Aloha Ohana (Hello Family)

Life has been great, with a few little mole hills here and there nothing much that Higher Power would even break into a sweat about and then the problem is me right?  So last night I decide to use the paper shredder and its jambed up with paper and not only not working but developes an unusual not-in-the-manual noise.  So what's my job?  Fix it, fix it, fix it!!!  Anybody here disagree?   Problem was I attempted to do the fix it while harboring some resentments and self pity that I have held on to for  anywhere from 24 hours to years.  I got the mole hill to about 15 thousand feet and then abandon it to stare at the tv until 1am.  Not good you say? it gets better.  Went to bed without much prayer or meditation and woke up wishing I had gotten more sleep (self resentment).  I am now at 20 thousand feet and 5 thousand of that was while I was sleeping.  Did I pray and meditate on waking...NOT EVEN!!  I went back to the shredder and in short order was into frustration, resentment, self pity and the kitchen looking for a cup of coffee and a good excuse and opportunity to take it out on my spouse who is the easiest and most allowing target I have right? 

I didn't do it verbally but then body language is so much louder right? (even when I tried to hide it.  My sponsor told me long ago don't even lie about body language and here I am years and years later making another attempt at the impossible.  Well I have now reached 22thousand 6hundred and 32feet and find it hard to breathe which now makes both of us only my spouse is sick in body and I am sick in head, emotions, spirit and...?  

I decide it might be best to abandon the kitchen and go in and change my clothes. I go to the closet and as I am reaching for my shorts and shirt, my Higher Power says, "You're gonna want to change your attitude also."  Within a second I was back on level ground fully aware and different.  My body language and verbal language matched up as balanced and loving and I took off for an early meeting.  Subject?
Being Overloaded.   Go figure!!   When I get overloaded I get irresponsible and want to lay the blame out over other people, places and things.  I use to do this to my alcoholic and as my HP also told me in the closet..."If there wasn't someone around to blame, you'd find one."

I usually don't make the same mistake twice within the same day (I only have one day at a time) so this one is almost over. I'm gonna go meditate and pray after doing a 10th step and then go bed.

Thanks for all your experience, strength and hope.  ((((((hugs))))))