Feeling lonely... - Al-Anon Family Group

member922 · Senior Member

Feeling lonely...

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

You are not alone, :) I am here. First things first, when I bring my focus back to me and what I need and want, I feel better. I have kids too, that will be at their respective father's houses in the next two holidays. I know now that I don't mind so much. We will probably rent some movies or watch something on tv together before they go and then I will do stuff for me. Read a book, watch a movie, drink hot cocoa... Take a bath... take care of you :)

Suzannah · ~*Service Worker*~

So understand, having been married for twenty years and being on my own and living for/through the children, and feeling sorry for myself.

So understand that at times I thought being with someone who treated me bad was better than being alone and lonely.

So understand, having spent twenty years on my own. No family, no one to share a meal with and feeling sorry for myself.

So understand that that is no way to go.

It is not, truly, but that took me so many years to perfect and I am still a work-in-progress because it does NOT get easier with time. And I only just recently have found the serenity totally to simply look OUTSIDE of myself enough to see that for years I did voluntary work at these times to heal others that were even LESS fortunate than me.

Now I have matured and I think of the time and space I have that many others do NOT have and the things I CAN do in the time I have to spend as I like and on myself as well as on others.

Pamper yourself, read a novel, watch a dvd whilst licenuously indulging yourself with a little treat. Do some decorating, so much easier to do that when there are no children around to upset paint cans or mess with the wallpaper paste.

Spend time in your garden (if you have one), or plant up tubs of spring bulbs (for your patio or balcony); when they come into flower you can remember with satisfaction that that was time well spent when you felt a little shaky.

Find a hobby to indulge yourself in, painting, sewing, bake cakes and fill your freezer with meals so you can spend some luxury time with your children when they get back 'cos you have prepared ahead the meals for the week. Surf the web to indulge in finding out more about something that you are passionate about.

Turn the radio up and DANCE, abandonedly, no one is watching and think of the exercise that you are doing. Shaping you up and encouraging good vibes by raising that fitness.

Don't be down, don't give up, don't swander that precious me time by dwelling on the negative and the lonely...turn it into a win win situation. There is so much more I could suggest and not all of it involves spending money that you may not have either.

Take care, hoping you find something to indulge yourself in.

With love,

Suzannah

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Member

I found that one of the destructive symptoms of living with the disease of alcoholism was that I lost myself.

I focused on others, ignored myself, my needs and because I was not caring for myself I FELT LONELY and LOST. I always feared being abandoned but what I found was that I HAD Abandoned myself long ago.

Al anon gave me the tools to recover from this devastation. Focus on myself, Go to meetings, gratitude list ,work the steps, share, sponsor someone and then" having had a spiritual awakening" I will know how to handle life, feel whole and live life on life terms

You are on the way it is a process.

.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

If your not already please find f2f meetings for yourself , when settled in this program your never alone again , unless of course you want to be. most comunities have round the clock meetings over the holidays open AA or Al-Anon will get you thru the holiday. check with a local Alano club for more info . And if you really think about it how much company was your husb when drinking ?? when living with active drinking you are alone .
Enjoy the kids , put up your tree make the house bright and play xmas carols you can do this . Louise

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi member!

Have you been making it to face-to-face meetings? There's an entire fellowship of Al-Anon members out there who are pretty darn great at helping you to NOT feel alone. You may want to keep your ears perked for offers of "meeting after the meeting". Great time for fellowship.

I really had to step outside of my own comfort zone and join other meeting members on excursions after meetings and the like... and I'm glad I did. I've really gained a lot of fantastic friends from the fellowship with whom I can spend lots of time... especially if I'm getting that icky lonely feeling. I'm really appreciating their presence in my life this holiday season - this will be my first holiday season without a boyfriend or spouse or immediate family around in a long... LONG time. Actually... now that I think of it, the more accurate description would be "EVER".

But when I think of the years with my exAH, and how unhappy I was with him, I may as well have been alone.

This stuff takes lots of time:

There's the component of learning to find and reach out to healthy friends that takes time and practice.

Then there's the really important component of learning to establish my relationship with my Higher Power and learn that my own company is perfectly fine, too, on those days I just can't be around other people due to various circumstances.

You're definitely NOT alone, though. :) Remember to start reaching out to others. Maybe think of a fun holiday get-together you could do with some of your friends. And if you're not sure about that, ask around the fellowship to see what they may have planned for the holidays.

And, I'd like to recommend a book that's been a real life-changer for me that's not CAL. It's a daily reader called "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach: http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Abundance-Daybook-Comfort-Joy/dp/0446519138

While Al-Anon does not provide you with a list of things "To Do", this book, does... It's not focused on living with alcoholism. Just focused on finding joy for yourself. It might be worthwhile for you to check it out. :)

Another suggestion for work within Al-Anon - consider getting yourself involved in service. There's a saying (and a book out there, too) that says "When I got busy, I got better". Service is a great way to help you feel more a part of something, and it's a great way to meet with more people and spend more time with them.

-- Edited by Aloha on Monday 15th of November 2010 01:54:34 PM

member922 · Senior Member

Thanks for all of the ideas and support. You make me feel so not alone.

I am still fighting the low self esteem that prevents me from trying new things. I HAVE come a long way though in the past 20 years. I think growing older makes you realize that you must live because there is no "forever" anymore.

I think I will attend the meeting tonight that I was going to skip over to have a pity party for myself yet again. Why waste the energy being miserable when there are many things worth spending less energy on?

And it is so true. Would I rather be alone by myself doing what I choose or alone putting up with a bunch of things I don't like as well.

Thanks for making me think. Every response has this effect on me now, as it should.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.