The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning, everyone! I'm looking forward to some gorgeous weather out in the Central NY area today (high of 75 - yippee!)
I was wondering if anyone knew of a site or place where I could find out more about working the 12 Steps from the Al-Anon perspective. It's my understanding the steps themselves are the same, but perhaps we are looking at them in a slightly different manor - or at least applying them a little differently?
For example, the powerlessness...with my son, I am powerless over HIS drinking, his behavior, etc... (Apparently I don't believe this wholeheartedly yet, as I continue to try to manipulate, beg, plead, control, etc... - but I'm getting there!)
Also, when it comes to the 3 C's, I'd especially like to hear from parents dealing with A children and really believing they didn't cause it! I'm often riddled with guilt - if only I had ________. (fill in the blank)
I hope someone else online comes back with an online resource, but for me the IRL meetings have been a lifeline to me. THese are real people in my community that I can call on the phone when I am struggling. I just got a sponsor yesterday, and I have heard that is intrumental, too.
Hi Kspear! I don't do any online recovery besides posting here and over on the ACA board, but there is a book that would be very helpful if you particularly want the Al-Anon perspective. It's called Paths to Recovery: Al-Anon's Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. It's written in a very straightforward way, with examples of individuals and how they applied the steps to their particular scenarios. Also, each chapter is followed by some questions to consider that are very helpful.
A while back one of our members explained the steps so well that I saved it. I'd love to give her kudos but am protecting her anonymity. I'm sure this will help you understand. *********************************************************************
step 1....i have discovered that my life is unmanageable do to............... i am powerless over ".................." and i am detaching from it.....my life is unmanageable trying to fight "..............." all by myself...i am powerless and i am tired of beating my head against the wall!!! i am throwing in the towell...i give UP!!!!!
step 2.........i am powerless over my life or (whatever it is that is making me crazy) and my way sucks, but there is a power greater than i who is all powerful/ and his way NEVER sucks...this power is my only hope of being restored to sanity.....i know i cannot do it on self will...tried it and got hammered....
step 3.........because my way is so lacking, why not give it over to this higher power who CAN restore me to sanity, and whose way is better than mine....so why not give him/her/it a shot???? what have i got to lose???? i can't do anything anyway, so it behooves me to "dump it on this higher power who is willing to take it on"...like i see others suceeding/thriving having a higher power so i want mine!!!! i guess i will look within me!!!! i heard that is where the others looked!!!! .....
step 4......ok, here is my list....of me....my goods and my bads.....my strong points.....my weak points.....the points i want to completely get rid of...ones i want to modify....ones that i like as they are.....i am taking an inventory of me.....assets on the first part.....liabilities on the 2nd part...hey it looks like a ledger sheet....AND i am not going to forget to list my good points.....this isn't punishment, this is recovery.....for the first time perhaps, i will really really get to know me and knowledge will make me feel better about me/ god/ life.....
step 5.......ok, i wrote all this crap down...what next???? oh yeah, i gotta tell someone i feel safe with (sponser--close group mate--maybe family or best friend---i prefer sponser) and i gotta really come clean....i told God, now i gotta tell a human being!!! and because i chose my sponser, it is not so scary cause he/she has probably "been there--done that" or similiar...so i am telling my sponser all this stuff and i can just FEEL the load lifting off my back....
step 6......ok, now that i have written my good/ bad / ugly....shared it with God/ and another human i guess i am ready to give this UP....change it.....i am totally ready to change..i am EAGER to change.....
step 7......now that i have decided i want to get "shed" of my emotional and mental garbage..... i will humbly ask my higher power "Lord, God, Creator of the universe.....i cast all these burdens onto you and i am GRATEFUL that i turned my life and my will over to you cause you are the ONLY one who can heal me of this....so i humbly thank you in advance for helping me either remove all these shortcommings/ or helping me manage them so they are no longer a liability to my life.......thank you God".........or words to that effect
step 8.....now that i have **aired my dirty laundry* expressed desire to let it go....did ask my hp to **cleanse me of my wrongs*.....now i have to make another list???? oh yeah!!! all the people i either hurt/ OR folks with whom i have a relationship which is kinda sour cause i needed all along to set boundaries with them, change my behaviour with them so we can love each other more.....so ok...lets list the people i hurt the worst, and i know that i am on the list cause i know i hurt me too, and maybe i even hurt God by not treating him/her/it with any respect and trust.... so i must list me, God and i shall go down the list from the biggest down to the smallest of all EVERYONE i need to "get with" and either apologize to OR make changes with MY behaviour to them so our relationship can be either restored, or we can separate without hate and resentment
step 9......wow!!! as i get with these people, i notice that some i had to aplogize to, some i had to just say "ok i did this and i accept responsibility for it" and some i had to make changes in my behavour with them... ( i have to tell myself all the time that this is about ME NOT them..this is MY inventory..and if they don't want to admit their part in this...fine..i will still be free...cause this is all about ME/ MY recovery) some of the people are dead or i cannot locate them, so i will make amends through God and he will deliver the message to them cause he is a kind and loving and caring God and he has all our addresses.......either way, my WILLINGNESS to make amends with the missing in action sets me free...its all about willingness and doing WHAT i can, and remember step 3???? what i cannot do, i give over right???? well i may have to "step 3" a few folks i canot find....
step 10.....gee i feel really good now, i have done the GIVE UP steps (1,2,3) i did the OWN UP steps (4,5,6) than the CLEAN UP steps (7,8,9).....now i gotta do the GROW UP steps (10,11,12)....with 10 being the DAILY inventory, sort of a snapshot at the end of the day like "ok, time to do a report card on me...this day i did/said this/ that/ good stuff and bad stuff" step 10 is like the 4,5,6,7,8.9 all together in one snapshot, and because i have gone through these steps at least once, i can do step 10 daily and keep my **inventory current* it is sooo much easier to make amends on NEW stuff instead of old stuff...i will work step 10 at the end of EACH day so **my side of the street is kept clean*....
step 11.....now that i enjoy a really intimate relationship with God, and we are regularly communicating, i know that i must make it a BIG habit to lean on my higher power whom i happen to call "................." and so i can keep this warm fuzzy feeling about me/god going....life is gonna have its ups and downs......s**t is gonna happen, but if i make these steps habit , by aligning and cooperating with my higher power AS i work my program, life is gonna be a heck of a lot easier....
step 12.....ok, life has smacked me in the head enough times so that i will never get arrogant and think i have "graduated" i must be in this for the duration!!! for my lifetime..i am human and if i got this sick once, it could again simply because i live in planet earth where there is temptation all over the place!!! ...IF i want things to remain serene and cool and hopeful, i gotta "stay the course"......i got so much out of this program, i want to spread it around...so i am ready to offer ME up as a sponser to the newbees comming in so i can get them turned on to the steps and the literature and the meetings, like i am doing cause it is the best thing that ever happend to me and i want to share....spread the good news.......(name omitted) on the 12 steps......take what works...dump the rest...
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Hi Karen, some f2f groups hold Step & Tradition meetings. You could perhaps contact them to find out when etc. I believe a Step meeting is held in the chatroom on Thursdays at 9pm EST. From what I understood they do a Step per week, then the Traditions and then start all over again.
I personally feel we do work the steps with a slightly different focus/application to the other programs, this is just my humble opinion. To my knowledge, there is only one word change between our Steps and those of AA in Step 12; we carry the message to others, they carry it to alcoholics.
In the UK we have a monthly magazine called 'News & Views' akin to the 'Forum'. Each month a Step & Tradition is covered ie: January=Step & Tradition 1. I agree with Seachange about Paths To Recovery, its fabulous. There is also a leaflet/booklet about the 12Steps & Traditions which should be available at a f2f group. It is a simple overview. I'm afraid I don't know of any online resources other than the Step Message Board, there is a link in the top left-hand corner on our main message board. I haven't been there though so don't know if it's what you're looking for. Although reading and learning about the Steps is invaluable, if you intend to 'work' them, it is best done with a sponsor who has worked the Steps theirself.
