"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Mcjprr · Newbie

Help for going about quitting without AA

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

In my opinion.... stopping drinking and getting sober are, at times, two different things.
If he wants to stop drinking, his local GP can help if he has access to a local Doctor.
If he wants to get sober, he would benefit from some form of support in the form of a drug and alcohol counsellor at the least

I have a saying that I believe in.. sit in the barbers chair long enough, and you are going to get a hair cut.
If he is going to hang out with his drinking friends while they are drinking, well... it is harder not to drink isn't it.

I believe there are several ways to get there... AA is a good way, but there are others also.. none of those ways include 'going it alone'

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome,

Saying that your Dad doesn't think he is "that bad" concerns me a bit. It sounds like denial on his part and no one in denial of the disease has much chance of getting sober. Since he's been drinking for decades he may need medical detox. Just stopping is a shock to the system and can have deadly consequences.

From experience, if his liver has been damaged he won't process vitamins correctly, even they can become dangerous and toxic.

As much as you'd like to help, the bottom line is that he has to find his own way. Alanon can give you tools to help cope with his disease. I would suggest you read the posts here. There's a "search" if you'd like to focus on a particular subject. Face to face meetings are even more helpful.

I'm glad you found MIP,

Christy

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

If he has drank that long, he has to go to a doc and go to detox. He can easily die if he just quits.

He has had this in his body a long time. To just stop can cause seizures, brain damage, it shocks the whole body. It honestly can kill him.

We can do nothing to help them. It's totally up to them what they do. He can look into vitamins, or whatever else. If we do it, we are taking way his own power to take care of himself.

There are many,many rehab programs to get help. They all believe they are not that bad. They are very very sick and their brains do not work correctly. He has to get sick enough to want to do it on his own, totally or he won't have a chance. If he goes to detox then rehab he may change his mind about AA.But again that is up to him.

Volume one, "Getting Them Sober", by Toby Rice Drew.I promise this would help you.

keep coming!! debilyn if you are interested in going to Al Anon there is a number to call and a site at the end of my share here.

rosielee · Senior Member

tell him to get to AA. all addicts are the same- there is no such thing as one being better than the other! he is in denial and he needs to go to AA.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

MCI, Welcome to MIP. I see that you are new and I am so glad you are here.

The blessing about this board is that there are quite a few members that are double winners of both programs. I am sure a member of AA will be along shortly to pass on some experience, strength, and hope regarding your topic.

Alcoholism is a self identifiable disease. Your father would be the only one who can say that he is or is not an alcoholic. For me, I can no more get someone sober and into recovery than I could get them drunk. I dont believe any vitamin, pill or elixor will prevent someone from drinking. The desire has to come from within.

In support,

Tommye

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Lots of good comments already. I have stopped drinking through AA and been sober 3 years. I am inclined to agree with others that your dad sounds like he is on the fence and until he wants to be sober bad enough to "go to any lengths," he will stay drunk. People who resist AA generally fail not because AA is the only answer, but because they have reservations and still think they can beat Alcoholism with willpower. It is too drastic a change to commit to without ongoing help, community involvement, a spiritual change, and then adopting a totally new lifestyle. One does not succeed just by "quitting" in 99 percent of the cases. Some people can carry a really enthusiastic and willing attitude into other programs which would include rational recovery, harm reduction programs and such...and they might succeed there. Most of those folks have a misconception that AA is "too religious" when in fact, it is not a religious program. There are drugs being looked into to that might help reduce cravings. Naltrexone is one that was designed to block opiate receptors but also takes the pleasure away from drinking somewhat and thereby leads to a reduction in alcohol consumption (supposedly)...but these drugs are not very effective and just trading one substance problem for another in my opinion.

So...the biggest aid for alcoholism is to be humble enough admit a problem and seek help on one's own. Staying the same hardheaded person and sending others to go get you help is a recipe to continue drinking.

Mark

All I can be · Senior Member

To my thinking stoping drinking is not recovery. To stop drinking only, leaves the faults that can cause relapse, changing addictions and being a "dry drunk".

A dry drunk can be a person that still has the bad behaviors without having to drink for them to surface.

When someone goes to Alanon or AA they are presented with a new group of friends. These friends accept you without you having ever earned the friendship. They work hard to help you since sobriety is a gift you have to give away to keep it.

Something that is good for you is Alanon and it can be a good example for others.

All the best on your journey.
Bill

rrib · Senior Member

Well, if he wants to and can quit on his own then more power to him.

If that doens't quite work out for him and he gets serious about quitting, the website aa.org has a section on How to Find a Meeting.

Sometimes there will be an A.A. hotline number in your local phone book too, where volunteers can help him find or get to his 1st meeting.

In some towns, A.A. meetings are listed in the newspaper.

Often A.A. meetings occur at the same times and places as Al-Anon meetings (same place, seperate rooms). If he sees you going, who knows, he might ask for a ride.

Mcjprr · Newbie

Thanks for so manyy replies! Didn't except so many.

Both my dad and i know that he could die if he just stops, thats kinda why i was asking for a little help on here. He said he will go to the GP. It's hard because my dad says he's an alcoholic himself and everything, but just says he idn't that bad because he's not out in the street or something, which is ridiculous, but it's hard to tell him. Then sometimes i don't feel he's that bad. Uck, i don't know. As much as this website could help, i find it too difficult talking about it. So thanks for all the help, Bye :)

rrib · Senior Member

A very heavy drinker can have serious lift threatening problems if they just up and quit.

Here is an artical on Delirium tremens which might help you.

It's not clear how much your dad drinks from the post. But the artical provides this info:

'It is most common in people who have a history of alcohol withdrawal. It is especially common in those who drink 4 - 5 pints of wine or 7 - 8 pints of beer (or 1 pint of "hard" alcohol) every day for several months. Delirium tremens also commonly affects people who have had an alcohol habit or alcoholism for more than 10 years.'

Bottom line I guess is that if your dad is 'that bad', he should check himself into rehab and go throuh a medical detox. If he's not really 'that bad' but you're still concerned maybe you could help him through his 1st day by being there to call 911 if he has complications.

There is no pill or vitamin that makes it easy for a drunk to quit drinking. Quiting has more to do with learned how to live sober than with getting through some discomfort from alcohol withdrawl.

LOL. Waiting for a doctor's appointment sounds like a good excuse to keep drinking for another few weeks. And when the doctor tells him there is no medical reason why he can't stop, he'll turn that around to mean he doesn't really have to stop ... because he's not 'that bad'.

Time for a reallity check here. He knows he's so bad that he could die if he quits but he's not so bad that he doens't need any help? He's pulling your chain!

Mcjprr · Newbie

Right i didn't come on here to be 'xxx' laughed at. I just wanted a bit of help without any judgement. I'll make sure my dad gets help.

-- Edited by canadianguy on Friday 21st of October 2011 02:54:40 PM

rrib · Senior Member

Sorry I offended you - that was not my intention. I appologize for being to flippant.

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

No judgement McJ.....

Many active alcoholics do just that - they minimize the extent of their drinking, to both themselves AND others...

My ex-AW, who is now over nine years sober, resisted AA for years, because she wasn't "as bad as them", etc..... What your Dad is doing, and how he is acting towards his addiction, and to those around him - is pretty typical...

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Mc...Both Rrib and I are in recovery....the responses that challenge what your dad is saying is because we have heard all that denial before and have seen where it leads. His statements are classic insanity of an alcoholic that doesn't really want to quit.

But this isn't about him. It's about you. Unless you have him committed, you won't be able to force any help on him. This may be frightening and have you feeling like it's your fault he couldn't quit or that you didn't do enough. I guess if you read anything more, I would just like you to know that it's not your fault and your father needs to do most, if not all of this, on his own or it's not going to work.

In support,

Mark

Mcjprr · Newbie

My dad's XXXd if he has to do it all himself then =/ He will never get sober if it's up to him. Nothing i can really do i suppose. Thanks everybody :)

-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 22nd of October 2011 03:37:43 PM

rrib · Senior Member

Mcjprr wrote:
His best pal is an alcoholic too. And we all often get together and drink/go on a binge. But i don't want him to end up having no friends.
Nothing i can really do i suppose.

Many who are new to living sober find that they connot be around other people who are drinking - at least in the beginning. It's easier to make new friends with a support group like A.A.

It might help him if you stopped drinking with him. And if you and his friends are binge drinking together. It may (or may not) influence him if he sees that you quit.

Maybe there are other things you do besides drinking with him that 'enable' him to drink or feel OK about his drinking. Like pay his bills, buy his booze, give him rides, a place to crash, etc.

Al-Anon meetings are free and everyone is accepted. You can just listen if you want and would likely learn alot about alcoholism if you began to attended some.

Another resource is 'Open' A.A. meetings. These meetings are open to the general public and usually consist of one or more A.A.s telling their stories.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I've seen people get sober in their 70s after having a fall and going into the hospital and then subsequently having DTs and such and having to Detox. Not that you would want this to happen to your dad, but this is one version I have seen in which enough pain was created for the older alcoholic to actually want to do what it takes to quit.

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome!

When I was a kid, I remember a commercial for an alcohol detox/rehab facility. It had a checklist of things - and if you checked off many of them, it said "you might be an alcoholic." I used to comfort myself that my mom wasn't really an alcoholic because she wasn't everything on the list. Like many people, I had the perception that alcoholics lived under bridges and drank booze with the bottle wrapped in a paper bag. I didn't know that they come from all walks of life, all educational levels, all socioeconomic statuses, etc. It's a disease, and it doesn't discriminate.

I hope that regardless of what your dad decides to do, you will find meetings for yourself. The family disease of alcoholism leaves its mark on all the family members, even the ones that have never touched a drop of alcohol. My life is much different than when I got here 3.5 years ago.

Just wanted to say welcome, and I hope you will stick around with us!

Summer

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"