Why do I feel scared? - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Why do I feel scared?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

You ARE feeling scared. It's okay to feel the fear. It's what we do with it that makes the difference. We can surrender our fear to our HP and ask for faith. Then, we can ask for guidance on what to do next and the power to carry out the guidance we receive. Are you scared because you have information that he isn't going to like? Or are you scared because he can't reach your son? A combination of both?

Gaby · Senior Member

Cathy I know the dealing of both. As I shared my son relapsed and my husband and I have been in his house since yesterday morning. I'm afraid to leave him. I don't want to walk in a find him dead. I asked my husband to we leave or stay. My son has to work tomorrow he has isolated himself all day or very well could be sleeping it off. I told my husband maybe he needs to go to a sober living. I know if he wanted to he can do what he wants any where. I am so sick to my stomach. I am grateful my husband is here with me or I could not be this strong on my own. I am praying and praying , but I'm stuck at why after so any months clean and knowing his tools and he chosed not to use them. I pray our HP gets you and I and everybody through all this. God bless..

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

The panic was short lived. I laid down and meditated for a bit. I don't know for a fact my son has relapsed but I know the signs and it sure looks like he did. I don't need to tell his father anything I don't know for a fact.

I do know my son is alive because he was on Facebook today. I was shocked when I was his little green dot highlighted in chat. He never gets on facebook.

I keep telling myself it's none of my business anymore. I will continue to take care of me and take it one day at a time.

Have a good week everyone....

Hugs

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Cathy)))

Remember you are powerless over this disease. Telling your x that you believe that your son has relapsed is not a reflection on you or your love. It is a reflection on the power of this baffling, insidious disease.

Prayers for your family

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Good program work, Cathy. That was indeed short-lived. You have made so much progress.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You did move through it quickly...before I had a chance to respond, wham, it was a done deal! Miracles in Progress is certainly a good name for this forum; we are so lucky to witness them.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:

I was in the kitchen and my son's father called. Left a message that he has not been able to get a hold of him and is concerned. Don't even want to call him back. I am in a panic state now. I'm scared and upset. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I want to cry....I don't want to tell him his son has relapsed.
I think I could have a panic attack if I was prone to them.....geez

Dear Cathy, I think I would lay low till i had some news......dad can find out on his own if he wants to, you are not the news media for the ex....I would let go...see what happens and deal when you have something you know what to deal with.......right now son is MIA.....alkies are good at that....yea, he may have relapsed , but noone can do anything about it.......hang tough.....take care of you

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((Cathy)) Hang in there and please continue to be good to you. When I get super-stressed, napping often works for me, too. Do your best to keep to facts when fear starts surfacing. I'm glad you're feeling like you're in a better place.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

The 3Cess Cathy...act as if. You're powerless not responsible. ((((hugs)))) smile

mm830 · Senior Member

It's normal to be afraid for your son, you love him and he is your son. You are such an inspiration seeing how you are handling things.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Neshema....you are right....I'm not the media for my son anymore. I will let go.

WOW......You're powerless not responsible OMGosh DUH!!! Why did those 4 simple words hit home all of a sudden. I must have heard these words many times.

I'm doing good this morning and I'm going to continue to do good. I'm moving into a new level of acceptance with this disease and it's giving me peace and serenity I haven't felt before. I know I will have my good days and my bad days but with my tools I can take it one day at a time and move in the right direction.

(((( hugs )))) to everyone

AngelicH57 · Senior Member

{{{{Hugs}}}}

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Cathy)))
It takes people a long time to get the message that we are not case-managers for the A in our lives!
I am struggling with this with My A's mother; she expects that I will spend hours at a time on the phone with her telling here what he has been doing, how much he has been drinking, and then telling me how I HAVE to get him to stop drinking and then she will give me a long list of "ideas" she wants me to try with him, oh ugh I just don't answer her calls anymore and I've stopped feeling bad about it.
I wont go to family functions with them anymore either because when he inevitably gets drunk and wanders off into the night it is just expected that I will go with him and look after him.
But I DID do those things for a long time and I suppose it takes people time to catch on to the fact that I have resigned as his carer/social worker/enabler.
I think you are brilliant

I wish you could teach my A's mum a thing or 2!!!
I'm sorry for all of the worry and heartache you are going through.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm moving into a new level of acceptance with this disease and it's giving me peace and serenity I haven't felt before. I know I will have my good days and my bad days but with my tools I can take it one day at a time and move in the right direction.

**************************

this is the basics of NON resistance...the best way to dissipate and/or shorten the riding out of unwanted experiences......fighting and protecting only feeds the negative......keeps it going......giving them peace and NON resistence gives the negativity nothing to "feed upon" so it eventually and more quickly disolves.....

I break this rule all the time w/my codependency and i pay.....finally when i am all worn out and beaten down, i just say "ok, que sera sera" i feel the grief, sadness, etc....and express willingness to give up what gives me so much sorrow....to let go....to walk away......to dissociate myself from.....being willing to do that opens me up for the light forces to come in and do right action on my behalf........i am a work in progress........we all are....

Tasha · Senior Member

Looks like you get the concept of the disease in him that is not all of him, and now you have hope to offer others. That is how it works. You've taken my favorite slogan to heart "let it begin with me". Once others who are also affected by alcoholism begin to see a profound change in us, they will sometimes ask how that happened. I keep alanon literature and a beginners packet (or ten) in my car glove box at all times for this very reason. I'm not the only one affected and it's only a matter of time before others who also love who I love with this disease, begin to see hope for change in themselves as well. Be ready recovery sister! You rock!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometimes it helps to say what instead of why. What is making me feel scared?

Of course you are concerned about son, he is part of you. Kids are our hearts out walking around without our protection.

what makes it your job to tell his father or anyone else?

If we honestly believe in a higher power, then we know no matter what everything will be ok. Does not mean some things won't be painful. Let go and let God is a huge thing, he is there and wants us to rely on him. think about how good it makes you feel when someone needs you.

How was your week end?

remember son will not stop until he likes being clean on program better than being a drunk. He apparently is not done yet.

hugz!!! lotsa them, debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.