think you are doing the right thing for yourself, sorry you don't get the support from A that you need. I don't think people really understand what being clinically depressed is and that you can't snap out of it.
I love your comment '...like I have fleas'!! I shall remember that one and smile the next time AH does exactly the same type of behaviour you've described - which happens whenever I show a chink of vulnerability.
Sometimes our strength comes from recognising when we need a little help and reach out for it - no shame in that, just beautiful awareness. Keep taking care of you and have a wonderful day.
I am glad you are taking care of yourself and getting the medical care you need. Yes, I too recognize the" flea reaction" and am so gratiful that alanon taught me that it was healthy to share and ask for help.
IWTB - I've had to take antidepressant's for close to 20 years. I don't even question it any more. If I don't take them, I will get stuck to the bed - can't even walk, depressed. For me, it's just part to "kicking depression's butt" like you said. The other part is working my program I come to know now.
Strength and weakness is not determined by what our HP puts in front of us, it's by how we cope and what we do to deal with things.
Taking care of yourself so that you can take care of other things and other people (in healthy ways) is a good thing. If I didn't take my meds and work on my own mental health, do you think I would be able to get up and work at a rehab as a counselor for whiny, entitled, demanding little addicts? No. I would be more depressed than them.
(((IWTB)))
Recognizing what you need and then doing something about it takes courage.
Be gentle and kind to yourself.
Sometimes our bodies are in need of something to help heal some things that we are unable to do by ourselves.
LOL, I had to laugh about the 'flea' thing but for me, I always used to say that he treated me like I had cooties! Hugs to you! You are taking care of yourself and that takes courage, as Mari said.
Fleas... cooties all the same right haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa try to treat him like a "flea' and his world falls apart LOL
Thanks. I now this is for the best, none the less, I don't like giving in. I always believed in mind over matter, but past should remind me, depression isn't that simple. Once you have had it, it is always there waiting to surface. XOXO all
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
depression is part of everyday life . No one can be happy and feeling good all the time . Depression is a disease just like alcoholism , see we look for medication to help us get over the hump . Then the sober A thinks your overreacting and thinks you can just switch off the mood we are in. But I think the sobers A forget that part of there drinking was a sign of depression and they drank to get out of everyday life . They would self Medicate them selves before taking any medication from dr. We have every right to feel this way , I know my husband sobriety had me up and down and sideways for a long time . Plus I find my depression creep up more around the holidays . But your A. Should understand what your going threw it ,if not SHAME on him . Now about the SHAME / I carried that with me my whole life it basically was there to help the pity get around to. I find that shame and pity and denial all go together . And for me to work my program and move on I needed to drop them first to get to step 1 . Only you can take care of your self I don't rely on anyone to make me feel better anymore because that's just a temporary fix for the time . Get better soon ;))
Depression is a brain chemistry thing. If you know you need meds to regulate brain chemistry, then just be grateful that your HP has made such smart and capable scientists that invented the medicine to take to change the brain chemistry. This goes on the gratitude list.
And I am constantly amazed at the lack of support from the alcoholic/addict. Goes with the self-centeredness. It sure is another adjective to describe what is alcoholism. Good thing you can come to AlAnon to get your support.
Fleas....yesss! LOL I have fleas and lice I think! Oh, you nailed this one here! :D
This was a good one! I'll have to remember this when my own appointment comes up soon, so I can laugh when my A gives me the cringe and step back bit, where he immediately feels sorry for himself, because if I'm sick, who will cater to his needs for attention?
Yes Betty - this family is wonderful!! I was feeling weak because I had my desression beat for so many yrs. Then I felt I allowed it to happen again because I chose to stay with my A fully knowing depression could find its way back in. I always knew someday it would come back, even if not for this reason or my life today. It would have been something else that triggered it..., so I shouldn't be so surprised!
He went with me to pick up meds and ended up asking questions about despression and all.And said he was sorry for his reaction (like he does many times AFTER the deed is done). Either way we had a Good talk. I am"flealess" for now LOL
As always, I post not just to seek wisdom from you all, but to help or to make one person smile!!! And most of the time I see the purpose works, and that makes me happy. Have a good weekend all.
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
I'm on anti-depressants. I'm fighting a huge legal battle, now in its 8th year on and off with my XH, I have found out that he has embezzled huge amounts of money from our business, hiding it all, while my kids and I have been living in a converted garage at my mum's scraping by for years, penniless.
My A partner helps us, but he is a binge drinker who goes on huge benders every weekend and becomes abusive and dangerous. My mum kicked him out this summer because he threatened her and the kids. Me, I now walk away every time he starts with his repetitive diatribe of raging and blaming. But I need the anti-depressants to calm the terror, the anxiety, the worry, the despair, the heartbreak.
Without him we are stuffed, but it's a trade for him, he helps us and he demands compliance and enabling of his drinking. I walk away time and again, and switch off all comms until he is sober. Those little pills help me stay strong and calm and able to keep going for my kids. I need to stay alive, not physically, but mentally. I need to be a little numb so the terror doesn't paralyse me.
