The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This morning I was feeling generally happy. I feel like that more now since my son has moved away. The problem is this. As soon as I noticed I was feeling happy I turned my focus on to his life and his problems. Well, needless to say, that sent my happy feeling right down the drain.
Why do you think I did that? I surely cannot figure it out. I sort of feel like I cannot be happy if he is not happy. Could that be it? Have you ever had that happen in your life?
I can really relate to this. Living in my marriage with an active A for many years, it became difficult to remain in a positive frame of mind. I never knew what mood he would be in from one minute to the next.
I have been working on this, as I realize that I am very sensitive to other's moods. I try and center myself and realize that it's ok for me to be in a good mood even when those around me aren't. I try and separate their stuff from my stuff; I know I already have too much stuff and can't afford to take their stuff on.
This takes practice daily and I do see myself improving in situations where the communication continues. Now I need to start practicing not being affected by someone's mood when they do not wish to communicate.
I have come to believe that I do best when I focus on myself without hesitation or exception.
I am so glad you are feeling happy It is a gift of working this program .
The tools have been given to us because we focus on others and lose our serenity and happiness.
Keep showing up, and using the tools . Remember to :Focus on yourself, Live one day at a time and when you find yourself worrying about your son say the serenity prayer and bring yourself back to "Where your feet are"
Yep I have had that happen to me ton's, and it was like a little voice in my head saying hold on a minute, you can't feel happy because ------------, blah blah blah, and I would listen to that self doubt and act accordingly, it was habitual for me to feel unhappy it was easier to stick with what I knew, I felt that I didn't deserve happiness and for much of my life I accepted that although I didn't like that feeling I did think it was the card I had been delt, and then? I got that I started to question why, and I started to have those little goose bump times, and I liked them, so much so I wanted to learn how to have more of the same, I am a natural worrier too, and I have to work really hard to not let anyone of them consume me, I think the trick is too beable to multy task emotions, we can still be happy even if we are worried, and I try and think a happy me is better all round for the person that I am worried about, I think you are getting it, NOTICING is HUGE AWARENESS!
Totally relate !!!! My son is an A and when he hurts I hurt...I think it is a parental thing We try so hard to make our childs life happy then they become adults and are respondsible for thier own happiness and when that doesn't happen we go into "fit it" mode and when we cant fix it we somehow feel like we have failed. I have been trying to hard to detach myself from my sons feelings but at times it is a minute by minute process. Blessings
I agree with others, it is your son. He is part of you.
When I get something extra I immediately share it with my kids. To me that is me being the mom I am.
To hurt when they hurt to me is natural.
I had to learn though, that their stuff is their stuff. I will listen but I cannot always do anything. Also they usually don't want me to.
Playing reversies helps. If you are hurting, do you want others to hurt? Of course you don't. He has to take care of himself. We have to let go and allow that to happen.He would not want to know his troubles hurt you.
What I had to learn to do was, know in my heart, he can take care of himself. I had to do that with my ex ah too.
I have to bring my focus back to where I am right then, reteach me to not go off on anyone elses pain.
I believe the things with our kids are the very hardest. I read once that our kids are parts of our heart walking around outside of us. It is sure true for me.
Even if they are being turkeys, NOTHING changes that they are part of us.
I totally relate to feeling good and then thinking negatively and bringing myself down...can happen in a minute's time! I just have to accept that I'm emotionally up and down right now, and just work with it. When down, try to work on feeling better. When up, try to stay there.
Gailey!! good to read your ESH and have you back. What you said reminds me of when I first learned how being "co-dependent" worked with me. My mood was dependent upon her mood. I'd even wake up in the morning and take one look at her face to decide how to co-depend on her attitude for my own. Now I just enable...LOL Happiness is an inside job for me now. I get to choose that for myself all by myself because I want to and like it.
I am responsible for my feelings and attitudes...can't blame anyone else.
