Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

rara avis · rara avis

I'm sure I'm not the only one here who has had this phenomenon happen. I feel like I have just learned the lesson of detatchment [ well not with love, ] and self care, but not in the alanon way, instead in the wrong way. What I have learned is this: heartbreak can be cured with fear. My ex RA is REALLY acting u...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

In trying to reclaim my life, I have gotten busy and gotten out of the house a lot. I'm involved in some great groups doing both personal and civic things. But, what I haven't done is invite those who don't know me well into my "inner sanctum". Tonight, a few people who don't know I am the wife of...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

I normally don't move alcohol bottles or beer cans. They sit where they sit. Today was an exception. I was getting ready for tomorrow's big Halloween party. I needed counter space in the area where some bottles were. So, I moved the bottles to the basement in an area where I knew AH could easily find them...

Ness · Ness

My heart is sore. Our son passed away on Thursday. He is free of the torment and ravages of the disease..... for that I am grateful.Thirty five years ago today was a day of joyous celebration when I delivered him into this world at 11am, a healthy 7lbs 6 ounces with a mop of blonde hair. He grew to be a gentle...

Something simple · Something simple

New here and would like to hear how others handle keeping boundaries clear. The gist if my background is i come from a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father who quit after having paranoid delusions. My husband of 11 yrs and a decade younger than me lost his alcoholic dad as a child and was raised by a n...

pinkchip · pinkchip

Sometimes it would seem that terms translate well from the big book of AA to alanon and sometimes they don't. Here is one term that definitely applies to big headed egotist alcoholics like me: Self-Will Run Riot: This phrase comes from chapter 5 of the Big Book, 'Selfishness- self-centeredness! Th...

Pushka · Pushka

Holy cow last night was a blast. My AH and I took the kids door to door trick or treating in our town that is not as easy as it sounds. We live in the country and that is not going to happen out here .. lol. For some crazy reason I never thought about driving to another area to go door to door. We've done trick...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am grieving today over the loss of my step-mom suddenly yesterday afternoon. She was in ICU for awhile but she didn't make it! I have had so many ups & downs since she came into my life over 36 years ago. It really took a lot to start to accept her & love her over the years. Because of my recovery, I h...

callmemara · callmemara

He's got this bad habit of taking the car and driving it to the bar even though the bar is a 7 minute walk. Even though we discussed him not doing it Last week I was dropped off by a neighbor and took the car home and he got a ride from someone. Tonight we were at a friends house and he left 30 seconds before I did s...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

Thank you all for the warm welcomes - it means so much. I'm sitting here this morning and pondering over yesterday - Easter. My qualifier, my ABF and I had a nice day/dinner. In these seemingly peaceful times I seem to feel a stirring anxiety of sorts; like I don't want to enjoy myself in his company too mu...

Cupcake · Cupcake

Do any of you use the chat room either for meetings or general chat? I have been on there a couple of times but the meetings don't seem to happen at regular times even though regular times are posted. I'd like to attend more meetings but as many of you do, find it difficult to drive to a meeting and would lik...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

Both of the A's in my life went into their "victim" mentalities with me yesterday. My AH texted to me that all of our phone conversations these days (we're currently separated) "are interrogations." Pre-Al-Anon I would have lashed back and tried to defend myself or tell him he...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

My wife said those words to me as I was leaving for work this morning. She was surprised by my reaction, and kept saying "you shouldn't worry". If there weren't kids involved that needed to be picked up from school, I wouldn't worry. If she hadn't driven blind drunk 2 weeks prior, I wouldn't w...

kris10 · kris10

ok my head is running wild again.... It's 2am and I woke up and my Abf is STILL not home.... Although lately that isn't anything new... But beings that it's saturday and I don't have a kid I asked him if we could do something together tonight... I got in the shower and poof he's gone... Haven't seen or heard...

Jennifer · Jennifer

I keep coming here and not knowing what to write :) I am doing well, keeping up with my self care and program tools. Meditation and meetings (phone support is keeping me balanced, thankfully) have taken a backseat for a time while my normal schedule has the addition of the puppy, taking in my brother's y...

jmanning · jmanning

Well I don't know how much my HP thinks I can handle but I feel I have just been given too much. My AH is still in county waiting to go to rehab. He had transport papers to go but rehab denied him because of his paperwork. So today he goes back to court to fix it hopefully and then wait more weeks til a bed opens in...

callmemara · callmemara

I've been doing pretty good about not saying anything when I know he's been drinking/is drunk. Apparently though I don't hide it well b/c he's always asking me "what's wrong, what's the matter, what's that look for" which he does to some extent the same thing while sober and before he even s...

flopadopilus · flopadopilus

Last night I went to a fondue party (which was so nice nad fun) and was listening to one of my girlfriends complain about feeling stagnant in her life. She in my mind has a wonderful husband, healthy 4 year old, doesn't have to work and is okay financially. I don't blame her for being bored in life we all get...

Pushka · Pushka

I'm feeling a bit over loaded at the moment, it's not bad in the sense that I'm depressed. I'm more just feeling burnt out and up. I'm ready to redifine myself for lack of a better term. I'm more than a problem drinkers spouse, I"m more than the co dependent in this relationship, I'm more than a mo...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

The Al-Anon program and other sources have taught me and continue to teach me so much about what is really important. My appreciation is continually growing. Some of what I appreciate: * The knowing that futality of taking other people's inventory. This knowing has freed me beyond measure. * The k...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone, I have been tired never went to my meeting last night stayed home watched tv. this morning I was tired thought I am not going to my sat morn meeting having a lie in. when my alarm went off i turned it off, it went off again, i turned it off. then a knock at the door It was really early I got up it wa...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I can't seem to sleep in to well these days! I guess when I get up at around 4:30 am I have a little trouble getting back to sleep--technically I get enough sleep--to bed by 11 & up before 9 most days. Just having to get up early on Thursdys too kind of throws off my week. I go to TOPS on Thurs. mornings as I h...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

I don't want to wake up my sponsor. I know I should. But I don't want to. So, I'm writing here to keep my head from exploding. Part of my disease, my addiciton, my co-dependency is obsessively checking up on my AH. I took all the power out of his HP's hands and decided I was going to run the show. The obsession...

sookie · sookie

My estranged AH showed up drunk to take our kids trick or treating at a local festival with me last night. He blamed his relapse on having seen me out with friends earlier having a glass of wine (on my birthday--happy freaking birthday). I am SOOOO tired of being his reason to drink or the pressure of bein...

nyc018 · nyc018

I just need to vent as it's a snowy Saturday night in NYC and any feelings of tranquility during the day have been sapped. Yes, it is my qualifier (AH) who caused this all. But I have another battle, with my family, whose need to control, bully, threaten and strongarm me into banishing him from my lif...

Mlkiss75 · Mlkiss75

I just finished reading "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and an Alcoholic" by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D. I HIGHLY recommend this book! It is only 194 pages and makes PERFECT sense. And I don't even remember mention of higher power - it points out clearly and logica...

Pushka · Pushka

I've got an amazing friend who I love dearly and we probably know each other better than anyone else. They are really truly amazing. I'm having challenges trying to remind them I am more than my AH's issues. They are getting stuck in their own past at the moment and there is a part of me that wants to sho...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

I'm at work, trying so hard to focus because I have so much to do. I'm so beyond aggravated and I just want to scream. I'm repeating to myself that I can't control this, that I can only do what I can do. That my AH has a disease. We had a conversation last night, I found out the previous evening (while AH was dru...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

HI all This weekend I had pizza for dinner and watched a movie on Friday night. Saturday I did a few jobs around the place and visited a friend and picked some mangoes from her back yard trees. I did a bit of Christmas shopping. I looked around the boards a bit. Sat night I relaxed and watched soem TV. T...

Debilyn · Debilyn

For me it is not that we don't say anything, hold it in, feel frustrated. It's not about the A asking me what is wrong. It's more it is none of my business, it is his life, his disease is his own. I love him, I am glad he is home, I am sad he is so sick. But I choose to live with him as is.If he is not ready to go into re...

rara avis · rara avis

Hello everyone, Just an update since I haven't been on here much and don't want to be rude by just disappearing! My RA has access to his storage and stuff, getting him there was a comedy of nuisance. The only concern now is that I have his plants, so getting them back to him at some point could be problem...

mdkm0726 · mdkm0726

My daughter has 3 small children living with her. She is an active addict and is barely functioning. She has had no electric for about 10 days..and her and her children have been staying elsewhere unknown. DFS and a police officer has been looking for her and the children. She has sent an occasiona...

Tracy · Tracy

I have been learning how much I have lived in denial. I lived in a bubblw were I could only see the nice in the world and people. I must of developed this as a reaction to my childhood. It wasnt to long ago that I allowed myself to face the reality that my childhood was not perfect. All my life I have only all...

GreenerGrass · GreenerGrass

Hi, well I have a problem and it may be a little off topic but is still caused by the AH. Here is the story: He wasn't happy at his job, he took a job in another state even though it wasn't what I wanted at all. So now he's renting a room there, our house hasn't sold, although its only been a month and a half. But I r...

flopadopilus · flopadopilus

Amazing young woman! This changed the outlook of my day! I am no longer letting anyone abuse or misuse me! I am no longer choosing to be a vicitm and suffer for it!changes..www.youtube.com

mychem · mychem

omg I am so happy to have found this place. My spouse is the a in my life. It sucks cause I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it . His issue is making the entire house toxic. I don't think he is so bad to where he would need a medical detox so he can't use that as an excuse. It sucks cause some days he's nice and...

orchidlover · orchidlover

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM5A1K6TxxM I know when I left the ex A I felt that I had nothing. No money, no home, no truck, no health, no job, no friends (he had made sure he isolated me well). I started over. I got back up again. Now I am making twice what I made last year (still isn't enough but i...

Becki67 · Becki67

Well, that didn't work. I've been doing so good just going on and not letting things bother me. But, I just went off on him on the phone and hung up on him. The entire day yesterday I never heard from the ABF while he was on the road. He typically calls several times a day. The night before he had told me t...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Don't have a lot to say today! I just want to share the LOVE I find on this forum. I am doing rather well. I still feel the blessings that I am showered w/ every day. I am so fortunate to be a SURVIVOR! I have survived a lot of difficult times but today I feel like I am over a hump that I thought I would never get ove...

Mlkiss75 · Mlkiss75

My AH's father returned from a 6 month stay in his native Hungary last weekend. My husband has been struggling big time with his recovery - he and his dad work together and as soon as his dad returned, he expected my AH to jump right back into work again. I'm not blaming his dad - my husband needs to take ca...

amills4294 · amills4294

OK, I know it never goes away, but I've done a fairly good job detaching myself from her disease. But, I'm not perfect and there are times that it just hits me in the face again. She went in for surgery for a blocked carotid artery. My father told me the night before she went in, she went out and bought 4 la...

John · John

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Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Hi I have been pondering.. as I do... What are examples of boundaries that people have? Particularly those of you in Al Anon long term (lets say over a year or so for the sake of it), and living with the active user. Other comments naturally appreciated also. Where do you draw the line? If you know the pe...

_heather_ · _heather_

Alcoholism is brand new to me. So is my marriage. My husband is an alcoholic. I knew he had trouble with alcohol before we got married but I never knew how bad it really was. After our wedding, it was terrible. He was hiding bottles everywhere and lying to me about the amount that he drank. About two...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

What a week it's been! My toddler goes to a home childcare provider's house while I'm at work. Last week, one of the other toddlers had a stomach virus, and the mother brought him back before he was completely well. By the next day, (Thursday), all the other kids and the provider had the virus. I got t...

canadianguy · canadianguy

Hi all - I posted this in response to another post a few weeks ago, and thought it might be an interesting "self-reflection" exercise, to see where we think we "fit" in our respective recoveries..... (Remember the immortal words of my sponsor - "it is okay to use self-refl...

Becki67 · Becki67

Good morning everyone, I'd like to get your opinion on something. After this previous weekend (the proverbial "last straw"), I decided to seriously get some help dealing with this monster. I've spent the entire week on here and attended my first meeting on Tuesday. I told the ABF what I...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

Some of you know that my issues with alcoholics/alcohol abusers isn't just directly related to my AH, my dad was originally my source of pain. He slowly and gradually fell down the slippery slope of alcohol abuse and he said some VERY painful things to me while I was in college. He told me I should have...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

HI again.... I am a bit bored at work today.. I am sitting here pondering .. again... about my Tai Chi class last night. One of the concepts discussed was 'grounding'. Basically, he showed how we can stay stable and grounded when someone pushes us, and we do this by relaxing. We do not push back. We rem...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

I wanted to post about good things I have been feeling pretty low the last few weeks, I am still feeling pretty flat but I am trying to crawl out of it. There has been lots of bad thoughts in my head. I don't know why.... so I thought I would do a 'gratitude' type list. The things that are good right now are; I...

PH · PH

I'm new to Al-anon. My 27 year old son is an alcoholic. He got a DUI back in February and was devastated...Said he would never drink again...but about a week later.... it was back at it. He lives with us...He's started back to school and is doing well...but drinks a 12 pack every night. He doesn't work and...

glad · glad

slipping and sliding as if on ice today,, my mind is all messed up, I'm feeling yuky, my brain knows better but my feelings are all yuk... I wonder if "junkies" miss their drug of choice at the same time are well aware of how using only caused them pain... I feel sick tonight for sure! Good thin...

Becki67 · Becki67

It seems like since I decided to join some support groups and actually go through this entire process, my brain has been just going on overtime. I've done a lot of soulsearching lately and reading these posts makes things stand out to me. I'm an extremely independent person. I've lived alone a lot an...

belle_TU · belle_TU

I have a good enough but unsatisfying job. I've started the process of going back to school for the career I would really like, so I'm addressing the unsatisfying part, but in the meantime, I've got about a year left. Like a lot of Al-Anon folk, I am HYPER COMPETENT. This can make me a very good worker, but...

Kvothe · Kvothe

Hey people. My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my children is an addict and we have been put through the ringer in the last year or so. She's been using then getting caught and saying she's clean many times over that time. The last time she got caught was about a month ago and now she's in outpatient and t...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

Well, AH and I are back from our week in Nevis, West Indies. It was a wonderful vacation and I didn't 'see' him drink during the vacation. There was one day where he went golfing without me and he came back very 'happy' and snored like crazy that night and I suspected that he drank that night, but I didn't...

lostinspace · lostinspace

Hello everyone!!! I just found this site today and am already encouraged by what I have read so far. My story: I have been married for almost 5 years. I live with my husband and his teenage son. My husband is an alcoholic and has been before I met him. I'm at the point right now in our marriage where I am ready...

nmike · nmike

We are still married. He still threatens divorce. We have lived apart for six years. We have less and less contact. My question is: how do you stay away from them/avoid them because it is just too uncomfortable to be around him. He talks about his great life, other women, and how happy he is without me. I d...

Hot Chicka · Hot Chicka

I feel stuck. AH has stopped going to AA, and decided it is OK for him to drink casually again. I'm not stressing out about it because I now have boundaries, and understand I have options. Our marriage is actually doing better than it has in a long time. We communicate better, and fight less. I don't d...

KeepingFaith · KeepingFaith

I talked with my ex Abf yesterday and we agreed to meet up tonight before I came into work. He flat out stood me up. No call. No text. No response to me. I left a voice mail. This time stating i couldn't talk to him anymore. Told him I would like him to come find me when he gets himself back. I then sent one la...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	learned the right lesson the wrong way (Preview) I'm sure I'm not the only one here who has had this phenomenon happen. I feel like I have just learned the lesson of detatchment [ well not with love, ] and self care, but not in the alanon way, instead in the wrong way. What I have learned is this: heartbreak can be cured with fear. My ex RA is REALLY acting u...	rara avis	6	538	Nov 1, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Breaking out of isolation (Preview) In trying to reclaim my life, I have gotten busy and gotten out of the house a lot. I'm involved in some great groups doing both personal and civic things. But, what I haven't done is invite those who don't know me well into my "inner sanctum". Tonight, a few people who don't know I am the wife of...	Very Very Tired	6	766	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	Note to self: Never move an alcoholic's bottles (Preview) I normally don't move alcohol bottles or beer cans. They sit where they sit. Today was an exception. I was getting ready for tomorrow's big Halloween party. I needed counter space in the area where some bottles were. So, I moved the bottles to the basement in an area where I knew AH could easily find them...	Very Very Tired	7	3065	Nov 1, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Dear Friends (Preview) My heart is sore. Our son passed away on Thursday. He is free of the torment and ravages of the disease..... for that I am grateful.Thirty five years ago today was a day of joyous celebration when I delivered him into this world at 11am, a healthy 7lbs 6 ounces with a mop of blonde hair. He grew to be a gentle...	Ness	28	771	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	How to stick to my word (Preview) New here and would like to hear how others handle keeping boundaries clear. The gist if my background is i come from a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father who quit after having paranoid delusions. My husband of 11 yrs and a decade younger than me lost his alcoholic dad as a child and was raised by a n...	Something simple	4	575	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	Applying slogans and terms (Preview) Sometimes it would seem that terms translate well from the big book of AA to alanon and sometimes they don't. Here is one term that definitely applies to big headed egotist alcoholics like me: Self-Will Run Riot: This phrase comes from chapter 5 of the Big Book, 'Selfishness- self-centeredness! Th...	pinkchip	14	1135	Nov 1, 2011 by tommyecat
	Control issues .. much? (Preview) Holy cow last night was a blast. My AH and I took the kids door to door trick or treating in our town that is not as easy as it sounds. We live in the country and that is not going to happen out here .. lol. For some crazy reason I never thought about driving to another area to go door to door. We've done trick...	Pushka	3	818	Nov 1, 2011 by never going back
	so sad...what do I say? (Preview) I am grieving today over the loss of my step-mom suddenly yesterday afternoon. She was in ICU for awhile but she didn't make it! I have had so many ups & downs since she came into my life over 36 years ago. It really took a lot to start to accept her & love her over the years. Because of my recovery, I h...	Hoot Nanny	12	578	Nov 1, 2011 by Ruby
	Taking his (my) car from the bar parking lot. (Preview) He's got this bad habit of taking the car and driving it to the bar even though the bar is a 7 minute walk. Even though we discussed him not doing it Last week I was dropped off by a neighbor and took the car home and he got a ride from someone. Tonight we were at a friends house and he left 30 seconds before I did s...	callmemara	7	580	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	The Fear of Relapse (Preview) Thank you all for the warm welcomes - it means so much. I'm sitting here this morning and pondering over yesterday - Easter. My qualifier, my ABF and I had a nice day/dinner. In these seemingly peaceful times I seem to feel a stirring anxiety of sorts; like I don't want to enjoy myself in his company too mu...	RunnerChick	7	1734	Nov 1, 2011 by Michelle814
	Just curious (Preview) Do any of you use the chat room either for meetings or general chat? I have been on there a couple of times but the meetings don't seem to happen at regular times even though regular times are posted. I'd like to attend more meetings but as many of you do, find it difficult to drive to a meeting and would lik...	Cupcake	6	468	Nov 1, 2011 by kris10
	Practicing My Program Working the Program (Preview) Both of the A's in my life went into their "victim" mentalities with me yesterday. My AH texted to me that all of our phone conversations these days (we're currently separated) "are interrogations." Pre-Al-Anon I would have lashed back and tried to defend myself or tell him he...	Green Eyes	2	433	Nov 1, 2011 by Pushka
	"I'm feeling vulnerable today" (Preview) My wife said those words to me as I was leaving for work this morning. She was surprised by my reaction, and kept saying "you shouldn't worry". If there weren't kids involved that needed to be picked up from school, I wouldn't worry. If she hadn't driven blind drunk 2 weeks prior, I wouldn't w...	usedtobeanyer	7	835	Oct 31, 2011 by Debilyn
	lonely.... (Preview) ok my head is running wild again.... It's 2am and I woke up and my Abf is STILL not home.... Although lately that isn't anything new... But beings that it's saturday and I don't have a kid I asked him if we could do something together tonight... I got in the shower and poof he's gone... Haven't seen or heard...	kris10	17	707	Oct 31, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Check in (Preview) I keep coming here and not knowing what to write :) I am doing well, keeping up with my self care and program tools. Meditation and meetings (phone support is keeping me balanced, thankfully) have taken a backseat for a time while my normal schedule has the addition of the puppy, taking in my brother's y...	Jennifer	5	414	Oct 31, 2011 by pineapple
	Okay is it okay to fall apart........ (Preview) Well I don't know how much my HP thinks I can handle but I feel I have just been given too much. My AH is still in county waiting to go to rehab. He had transport papers to go but rehab denied him because of his paperwork. So today he goes back to court to fix it hopefully and then wait more weeks til a bed opens in...	jmanning	11	680	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	I did something stupid tonight. (Preview) I've been doing pretty good about not saying anything when I know he's been drinking/is drunk. Apparently though I don't hide it well b/c he's always asking me "what's wrong, what's the matter, what's that look for" which he does to some extent the same thing while sober and before he even s...	callmemara	14	652	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	More fully seeing my choices (Preview) Last night I went to a fondue party (which was so nice nad fun) and was listening to one of my girlfriends complain about feeling stagnant in her life. She in my mind has a wonderful husband, healthy 4 year old, doesn't have to work and is okay financially. I don't blame her for being bored in life we all get...	flopadopilus	8	626	Oct 31, 2011 by nyc018
	Long week :) (Preview) I'm feeling a bit over loaded at the moment, it's not bad in the sense that I'm depressed. I'm more just feeling burnt out and up. I'm ready to redifine myself for lack of a better term. I'm more than a problem drinkers spouse, I"m more than the co dependent in this relationship, I'm more than a mo...	Pushka	4	570	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	Appreciation is Growing (Preview) The Al-Anon program and other sources have taught me and continue to teach me so much about what is really important. My appreciation is continually growing. Some of what I appreciate: * The knowing that futality of taking other people's inventory. This knowing has freed me beyond measure. * The k...	GailMichelle	6	444	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	learnt so much from a newcomer (Preview) Hi everyone, I have been tired never went to my meeting last night stayed home watched tv. this morning I was tired thought I am not going to my sat morn meeting having a lie in. when my alarm went off i turned it off, it went off again, i turned it off. then a knock at the door It was really early I got up it wa...	Tracy	4	438	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	very tired... (Preview) I can't seem to sleep in to well these days! I guess when I get up at around 4:30 am I have a little trouble getting back to sleep--technically I get enough sleep--to bed by 11 & up before 9 most days. Just having to get up early on Thursdys too kind of throws off my week. I go to TOPS on Thurs. mornings as I h...	Hoot Nanny	3	499	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	Writing here so my head doesn't explode (Preview) I don't want to wake up my sponsor. I know I should. But I don't want to. So, I'm writing here to keep my head from exploding. Part of my disease, my addiciton, my co-dependency is obsessively checking up on my AH. I took all the power out of his HP's hands and decided I was going to run the show. The obsession...	Very Very Tired	8	667	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	trying to get off the insanity roller coaster (again) (Preview) My estranged AH showed up drunk to take our kids trick or treating at a local festival with me last night. He blamed his relapse on having seen me out with friends earlier having a glass of wine (on my birthday--happy freaking birthday). I am SOOOO tired of being his reason to drink or the pressure of bein...	sookie	6	543	Oct 30, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Stuck in the middle again (Preview) I just need to vent as it's a snowy Saturday night in NYC and any feelings of tranquility during the day have been sapped. Yes, it is my qualifier (AH) who caused this all. But I have another battle, with my family, whose need to control, bully, threaten and strongarm me into banishing him from my lif...	nyc018	5	646	Oct 30, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Grateful! (Preview) I just finished reading "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and an Alcoholic" by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D. I HIGHLY recommend this book! It is only 194 pages and makes PERFECT sense. And I don't even remember mention of higher power - it points out clearly and logica...	Mlkiss75	6	557	Oct 30, 2011 by never going back
	More than my AH's issues (Preview) I've got an amazing friend who I love dearly and we probably know each other better than anyone else. They are really truly amazing. I'm having challenges trying to remind them I am more than my AH's issues. They are getting stuck in their own past at the moment and there is a part of me that wants to sho...	Pushka	11	643	Oct 30, 2011 by angelchar375
	In order to focus (Preview) I'm at work, trying so hard to focus because I have so much to do. I'm so beyond aggravated and I just want to scream. I'm repeating to myself that I can't control this, that I can only do what I can do. That my AH has a disease. We had a conversation last night, I found out the previous evening (while AH was dru...	Jackie11	7	677	Oct 30, 2011 by angelchar375
	I worked the program this weekend, for real I think (Preview) HI all This weekend I had pizza for dinner and watched a movie on Friday night. Saturday I did a few jobs around the place and visited a friend and picked some mangoes from her back yard trees. I did a bit of Christmas shopping. I looked around the boards a bit. Sat night I relaxed and watched soem TV. T...	Lindaoakford	9	718	Oct 30, 2011 by Cupcake
	Well do you love them????? (Preview) For me it is not that we don't say anything, hold it in, feel frustrated. It's not about the A asking me what is wrong. It's more it is none of my business, it is his life, his disease is his own. I love him, I am glad he is home, I am sad he is so sick. But I choose to live with him as is.If he is not ready to go into re...	Debilyn	10	704	Oct 30, 2011 by hotrod
	Update (Preview) Hello everyone, Just an update since I haven't been on here much and don't want to be rude by just disappearing! My RA has access to his storage and stuff, getting him there was a comedy of nuisance. The only concern now is that I have his plants, so getting them back to him at some point could be problem...	rara avis	7	408	Oct 30, 2011 by Pushka
	Addict Daughter with 3 young children My anxiety level is soo high (Preview) My daughter has 3 small children living with her. She is an active addict and is barely functioning. She has had no electric for about 10 days..and her and her children have been staying elsewhere unknown. DFS and a police officer has been looking for her and the children. She has sent an occasiona...	mdkm0726	4	414	Oct 29, 2011 by mdkm0726
	trust myself (Preview) I have been learning how much I have lived in denial. I lived in a bubblw were I could only see the nice in the world and people. I must of developed this as a reaction to my childhood. It wasnt to long ago that I allowed myself to face the reality that my childhood was not perfect. All my life I have only all...	Tracy	4	530	Oct 29, 2011 by flopadopilus
	your thoughts on my problem please. (Preview) Hi, well I have a problem and it may be a little off topic but is still caused by the AH. Here is the story: He wasn't happy at his job, he took a job in another state even though it wasn't what I wanted at all. So now he's renting a room there, our house hasn't sold, although its only been a month and a half. But I r...	GreenerGrass	10	578	Oct 29, 2011 by flopadopilus
	I think this is a must watch!!!! (Preview) Amazing young woman! This changed the outlook of my day! I am no longer letting anyone abuse or misuse me! I am no longer choosing to be a vicitm and suffer for it!changes..www.youtube.com	flopadopilus	2	564	Oct 29, 2011 by Pushka
	new and frustraited (Preview) omg I am so happy to have found this place. My spouse is the a in my life. It sucks cause I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it . His issue is making the entire house toxic. I don't think he is so bad to where he would need a medical detox so he can't use that as an excuse. It sucks cause some days he's nice and...	mychem	5	471	Oct 29, 2011 by never going back
	Getting back up (Preview) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM5A1K6TxxM I know when I left the ex A I felt that I had nothing. No money, no home, no truck, no health, no job, no friends (he had made sure he isolated me well). I started over. I got back up again. Now I am making twice what I made last year (still isn't enough but i...	orchidlover	10	416	Oct 29, 2011 by never going back
	So much for detachment (Preview) Well, that didn't work. I've been doing so good just going on and not letting things bother me. But, I just went off on him on the phone and hung up on him. The entire day yesterday I never heard from the ABF while he was on the road. He typically calls several times a day. The night before he had told me t...	Becki67	6	622	Oct 29, 2011 by Jerry F
	not much to say but I will post anyway! (Preview) Don't have a lot to say today! I just want to share the LOVE I find on this forum. I am doing rather well. I still feel the blessings that I am showered w/ every day. I am so fortunate to be a SURVIVOR! I have survived a lot of difficult times but today I feel like I am over a hump that I thought I would never get ove...	Hoot Nanny	3	458	Oct 29, 2011 by Jerry F
	Plugging along (Preview) My AH's father returned from a 6 month stay in his native Hungary last weekend. My husband has been struggling big time with his recovery - he and his dad work together and as soon as his dad returned, he expected my AH to jump right back into work again. I'm not blaming his dad - my husband needs to take ca...	Mlkiss75	12	541	Oct 28, 2011 by Debilyn
	facing my mom's alcoholism - again... thankful for alanon (Preview) OK, I know it never goes away, but I've done a fairly good job detaching myself from her disease. But, I'm not perfect and there are times that it just hits me in the face again. She went in for surgery for a blocked carotid artery. My father told me the night before she went in, she went out and bought 4 la...	amills4294	2	423	Oct 28, 2011 by Debilyn
	Before the Morning... (Preview) [video=]	John	0	338	Oct 28, 2011 by John
	what are your boundaries (Preview) Hi I have been pondering.. as I do... What are examples of boundaries that people have? Particularly those of you in Al Anon long term (lets say over a year or so for the sake of it), and living with the active user. Other comments naturally appreciated also. Where do you draw the line? If you know the pe...	Lindaoakford	18	694	Oct 28, 2011 by White Rabbit
	Just beginning to understand the disease (Preview) Alcoholism is brand new to me. So is my marriage. My husband is an alcoholic. I knew he had trouble with alcohol before we got married but I never knew how bad it really was. After our wedding, it was terrible. He was hiding bottles everywhere and lying to me about the amount that he drank. About two...	_heather_	6	624	Oct 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Tired, and trying to remember to take care of myself first (Preview) What a week it's been! My toddler goes to a home childcare provider's house while I'm at work. Last week, one of the other toddlers had a stomach virus, and the mother brought him back before he was completely well. By the next day, (Thursday), all the other kids and the provider had the virus. I got t...	White Rabbit	8	621	Oct 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Where am I in my own recovery?? (Preview) Hi all - I posted this in response to another post a few weeks ago, and thought it might be an interesting "self-reflection" exercise, to see where we think we "fit" in our respective recoveries..... (Remember the immortal words of my sponsor - "it is okay to use self-refl...	canadianguy	18	1513	Oct 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	No Big Thang! (Preview) Good morning everyone, I'd like to get your opinion on something. After this previous weekend (the proverbial "last straw"), I decided to seriously get some help dealing with this monster. I've spent the entire week on here and attended my first meeting on Tuesday. I told the ABF what I...	Becki67	14	926	Oct 28, 2011 by Hot Chicka
	Forgiving my father (Preview) Some of you know that my issues with alcoholics/alcohol abusers isn't just directly related to my AH, my dad was originally my source of pain. He slowly and gradually fell down the slippery slope of alcohol abuse and he said some VERY painful things to me while I was in college. He told me I should have...	ilovedogs	5	569	Oct 27, 2011 by Pushka
	Tai Chi (Preview) HI again.... I am a bit bored at work today.. I am sitting here pondering .. again... about my Tai Chi class last night. One of the concepts discussed was 'grounding'. Basically, he showed how we can stay stable and grounded when someone pushes us, and we do this by relaxing. We do not push back. We rem...	Lindaoakford	8	547	Oct 27, 2011 by jitsuka
	good things (Preview) I wanted to post about good things I have been feeling pretty low the last few weeks, I am still feeling pretty flat but I am trying to crawl out of it. There has been lots of bad thoughts in my head. I don't know why.... so I thought I would do a 'gratitude' type list. The things that are good right now are; I...	Lindaoakford	3	413	Oct 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	I'm new to al-anon (Preview) I'm new to Al-anon. My 27 year old son is an alcoholic. He got a DUI back in February and was devastated...Said he would never drink again...but about a week later.... it was back at it. He lives with us...He's started back to school and is doing well...but drinks a 12 pack every night. He doesn't work and...	PH	6	485	Oct 27, 2011 by Ingwe
	slipping and sliding!! (Preview) slipping and sliding as if on ice today,, my mind is all messed up, I'm feeling yuky, my brain knows better but my feelings are all yuk... I wonder if "junkies" miss their drug of choice at the same time are well aware of how using only caused them pain... I feel sick tonight for sure! Good thin...	glad	5	529	Oct 27, 2011 by Jules1011
	Lightbulb going off!!! (Preview) It seems like since I decided to join some support groups and actually go through this entire process, my brain has been just going on overtime. I've done a lot of soulsearching lately and reading these posts makes things stand out to me. I'm an extremely independent person. I've lived alone a lot an...	Becki67	23	626	Oct 27, 2011 by Becki67
	Work rage rage work coworkers (Preview) I have a good enough but unsatisfying job. I've started the process of going back to school for the career I would really like, so I'm addressing the unsatisfying part, but in the meantime, I've got about a year left. Like a lot of Al-Anon folk, I am HYPER COMPETENT. This can make me a very good worker, but...	belle_TU	4	10235	Oct 26, 2011 by Debilyn
	New to this board. Going through some tough stuff. (Preview) Hey people. My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my children is an addict and we have been put through the ringer in the last year or so. She's been using then getting caught and saying she's clean many times over that time. The last time she got caught was about a month ago and now she's in outpatient and t...	Kvothe	13	599	Oct 26, 2011 by pinkchip
	Darn proud of myself! (Preview) Well, AH and I are back from our week in Nevis, West Indies. It was a wonderful vacation and I didn't 'see' him drink during the vacation. There was one day where he went golfing without me and he came back very 'happy' and snored like crazy that night and I suspected that he drank that night, but I didn't...	ilovedogs	8	594	Oct 26, 2011 by pinkchip
	In Need of Serious Help (Preview) Hello everyone!!! I just found this site today and am already encouraged by what I have read so far. My story: I have been married for almost 5 years. I live with my husband and his teenage son. My husband is an alcoholic and has been before I met him. I'm at the point right now in our marriage where I am ready...	lostinspace	12	672	Oct 26, 2011 by lostinspace
	Staying Away From Your Ex (Preview) We are still married. He still threatens divorce. We have lived apart for six years. We have less and less contact. My question is: how do you stay away from them/avoid them because it is just too uncomfortable to be around him. He talks about his great life, other women, and how happy he is without me. I d...	nmike	2	476	Oct 26, 2011 by flopadopilus
	I Feel Stuck (Preview) I feel stuck. AH has stopped going to AA, and decided it is OK for him to drink casually again. I'm not stressing out about it because I now have boundaries, and understand I have options. Our marriage is actually doing better than it has in a long time. We communicate better, and fight less. I don't d...	Hot Chicka	10	841	Oct 26, 2011 by orchidlover
	Sucke right back in... (Preview) I talked with my ex Abf yesterday and we agreed to meet up tonight before I came into work. He flat out stood me up. No call. No text. No response to me. I left a voice mail. This time stating i couldn't talk to him anymore. Told him I would like him to come find me when he gets himself back. I then sent one la...	KeepingFaith	5	606	Oct 26, 2011 by flopadopilus
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.