The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There was a time when I reacted and responded to everyone else in my life and had no time for me or my own direction. Their lives, problems, wants and needs ruled me. I am realizing that it is ok to think about me, and identify what I want and need. To concentrate on my stuff. When I look at the others and concentrate on them, I lose me. When I lose me, I get sick. My codependencty shows through and controls me. WHen I keep my focus on me and taking care of my boys I feel better. I am becoming better able to steer my thoughts back to me when they stray. I keep focusing on me and I feel so much better. Bring it all back to me and all goes well.
My ex-husband seems to fit the role of the person in my life that I really have to recover from. He was so abusive and fits so many things that describe and alcoholic, yet he never drank alcohlically. He did drink though and usually had a few every night. Anyway, that is another thing to process later...
My bf now, he is working on his own recovery as I work on mine! We meet in the middle of the street now... We laugh all the time, we are doing silly dances to music on the radio, my kids enjoy his company.... I also know now that I have a plan B if things go sour. I believe that my HP will see me through and that things will be great. I am accepting of myself now. I am beginning to love me... I am learning to accept my defaults and my wonderful attributes. I am working on step 4... Thank you
-- Edited by sunflowergirl on Monday 15th of November 2010 08:29:49 AM
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I love this post of yours. You sound up-beat and in the right place to work step 4.
Step 4 was the enabler for me to find the REAL me, as long as I was prepared to be totally committed and totally honest. These were things that were not too hard for me for by that time I was totally committed and I know that I am only fooling myself if I am not honest and I am the one to suffer so I can face being brutally honest with myself without difficulty.
However, I know that others do struggle and shy away from such scrutiny, honetst and commitment.
I encourage you to step right up and jump in at the deep end and face that scrutiny from the out set for it is the only way forward in the end, whilst being totally honest with yourself and totally committed.
Tiptoe gently and work your way through it slowly and steadily but be brutally honest from the beginning and totally committed to this. You will gain so much from the very beginning.
I am watching your progress and relate to a lot that you have shared. I am just a little further along that same path that you are treading and cheering you and waving and hoping to see you meet the hurdles and styles one by one with absolute courage and determination.
With love, Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Thank you for sharing this journey You had a powerful insight into the importance of focusing on ourselves. I am so glad that you know the wonder of being human and are on the way to being happy joyous and free.
way to show how it works, when we work it and only take accountability for ourselves emotionally and lovingly detach from others as they go through their process with love, respect and dignity (acceptance) and focusing on changing what you can control. Living in the now helps our thinking adjust too. Establishing boundaries will enable you to grow more, giving you an action to take - for you to take emotionally and learn how to protect yourself in that way. WTG! I still feel like a walking miracle in action! Progress not perfection *winks
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I did that too (took on everyone else's emotions), and was aghast when my sponsor called me on it, telling me that it was (yet another) example of me trying to control others, the world, etc.... How DARE he accuse me of such.... ummm.... ahhh... wait a minute..... as usual, he was 100% correct!
For me, if I wasn't taking on their stuff, I might have actually had to work on my own..... :)
My sponsor was great at calling me out on this stuff..... I miss him a lot...
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
l