The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I ended my relationship with my ABf a couple of weeks ago after he broke a boundary went missingfor days partin with other girls. I told him I could not have contact as it hurts. He sent odd text about silly stuff but I stuck to guns need to move on. Then when I never heard from him for a couple of days I started snooping (my disease) he bumped into me. even though he is sober still very ill. He was defending his behaviuor apologising but its cause he is sick. I told him I could not put up with the unacceptable behaviour but we both do not seem to let go. He needs to focus on himself again says he can not promise me anything. I rang him a little later and told him I knew it was not personal but I could not take anymore. then i ignored his calls. I went to see my therapist and explain how if he pulls away and is strong I get scared and vice vera. She explained he was right to say he could not promise anything and that i will have made him panic the way i ended it . I rang after my session and said i understan you need to focus on you 1000% and I am a co dependent I need security and I need to focus on my sickness 1000% lets just go and fix ourselves. I know our re;lationship is toxic. I know what we are doing is the right thing to do and hp keeps sending me guidance to stop trying to do hi work. I am letting go I am up and down but trying to keep the focus on my recovery .
I imagine this is really hard for you right now. It sounds like you are on the right track for you regardless of the pain you are in now, things are going to get better just like you said by keeping the focus on you.
In support, sending love and hugs, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
take it ONE day at a time honey x if you get through an extra day on your own- its one more day towards your recovery- you say you are in a toxic relationship with him- so by your own admission its got to stop. im hoping the very best for you my love- stick at it- it will make you a strong, independant, intelligent woman! it does get easier as the days go by. yoou are doing really well so far.
I can relate to a couple of things, my wife has used her disease as an excuse and her recovery as cover for bad behavior. I was also told that she can't make guarantees, which I accepted as being honest. However, I have come to the conclusion that I want to be with someone who is committed enough that they at least believe they can make a guarantee or promise.
Regarding snooping, I'm really not finding my part in it if I am fucussing on her. I can convince myself that I am, and I can convince myself that I am showing her compassion, but in reality I have to understand myself if I am going to really understand my part in it. I can't have compassion for her if deep down I am hoping she'll change for me. I'm having compassion for who I want her to be.
In truth I still love my wife very much, but there are parts of her personality that are unhealthy for me. I need to focus on myself and what I need, not what she needs from me in order to become what I want her to be.
