Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

SerenityGirl · SerenityGirl

Does anyone know how I can get connected to the chat room? My computer crashed last week and I've no been able to get in since then. This is what comes up. Any suggestion? Connecting...unable to connect: com.ms.security.SecurityExceptionEx: cannot connect to "irc mipcha...

Powerless · Powerless

I woke up this morning and checked my husband's cell phone. I was being nosy. I found a bunch of texts from another woman. I called the number and spoke with the woman. We have the same name, imagine that. He met her at a truck stop on his way through Georgia. They h...

flintfeet · flintfeet

i have not posted in a while. the truth is that i have not had time to sit down, think about what is wrong, and get upset about it. i have kept busy. but i had a free moment yesturday and thought about my dad. i just found out that my dad went out of town. we still are not speaking, so i found out from my brother t...

robyn76 · robyn76

Hi all, So, 2 months ago I discovered that my husband was addicted to cocaine. After 8 weeks of more emotions than this one girl can endure I am looking for anyone who can help me make sense of this hell. We have been married for almost 9 years and have 2 beautiful daughters, wonderful fami...

Juster · Juster

The post yesterday by rtexas got me thinking about how music can be used to help with detachment. Long before I ever heard of detachment, when my AW was giving me fits, I would, and do, run part of the old Simon and Garfunkle song through my mind. I am a rock I am an island and a rock feels no pain...

jrtjosey · jrtjosey

Well he has had his moments, but after he was proved wrong about money issues, he was very civil last night. Things are dividing nicely with no hassles so far as small household items. So just have to be around him at noon and this evening and we are on our way. Kids are excited a...

Picowitch · Picowitch

Hi there, haven't been around for a bit had lots going on with trying to reconcile with hubby. I really need a sponsore to help me at the moment as I'm well and truly stuck - local f2f meetings have proved to be not very much help to me, and with very few members, I've been unable to find a f2f sponsor...

rtexas · rtexas

.... I wonder if that applies to kids at heart (... me ...) So I set up an apointment with a mariage councelor for next week. I told my wife about it and she didn't say much except that she's been saying that forever.... the phrase I heard was '... if you drag me to a councelor, I will rip you a new one i...

Ria · Ria

Hi, I've just re-read several posts as I realised they had 'stirred up some old stuff' for me. It's about separation/divorce/babies. I don't know if it is appropriate to use this forum for this purpose or whether I should've journalled it. I haven't got a sponsor at the moment as she left the pro...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Aloha Ohana (Hello Family) Life has been great, with a few little mole hills here and there nothing much that Higher Power would even break into a sweat about and then the problem is me right? So last night I decide to use the paper shredder and its jambed up with paper and not only not working but...

marmare · marmare

For two days my A has been baiting me. Wanting to fight, argue, he is just being right out rude to me and the kids. He went out Saturday night didn't come home, then Sunday around 11am he answered my call only to hang up on me and turn his phone off. I didn't react! Now for the last t...

peewee · peewee

Courage to Change, Mar 29 "It's time I started being nicer to myself. The voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough do not speak the truth..." I have some loud voices in my head today telling me I am not good Enough. One voice in particular is an echo of what I heard yesterda...

Diva · Diva

Now that I have posted 500 times, I have become a "service worker?" I don't think so. I prefer to think of myself as a voice of reason and a giver of good advice. I'll leave the "service working" to others who are more qualified in that field. Love to all, Diva

JulieLynn · JulieLynn

I went by my husband's house last night to pick up my Check Visa that was mailed there. This was the first time I have seen him or even spoke to him since I left 3 1/2 weeks ago. I was able to hold myself together. I went into the house, picked up my mail and didn't try to engage in any conver...

Gailey · Gailey

I really need to start setting up boundaries. My DIL and son are separated. My son is the A. I am trying very hard to support her in this time that is so very hard for her. There are also 2 beautiful children involved. I am trying to work my program to the best of my ability at this time. I am trying not to lectur...

angel123 · angel123

When my first sponcer was alive,she gave me homework,I do it now with those I sponcer.One thing that really helped me was writing.I have saved alot of the things I wrote as we discused things.I found "let go let God"Thought I would share.... Letting go doesn't mean releasing my grip on life and fal...

Dolphin123 · Dolphin123

Hi All, I have heard over and over that what we don't like in about someone else can be a trait we may ourselves have that bothers us. Well, my "A" has had some really poor choices of friends. What bothers me so much, is that they are takers, and he is their giver. And it pisses me off when he is doing that....

debilyn · debilyn

That cheating and/or abuse are NOT a symptom of being A. Not all A's abuse and or cheat. Is it in alanon or AA lit. that they are symptoms? I do not buy it, not one bit. BUT I would LOVE to hear the other side and literature that talks about it. love,debilyn

angel123 · angel123

Twelve Rewards To the Twelve Steps 1.HOPE instead of desperation. 2. FAITH instead of despair. 3. COURAGE instead of fear. 4. PEACE OF MIND instead of confusion. 5. SELF -RESPECT instead of contempt. 6. SELF CONFIDENCE instead of helplessness. 7. RESPECT OF OTHERS instead of pity a...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

Oh man - it just gets worse. Of course, trying to have the courage of my convictions, I was conned back in last night. He said he's not going to go on the system looking for women anymore and proceeds to tell me all about the women that he's spoken with and how they finally admit that they are ov...

jonibaloni21 · jonibaloni21

Hi all, My computer guru neighbor came over and got my computer back up for now!!!! He's really good with em! But I'm gonna start a savings for a new one anyway! This silly thing has gone down many times before and I don't trust it! So thanks for all the well-wishes and prayers! Am almost afraid to use it for...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

Just a quick recap: We were supposed to have broken up. We live in the same duplex we own (separate sides). He has continued to request my presence and 'other things', nightly, once he is drunk. I have acquiesced. I already caught him in the act with a woman 2 weeks ago.&nbs...

Powerless · Powerless

Thanks to my pink toenails and fingernails I got through today with my focus where it needed to be. The pink reminded me of my program. My husband woke up this morning and was very ill tempered. He was angry that he quit his job and blamed me. He said I made him quit. I want...

Cinnamonwdh · Cinnamonwdh

Hi there, my husband’s father is a self-admitted alcoholic and I am not sure what I can do to help him, or to help my husband for that matter and I am looking for some advice. What’s happened is the father had gone into detox about a year ago and was doing alright – he was still drinking about 3 bee...

jrtjosey · jrtjosey

My husband came home last night and we had a very civil conversation. He said he would still like me to stay. ( With a beer in his hand) How romantic? It went well, still using same lawyer, divided some property. He still upset over bills, he doesn't talk to me about them, he jus...

txmom · txmom

I read this little blurb in the newspaper today (of all places to find hope lol) and thought it was worth sharing: "After the darkness comes the light. It is a law. And thus, as night comes, the moon rises. At dawn, daylight returns. In the evening, the sky explodes. Each brightness offers hope un...

nycbt · nycbt

Next weekend I am going away with some program friends. My husband and I are getting along great so now I am having a hard time getting myself to go. I have all ready paid my money. I know that I am going to have a wonderful time once get past this unknown stuff going through my head. Once I am in the car I will...

rtexas · rtexas

I played a Guns-n-Roses cd so loud on my way to work that when I stopped at red lights people were staring at me. I feel totally relaxed...

kspear · kspear

Good afternoon, all. I was sitting here thinking about when I go home later. (Work is such a refuge for me!) I'd really like to hear about some of the tools that we can use on a minute by minute basis when our A is acting out. Just to get through the moment. My main thing right now is again with my son. He st...

jrtjosey · jrtjosey

I got a very polite email from my A today asking if the kids had anything tonight or if we could talk. I thought he meant continue dicussioins on division of property. I replied that would be fine. He comes home at lunch and says "'we can work this out". I said very calmly, like w...

Gailey · Gailey

The A is my son. I can have compassion for my child. I understand the disease alot more now that I have been reading all of your posts for several months. My father was an A. I never had any compassion for him until I knew more about the disease. There are alot of "isms" in my family. I can have compassion beca...

maresie · maresie

I am really working to change my attitude from poor me to taking care of me after doing some work in this room and listening to shares. I know my attitude can pervade everything. I am trying to be open and wiling in my job search (which is hard because I have had a number of set backs).&n...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

ABANDONMENT Because of the chronic distress in an alcoholic family, every person in that family attempts to adapt to the chronic stress. Each becomes hypervigilant, anxious and chronically afraid. In such an environment, it is impossible for anyone to get...

Powerless · Powerless

He came home from work today and told me that we needed to talk. He informed me that he sold the cb radio and tv/dvd player (the third one) and bought coke today. He relapsed in a big way. By the time he told me he had already secured a bed for tomorrow night at a detox and then a rehab cente...

holly123 · holly123

Hi All, I just read a couple posts and all of a sudden I don't get it. I know that we are supposed to focus on us and supposedly this will take the focus off the a, but no matter how hard I focus on me it seems like the anger, resentments and so on are still there. I still like with my...

hudsond · hudsond

I know my HP knows best. Sometimes stuff can get pretty tough though and I think he thinks I can handle more than I can. I handle because I have no choice! What's this about you ask? My best friend thinks she is pregnant. She isn't sure if she is ready for that and is very scared...

jonibaloni21 · jonibaloni21

Hey Y'all, My stupid computer's hard drive died and so I won't be able to get on the board or the room for quite a while since I'm on disability and will have to save up for another hard drive or a computer. I will be able to come in sometimes while at the library , but will depend on how many are using them. Th...

hudsond · hudsond

Yesterday he took one more step down the ladder! He has been off of alcohol since September, last week he asked me if I thought he had a swig of whiskey that would help him shake off the craving for the drug he can't give up. I told him he ought to think about that and I didn't think it would work....

d53sjurne · d53sjurne

Maybe it would be a good idea to dicuss what FISH NITE is so those of us that don't know won't be in the dark . And I've seen someone curious about what a trout is ! So tell what you know for all to see.

Thanks

maresie · maresie

Last year before I got here was pretty much an annus horriblis for me. I sat in a stew of resentment all year with the A. I had many many many screamathons with him and none of them got me anywhere. It was all extremely ugly and nasty and frightening and it escalated and escalated and I felt com...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello everyone, Someting is happening to me and I don't know why or even what it is ... HELP LOL. It is not a bad thing just so different that I am wondering just who I am. I'll explain ... Last Friday morning my AH came home in the morning after work handed me his check, normal enough (thanks HP) .. usual...

Christy · Christy

Whew!! It's good to be home. We had a very nice time in Mi with A's family. My Mother in law's funeral was lovely, as far as funerals go. There was over 300 people. I guess when you are 86, volunteer everywhere, hospital, homeless shelter, belong to the Sportsmans Archery Club and was a 2cnd Mom (me includ...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

In the last two weeks with my "a" being home we have spent more time together than we used to. I am more intuned to his lack of intimacy with me and the children. It frustrates me and I have been asking him what are you thinking? or would you talk to me? I have heard that alcohol and mariju...

kspear · kspear

Thanks to everyone who has so generously given input on some of my questions. Especially about detaching. My 18 YO son is the A that is causing me the most difficulty at present. But I know that in truth, I'm the one really causing most of my difficulty. Now, what to do about it...

Powerless · Powerless

Last night I had an anxiety attack. Yesterday afternoon my daughter's father called me and told me that I am not to send my daughter any more letters, pictures, cards...I am not to call his home or visit my daughter. That hit me really hard, because I am really powerless of it at this point....

pixel04 · pixel04

My husband works at home. He requires internet access to do his job. For the last two days the internet access has been sporadic at best. He hasn't gotten much done. This morning he called me at work to tell me the internet access was down again. I asked him what he was going to do about it. He got a call on cal...

Jeannie · Jeannie

I have not spoken to my husband in almost a month. I flipped out on him angrily a few weeks ago and told him all of the things I really think about him. He was very hurt and angry and very drunk and ran home to Mommy. I did speak to him the next day and I did tell him that I was not sorry for the things I said, but how m...

maresie · maresie

My landlord is about to start work on the shed behind the house. Nothing seems to go that well with the landlord who is undoubtedly from a dysfunctional home. I have asked him many times to be really super clear about what he needs, when he needs it and what he needs specifically from us.&nb...

JulieLynn · JulieLynn

I feel that part of my recovery is to learn as much as I can about alcoholism. I can be so naive when it comes to typical behavior of an alcoholic. I have only been doing this for four years so I don't have alot of experience under my belt dealing with an alcoholic. My husband and I have sepera...

Jeannie · Jeannie

Boy did I get a rude awakening today. We have had flu and every other fun thing in this house all month and I was taking it a little easier than normal. The kids have all been taking turns getting sick and I have been more concerned with taking care of them than I guess me. I was cleaning this afternoon, b...

serendipity · serendipity

my husband has is a crack addict who's been using now for at least 6 weeks. he's living with a guy from his work who is also a crack addict.we are seperated as of 6 weeks ago.today he says to me that he's living with a crack addict.well duh. but i don't say this.then he says that he's moving back to his mother'...

holly123 · holly123

Hi Again, I am feeling a little better today and realize I really need to get my recovery back on course and find a councelor and maybe try the f2f meetings again. Sorry if I came off as anything but grateful for the program yesterday, thanks for all your responses and don't...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

I would just like to clarify that I do enjoy joking in the chat room. Sometimes it is all the laughter I can find and it helps me so much. I was just hurting and also maybe not so patient. As we all know sometimes we can only be seeing our pain. At the moment I entered the chat that day that is all I could see m...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

Hello Group, Ever notice when you have taken a stance against the darker forces in this world and begin looking to HP to strenthen you and give you courage, more challenges pop up for you to deal with? I was trying to prepare myself for the day when my "a" and I would have a disagreement and how t...

lisafreddyb · lisafreddyb

Had to share this - after noon hour f2f meeting a member and I were helping a new member pick out her daily readers, pamplets, etc. (I chaired our meeting on Powerlessness and letting go, based on some questions in a '98 Forum) S. had these cards laminated in her wallet, and I am going to use t...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

If detaching means NOT allowing the things they do and say penetrate to the point of where they are able to hurt us - then in a sense aren't we learning to close off our feelings? If we are able to close off our feelings, then wouldn't we become rocks? If we become rocks, we end up teaching ours...

lmt123 · lmt123

Just curious...how do you handle when your A (or anyone else for that matter) says stuff to you in a not-so-considerate-maybe-a-little-degrading kind of tone? I try not to take what he or my daughter says to heart, but sometimes when I am being just normally nice, considerate, friendl...

QOD · QOD

I am stuck here in between a rock and a hard place. My husband has a problem with alcohol and cocaine. My question is, should I tell my 12 year old son about it? He knows my husband has a drinking problem, though I don't think he understands the severity of it. He knows that my hus...

doxie · doxie

Hi just wanted to let you all know how it went after I posted about my concerns with my new meeting. The meeting went great. There were three of us there. Even the one I was concerned about. It was a wonderful meeting, everyone was so nice, and respectful. Lots of hugs, chatting, and general good moods....

notsonew1111 · notsonew1111

well my a was staying with me for the time being because it was safer here then anywhere else. too many triggers at the other places. he was going to treatment but cant get in until may. so there was quite a wait. so yesterday which was the one week sober mark. while he only made it one week. the proble...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	I need help connection (Preview) Does anyone know how I can get connected to the chat room? My computer crashed last week and I've no been able to get in since then. This is what comes up. Any suggestion? Connecting...unable to connect: com.ms.security.SecurityExceptionEx: cannot connect to "irc mipcha...	SerenityGirl	2	275	Mar 31, 2006 by Jeannie
	Another woman (Preview) I woke up this morning and checked my husband's cell phone. I was being nosy. I found a bunch of texts from another woman. I called the number and spoke with the woman. We have the same name, imagine that. He met her at a truck stop on his way through Georgia. They h...	Powerless	22	665	Mar 31, 2006 by northstar
	no time to think (Preview) i have not posted in a while. the truth is that i have not had time to sit down, think about what is wrong, and get upset about it. i have kept busy. but i had a free moment yesturday and thought about my dad. i just found out that my dad went out of town. we still are not speaking, so i found out from my brother t...	flintfeet	7	288	Mar 31, 2006 by Gailey
	Newbie online and in general (Preview) Hi all, So, 2 months ago I discovered that my husband was addicted to cocaine. After 8 weeks of more emotions than this one girl can endure I am looking for anyone who can help me make sense of this hell. We have been married for almost 9 years and have 2 beautiful daughters, wonderful fami...	robyn76	8	314	Mar 31, 2006 by robyn76
	Music as Detachment (Preview) The post yesterday by rtexas got me thinking about how music can be used to help with detachment. Long before I ever heard of detachment, when my AW was giving me fits, I would, and do, run part of the old Simon and Garfunkle song through my mind. I am a rock I am an island and a rock feels no pain...	Juster	7	433	Mar 31, 2006 by QOD
	Final day (Preview) Well he has had his moments, but after he was proved wrong about money issues, he was very civil last night. Things are dividing nicely with no hassles so far as small household items. So just have to be around him at noon and this evening and we are on our way. Kids are excited a...	jrtjosey	13	469	Mar 31, 2006 by toto12
	online sponsor request (Preview) Hi there, haven't been around for a bit had lots going on with trying to reconcile with hubby. I really need a sponsore to help me at the moment as I'm well and truly stuck - local f2f meetings have proved to be not very much help to me, and with very few members, I've been unable to find a f2f sponsor...	Picowitch	4	334	Mar 31, 2006 by DanaAngel
	Bill Cosby - "Kids are brain damaged..." (Preview) .... I wonder if that applies to kids at heart (... me ...) So I set up an apointment with a mariage councelor for next week. I told my wife about it and she didn't say much except that she's been saying that forever.... the phrase I heard was '... if you drag me to a councelor, I will rip you a new one i...	rtexas	5	676	Mar 31, 2006 by seachange
	I feel soooo sad, the past revisited. (Preview) Hi, I've just re-read several posts as I realised they had 'stirred up some old stuff' for me. It's about separation/divorce/babies. I don't know if it is appropriate to use this forum for this purpose or whether I should've journalled it. I haven't got a sponsor at the moment as she left the pro...	Ria	5	412	Mar 31, 2006 by Ria
	When HP speaks I listen... (Preview) Aloha Ohana (Hello Family) Life has been great, with a few little mole hills here and there nothing much that Higher Power would even break into a sweat about and then the problem is me right? So last night I decide to use the paper shredder and its jambed up with paper and not only not working but...	Jerry F	3	361	Mar 31, 2006 by nmike
	Baiting me? (Preview) For two days my A has been baiting me. Wanting to fight, argue, he is just being right out rude to me and the kids. He went out Saturday night didn't come home, then Sunday around 11am he answered my call only to hang up on me and turn his phone off. I didn't react! Now for the last t...	marmare	5	339	Mar 30, 2006 by Therese
	Nicer to self is hard to do (Preview) Courage to Change, Mar 29 "It's time I started being nicer to myself. The voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough do not speak the truth..." I have some loud voices in my head today telling me I am not good Enough. One voice in particular is an echo of what I heard yesterda...	peewee	6	439	Mar 30, 2006 by peewee
	Hmmmm (Preview) Now that I have posted 500 times, I have become a "service worker?" I don't think so. I prefer to think of myself as a voice of reason and a giver of good advice. I'll leave the "service working" to others who are more qualified in that field. Love to all, Diva	Diva	4	350	Mar 30, 2006 by Karilynn
	I am making progress (Preview) I went by my husband's house last night to pick up my Check Visa that was mailed there. This was the first time I have seen him or even spoke to him since I left 3 1/2 weeks ago. I was able to hold myself together. I went into the house, picked up my mail and didn't try to engage in any conver...	JulieLynn	5	316	Mar 30, 2006 by RamzDear
	Really need to set up boundaries (Preview) I really need to start setting up boundaries. My DIL and son are separated. My son is the A. I am trying very hard to support her in this time that is so very hard for her. There are also 2 beautiful children involved. I am trying to work my program to the best of my ability at this time. I am trying not to lectur...	Gailey	2	327	Mar 30, 2006 by aunitedway
	letting go letting God (Preview) When my first sponcer was alive,she gave me homework,I do it now with those I sponcer.One thing that really helped me was writing.I have saved alot of the things I wrote as we discused things.I found "let go let God"Thought I would share.... Letting go doesn't mean releasing my grip on life and fal...	angel123	3	354	Mar 30, 2006 by Beth
	Reflections Of Ourselves (Preview) Hi All, I have heard over and over that what we don't like in about someone else can be a trait we may ourselves have that bothers us. Well, my "A" has had some really poor choices of friends. What bothers me so much, is that they are takers, and he is their giver. And it pisses me off when he is doing that....	Dolphin123	5	295	Mar 30, 2006 by Powerless
	I strongly believe...... (Preview) That cheating and/or abuse are NOT a symptom of being A. Not all A's abuse and or cheat. Is it in alanon or AA lit. that they are symptoms? I do not buy it, not one bit. BUT I would LOVE to hear the other side and literature that talks about it. love,debilyn	debilyn	5	345	Mar 30, 2006 by twinmom2
	Twelve Rewards to the Twelve Steps (Preview) Twelve Rewards To the Twelve Steps 1.HOPE instead of desperation. 2. FAITH instead of despair. 3. COURAGE instead of fear. 4. PEACE OF MIND instead of confusion. 5. SELF -RESPECT instead of contempt. 6. SELF CONFIDENCE instead of helplessness. 7. RESPECT OF OTHERS instead of pity a...	angel123	4	353	Mar 30, 2006 by twinmom2
	UH-OH - What Am I Doing? (Preview) Oh man - it just gets worse. Of course, trying to have the courage of my convictions, I was conned back in last night. He said he's not going to go on the system looking for women anymore and proceeds to tell me all about the women that he's spoken with and how they finally admit that they are ov...	HadEnuff	6	487	Mar 30, 2006 by QOD
	My Neighbor's A Genius! (Preview) Hi all, My computer guru neighbor came over and got my computer back up for now!!!! He's really good with em! But I'm gonna start a savings for a new one anyway! This silly thing has gone down many times before and I don't trust it! So thanks for all the well-wishes and prayers! Am almost afraid to use it for...	jonibaloni21	4	410	Mar 30, 2006 by DanaAngel
	I Want to STAY Strong! (Preview) Just a quick recap: We were supposed to have broken up. We live in the same duplex we own (separate sides). He has continued to request my presence and 'other things', nightly, once he is drunk. I have acquiesced. I already caught him in the act with a woman 2 weeks ago.&nbs...	HadEnuff	7	496	Mar 30, 2006 by Jerry F
	Exhausted (Preview) Thanks to my pink toenails and fingernails I got through today with my focus where it needed to be. The pink reminded me of my program. My husband woke up this morning and was very ill tempered. He was angry that he quit his job and blamed me. He said I made him quit. I want...	Powerless	7	491	Mar 30, 2006 by Jerry F
	New Here - Not sure how to help family member, need advice (Preview) Hi there, my husband’s father is a self-admitted alcoholic and I am not sure what I can do to help him, or to help my husband for that matter and I am looking for some advice. What’s happened is the father had gone into detox about a year ago and was doing alright – he was still drinking about 3 bee...	Cinnamonwdh	9	342	Mar 30, 2006 by abbyal
	Still wants me to stay? (Preview) My husband came home last night and we had a very civil conversation. He said he would still like me to stay. ( With a beer in his hand) How romantic? It went well, still using same lawyer, divided some property. He still upset over bills, he doesn't talk to me about them, he jus...	jrtjosey	10	356	Mar 29, 2006 by david62
	Something I thought worth Sharing (Preview) I read this little blurb in the newspaper today (of all places to find hope lol) and thought it was worth sharing: "After the darkness comes the light. It is a law. And thus, as night comes, the moon rises. At dawn, daylight returns. In the evening, the sky explodes. Each brightness offers hope un...	txmom	7	402	Mar 29, 2006 by david62
	going away (Preview) Next weekend I am going away with some program friends. My husband and I are getting along great so now I am having a hard time getting myself to go. I have all ready paid my money. I know that I am going to have a wonderful time once get past this unknown stuff going through my head. Once I am in the car I will...	nycbt	8	412	Mar 29, 2006 by Jeannie
	Does this qualify for meditation? (Preview) I played a Guns-n-Roses cd so loud on my way to work that when I stopped at red lights people were staring at me. I feel totally relaxed...	rtexas	8	462	Mar 29, 2006 by Powerless
	Toolbox/Minute by Minute (Preview) Good afternoon, all. I was sitting here thinking about when I go home later. (Work is such a refuge for me!) I'd really like to hear about some of the tools that we can use on a minute by minute basis when our A is acting out. Just to get through the moment. My main thing right now is again with my son. He st...	kspear	5	254	Mar 29, 2006 by Powerless
	devil to saint? (Preview) I got a very polite email from my A today asking if the kids had anything tonight or if we could talk. I thought he meant continue dicussioins on division of property. I replied that would be fine. He comes home at lunch and says "'we can work this out". I said very calmly, like w...	jrtjosey	5	402	Mar 29, 2006 by drucilla06
	compassion versus anger for the A (Preview) The A is my son. I can have compassion for my child. I understand the disease alot more now that I have been reading all of your posts for several months. My father was an A. I never had any compassion for him until I knew more about the disease. There are alot of "isms" in my family. I can have compassion beca...	Gailey	4	472	Mar 29, 2006 by peewee
	changing attitude/changing fear (Preview) I am really working to change my attitude from poor me to taking care of me after doing some work in this room and listening to shares. I know my attitude can pervade everything. I am trying to be open and wiling in my job search (which is hard because I have had a number of set backs).&n...	maresie	6	423	Mar 29, 2006 by mebjk
	LOOOONG take on "abandonment" (Preview) ABANDONMENT Because of the chronic distress in an alcoholic family, every person in that family attempts to adapt to the chronic stress. Each becomes hypervigilant, anxious and chronically afraid. In such an environment, it is impossible for anyone to get...	rosie light shines	4	473	Mar 29, 2006 by hudsond
	He had a crisis (Preview) He came home from work today and told me that we needed to talk. He informed me that he sold the cb radio and tv/dvd player (the third one) and bought coke today. He relapsed in a big way. By the time he told me he had already secured a bed for tomorrow night at a detox and then a rehab cente...	Powerless	8	341	Mar 29, 2006 by aunitedway
	Anger, Resentment & closeness (Preview) Hi All, I just read a couple posts and all of a sudden I don't get it. I know that we are supposed to focus on us and supposedly this will take the focus off the a, but no matter how hard I focus on me it seems like the anger, resentments and so on are still there. I still like with my...	holly123	2	446	Mar 29, 2006 by hudsond
	Hp--? (Preview) I know my HP knows best. Sometimes stuff can get pretty tough though and I think he thinks I can handle more than I can. I handle because I have no choice! What's this about you ask? My best friend thinks she is pregnant. She isn't sure if she is ready for that and is very scared...	hudsond	3	280	Mar 29, 2006 by hudsond
	I'm Going to Be Gone A While (Preview) Hey Y'all, My stupid computer's hard drive died and so I won't be able to get on the board or the room for quite a while since I'm on disability and will have to save up for another hard drive or a computer. I will be able to come in sometimes while at the library , but will depend on how many are using them. Th...	jonibaloni21	5	332	Mar 29, 2006 by peewee
	One more step down the ladder (Preview) Yesterday he took one more step down the ladder! He has been off of alcohol since September, last week he asked me if I thought he had a swig of whiskey that would help him shake off the craving for the drug he can't give up. I told him he ought to think about that and I didn't think it would work....	hudsond	5	405	Mar 29, 2006 by debilyn
	Seems many don't know 'What is FISH NITE ?' (Preview) Maybe it would be a good idea to dicuss what FISH NITE is so those of us that don't know won't be in the dark . And I've seen someone curious about what a trout is ! So tell what you know for all to see. Thanks	d53sjurne	7	421	Mar 29, 2006 by lin0606
	sitting in a stew of resentment (Preview) Last year before I got here was pretty much an annus horriblis for me. I sat in a stew of resentment all year with the A. I had many many many screamathons with him and none of them got me anywhere. It was all extremely ugly and nasty and frightening and it escalated and escalated and I felt com...	maresie	4	408	Mar 29, 2006 by debilyn
	What the heck is happening to me? (Preview) Hello everyone, Someting is happening to me and I don't know why or even what it is ... HELP LOL. It is not a bad thing just so different that I am wondering just who I am. I'll explain ... Last Friday morning my AH came home in the morning after work handed me his check, normal enough (thanks HP) .. usual...	Jennifer	4	299	Mar 29, 2006 by hudsond
	Back from funeral and A update.. (Preview) Whew!! It's good to be home. We had a very nice time in Mi with A's family. My Mother in law's funeral was lovely, as far as funerals go. There was over 300 people. I guess when you are 86, volunteer everywhere, hospital, homeless shelter, belong to the Sportsmans Archery Club and was a 2cnd Mom (me includ...	Christy	13	442	Mar 29, 2006 by Karilynn
	Intimacy vs. Alcoholism (Preview) In the last two weeks with my "a" being home we have spent more time together than we used to. I am more intuned to his lack of intimacy with me and the children. It frustrates me and I have been asking him what are you thinking? or would you talk to me? I have heard that alcohol and mariju...	twinmom2	5	512	Mar 29, 2006 by Ria
	Thank you/Do I want to be right? (Preview) Thanks to everyone who has so generously given input on some of my questions. Especially about detaching. My 18 YO son is the A that is causing me the most difficulty at present. But I know that in truth, I'm the one really causing most of my difficulty. Now, what to do about it...	kspear	3	292	Mar 29, 2006 by Ria
	Anxiety last night (Preview) Last night I had an anxiety attack. Yesterday afternoon my daughter's father called me and told me that I am not to send my daughter any more letters, pictures, cards...I am not to call his home or visit my daughter. That hit me really hard, because I am really powerless of it at this point....	Powerless	7	300	Mar 29, 2006 by Ria
	me? controlling? (Preview) My husband works at home. He requires internet access to do his job. For the last two days the internet access has been sporadic at best. He hasn't gotten much done. This morning he called me at work to tell me the internet access was down again. I asked him what he was going to do about it. He got a call on cal...	pixel04	3	300	Mar 28, 2006 by doxie
	Don't have anything to say to him (Preview) I have not spoken to my husband in almost a month. I flipped out on him angrily a few weeks ago and told him all of the things I really think about him. He was very hurt and angry and very drunk and ran home to Mommy. I did speak to him the next day and I did tell him that I was not sorry for the things I said, but how m...	Jeannie	8	385	Mar 28, 2006 by Jennifer
	dealing with a dysfunctional landlord (Preview) My landlord is about to start work on the shed behind the house. Nothing seems to go that well with the landlord who is undoubtedly from a dysfunctional home. I have asked him many times to be really super clear about what he needs, when he needs it and what he needs specifically from us.&nb...	maresie	2	279	Mar 28, 2006 by maresie
	Is this typical behavior of an alcoholic (Preview) I feel that part of my recovery is to learn as much as I can about alcoholism. I can be so naive when it comes to typical behavior of an alcoholic. I have only been doing this for four years so I don't have alot of experience under my belt dealing with an alcoholic. My husband and I have sepera...	JulieLynn	5	487	Mar 28, 2006 by gknee
	Dr yelled at me (Preview) Boy did I get a rude awakening today. We have had flu and every other fun thing in this house all month and I was taking it a little easier than normal. The kids have all been taking turns getting sick and I have been more concerned with taking care of them than I guess me. I was cleaning this afternoon, b...	Jeannie	9	407	Mar 28, 2006 by QOD
	should i do nothing? (Preview) my husband has is a crack addict who's been using now for at least 6 weeks. he's living with a guy from his work who is also a crack addict.we are seperated as of 6 weeks ago.today he says to me that he's living with a crack addict.well duh. but i don't say this.then he says that he's moving back to his mother'...	serendipity	4	275	Mar 28, 2006 by holly123
	Thanks Everyone (Preview) Hi Again, I am feeling a little better today and realize I really need to get my recovery back on course and find a councelor and maybe try the f2f meetings again. Sorry if I came off as anything but grateful for the program yesterday, thanks for all your responses and don't...	holly123	3	322	Mar 28, 2006 by holly123
	My experience in Chat Room (Preview) I would just like to clarify that I do enjoy joking in the chat room. Sometimes it is all the laughter I can find and it helps me so much. I was just hurting and also maybe not so patient. As we all know sometimes we can only be seeing our pain. At the moment I entered the chat that day that is all I could see m...	Andrea12	9	451	Mar 28, 2006 by maresie
	Challenging Weekend, Old Ghosts Popping Up (Preview) Hello Group, Ever notice when you have taken a stance against the darker forces in this world and begin looking to HP to strenthen you and give you courage, more challenges pop up for you to deal with? I was trying to prepare myself for the day when my "a" and I would have a disagreement and how t...	twinmom2	4	283	Mar 28, 2006 by maresie
	Powerlessness-Let go (Preview) Had to share this - after noon hour f2f meeting a member and I were helping a new member pick out her daily readers, pamplets, etc. (I chaired our meeting on Powerlessness and letting go, based on some questions in a '98 Forum) S. had these cards laminated in her wallet, and I am going to use t...	lisafreddyb	3	316	Mar 28, 2006 by maresie
	The Art of Detaching ... (Preview) If detaching means NOT allowing the things they do and say penetrate to the point of where they are able to hurt us - then in a sense aren't we learning to close off our feelings? If we are able to close off our feelings, then wouldn't we become rocks? If we become rocks, we end up teaching ours...	HadEnuff	6	424	Mar 28, 2006 by mebjk
	how do you handle... (Preview) Just curious...how do you handle when your A (or anyone else for that matter) says stuff to you in a not-so-considerate-maybe-a-little-degrading kind of tone? I try not to take what he or my daughter says to heart, but sometimes when I am being just normally nice, considerate, friendl...	lmt123	11	506	Mar 28, 2006 by Christy
	Should I tell my son? (Preview) I am stuck here in between a rock and a hard place. My husband has a problem with alcohol and cocaine. My question is, should I tell my 12 year old son about it? He knows my husband has a drinking problem, though I don't think he understands the severity of it. He knows that my hus...	QOD	12	580	Mar 28, 2006 by QOD
	New F2F meeting update (Preview) Hi just wanted to let you all know how it went after I posted about my concerns with my new meeting. The meeting went great. There were three of us there. Even the one I was concerned about. It was a wonderful meeting, everyone was so nice, and respectful. Lots of hugs, chatting, and general good moods....	doxie	9	324	Mar 28, 2006 by bobump
	current situation (Preview) well my a was staying with me for the time being because it was safer here then anywhere else. too many triggers at the other places. he was going to treatment but cant get in until may. so there was quite a wait. so yesterday which was the one week sober mark. while he only made it one week. the proble...	notsonew1111	5	285	Mar 28, 2006 by leo
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.