The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I watch my neighbors set up for the holiday ahead, I see how much in the past I set myself up to live in a sea of resentment. In fact in some ways I have resentments to process from the past that I have not let go of yet.
I still have to really accept that sick people will still be sick people on the holidays. In fact in some ways they will be more sick than ever!
My plan b is not going as well as I wanted so I am reverting to plan c. I may even have to draw up a plan d. The best thing is that I have no expectations of anyone but myself. Of course I know whatever happens my two dogs and cats will love me turkey or no turkey too.
Frankly every time i watch my neighbors decorate for the holidays I have this urge to just run them down with my car lol ( just kidding ) Our recent holidays have been so horrid I find myself not wanting anyone else to have a good holiday....misery does loves company right? Actually on a serious note..I love my neighbors and would never hurt them So our plan b this year is getting the hell out of dodge this Thanksgiving and traveling to the Oregon coast to hopefully spend the holiday with my sister, her bf, my brother and his wife and son....all recovering A's by the way except for my brothers 12 yr old son. But they have been in recovery many many years so I am not expecting any drama. But our trip means we leave our adult children behind, well our daughter has other plans and our son is in Jail ( but being given a 4 hour furlough to go home for thanksgiving dinner) well we had to break it to him we would be gone for the holidays, he was upset for about a minute then found a friend to spend Thanksgiving with. I have everything ready to go for our trip, I feel my husband and I deserve this trip and I've no guilt what so ever for us taking care of us. And thats what I call progress!!! Wishing you a peacful, serene holiday Blessings
I only make a plan if I am attempting to do something big, like travel somewhere or get a license, say.
No, I prefer to be right in the moment and open to as many infinite ideas I can generate. I have learned that most of what I worried and fretted about, didnt matter anyway, so I threw out all expectation, not only others but esepcially expectations of myself (except for reasonable ones like I will function - but no promises or jumping through anything to prove anything or otherwise) bc they were some of the most painful. The standard I set for myself is usually a lot higher then the ones I have for others. But so as to not create future resentments, I forgive when things dont go my way, I forgive me for having a plan at all. You know the saying, to make god laugh, tell him your plans. Stepping back and not running the show, it is fascinating to see how things unfold. I did feel imptaient when I was younger but it was more about - taking charge even to sabotage, it felt like I was doing something LOL and I was, only it is counter productive. Why not do something positive and constructive ? lol So not directing and forcing, meant I let go of what I thought I should be. I merely took care of me emotionally, in the moment.
Infinite possibilities only exist when I do not focus on any particular outcome or choice. When I stop trying to control, I found so many more possibilites present themselves. Who would have thought that by letting go - it would actually allow more of what I wanted to happen in the first place-actually happen anyway. Handing that over and practising faith - it is just very interesting and weird to see it unfold. I dont have to beat it to death to make it do something lol.
I found that other's judgements were what hurt me a great deal of the time. I quit comparing and listening to it. Hearing I was entitled to private thoughts helped me a lot too. Everyone makes judgements - they can have theirs and I will keep practising not judging.
Alone in the condo the last few christmases - I would buy a tiny 6 inch tree at a dollar store and that would be the extent of my decorating. Maybe pull out a colorful dish with a santa on it. I also had the christmas light around one window. no big deal but it allowed me to feel spitrited too, with no expectations and no pretending. Just being.
I really like to look for the deeper meaning of the holiday season anyway and find things to be grateful for, no matter what is going on. A recent study found that happier people live longer. Getting grateful for the very basic necessities, allows you to feel pretty terrific and lucky. I would take my pets over most people any day, they love me unconditionally. TC & GB!
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I hear you . Past Holidays did foster many resentments,due to unfulfilled expectations. It really is like pealing the onion We think that we have finally let go of all the resentments and up pops another.
I have found this program truly is a process and as long as I stay alert and focused only myself I will discover my triggers and HP will offer a positive solution.
So glad you have your little furry friends. they do add great joy to any season
I ID with this as well. I love the holidays and have found some people in my life seem to try to sabotage my good feelings. I focus on enjoying things for myself (light show, music etc. and doing things for and with my daughter who also loves the holidays. She buys the idea that mommy gets cranky and isn't used to celebrating the holidays like we do - so she pays less attention when wife is not participating or criticizing me over it.
Good to hear from you Maresie, I dodged a bullet recently in relation to christmas, my a-father wanted me to join him at the clare inn. Last year it made a real balls up of my christmas as the roads were too bad to travel on. but the expectations were there. No I have no expectations this year, am staying home with my doggies and my cat. (Bliss Maresie Bliss)
