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For two days my A has been baiting me. Wanting to fight, argue, he is just being right out rude to me and the kids. He went out Saturday night didn't come home, then Sunday around 11am he answered my call only to hang up on me and turn his phone off. I didn't react! Now for the last two days he has just been irratated and mean. I know he hasn't had a drink since Sunday, I think he used either Meth or Cocaine over the weekend, so maybe the after effects. I am staying strong though. I told him last night, very calmly......I don't appreciate the way you are speaking to me, I don't accept the way you are expressing yourself to me, and I would appreciate it if you can't talk to me respectfully then just don't talk to me. This morning, I got up, we passed eachother, normally he kisses my forhead and we say good bye, have a good day, I love you. This morning I stopped, he started to walk by me, I said "good bye" he snaps, "Can I turn on the f****** light first?" I didn't react. I said I love you, have a good day and went to shower. The program is working.......I feel more at peace then I did a year ago....I am settled with my choices not to fight.......I am being gentle with myself.
((((Mary)))) Good for you! I am proud of you. My a can be just so tacky and rude at times too - as they all can I imagine! You handled everything so well. When my a is this way I really have to try hard not to take it personally- I fail most of the time, but if I could just remember that it isn't the person talking/acting it's the disease I would be better off. It looks like you are remembering that. Still I know how uncomfortable that makes a house.
I am going through that right now w/my husband. He was gone for 3 nights a couple of weeks ago (Mar 16-Mar 19). He came home that Sunday afternoon like nothing ever happened. I wouldn't have it. I do not pick fights. I just ignore him. I do this out of fear actually. If I say anything to him, he gets so mean & hateful. I end up crying and feeling worse. I figure it is better for me to ignore him & work through the disappointed in my own way.
We are at the 2 week mark and I still haven't really acknowledged him outside of what is necessary for our kids' benefit. He is doing the same too. And when he does talk to me, it is said in such a manner that it makes me want to smack him. I am keeping my distance. I never hit him - I know if I do, I am opening the door for him to hit me. Been there, done that, don't like it one bit.
I have said this on some other posts but I am going to say it again. I am getting the heck out. His alcohol & drug addictions are his problem - not mine. And I am tired of being the one to suffer the consequences for his actions.
Thank you for sharing. Keep strong. Stay tough. God Bless.
My ex liked/likes to bait me also. Early on I fell for it, and inevitably I would then be blamed for whatever. Over time I learned not to take the bait. At one point he'd "baited" me in writing and I just packaged it back up and very neutrally said these were his issues so I was giving them back to him. He never did know what to do with that one.
Very familiar.......my A likes to throw out birdseed so he can get squirrels to eat it and then try shooting them with a bb gun....of course there is no bbgun at me but there is tons of bait out there for me to pick up, I ignore it and have been more vigilant about boundaries when something is out of whack......this of course is only made possible by this program......we have lots of bait around here: court cases, lots of $$$ problems, health concerns, and of course his insensitivity and meanness.
My program says work on me otherwise I will force solutions and become irritable. I trust my HP more and more and when I don't I need to ask for help from the people in the program.
