puzzle peices - Al-Anon Family Group

GreenerGrass · Senior Member

puzzle peices

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs GG,

Sometimes there is babysitting available at the meetings. If your meeting has a list of local meetings, they should have meetings marked that have sitters. If they don't .. please do not be afraid to speak up and ask how that can be arranged. I know my daughter is actually the sitter for my home group. The kids are not in the room with us, it's at a church and the kids are in a play area of the church. My daughter loves it and I like it because I'm available if there are any issues. Plus if there are no kids she sits reads and just enjoys some quiet time. She's 12 going on 13 this new year.

I agree things got better for me when I started reach out and found out to my surprise that other people were reaching back. It was a shocking feeling after so many years of feeling that I had to do it all on my own. My van broke down about a month or so ago. I couldn't pick my kids up from school (there is no bus), we are in the country there is no public bus either. I actually picked up the phone and called a girlfriend of mine and said HELP .. LOL .. not only did she pick the kids up from school she took them the next morning I literally started crying. I couldn't believe someone else would do that for me. I know silly huh, because I wouldn't think twice about doing it for someone else .. why would it be so hard to accept someone else helping me?

Hugs P :)

nyc018 · Senior Member

Hi Greener, you know I feel the same sometimes; I go to meetings when I can, but so far it's only been on a lunch hour if I can get away. That hasn't allowed me much of a chance to meet people. I like my evenings free to be with my son, so what I can't get from f2f meetings I try to get from reading literature, these boards, and staying focused on what I can control.
You bring up a good point about isolation. Living in an alcoholic environment is very isolating. I for one, didn't feel comfortable confiding in anyone. I'm close to my immediate family and they know everything about my AH now, but while they care and love me, I didn't get the kind of support I needed, and can't expect it from them. My mother uses all kinds of tactics to try to scare me away from having any contact with AH (from whom I'm separated). Well that isn't too realistic, being that he's my child's father, and he knows a condition of seeing us is that he is sober.
I've only told 4 other people (outside of alanon) - my therapist, a trusted colleague, and 2 close friends who don't live near me. One is herself married to an addict, the other is a former alcohol abuser who's been in recovery for 20+ years. I'm not yet at the point where I can just pick up the phone and call someone in my time of need. And my family can't fit that bill.
Anyway, I hear you about the isolation issue, but please don't blame yourself. It's hard enough to make really good friends when things are ok. It's impossible to be cheery and outgoing when dealing with the pain and crises that alcoholism brings. F2f meetings are the best way to meet people who can really relate, but I know logistically, with kids, it can be hard (I think there are some meetings where they provide babysitting...just something to look into).
Sending you esh and support.

amills4294 · Senior Member

I understand the feeling of isolation. I work a full-time job but from home. We live in the suburbs (bleh) so there's nothing in walking distance. So it is hard to meet others to rely on. I'm fortunate that I do have family semi - close by but it is still difficult sometimes to make a meeting. She knows I go but I would feel odd having her so close to the room. I don't know that I would be as attentive.

Keep trying. You'll find a way. It's worth it.

rrib · Senior Member

Congratulations on your 1st meeting. biggrin

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Double congradulations for getting to the 1st meeting...Recovery takes courage..."the courage to change the things we can" and with that same courage reach out to the fellowship you meet there to help support you locally. In support. (((hugs))) smile

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi GreenGrass

Great share and powerful awareness. You are so right ---We who live with the problem of alcoholism do need to recover from the terrible effects of living with the disease

. We do isolate, focus completely on others and loose ourselves. You apparently discovered that after one meeting . Great for you.

Meetings, using the tools enabled me to find myself, break the isolation and build a life

Keep on sharing the journey

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

It always takes a while to make friends, and when you have a family to take care of, it's not surprising that it can take a bit longer. Add in to that the chaos that an alcoholic in the family causes, and it's hard to get enough inward calm to go out and be outgoing. It's a vicious cycle, of course: the more we're focused on the alcoholic, the less we meet up with others, and the less we meet up with others, the larger the alcoholism looms in our lives ... etc. Also I find it hard to be chipper to other people when there's trouble at home. You can't say to everyone you meet for the first time, "Sorry I'm a bit distracted today, my husband passed out last night and I don't know what's going to happen today..." But trying to live two lives is also hard.

It takes a lot of energy and courage to get to meetings and start recovery. But it sure does pay off. So glad you are on your way.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

When we live with someone who is an addict, I feel it always makes us feel not balanced, no foundation.

We never know what is going to happen. Which is insanity. So how can we feel whole and go out in the world and be part of it?

We have all this heavy stuff pulling us down. Carrying around this big rock.

Al Anon tools help us to rebuild again. We learn to stop letting the A's poison get to us. His or her disease is her own. Not ours.

We learn to to feel good about ourselves and we have something to give.

It is so wonderful you took your kiddo's and went! Its not easy to go to your first meeting. I know it is distracting. I used to go and the kids would be squishing p butter on the table, crawling under the table, the baby was so cute. I kept paying attention to them! lol it was fun.

You might go to the high school and see if there is a career dept. There are kids who advertise for babysitting jobs. Or call a counselor there and ask for help in finding someone trustworthy. then just have them over when you are home to help you and see how they are with the kiddo's.

When you feel comfortable, leave her or him alone with them a bit.

I felt so light, so happy, so worthwhile when A was in recovery, we dated a long time, and got married. I did well at my career, was in college in my forties. But when he went down the tubes from his disease, so did I. I didn't even know what was happening. Then he left and came back many times.

When he left for good physically and mentally I was hanging by a spider web thread. My first husband died when I was 27 with two babies. now here i was again after he promised to never leave. I was ready to off myself. But HP had other ideas and sent many friends to me in my insanity one afternoon., My friend was out with me and found my address book.....

Anyway you can get better for you and your kids. There are things you can get involved in with them. Babysitting co ops, community colleges ususually have a child care center where people are learning early child development. some trade time with other parents as they go to a class.

I invite you to look at your options. You went to a meeting which shows you got strength and you are courageous!

hugs! love,debilyn

rosielee · Senior Member

i must be unique then in wondering what yu meant by your mesage- i didnt understand it. i do howeer understand the isolaion this is somehting all mums feel at some point i wuld do what yu can to alleviate it- you can change things if you want- i wish i had- i sat on my own weekend when i could have joined a single mums club and got out and met more people etc- dont do what i did!

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I think you received great ESH and I am so glad you found a meeting. It sounds like you are in the right place and on the right track! Keep up the great awareness and keep coming back! I can so relate to your share and I felt very isolated and ashamed, but when I realized after finding Al-anon and MIP that I could make changes, well I did and am better for it. I am sending you love and support on your journey!

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Congratulation on going to that first meeting! The first one is the hardest to go to. I hope you enjoyed it.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.