The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I shared last week that i had asked my ex to leave which he did, initially he continually contacted me asking me to reconsider but I had been on a merry-go-round for so long it was time I jumped off.
He is coming down to get the rest of his stuff today, I feel okay about it, but Im worried that when I see him I will crumble, although I know deep down that there is no way I can go back there. I want to run away, my parents think I should not be there when he comes and let them do it, as all his stuff is ready to go, I packed it all during the week.
I feel that if I dont face him today I will be doing myself an injustice and I want to be strong. When I left the last time it was my parents that dragged me out, now I want to show him that it really was my decision. I dont want any bad feelings I want to wish him well, in order for me to make amends for the part I played in this relationship.
I am still attached to him in some way even though the relationship was toxic and the amount of times I have been inconsolable trying to make this relationship work, if he turns round and starts begging me I dont think I will have the heart to turn him away again, but I know I have to for my own sanity.
Thanks for listening, some esh would help and please pray for me.
__________________
jules
god grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.....keep coming back....:-)
You've got my prayers. I know you prefer going at it alone, but perhaps a close friend will help keep you strong ensuring when he gathers his stuff and is ready to leave the separation ends peacefully.
Yeh Tommye, my mum is going to be there I really dont think I could do it alone, I couldnt leave him without help and I know I feel stronger I still need support. He will be with someone too, as he doesnt drive so someone will have to assist him in that. Thanks for the support.
__________________
jules
god grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.....keep coming back....:-)
Hugs, .. I don't know if this will help I understand where you are coming from .. I don't think my feelings were as strong for my ex druggieH when I left. By the time I left anything that would have been considered love and caring had just died in me. I knew he would start with the manipulations and I had to focus on what was in my best interest and move away from pity.
It helped and hurt to see him. It solidified why I was leaving. I didn't want to see him destroy himself either. I felt sorry for him. This is my survival mode talking .. the most dangerous people in the world are the people who have nothing left to loose, I did look at my situation with my Ex the exact same way. There are other reasons I felt that way too, I had reasons. I acted according to that statement. That means I did not meet him alone if it could be helped and I always had somewhere to be which meant someone always knew where I was, what time I left and so on. It kept the conversations short and I believe it helped limit the discomfort for me and lessen his pain as well.
Ending a relationship is not easy and it creates a lot of inner turmoil as well as outer. Be easy on yourself and keep the focus on your own best interest (suggestion it helped me). I didn't even know I was doing that at the time until I came here I was pretty young.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi Jules - Last Sunday was Sunday #2 in terms of my ex getting his stuff - the first Sunday left me crying in the bathroom after his visit; the second Sunday crying as well. Last Sunday he wanted to not take more stuff, get it later, said "i know you are anxious to get my stuff out of here" and I walked away thinking to myself, "no, I don't want to keep dragging this on, it hurts, its hard, it destroys me every week, just take your stuff and be gone, when I am alone I am ok, I am rebuilding my life, my psyche, my emotional health, everything is recovering; when you are here, i just want to cry for the lost life we had."
So last Sunday, after that thinking, I'm suggesting he take a couple small tables (he brought the flat bed and only had it half full of stuff); he got exasperated with me that I wouldn't just let him do it his way and I got mad (i don't let the mad me out much because I"m afraid i won't be able to put her back, ha ha!) (plus I don't WANT to let myself be used to sliding THAT way); anyway, I said I was just trying to help you son of a something something and walked into the house ranting about how infuriating he can be. When I got myself back together after a period of crying to the cat, came back out and he had packed up most of the rest of his stuff. It feels so good to have that chapter finally closed - there are still a few things, but not this mountain of stuff that he can use in some way to try to hurt me with.
I'm glad you will have your mum there, it helps to have someone they won't act up around there to keep things neutral. I hope it goes ok for you.
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thanks Pushka, I know that if he wouldve came down earlier this week I wouldnt have been ready but i have been to three f2f meetings lived breathed and spoken alanon all week. I am continually praying for him because it will be hard to see him and I am dreading it but I know my higher power will only give me what I can handle and with him I will be able to handle this. As Tommye said "this to shall pass" sometimes due to my impatience I want it to pass NOW....haha. I havent thought about my best interests in so long that its hard to do but I know with the help of this programme I will be able to overcome this, my focus was on him and not myself and thats why its hard to let go. Thanks and I only have 3 hours to wait and then it will be all over.
__________________
jules
god grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.....keep coming back....:-)
Thanks like my heart I feel like ive been crying for so long I have dried up I will make a promise to myself today that I will not cry no matter what he says (although I might cry after he has left and thats okay) he knows how to manipulate me and once I start to get emotionally he knows what buttons to press and today I will not allow that to happen, I have packed almost everything he has brought into my house so he cannot come back for more and any future contact will be via other channels ie phone/email. I know when Im alone I can do it like yourself its just when I see him I turn into emotional mush. Its supportive to hear others who are walking the same journey as yourself and that there is light at the end of the tunnel....as after all we are worth the effort. Take care.
__________________
jules
god grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.....keep coming back....:-)
Well its all over, he was being very sheepish and never said anything I offered to help him out with his stuff and he refused which is fine, although he walked down to a car park down the street which cant be seen from my window, when I asked him if he had someone to help him all he said was he had a lift. My mum drove past at this point and down in the car park was a woman in a car, obviously thats why he never came up to the house, something to hide. I am so relieved now I did have a feeling for a while he wasnt being faithful and I maybe that was the other woman, it has given me the closure I needed and now I can move on with my own life. I wished him all the best which was good for me.
Now its about me now and only me, I can start to find out what Julie wants. Thanks everyone.
__________________
jules
god grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.....keep coming back....:-)
I am so glad it went smoothly. Keep going to meetings and living one day at a time. You are on a new journey, your sails set for a new destination. A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.
Glad to hear things went well and you are finding some much needed validation. Meetings are a wonderful way to figure out what you even like and want to do.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
