Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

assh8 · assh8

I am 22 year old young girl and I have some severe issue with my smoking habit. My mom wants me to quit it,I really dont know how to. I feel depressed and lost when I try stopping it for a day even. I wish I get out of this deadly habit soon. Pls advice.

Jozie · Jozie

Welp, Coming up on Year two since I lost my Afather to this Gut Stabbin Disease, and yes I know all was his choices, and all was his Disease, however, knowing these things does not lesson the fact that Tomorrow I will have to yet again, Celebrate his birthday with out him... Tomorrow My Afather would have...

clep · clep

Well I write this having decided to leave my spouse. We reconciled ten months ago after a year apart. He is a recovered addict and alcoholic. I have let him know I am leaving him and it breaks my heart to be doing so. He has been going through the mental and emotional process of relapse but has not physic...

tlcate · tlcate

Well - here I am on the other side of a LOT of big things happening. Daughter turned 18, graduated, I just turned 40 2 days ago, we both applied and were accepted to college and am still in the process of unpacking my first house that I bought completely on my own. Wow. Exhausted, exhilarated, scared, ang...

melissimala · melissimala

Thanks to everyone who replied to my last post. I am thinking a lot these days and keep repeating the serenity prayer to myself. About sharing my recovery with bf. I guess I just want to share anything that is meaningful to me because there has been a real lack of sharing and communication because of t...

eyeswideopen · eyeswideopen

I went to my very first Al Anon meeting, it was good it helped dispel the panic and anger I felt. I got back to the apartment and I wasn't feeling good, I'm struggling with a bad cold. He called me and wanted to know if I would be meeting him with my boys for lunch with his aunt. I was really looking forward t...

wife2010 · wife2010

Well, let me see how I joined this site at the beginning of the month, which I explained my issue. Married for closed to 9 years and two years after living together with husband I discovered his drug addiction. But I decided to continue in the relationship hoping he woudl let go crack cocaine and commit...

eyeswideopen · eyeswideopen

I feel so overwhelmed and over my head here and I hope that someone can give me some advice. I was married to an alcoholic that did nothing to hide his addiction. In fact, he used it as a weapon: we both knew how violent he would get when he was drunk, so to 'put me in my place' whenever I tried to talk to him ab...

Tony_A · Tony_A

Hello, I'm a 36 year-old male who grew up in a reasonably non-alcoholic household. My parents divorced when I was 13. My dad was a heavy social drinker but quit cold turkey about 10 years ago for health reasons. My mom rarely drank but started to drink when her second husband retired and started seekin...

maire rua · maire rua

Ex-a rattled my chain this evening, and I verbally abused him. I have apologised as I do not like to get like that. I am resentful because he does nothing for our son who is a great kid and I am not well at the moment. It is not serious, just a touch of flu but I really could have done with some help. My cat, yes, h...

Cloudsea · Cloudsea

Hi, all: Any tips for this situation? Friends from out of town are coming to our house to stay the Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving. Long story short -- they 'invited themselves.' I did establish a boundary and told them we couldn't host them until AFTER Thanksgiving. Perhaps I should hav...

RLC · RLC

On August 9th I posted asking for prayers for my best friends wife who was diaganosed with stomach cancer. I just received a call will the wonderful news that all cancer cells are gone. Thank you HP. Gearld was aware that I had asked members of MIP for their prayers and he told me to thank each and every...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Well surgery went well....strange thing though, my wife pointed out that there was no script for antibiotics. though that was automatic with surgery. Now they did have an IV antibiotic going before and during surgery, it is arthroscopic as well...but I'll call tomorrow...we didnt' realize it u...

member922 · member922

So my Abf has now made the decision that he wants to quit smoking and drinking and grow up. I am very supportive and once in awhile make reference to our future, but do not ask how he is doing as we live separately and I am not around to see how it's going. If he wants to update me, then he can. I am not in cont...

movinforward · movinforward

After reading the first two "Getting Them Sober" there in those pages I found the root of my broken relationship. I feel so exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. I have cried a lot this morning, greiving the loss of an idea, facing the reality. I figure I need to let these feelin...

Samsgram · Samsgram

I feel bad that her daughter (my grandaughter) is once again witnessing me breaking down in tears when her mother starts in with the threats and starts tearing me down. It all started when she asked if I would meet her at 3:00 today to pick up my gd. She was to be at a gas station at that time. I hurried to be d...

kath · kath

I have been sick with the flu for a week. I need to get up and around to doing things I need to do. I feel drained and useless. I really want to crawl in bed and go back to sleep. I resent the fact that my husband and my dad get to do whatever they want at my expense. It feels like they have to beat me down in order to d...

stephaniej · stephaniej

Hi everyone...I'm hoping for some feedback from you all, since I value your experiences so much on this journey. Although I am here largely because of my AH, my brother also has a long history of addiction. Amazingly, I learned to detach on my own from him several years ago. He does not bring his subst...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

I don't know why I am struggling tonight, but I am. I am trying very hard to detach, but I am finding myself getting really angry, but it isn't doing me any good. To start off, my AH told me he took off work at 3pm today, but he didn't get home till 5:30pm because he went out with a co-worker to shoot pool and d...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am feeling so much better now that I am recovering very well. Since I last posted, I have been feeling better every day! I am also attending my Weds. night meeting after not going for awhile. I am so grateful that I have a few meetings to go to plus this wonderful forum. Nothing seems to be going wrong late...

brb446 · brb446

My loved one binge drinks and he has been on one for over a week. Fortunately, he is away - so I haven't had to see him. I was quite upset earlier this week- but went to a F to F meeting on Wed and my higher power just got the detachment thing going for me. I'm staying out of it. My son who is a recovering alcoh...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

This weekend we are celebrating Thanksgiving early. We have family coming in from out of town (all AH's side of the family). We are hosting it at our house. We started this tradition last year. Everyone comes to our house, and everyone helps out in preparing the meal. We don't eat a traditional Th...

Jozie · Jozie

Ok I had told ya's about finding a childhood friend and that I was Nervous about meeting her, because she was one of the Very Few "Kids" that were in my alcoholic home and seen and knew how my family worked... because her family was not far from the same... WELL, I had put off calling her, and wo...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

Yesterday was a hard day. I started out being yelled at my ex-husband for something dumb. I fell for it and joined the arguement when I shouldn't have. I realized through talking with my sponsor that I needed to find a boundary and to not fall into the trap of letting him hook me in to the fight. I am not...

melissimala · melissimala

Went to the the first meeting last night and it went well. Lots of heartbreaking stories there and lots of people that know exactly what you are going through and they are not judgemental. What a nice thing. I almost backed out but pushed myself to go. My alcoholic boyfirend, while he says he has qui...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

Tricia's post that had a couple sentences about movies made me think of this - I didn't want to hijack her thread so I'm starting my own. :) Seems like that my whole life, I haven't been able to cry in front of most other people. I can cry by myself, and I can cry in front of my AH, but not my mother or other peo...

Kaysi · Kaysi

Long story short my Dad is currently on a major binge. I don't know if he is still drinking or tying to "come down" as he refers to it. Currently he is alone in one of our vacant rental properties just drinking and drinking. I told my mother and sister that I would go today and check on him to see if...

Cloudsea · Cloudsea

Hi, everyone: I have been coming here for several months and find the posts and the dialogue and support here so beneficial. I also go to f2f meetings. I thought I would share something I struggled with and which I have had a realization about -- validation. My AH is now in recovery. When he first went...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

For the kind thoughts, words and ideas. Surgery is 6 Am tomorrow!!!! Just found out the time. Of course things are more hectic than usual today as Murphy's Law has once again reared it's ugly head. Wife late from school, have to drive daughter to MIL then race back to work. Daughter does all her hom...

sarebaer · sarebaer

I have been with my AH for 11 years. Through the first few years he was very physically and mentaly abusive and would disappear while on a binge with friends for days. After a few arrest for domestic violance and short tme in jail he did stop the physical abuse. He still drank everyday but certain thi...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Well this past weekend was our AlAnon conference. I do believe we had over 350 in attendance and it was a beautiful, faith filled weekend....actually that was the topic-FAITH-Fantasic Adventures in Trusting Higher Power. Well due to where I am with my uncle's health situation, I have been questio...

Pilgrim Girl · Pilgrim Girl

Hi, This is my first post in this forum. I have been in Alanon for 6 years. Making progress slowly, but surely. This is the time of the year we always start talking about preparing for the holidays. I use to busy myself decorating and baking and building myself up for the wonderful holiday that never...

Gailey · Gailey

This morning I was feeling generally happy. I feel like that more now since my son has moved away. The problem is this. As soon as I noticed I was feeling happy I turned my focus on to his life and his problems. Well, needless to say, that sent my happy feeling right down the drain. Why do you think I did that?...

tlcate · tlcate

So I can't deal with or express anger. Period. No gray areas. I can watch a bloody war movie and not flinch. I watch a chick flic, like I did tonight - Love Happens - and I see someone about to get mad - I don't just cover my eyes - I leave the room. Funny thing is - my reaction to sadness or fear or anything unco...

Imogen421 · Imogen421

He made the appointment, to help our relationship and get an official word on the issue. We're going together, at his therapist's suggestion (eval. is not with his therapist). I'm really nervous and hope it will go well, be useful, be healing, etc. Anyone been through this, know what to expect? Advic...

Suzannah · Suzannah

After yesterday's debarcle I can report that further communications with my daughter led to my succeeding in getting a turn around and a half apology...I say half because she may have said the words but it needs to be actioned too and I have to wait and see for that. However, I realise I am being too harsh...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

I am learning to keep my body language in check. Each moment is a moment that I have to do this though. I hope to one day not have to constantly check in with myself and say "don't give away so much info with what your body is saying". I also have become more conscious of other people's body lan...

RLC · RLC

A man had been going to his therapist for over a year twice a week at $80 per visit. His problem, since his childhood he had reocurring nightmares that someone or something was sleeping under his bed at night. His concern had taken a tremendous toll on him he never got a good nights sleep. His therapist...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

I seem to be having a lot of breakthroughs recently, a couple of which I've already posted about. Last night was another breakthrough night for me. I went to my f2f meeting last night (which was an excellent meeting on the topic of taking care of yourself), and when I came home, AH didn't seem like hims...

Jerry F · Jerry F

I get to go out and play. Aloha Ohana (family) and just had to post this before finishing up the day here on the Big Island. I was thinking about all the fun I got to have in the past several years of the Al-Anon program. Why I feel sooo much freer, happy and confident. It's because when you practice, pr...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I've been feeling ok, grateful even lately and generally satisfied and happy. But I'm feeling my mood turn little by little....some things I think are causing it are: 1. i"m having knee surgery (arthro, torn cartlidge) on Thursday and I'm a little afraid. Also I feel concerned that I'll be si...

failte · failte

Hi, my son is 23 still lives at home and for the last 3 years has been drinking 7 nights a week, he works part time but had the oppurtunity to work full time for the last 6 years and has repeatedly turned it down, he pays minimal board and lodging, and says his life is comforatable, he wont acknowledge any res...

Tracy · Tracy

My ABF is in recovery and really trying to fight his illness. He is doing really well and sems to be committed to his recovery. My resentmets are getting hold og me again he has been in there 3 months and has another 3 months to go it is quite an intense programme. He is allowed home now at weekends and we ar...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

I did not want to come to work today. I got an email last night from one of the bosses regarding a file I worked on yesterday. Looked like the client had some questions about our work and maybe something might have gotten messed up. Reading the email, I felt a little panicked. I started to project abou...

SteppingUp · SteppingUp

The other night we caught our son lying about doing his homework... again. W told him to go to bed. He turned (with a dramatic huff) and left. She didn't like his attitude and grabbed him by the arm (probably some nails involved here). He called her a bitch. I had to step in and tell him that he can never talk...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Some of you will know that my relationship with my children is a very difficult one simply because they blame ME for all the trouble and strife of their early years when I was being abused by their AF who was rather violent toward me and very neglectful of them. It has taken me years of living through bully...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

There is something that I recently learned that I can use in all areas of my life, not just with my relationship with AH. I thought I would pass it along in case it may help someone else. Let me back up just a little bit to give a small back story... Last night, we were all watching tv, and AH got up and said he...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

For all the progress I feel like I have made, I took such a giant step backwards this morning and I'm really upset with myself. Last night, I went grocery shopping for my wife. We had decided a couple of weeks ago that we would go grocery shopping together on Monday nights. She had indicated to me that this...

just Rose · just Rose

I found these message boards through my desperation last week and started reading each and every post trying to find relief. For the last several days I've kept reading. Yesterday after another painful episode w/my husband I somehow found the patience, kindness, focus, to address our situation...

stephaniej · stephaniej

today is what I call a low self esteem day. For various reasons, I have not felt good about myself today. I have found myself dwelling on my own past mistakes, as well as many of the hurtful things my AH has said and done. I've been trying to refocus my energy, but it has been tough. However, I want to claim my...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

What a beautiful sight.....Love ya all Andrea

RecoverySeeker · RecoverySeeker

I find myself turning to Alanon once again after walking away nearly 2 years ago. I was attending face to face meetings, had a sponsor, and was working the steps. However, I got pregnant, had a baby, and completely lost touch with the program and myself. I don't have the ability to make it to face to face m...

New User Settings in MIP · tlcate

If you visit multiple MIP groups you can now upgrade your user info to log you into all sites with the same info. This might not be so new, but I just found it and thought I would share. Kind of cool. I was here logged in, then I opened the step work page and it auto logged in, same for the AA page. Gotta love c...

Samsgram · Samsgram

Can you help me with this? This is the message I get.... "Error:Unable to load interface pixx: java lang security exception trusted loader attempted to load sandboxed resource from http;//www12stepforum I have tried to update Java but really am not tech savy so haven`t a clue what I`am doing....

member922 · member922

I have been spending many days reading and rereading the post that Tom put up from Toby's site. The one regarding the mini interventions. The holding of the boundary. Wow. Everytime I read it, I see how true it is. I just have to update and say that I haven't talked with the exAbf for a couple of weeks....

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

I had a few moments this weekend that really made me think Im starting to get this and making progress. 1. On Saturday morning, before her AA meeting, my wife told me that she had bought a bottle of wine on Friday night when I thought she was out running an errand and sat in a parking lot in the car with it, bu...

sunshinemama · sunshinemama

Whenever AH is drinking or even if I suspect he is, I find myself disagreeing with every thing he says or does. I usually keep my mouth shut and avoid argument. Actually, I find that I have to completely avoid him. Even if what he says makes sense - I don't want to agree with him because I can't let go of th...

dcot · dcot

I'm brand new here, and am the adult child of an alcoholic. My father has been an alcoholic my whole life, and though put my siblings and I in danger with his drinking, has never abused us. However, he has been arrested on a DUI charge previously and was given an ultimatum by my mother that if he didn't stop...

LotsoDreams · LotsoDreams

to start... I'm completely new to all this and I am just hoping it can help me become better as a person and I guess hope for a better future for my children. I'm married to an alcoholic he knows he's an alcoholic but does not feel he needs to stop drinking or fix anything cause it's not broken. Drinking caus...

maresie · maresie

As I watch my neighbors set up for the holiday ahead, I see how much in the past I set myself up to live in a sea of resentment. In fact in some ways I have resentments to process from the past that I have not let go of yet. I still have to really accept that sick people will still be sick people on the holidays....

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	how to quit smoking????? (Preview) I am 22 year old young girl and I have some severe issue with my smoking habit. My mom wants me to quit it,I really dont know how to. I feel depressed and lost when I try stopping it for a day even. I wish I get out of this deadly habit soon. Pls advice.	assh8	4	831	Nov 22, 2010 by nmike
	The Pain Begins again... (Preview) Welp, Coming up on Year two since I lost my Afather to this Gut Stabbin Disease, and yes I know all was his choices, and all was his Disease, however, knowing these things does not lesson the fact that Tomorrow I will have to yet again, Celebrate his birthday with out him... Tomorrow My Afather would have...	Jozie	5	805	Nov 22, 2010 by tlynna
	Smoking, relapse and separation. (Preview) Well I write this having decided to leave my spouse. We reconciled ten months ago after a year apart. He is a recovered addict and alcoholic. I have let him know I am leaving him and it breaks my heart to be doing so. He has been going through the mental and emotional process of relapse but has not physic...	clep	11	1584	Nov 22, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Literally taking Inventory (Preview) Well - here I am on the other side of a LOT of big things happening. Daughter turned 18, graduated, I just turned 40 2 days ago, we both applied and were accepted to college and am still in the process of unpacking my first house that I bought completely on my own. Wow. Exhausted, exhilarated, scared, ang...	tlcate	7	1295	Nov 22, 2010 by Karilynn
	alcoholism causes communication problems (Preview) Thanks to everyone who replied to my last post. I am thinking a lot these days and keep repeating the serenity prayer to myself. About sharing my recovery with bf. I guess I just want to share anything that is meaningful to me because there has been a real lack of sharing and communication because of t...	melissimala	3	516	Nov 21, 2010 by GailMichelle
	he's mad at me? really? (Preview) I went to my very first Al Anon meeting, it was good it helped dispel the panic and anger I felt. I got back to the apartment and I wasn't feeling good, I'm struggling with a bad cold. He called me and wanted to know if I would be meeting him with my boys for lunch with his aunt. I was really looking forward t...	eyeswideopen	6	1093	Nov 21, 2010 by eyeswideopen
	Husband keeps breaking promises (Preview) Well, let me see how I joined this site at the beginning of the month, which I explained my issue. Married for closed to 9 years and two years after living together with husband I discovered his drug addiction. But I decided to continue in the relationship hoping he woudl let go crack cocaine and commit...	wife2010	5	1349	Nov 21, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Urgent advice needed for a newbie (Preview) I feel so overwhelmed and over my head here and I hope that someone can give me some advice. I was married to an alcoholic that did nothing to hide his addiction. In fact, he used it as a weapon: we both knew how violent he would get when he was drunk, so to 'put me in my place' whenever I tried to talk to him ab...	eyeswideopen	10	1130	Nov 21, 2010 by White Rabbit
	I'm losing my parents and need advice (Preview) Hello, I'm a 36 year-old male who grew up in a reasonably non-alcoholic household. My parents divorced when I was 13. My dad was a heavy social drinker but quit cold turkey about 10 years ago for health reasons. My mom rarely drank but started to drink when her second husband retired and started seekin...	Tony_A	3	829	Nov 21, 2010 by lyndebi
	Feeling impatient (Preview) Ex-a rattled my chain this evening, and I verbally abused him. I have apologised as I do not like to get like that. I am resentful because he does nothing for our son who is a great kid and I am not well at the moment. It is not serious, just a touch of flu but I really could have done with some help. My cat, yes, h...	maire rua	4	641	Nov 21, 2010 by mjhyankees
	Big drinkers staying with me for Thanksgiving (Preview) Hi, all: Any tips for this situation? Friends from out of town are coming to our house to stay the Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving. Long story short -- they 'invited themselves.' I did establish a boundary and told them we couldn't host them until AFTER Thanksgiving. Perhaps I should hav...	Cloudsea	8	854	Nov 21, 2010 by Cloudsea
	Update On My Best Friends Wife (Preview) On August 9th I posted asking for prayers for my best friends wife who was diaganosed with stomach cancer. I just received a call will the wonderful news that all cancer cells are gone. Thank you HP. Gearld was aware that I had asked members of MIP for their prayers and he told me to thank each and every...	RLC	5	1007	Nov 21, 2010 by Karilynn
	surgey update..... (Preview) Well surgery went well....strange thing though, my wife pointed out that there was no script for antibiotics. though that was automatic with surgery. Now they did have an IV antibiotic going before and during surgery, it is arthroscopic as well...but I'll call tomorrow...we didnt' realize it u...	mjhyankees	6	522	Nov 21, 2010 by Suzannah
	On to the next stage... (Preview) So my Abf has now made the decision that he wants to quit smoking and drinking and grow up. I am very supportive and once in awhile make reference to our future, but do not ask how he is doing as we live separately and I am not around to see how it's going. If he wants to update me, then he can. I am not in cont...	member922	4	556	Nov 20, 2010 by tlcate
	Feeling absolutely steam rolled with the realization of alcoholic (Preview) After reading the first two "Getting Them Sober" there in those pages I found the root of my broken relationship. I feel so exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. I have cried a lot this morning, greiving the loss of an idea, facing the reality. I figure I need to let these feelin...	movinforward	5	590	Nov 20, 2010 by tlcate
	I allowed my daughter to get ahold of my emotions today. (Preview) I feel bad that her daughter (my grandaughter) is once again witnessing me breaking down in tears when her mother starts in with the threats and starts tearing me down. It all started when she asked if I would meet her at 3:00 today to pick up my gd. She was to be at a gas station at that time. I hurried to be d...	Samsgram	6	1242	Nov 20, 2010 by Bettina
	stuck (Preview) I have been sick with the flu for a week. I need to get up and around to doing things I need to do. I feel drained and useless. I really want to crawl in bed and go back to sleep. I resent the fact that my husband and my dad get to do whatever they want at my expense. It feels like they have to beat me down in order to d...	kath	2	724	Nov 20, 2010 by Jerry F
	Need some ESH, and possibly a reality check (Preview) Hi everyone...I'm hoping for some feedback from you all, since I value your experiences so much on this journey. Although I am here largely because of my AH, my brother also has a long history of addiction. Amazingly, I learned to detach on my own from him several years ago. He does not bring his subst...	stephaniej	7	806	Nov 20, 2010 by kitty
	Having a difficult time tonight (Preview) I don't know why I am struggling tonight, but I am. I am trying very hard to detach, but I am finding myself getting really angry, but it isn't doing me any good. To start off, my AH told me he took off work at 3pm today, but he didn't get home till 5:30pm because he went out with a co-worker to shoot pool and d...	kimmy1975	8	1047	Nov 20, 2010 by kimmy1975
	Feeling so much better--recovery is an option! (Preview) I am feeling so much better now that I am recovering very well. Since I last posted, I have been feeling better every day! I am also attending my Weds. night meeting after not going for awhile. I am so grateful that I have a few meetings to go to plus this wonderful forum. Nothing seems to be going wrong late...	Hoot Nanny	3	641	Nov 19, 2010 by clep
	detachment (Preview) My loved one binge drinks and he has been on one for over a week. Fortunately, he is away - so I haven't had to see him. I was quite upset earlier this week- but went to a F to F meeting on Wed and my higher power just got the detachment thing going for me. I'm staying out of it. My son who is a recovering alcoh...	brb446	4	527	Nov 19, 2010 by clep
	Nervous about this weekend (Preview) This weekend we are celebrating Thanksgiving early. We have family coming in from out of town (all AH's side of the family). We are hosting it at our house. We started this tradition last year. Everyone comes to our house, and everyone helps out in preparing the meal. We don't eat a traditional Th...	kimmy1975	2	864	Nov 19, 2010 by abbyal
	So Glad I Said Yes! (Preview) Ok I had told ya's about finding a childhood friend and that I was Nervous about meeting her, because she was one of the Very Few "Kids" that were in my alcoholic home and seen and knew how my family worked... because her family was not far from the same... WELL, I had put off calling her, and wo...	Jozie	4	469	Nov 19, 2010 by hotrod
	Learning more and more to detach from the disease (Preview) Yesterday was a hard day. I started out being yelled at my ex-husband for something dumb. I fell for it and joined the arguement when I shouldn't have. I realized through talking with my sponsor that I needed to find a boundary and to not fall into the trap of letting him hook me in to the fight. I am not...	sunflowergirl	5	666	Nov 19, 2010 by ythannah
	Made it to the first meeting (Preview) Went to the the first meeting last night and it went well. Lots of heartbreaking stories there and lots of people that know exactly what you are going through and they are not judgemental. What a nice thing. I almost backed out but pushed myself to go. My alcoholic boyfirend, while he says he has qui...	melissimala	6	540	Nov 19, 2010 by SteppingUp
	Crying in front of others (Preview) Tricia's post that had a couple sentences about movies made me think of this - I didn't want to hijack her thread so I'm starting my own. :) Seems like that my whole life, I haven't been able to cry in front of most other people. I can cry by myself, and I can cry in front of my AH, but not my mother or other peo...	White Rabbit	9	782	Nov 19, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Advice.. (Preview) Long story short my Dad is currently on a major binge. I don't know if he is still drinking or tying to "come down" as he refers to it. Currently he is alone in one of our vacant rental properties just drinking and drinking. I told my mother and sister that I would go today and check on him to see if...	Kaysi	6	546	Nov 19, 2010 by abbyal
	Validation (Preview) Hi, everyone: I have been coming here for several months and find the posts and the dialogue and support here so beneficial. I also go to f2f meetings. I thought I would share something I struggled with and which I have had a realization about -- validation. My AH is now in recovery. When he first went...	Cloudsea	13	989	Nov 18, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Thanks everyone.... (Preview) For the kind thoughts, words and ideas. Surgery is 6 Am tomorrow!!!! Just found out the time. Of course things are more hectic than usual today as Murphy's Law has once again reared it's ugly head. Wife late from school, have to drive daughter to MIL then race back to work. Daughter does all her hom...	mjhyankees	4	360	Nov 18, 2010 by xeno59
	Still very new to the process (Preview) I have been with my AH for 11 years. Through the first few years he was very physically and mentaly abusive and would disappear while on a binge with friends for days. After a few arrest for domestic violance and short tme in jail he did stop the physical abuse. He still drank everyday but certain thi...	sarebaer	4	756	Nov 18, 2010 by xeno59
	Always growing in this program (Preview) Well this past weekend was our AlAnon conference. I do believe we had over 350 in attendance and it was a beautiful, faith filled weekend....actually that was the topic-FAITH-Fantasic Adventures in Trusting Higher Power. Well due to where I am with my uncle's health situation, I have been questio...	shellyj123	2	443	Nov 18, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Truly enjoying the holidays (Preview) Hi, This is my first post in this forum. I have been in Alanon for 6 years. Making progress slowly, but surely. This is the time of the year we always start talking about preparing for the holidays. I use to busy myself decorating and baking and building myself up for the wonderful holiday that never...	Pilgrim Girl	3	833	Nov 18, 2010 by kitty
	something I noticed about the way I was feeling (Preview) This morning I was feeling generally happy. I feel like that more now since my son has moved away. The problem is this. As soon as I noticed I was feeling happy I turned my focus on to his life and his problems. Well, needless to say, that sent my happy feeling right down the drain. Why do you think I did that?...	Gailey	7	725	Nov 18, 2010 by Jerry F
	Post regarding anger - anyone like this? (Preview) So I can't deal with or express anger. Period. No gray areas. I can watch a bloody war movie and not flinch. I watch a chick flic, like I did tonight - Love Happens - and I see someone about to get mad - I don't just cover my eyes - I leave the room. Funny thing is - my reaction to sadness or fear or anything unco...	tlcate	9	857	Nov 18, 2010 by dori711
	Chemical Dependency assessment for a. fiance today - ESH appreciated (Preview) He made the appointment, to help our relationship and get an official word on the issue. We're going together, at his therapist's suggestion (eval. is not with his therapist). I'm really nervous and hope it will go well, be useful, be healing, etc. Anyone been through this, know what to expect? Advic...	Imogen421	11	849	Nov 17, 2010 by Imogen421
	Gently gently...I am too hard on myself (Preview) After yesterday's debarcle I can report that further communications with my daughter led to my succeeding in getting a turn around and a half apology...I say half because she may have said the words but it needs to be actioned too and I have to wait and see for that. However, I realise I am being too harsh...	Suzannah	6	788	Nov 17, 2010 by mjhyankees
	More on body language (Preview) I am learning to keep my body language in check. Each moment is a moment that I have to do this though. I hope to one day not have to constantly check in with myself and say "don't give away so much info with what your body is saying". I also have become more conscious of other people's body lan...	sunflowergirl	3	704	Nov 17, 2010 by Jerry F
	Al-Anon Is A Common Sense Program (Humor) (Preview) A man had been going to his therapist for over a year twice a week at $80 per visit. His problem, since his childhood he had reocurring nightmares that someone or something was sleeping under his bed at night. His concern had taken a tremendous toll on him he never got a good nights sleep. His therapist...	RLC	7	873	Nov 17, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	More progress (Preview) I seem to be having a lot of breakthroughs recently, a couple of which I've already posted about. Last night was another breakthrough night for me. I went to my f2f meeting last night (which was an excellent meeting on the topic of taking care of yourself), and when I came home, AH didn't seem like hims...	kimmy1975	5	630	Nov 17, 2010 by Jerry F
	Homework's done... (Preview) I get to go out and play. Aloha Ohana (family) and just had to post this before finishing up the day here on the Big Island. I was thinking about all the fun I got to have in the past several years of the Al-Anon program. Why I feel sooo much freer, happy and confident. It's because when you practice, pr...	Jerry F	7	709	Nov 17, 2010 by canadianguy
	Feel a negative mood coming on.... (Preview) I've been feeling ok, grateful even lately and generally satisfied and happy. But I'm feeling my mood turn little by little....some things I think are causing it are: 1. i"m having knee surgery (arthro, torn cartlidge) on Thursday and I'm a little afraid. Also I feel concerned that I'll be si...	mjhyankees	7	615	Nov 17, 2010 by xeno59
	desperately need advice (Preview) Hi, my son is 23 still lives at home and for the last 3 years has been drinking 7 nights a week, he works part time but had the oppurtunity to work full time for the last 6 years and has repeatedly turned it down, he pays minimal board and lodging, and says his life is comforatable, he wont acknowledge any res...	failte	8	826	Nov 17, 2010 by hotrod
	at war with resentment (Preview) My ABF is in recovery and really trying to fight his illness. He is doing really well and sems to be committed to his recovery. My resentmets are getting hold og me again he has been in there 3 months and has another 3 months to go it is quite an intense programme. He is allowed home now at weekends and we ar...	Tracy	6	896	Nov 17, 2010 by kitty
	Childhood experiences affect professional relationships as well as family relationships (Preview) I did not want to come to work today. I got an email last night from one of the bosses regarding a file I worked on yesterday. Looked like the client had some questions about our work and maybe something might have gotten messed up. Reading the email, I felt a little panicked. I started to project abou...	White Rabbit	5	1169	Nov 16, 2010 by Christy
	Am I letting my son down? (Preview) The other night we caught our son lying about doing his homework... again. W told him to go to bed. He turned (with a dramatic huff) and left. She didn't like his attitude and grabbed him by the arm (probably some nails involved here). He called her a bitch. I had to step in and tell him that he can never talk...	SteppingUp	5	744	Nov 16, 2010 by maire rua
	SO MUCH FOR RECOVERY and progress...a long way to go...keep on making mistakes... (Preview) Some of you will know that my relationship with my children is a very difficult one simply because they blame ME for all the trouble and strife of their early years when I was being abused by their AF who was rather violent toward me and very neglectful of them. It has taken me years of living through bully...	Suzannah	4	451	Nov 16, 2010 by glad lee
	Something I've learned (Preview) There is something that I recently learned that I can use in all areas of my life, not just with my relationship with AH. I thought I would pass it along in case it may help someone else. Let me back up just a little bit to give a small back story... Last night, we were all watching tv, and AH got up and said he...	kimmy1975	7	669	Nov 16, 2010 by wp
	SO mad at myself... (Preview) For all the progress I feel like I have made, I took such a giant step backwards this morning and I'm really upset with myself. Last night, I went grocery shopping for my wife. We had decided a couple of weeks ago that we would go grocery shopping together on Monday nights. She had indicated to me that this...	usedtobeanyer	12	777	Nov 16, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	If you've posted last few days THANK YOU (Preview) I found these message boards through my desperation last week and started reading each and every post trying to find relief. For the last several days I've kept reading. Yesterday after another painful episode w/my husband I somehow found the patience, kindness, focus, to address our situation...	just Rose	6	682	Nov 16, 2010 by mjhyankees
	The silver lining in a low self esteem day (Preview) today is what I call a low self esteem day. For various reasons, I have not felt good about myself today. I have found myself dwelling on my own past mistakes, as well as many of the hurtful things my AH has said and done. I've been trying to refocus my energy, but it has been tough. However, I want to claim my...	stephaniej	5	2729	Nov 16, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Santa and Kendra (Preview) What a beautiful sight.....Love ya all Andrea	Andrea12	2	852	Nov 16, 2010 by xeno59
	Where to begin? (Preview) I find myself turning to Alanon once again after walking away nearly 2 years ago. I was attending face to face meetings, had a sponsor, and was working the steps. However, I got pregnant, had a baby, and completely lost touch with the program and myself. I don't have the ability to make it to face to face m...	RecoverySeeker	4	730	Nov 16, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	New User Settings in MIP (Preview) If you visit multiple MIP groups you can now upgrade your user info to log you into all sites with the same info. This might not be so new, but I just found it and thought I would share. Kind of cool. I was here logged in, then I opened the step work page and it auto logged in, same for the AA page. Gotta love c...	tlcate	3	684	Nov 16, 2010 by tlcate
	Can`t Get In to Chat or Meetings (Preview) Can you help me with this? This is the message I get.... "Error:Unable to load interface pixx: java lang security exception trusted loader attempted to load sandboxed resource from http;//www12stepforum I have tried to update Java but really am not tech savy so haven`t a clue what I`am doing....	Samsgram	2	654	Nov 16, 2010 by kitty
	Detachment and boundaries DO work! (Preview) I have been spending many days reading and rereading the post that Tom put up from Toby's site. The one regarding the mini interventions. The holding of the boundary. Wow. Everytime I read it, I see how true it is. I just have to update and say that I haven't talked with the exAbf for a couple of weeks....	member922	9	1240	Nov 16, 2010 by this too shall pass
	Baby steps (Preview) I had a few moments this weekend that really made me think Im starting to get this and making progress. 1. On Saturday morning, before her AA meeting, my wife told me that she had bought a bottle of wine on Friday night when I thought she was out running an errand and sat in a parking lot in the car with it, bu...	usedtobeanyer	12	784	Nov 15, 2010 by usedtobeanyer
	Can't seem to keep an open mind... (Preview) Whenever AH is drinking or even if I suspect he is, I find myself disagreeing with every thing he says or does. I usually keep my mouth shut and avoid argument. Actually, I find that I have to completely avoid him. Even if what he says makes sense - I don't want to agree with him because I can't let go of th...	sunshinemama	8	877	Nov 15, 2010 by member922
	Need advice (Preview) I'm brand new here, and am the adult child of an alcoholic. My father has been an alcoholic my whole life, and though put my siblings and I in danger with his drinking, has never abused us. However, he has been arrested on a DUI charge previously and was given an ultimatum by my mother that if he didn't stop...	dcot	11	716	Nov 15, 2010 by member922
	Hoping this is the right place.. (Preview) to start... I'm completely new to all this and I am just hoping it can help me become better as a person and I guess hope for a better future for my children. I'm married to an alcoholic he knows he's an alcoholic but does not feel he needs to stop drinking or fix anything cause it's not broken. Drinking caus...	LotsoDreams	9	537	Nov 15, 2010 by LotsoDreams
	resentments and expectations (Preview) As I watch my neighbors set up for the holiday ahead, I see how much in the past I set myself up to live in a sea of resentment. In fact in some ways I have resentments to process from the past that I have not let go of yet. I still have to really accept that sick people will still be sick people on the holidays....	maresie	7	1276	Nov 15, 2010 by maire rua
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.