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Tricia's post that had a couple sentences about movies made me think of this - I didn't want to hijack her thread so I'm starting my own. :)
Seems like that my whole life, I haven't been able to cry in front of most other people. I can cry by myself, and I can cry in front of my AH, but not my mother or other people in my family of origin. If I'm ever watching a movie that's sad and I start to cry, I will try to hide my tears. I don't know if subconsciously I just feel that crying makes me too vulnerable or why I can't cry if I feel like it in front of others.
This is something that I think I will try to work through.
I feel sometimes I have the opposite problem. Crying too much, holding back tears in public. Hm. Not sure what I can offer other than to say there must be a "happy" medium somewhere. Cry what you mean, and mean what you cry, but don't be mean to yourself about it?
To cry is to appreciate the emotion of sadness and loss for myself and others. I use to be like this completely...don't cry at all unless alone and in the dark and away from wondering eyes. I learned in Al-Anon that being human is okay...it is what I am totally and humans have emotions and emotions have physical responses at time and God gave me tear glands and now I can use them without shame that I am human and that my tear glands work and I am a precious, loveable child of God. When it gets teary out...I's crying. (((((hugs)))))
tears heal , go to meetings f2f bawl your eyes out ,no one will tell you to stop or tell you your being foolish they just let you cry , its a safe place to finally let go and allow yourself to be vulnerable with people who love you unconditioanly . a gift Louise
It's been taking me some time to learn to be okay with crying in front of others.
I've had mixed experiences with crying in the open in the past... most of which left me uncomfortable in one way or another.
I'd either cry in front of others and be ridiculed and teased. Sometimes if I'd cry in front of my exAH, he'd get MAD at me.
Then there's the other experience of crying in front of others and then having everyone and their brother swarm around me asking "what's wrong? what's wrong?" to be followed up by overwhelming comments of reassurance and advice.
I never really liked either.
Crying would draw attention to myself, and it was either negative or overwhelming "mothering".
Fortunately, in the Al-Anon rooms, I've come across people who let me cry without ridiculing me or swamping me with advice. The most I'll get is an understanding hug or squeeze on my hand or knee or pat on the shoulder. It's really quite nice.
I recall very vividly being at a meeting that was being held at a friend's house. It was soon after I had decided in my heart that I needed to get divorced. I pushed through the meeting in silence, choking back tears, and then after the meeting, my sponsor came to me and I just let the floodgates open. She and I walked out to the lanai and I just sat there sobbing for maybe a good half hour while my sponsor just stayed by my side not saying much of anything - just being there to be a comforting presence. The other Al-Anon members were inside having a potluck and they respected my need for some privacy... didn't swarm me with too much attention.
It was quite an experience, and I really appreciated it.
Still takes time, though. There are safe people to cry in front of and there are people who simply are not healthy enough in one way or another to handle seeing someone's very raw emotions exposed to them through tears.
I was brought up to believe crying was a weakness. Even as I was getting a beating by my mom if I cried I got it twice as bad for showing weakness. The first time I cried in public was my mother's funeral 23 years ago, but I had on big sunglasses so no one could see. When my son sunk deeper into his addiction all of a sudden my tears flowed freely, seeing my child deteroate broke my heart in a million pieces, watching him suffer and not be able to fix it broke my heart some more and I cried some more. And i have found it to be a good out let, it doesn't fix my problem but I am no longer bottling it all up inside. Now a commercial can reduce me to tears lol Blessings
To me crying is no different than laughing. It is part of all of us. It is a medical fact when we cry we let out tears full of chemicals that need to be shed!
Leave it to me to take the magic out of it. (c:
For me, losing my husband to death at age 27 changed me. It made me realise what mattered and what did. Not much does. A green and blue sock match, no one cares if I wear make up or not, if I cry in Walmart I cry. If a movie makes me cry and YES commercials too, lol omg and utube, we are a funny bunch of humans.
What is wrong with crying? To me a man is more a man when he does cry. He has no reason to hold back, he is secure in his own skin.
When we cry it allows others to be sympathetic, empathetic, allows them to know they are needed.
It is an unselfish real act. Most times pure from the heart.
Its also a valve to let off some pressure.
My experience.... I ALWAYS have a hanky with me, always!
hugs, you can cry in front of me anytime! debilyn
btw sometimes things are so beautiful I think it makes the creator sad when we don't cry out of pure gratefulness and awe!
I've gotten better with crying (or worse???) as in I cry more easily now and less self consciously...man I cried a lot in therapy for a while, and would always apologize until the therapist questioned me about why I was apologizing. I didn't really know why other than I thought it was wrong in some way to do in front of her (or interupt the session etc..)
I was raised in a family that didn't have emotions. LOL, obviously we did, but we did not express them. No "I love you's" from my parents, no hugs. No tears of grief or joy. It is no wonder that I came to view it as a sign of strength that I almost never cry.
Then in August, I attended my first Al Anon meeting and bawled like a baby. I was mortified. But nobody judged me, and several people told me after the meeting that they cried for weeks if not months when they started attending meetings.
I still have trouble crying and am working on it, but the openness I encountered after my crying fit at my first meeting will never leave me. I hope to develop a better attitude about letting the tears come when they well up inside me.
Oh, Cloudsea, I totally relate to what you wrote. For the first time in 2.5 years of Alanon meetings, I started crying in a meeting. I, too, was mortified. That was actually 2 weeks ago and I have not been back to a meeting since then. I felt a little overwhelmed. Maybe I'll go back this weekend.
