The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I talked with my ex Abf yesterday and we agreed to meet up tonight before I came into work. He flat out stood me up. No call. No text. No response to me.
I left a voice mail. This time stating i couldn't talk to him anymore. Told him I would like him to come find me when he gets himself back.
I then sent one last text telling him that he missed finding out that he became a daddy. I know he can't comfort me. I just couldn't move forward carrying that on my mind and in my heart.
I feel good and wretched. I need to move on and I don't think that holding anything in will allow me to do so. That's why I finally said it.
Any prayers that I find some stength would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I'm about to get pulled under in the quicksand. :(
I love him and I hate the disease for taking over him. I have to force myself to face all the things that hurt me in losing him, but I'm trying to see what i need to...myself.
How do we get here? How do we get out? And how am I supposed to be happy consciously aware that my love is drowning because of chemicals?
Sorry for ranting n whining. I'm so upset and working which doesn't help cause all I wanna do is cry :(
Hugs to you and I never got to say Welcome here :) I am a little confused, the line you said "He missed finding out that he became a daddy." Does this mean you had a baby or that you are pregnant? Either way, I just want to say what is working for me...and what I am trying to apply to my whole life: The book One Day at a time in alanon, Courage to Change, Alanon meetings, ACOA meetings, getting a sponsor, calling alanon friends...these things help me see things a different way instead of wallowing around in my own head. Also posting on this board. That has helped me tremendously. By responding to others, even just welcoming them here and talking with them, it helps me not isolate and sit on the pity pot. There are hard days. I am in one right now. But coming on here is helping me get my thinking straight again. If you can find some real time face to face meetings to go to, you may begin to feel a little relief from the pressure. Starting to look at myself is not easy, but its what I have to do to heal and begin to start living fully and fully living happy, Joyful and free... You are not alone! Keep coming :) HUGS!!!! Take care of you.
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Too much blaming the disease takes the responsibility completely off the person and has you viewing him as a total victim. That allows you to over empathize and and get "sucked back in." At this point it would do you better to remember that...yes, he does have a disease but he has also treated you badly and made some hurtful and poor choices. You need to protect yourself from future harm and that is simply taking good care of you.
I just love your name by the way. I am so glad you came to this board to express how you are feeling. My sponsor said to me in the beginning, "remember, this too shall pass, it never comes to stay"
For me happiness is an inside out job. It is not a attached to people, places and things which always disappoint and fail me in some way or another. I have suffered unnecessarily with the "IF ONLY..... then I would be o.k." syndrome. We are all human, we don't mean to hurt one another. People who struggle with addiction aren't doing it to us, they are just doing it. That is the only way they know how.
The only way I know how to fill that God shaped hole is to discover a relationship with a power greater than myself. My HP gives me what I need in this day, one day at a time. My attitude changes when I take a look at the landscape of my life and find as many things I can to be grateful for. Instead of looking for what is wrong with this picture, uncover and discover what is right with this picture. I was surprised at the many things I was grateful for. Gratitude is a spiritual action. As such "Let It Begin With Me" was a Alanon slogan I chose to put into motion. When I cultivated the attitude of gratutide, my perspective changed.
I hope you will keep sharing with the forum as you have today. I thank you for the courage to share from the heart. I do so appreciate the opportunity to share part of my recovery with the forum today.
Sorry to hear you're in so much pain. For what it's worth I've been seeing a counselor who specializes in grief AND she has done the AA/alanon route herself. She said there is no way to get away from this kind of pain [ of course ] and really the only way out is through. She's also said that feeling really horrible after a breakup, especially a bad one, is totally normal. Speaking for myself I feel like I am shuffling my feet going day to day, sometimes hour to hour, through bad feelings. What comforts me is knowing that feeling this way is normal for everyone, it is OKAY to feel terrible, in fact, it's expected. I try to have faith that the light at the end of the tunnel will grow brighter.
Maybe you're not IN the quicksand, but it does have way of sticking to shoes and slowing everything down and making a mess. Eventually the quicksand should dry off and blow away....
I read alot of we's and I hope you are able to take care of I (you). I am sorry you are in so much pain and am hope you can attend meetings and find a sponsor. I can relate to your share and the only way I got better was making it to a few meetings a week and reading lots of Al-anon literature. I now feel very hopeful about my future and my life today. I am sending you love and support! Keep coming back.
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
