Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

seeking wisdom · seeking wisdom

Hi again. My fiancee has asked me where I am at. She has never taken my encouragement seriously to seek support after her two previous relationships have been with addicts. I've reached the point where it is affecting my health. I've drafted a letter in which I have lovingly pointed out the facts of tho...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I thought about this a lot. Went back in my experiences. When Tracy C was "harsh" on me, I took it as a hmmm better look at this. I appreciate her boldness to say how she felt. We have learned thru Al Anon that growth comes from painful times. We are in recovery too. We don't say when an A relapses o...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

you may remember a few weeks ago I said that I had bought tickets for a show to a medium. It was the first time I had just made arrangements to go out without myhusband. Usually if he didnt want to go, I wouldn't have gone without him. I didn't even think, I just went ahead and did it. It was afterwards I re...

Jozie · Jozie

MIP... Asking for Prayers for My Mother In Law... She is to Return Home today with Hospice... Thanks all So Much for Your Continued Support... I am Forever Grateful

Love, hugs & Prayers to all...

Jozie

Michelle814 · Michelle814

This is the first time my AH sat in a hospital bed and could say "no" to did you drink today? and "no" to do you use illegal drugs. Now, I assume he's telling the truth but my trust is rather frayed. In the past four years my AH has been in the ER three times now. The first was that he al...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Nothing new here. Just venting. Isn't it amazing how the disease is not curable for us either? At least we can move on and get healthy in many ways, but for me the scar gets sore. I was online and put ex Ah's name in.Found out he was in jail again.Oct 2010-Jan.2011. I don't know why. Then saw his mugshot. I a...

kris10 · kris10

Well, so far so good..?? I think?? I'm still very sick with this flu/cold and so my bf brought the little one to school again... He even offered!! Then he was gone most of the day so of course I was worrying or trying not to.. Then he actually came home with one of his sober friends.... I was shocked.. I think...

jumpinjesuits · jumpinjesuits

Hi I don't know how to start this out, so I'm just going to go for it. What do I do with a friend and a lover that nearly every time she drinks, she does NOT remember what happened? Last time she did this, I witnessed it and her behavior changed from liking me to pushing me and trying to get with every guy in the r...

Rose50 · Rose50

I am new to this board; have been lurking for a while now and reading all the posts has helped. I am having such a difficult time detaching from my son. He has been hospitalized 3x in the last 6 months and after this last one, I thought for sure he would hit his "rock bottom". He already has some li...

FH · FH

Our daughter moved back into our home after a 1st stay at rehab. She is 25. She said that she really didn't belong in rehab. HA! She ended up drunk and we told her to leave. She is in contact but says that she has no where to live. She does have a car. We will not let her move back in. We will not pay for a p...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Just in case, since Pushka mentioned Lois, this is a good movie how AA started. Excellent acting by James Woods and James Garner.

orchidlover · orchidlover

Right now I can accept my life as it is. I have no boyfriend, haven't had one for years. I have looked but I am so busy and have so much going on to find the time to meet someone is impossible. I have moved out of the alcoholic house I lived in. I am not working as much as I did and the free time is cherished. I am a...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

OK so Nov. is gratitude month. We are going to our annual Gratitude Banquet on Sat. I am not sure if I will be on here tomorrow so here goes: I am so grateful to have the freedom to basically whatever I please these days! My Ah is doing well & gives me many opportunites that I take on a daily basis. Like get...

Tracey C · Tracey C

Hi, I was reading the "Getting Them Sober" book by Toby Rice Drews. Up the back it had a section about the sexual side of things. One part jumped out at me on page 122 down the bottom "Karen and Sara both realized they weren't dealing with "regular" husbands who could or wou...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi All, just been to a really good meeting on negativity. I have had not such a good day today spoke to my ex abf who is in early sobriety and the grief was hard. Any how I rang a couple of members a little bit more positive, I read a little bit more positive, then I went to the eeting and it was on negativity. ...

seeking wisdom · seeking wisdom

Hi again, and thanks to all who commented on my other question. The admission to having wine when A gets up finally pushed me to do something (this following sippy cups in the park, gin alone at noon etc, a bottle of wine alone when sad). I wrote to a social worker whose response indicated depression, pot...

Kellie32980 · Kellie32980

My younger sister has had a four year stint with alcohol, until recently our family has come to our final straw and she received her first DUI at the same time (good timing). She has a 9 year old daughter as well. She has not been working in over a month and will leave her home prior to going to detox then re...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I am hoping this will be the fun trip I foresee with my kids and catching up with my childhood friends and their kids. I have a few things booked and bought the plane tickets so it's on. Last time I was there almost 3 years ago, I fought with my Mom so much and couldn't stand her live in boyfriend who sells...

nyc018 · nyc018

I had a very emotional weekend with AH last week. Were separated but he visits our young son practically every weekend. He is in very early recovery now, after leaving an in-house rehab in September. This follows a summer where he almost got alcohol poisoned and lost his job for absenteeism due to his d...

Pushka · Pushka

I have to say that this week has been a big week of changes and choices. I'm going to have to find out what to do with my "justified" resentments and I have a list apparently I wasn't even aware of at the time. I've decided to go to a counselor to deal with some of it. I need more feed back than wha...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi All, need to just get this out there. My ABf had a slip on the 22 sep afetr 9 month sober in AA and rehab. He broke boundary went missing in party with other girls I ended it was fll of resentment. I am past the resentment now thanks to al anon but when the resentment passes and i remember he is sick its not p...

orchidlover · orchidlover

last year I took a retail job on the weekends in desperation because my financial situation was so dire. As you may know the holidays are pretty hard work. So last year I worked with a woman who I quite liked I admired her industrious nature (she worked 2 jobs). Then she started complaining and not being...

seeking wisdom · seeking wisdom

Hi. I have a fiancee and I am planning to move to her city. Her past 2 relationships have been with addicts, she has a small child with one. I know those sound like red flags but she comes from a great and supportive family. This summer she told me she'd occasionally pour alcohol into a slurpy cup for hersel...

amills4294 · amills4294

Today I will focus on what's best for me and what's best for my daughter. That includes my responsibilities at work so that I can pay the bills and keep the nice warm roof over our head, the food on the table, the clothes we wear and the joy and sorrows we share. Today I will attend to the emotional needs of...

petitsourice · petitsourice

So... following up here... I am a husband of an alcoholic, a Southroner, a Catholic, have been married for 6.5 years, and all but 1.5 of them in a non-alcoholic home, and... I am sick of the booze. =) I am not an alcoholic, never have been... Have been a heavy drinker at times, which is not the same thing. My...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Balance The indication of balance in life is a sense of well-being, optimism and a clear conscience. The foundation for achieving this is to look after myself spiritually - making my mind peaceful, loving and thoughtful at all times. Then I will instinctively know how much time to spend on my own well...

lizzyg · lizzyg

Hi there. This is my first post...My younger sister has been battling with drug addiction for well over the last six years. Over the summer while my folks were out of town visiting me, my younger sister ransacked their home and stole priceless items like my mother's wedding set, her mother's ring, fam...

amills4294 · amills4294

My spouse just left and "ended" our working on our relationship. We were talking about how things were going and some of it not so good etc and he just said "we tried our 30 days - lets just cut our losses" got up and left - said some not so nice graphic things about our physical life -...

Doozy · Doozy

Hi all, In some discussion on a previous post, someone mentioned something really important and I thought wonderful. She said that although my relationship was over with my boyfriend, that it wasn't futile. I absolutely agree. I do not regret it! I'm sad that it's over and I'm sad that my self esteem s...

kris10 · kris10

I have realized that I always put myself last... I guess as a parent we learn to do these things for our children and then as a codependant it just comes that much easier to put ourself after an A as well. For me however I grew up with a Alcoholic/ addicted gambler father. (I'm a daddys girl and was too young t...

sookie · sookie

Well--I remember last year at this exact time (right after my AH's first DWI but before his 2nd DWI and stint in rehab--and BEFORE I found Al-Anon) and the holidays were pretty bitter. Here it is a year later...so much has changed and yet in some ways, it still feels glum. I think I am in a funk. I guess it is...

amills4294 · amills4294

I read a lot of the postings on here daily and I post as well. I'm a child of an alcoholic and married to someone who is not alcoholic but has alcoholic behaviors. I attend Face to Face meetings when I can. Last night I attended a meeting and there was a speaker. A girl from Alateen. She was originally bo...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

It may sound like a cliche but what a difference today has made in my life! Even yesterday I was giving out hugs & I received what I gave. Talk about a sure thing! I am so happy to say that God my HP is working a great work in me & I am definitely still a work in progress! So much to be grateful for & I a...

tlynna · tlynna

I sympathize with the embarrassment post. It's taken me a very long time, but I am (mostly) beyond being able to get embarrassed by my AH behaviour. My question is, how to deal with the family pressure on "you need to control your husband!" They are really taken aback by the fact that I don...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Oh limited time and so much to say ... here it goes. This morning I had a tiny event happen that made me take note of how strange it truly is to not feel responsible for any one else's happiness. I like the fact that I can enhance another person's happiness or do something that makes them happy but lifelong h...

KLotus · KLotus

Was able to (again) attend my weekly homegroup meeting yesterday. It takes place over the lunch hour, and is not located near my work, but near home. Trying to work up the courage to ask my boss if I can work from home on Monday afternoons. Not sure how to pitch it - as a support group? I don't feel comfor...

amills4294 · amills4294

This has been a truly challenging year for me. I wish I had discovered this "concept" sooner. I was always the drama queen. Caught up in the emotion and drama of the situation because we were sooo not allowed to have drama or feel emotions when we were kids. As my aunt stated we were the &quo...

Pushka · Pushka

Has anyone read this book? I think I'm going to put it on my list of must reads. I'm curious who else has read it?? Hugs P :)

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

How do you guys deal with embarassing behavior of your A. Mine has had two in the past week, one in the grocery store, one in front of our house that a neighbor witnessed. Both were little temper tantrums, beyond my control, but when you are the person standing next to them and people look at you like eithe...

Doozy · Doozy

I wanted to share something I feel pretty happy about and thankful for tonight. I can feel all this work with Alanon and counseling really changing me and my relationships. One of the big changes has obviously been the end of a 3-yr relationship with a practicing addict, but probably more important th...

rara avis · rara avis

Anybody here have any ESH on recovering from being berated and/or in general being treated like caca? Besides meetings. W/an attorney, I recently put together the paperwork for a temp. restraining order [ FUN! ] and seeing all the things my ex did, didn't do, called me, etc...really brought hom...

dawnrg7 · dawnrg7

Ok well I had a "ahha" moment, like a light bulb went off finally after going to another al anon meeting (while my AH) is in treatment for the 3rd time. I realised I am as sick as he is or sicker for my insane behavior and for life to change for me I have to change. BUT IT is hard to change... this is al...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

I first posted on here about how my AH said my love is conditional and that bothered me and at the time I didn't know how to respond to him. I've been learning, a lot. We had a great weekend, well I'm sick but he was awesome making soup, just being there. We watched a bunch of movies. I had said thank you for tak...

never going back · never going back

Hello and hugs to my MIP family! In my last post, I was extremely stressed about an up-coming confrontation with my AH. I read and re-read the advice given here. With the help of my HP and using your words as a guide, I stood fast to my resolve to live separate from my AH unless/until he was willing to seek s...

Lilbearz · Lilbearz

Newbie to the boards, haven't made the call yet to find face to face meetings. Here is why? While sober my AH knows I am posting on these message boards, he understands I need to talk to someone, to vent. It has been helping, not one argument in 5 days as he still continues to be drunk daily. I am keeping...

Christina1215 · Christina1215

Hello :) my name is Christina and I have a few questions I've been searching the Internet for with no luck. Lucky for me I have sober alcoholics in my family and friends to help me relate and others who will be bringing me to an alanon meeting Wednesday. My boyfriend of 3+ years surrendered to alcoholi...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

We had an interesting discussion at my meeting last night about what attracted us to our qualifiers. It got me thinking about my past. I met my wife when I was 34--old enough to have gone through a decade plus of horrible relationships that just caused pain and misery for everyone involved. When I met my...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

and may be willing to swap numbers??? I have one number for a lady who is in Al Anon but she travels so much she is very difficult to get hold of. There are three people that go to meetings in Darwin, I had thier numbers but they never answer either on the two occassions each I have rung them. I know there is th...

amills4294 · amills4294

Well I went to a bonfire my local meeting has - it was very very windy and although warm for November the wind made it a bit chilly! We had a meeting around the fire which was very nice. The topic was about taking care of yourself - the very fundamental side of taking care of yourself. The reading asked que...

sookie · sookie

I am struggling lately in the process of separating from my AH. He already lives outside the home, but given his recent drinking binge and random lies (I believe he is a pathological liar), I just do not want to be married to him anymore. I deserve a better life, and alone is better right now. I am SO enjoy...

Not Alone · Not Alone

Okay, so I've started working on myself - counsellor, doing some reading etc. I'm feeling great - I really am! Can't believe I let myself get so lost. I know I wasn't always this way but I know what has brought me here and I'm working on it. ABF has started attending meetings regularly and counselling - h...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

My husband (who legally is my ex) went through 3 inpatient rehabs within 3 years. The first rehab we were both so naive. He was full of promises and I swallowed them hook, line and sinker. He was back to drinking in no time. (That G in my name used to stand for gulliable.) The second rehab I was out of the p...

KimK · KimK

Im struggling to keep my sanity tonight....Husband has only been home for about an hour and it's taken all I have in me to stay halfway sane....We have the same charger for our phones...Well, he lost his a couple of months ago, and hasn't bothered to replace it...He needed mine tonight, and I told him I'...

rehprof · rehprof

After 28 years married to an AH, I am surprised at how shakey I am in terms of confidence. Whenever anything goes wrong, I immediately take the blame, and then spend time worrying because I didn't get it right (which is often not the case). My counselor says that this all stems from the idea that I can con...

kris10 · kris10

My Abf gets paid on the 16th... I already know that he will be high.. Even maybe today and the next day because he usually "fronts" some a few days in advance to him getting paid... And last month he did something different. He got paid and gave his whole paycheck to his dealer so they could buy m...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Deblyn said this in a very recent post and it is oh so true. But the problem is, they don't start out being the horrible people they become. I said to a friend just last night that if mine had started out as the horrid, verbally abusive, treating me like dirt, donkey behind I no longer live with, I would NEVE...

Pushka · Pushka

LOL .. I can't remember if I shared once again what happened with the kittens .. dummy next door came and got them. I was upset however I handed them over no fuss no muss. Outside of letting her know clearly that if she did ANYTHING in ways of bothering myself or my children would have issues. This IS our p...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

It's been a rough day and I fully acknowledge responsibility for it. My wife had a job this morning and I took out the kids. When we got home, she was home and I immediately for whatever reason went into judgement mode. She wasn't drunk, I knew that, but I'm analyzing everything to what she's saying and ev...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

Last night I became very honest with myself. I finally just started writing out the steps. I realized that I have successfully progressed with steps 1-3. I am currently working on step 4. I read a personality book a few weeks back and realized alot of my personality defaults come from the personali...

newbeginning1 · newbeginning1

Hi, my name is Alexa, and obviously I am new to this forum. I am really struggling right now trying to find a place in Alanon, but I know I really need the support and guidance that the program can give me. I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for almost three years now. I am only 19 years old, so he...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Loved one has never sought help. Do I leave? (Preview) Hi again. My fiancee has asked me where I am at. She has never taken my encouragement seriously to seek support after her two previous relationships have been with addicts. I've reached the point where it is affecting my health. I've drafted a letter in which I have lovingly pointed out the facts of tho...	seeking wisdom	6	530	Nov 20, 2011 by Debilyn
	growth, painful but positive (Preview) I thought about this a lot. Went back in my experiences. When Tracy C was "harsh" on me, I took it as a hmmm better look at this. I appreciate her boldness to say how she felt. We have learned thru Al Anon that growth comes from painful times. We are in recovery too. We don't say when an A relapses o...	Debilyn	4	349	Nov 20, 2011 by Breakingfree
	my night out was last night (Preview) you may remember a few weeks ago I said that I had bought tickets for a show to a medium. It was the first time I had just made arrangements to go out without myhusband. Usually if he didnt want to go, I wouldn't have gone without him. I didn't even think, I just went ahead and did it. It was afterwards I re...	Lindaoakford	12	715	Nov 20, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Prayers Please.... (Preview) MIP... Asking for Prayers for My Mother In Law... She is to Return Home today with Hospice... Thanks all So Much for Your Continued Support... I am Forever Grateful Love, hugs & Prayers to all... Jozie	Jozie	10	337	Nov 20, 2011 by Pushka
	It's a Miracle that My Husband is Alive Today let go and let god coincidence? (Preview) This is the first time my AH sat in a hospital bed and could say "no" to did you drink today? and "no" to do you use illegal drugs. Now, I assume he's telling the truth but my trust is rather frayed. In the past four years my AH has been in the ER three times now. The first was that he al...	Michelle814	11	1550	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	Same ole pain (Preview) Nothing new here. Just venting. Isn't it amazing how the disease is not curable for us either? At least we can move on and get healthy in many ways, but for me the scar gets sore. I was online and put ex Ah's name in.Found out he was in jail again.Oct 2010-Jan.2011. I don't know why. Then saw his mugshot. I a...	Debilyn	4	415	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	update on preparing myself.... (Preview) Well, so far so good..?? I think?? I'm still very sick with this flu/cold and so my bf brought the little one to school again... He even offered!! Then he was gone most of the day so of course I was worrying or trying not to.. Then he actually came home with one of his sober friends.... I was shocked.. I think...	kris10	13	448	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	Worried about female friend's drinking (Preview) Hi I don't know how to start this out, so I'm just going to go for it. What do I do with a friend and a lover that nearly every time she drinks, she does NOT remember what happened? Last time she did this, I witnessed it and her behavior changed from liking me to pushing me and trying to get with every guy in the r...	jumpinjesuits	8	612	Nov 20, 2011 by jumpinjesuits
	Trying so hard to detach (Preview) I am new to this board; have been lurking for a while now and reading all the posts has helped. I am having such a difficult time detaching from my son. He has been hospitalized 3x in the last 6 months and after this last one, I thought for sure he would hit his "rock bottom". He already has some li...	Rose50	8	427	Nov 20, 2011 by Pushka
	Daughter (Preview) Our daughter moved back into our home after a 1st stay at rehab. She is 25. She said that she really didn't belong in rehab. HA! She ended up drunk and we told her to leave. She is in contact but says that she has no where to live. She does have a car. We will not let her move back in. We will not pay for a p...	FH	13	652	Nov 20, 2011 by Jadie
	My Name is Bill (Preview) Just in case, since Pushka mentioned Lois, this is a good movie how AA started. Excellent acting by James Woods and James Garner.	Debilyn	5	425	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	Acceptance (Preview) Right now I can accept my life as it is. I have no boyfriend, haven't had one for years. I have looked but I am so busy and have so much going on to find the time to meet someone is impossible. I have moved out of the alcoholic house I lived in. I am not working as much as I did and the free time is cherished. I am a...	orchidlover	5	441	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	gratitude month (Preview) OK so Nov. is gratitude month. We are going to our annual Gratitude Banquet on Sat. I am not sure if I will be on here tomorrow so here goes: I am so grateful to have the freedom to basically whatever I please these days! My Ah is doing well & gives me many opportunites that I take on a daily basis. Like get...	Hoot Nanny	3	617	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	Understanding Toby's book "Getting Them Sober" (Preview) Hi, I was reading the "Getting Them Sober" book by Toby Rice Drews. Up the back it had a section about the sexual side of things. One part jumped out at me on page 122 down the bottom "Karen and Sara both realized they weren't dealing with "regular" husbands who could or wou...	Tracey C	6	769	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	negativity (Preview) Hi All, just been to a really good meeting on negativity. I have had not such a good day today spoke to my ex abf who is in early sobriety and the grief was hard. Any how I rang a couple of members a little bit more positive, I read a little bit more positive, then I went to the eeting and it was on negativity. ...	Tracy	5	777	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	Is attack mode a typical response to being confronted? (Preview) Hi again, and thanks to all who commented on my other question. The admission to having wine when A gets up finally pushed me to do something (this following sippy cups in the park, gin alone at noon etc, a bottle of wine alone when sad). I wrote to a social worker whose response indicated depression, pot...	seeking wisdom	11	1020	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	How much do you help Financially fresh out of Rehab? HELP (Preview) My younger sister has had a four year stint with alcohol, until recently our family has come to our final straw and she received her first DUI at the same time (good timing). She has a 9 year old daughter as well. She has not been working in over a month and will leave her home prior to going to detox then re...	Kellie32980	10	654	Nov 20, 2011 by tommyecat
	Trip booked to California and to my Mom's! (Preview) I am hoping this will be the fun trip I foresee with my kids and catching up with my childhood friends and their kids. I have a few things booked and bought the plane tickets so it's on. Last time I was there almost 3 years ago, I fought with my Mom so much and couldn't stand her live in boyfriend who sells...	Breakingfree	4	327	Nov 19, 2011 by tommyecat
	Separations and trouble detaching (Preview) I had a very emotional weekend with AH last week. Were separated but he visits our young son practically every weekend. He is in very early recovery now, after leaving an in-house rehab in September. This follows a summer where he almost got alcohol poisoned and lost his job for absenteeism due to his d...	nyc018	1	378	Nov 18, 2011 by Pushka
	Nothing changes, ... nothing changes (Preview) I have to say that this week has been a big week of changes and choices. I'm going to have to find out what to do with my "justified" resentments and I have a list apparently I wasn't even aware of at the time. I've decided to go to a counselor to deal with some of it. I need more feed back than wha...	Pushka	6	459	Nov 18, 2011 by orchidlover
	I miss him but not the disease (Preview) Hi All, need to just get this out there. My ABf had a slip on the 22 sep afetr 9 month sober in AA and rehab. He broke boundary went missing in party with other girls I ended it was fll of resentment. I am past the resentment now thanks to al anon but when the resentment passes and i remember he is sick its not p...	Tracy	4	641	Nov 18, 2011 by orchidlover
	the victim role (Preview) last year I took a retail job on the weekends in desperation because my financial situation was so dire. As you may know the holidays are pretty hard work. So last year I worked with a woman who I quite liked I admired her industrious nature (she worked 2 jobs). Then she started complaining and not being...	orchidlover	9	3641	Nov 18, 2011 by orchidlover
	Am I seeing alcoholic behavior or over-reacting? (Preview) Hi. I have a fiancee and I am planning to move to her city. Her past 2 relationships have been with addicts, she has a small child with one. I know those sound like red flags but she comes from a great and supportive family. This summer she told me she'd occasionally pour alcohol into a slurpy cup for hersel...	seeking wisdom	9	848	Nov 18, 2011 by pinkchip
	Just for Today... (Preview) Today I will focus on what's best for me and what's best for my daughter. That includes my responsibilities at work so that I can pay the bills and keep the nice warm roof over our head, the food on the table, the clothes we wear and the joy and sorrows we share. Today I will attend to the emotional needs of...	amills4294	7	539	Nov 18, 2011 by Jackie11
	Hello from Petit Sourice. (Preview) So... following up here... I am a husband of an alcoholic, a Southroner, a Catholic, have been married for 6.5 years, and all but 1.5 of them in a non-alcoholic home, and... I am sick of the booze. =) I am not an alcoholic, never have been... Have been a heavy drinker at times, which is not the same thing. My...	petitsourice	13	679	Nov 17, 2011 by Debilyn
	Thought for Today (Preview) Balance The indication of balance in life is a sense of well-being, optimism and a clear conscience. The foundation for achieving this is to look after myself spiritually - making my mind peaceful, loving and thoughtful at all times. Then I will instinctively know how much time to spend on my own well...	GailMichelle	3	3018	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Complete Confused - Staying Tough In Hard Times (Preview) Hi there. This is my first post...My younger sister has been battling with drug addiction for well over the last six years. Over the summer while my folks were out of town visiting me, my younger sister ransacked their home and stole priceless items like my mother's wedding set, her mother's ring, fam...	lizzyg	5	603	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	in need of some ESH (Preview) My spouse just left and "ended" our working on our relationship. We were talking about how things were going and some of it not so good etc and he just said "we tried our 30 days - lets just cut our losses" got up and left - said some not so nice graphic things about our physical life -...	amills4294	20	545	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Gratitude, not regret (Preview) Hi all, In some discussion on a previous post, someone mentioned something really important and I thought wonderful. She said that although my relationship was over with my boyfriend, that it wasn't futile. I absolutely agree. I do not regret it! I'm sad that it's over and I'm sad that my self esteem s...	Doozy	5	372	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Respect...TAKE IT BACK!! (Preview) I have realized that I always put myself last... I guess as a parent we learn to do these things for our children and then as a codependant it just comes that much easier to put ourself after an A as well. For me however I grew up with a Alcoholic/ addicted gambler father. (I'm a daddys girl and was too young t...	kris10	8	604	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Ugh. The holidays. (Preview) Well--I remember last year at this exact time (right after my AH's first DWI but before his 2nd DWI and stint in rehab--and BEFORE I found Al-Anon) and the holidays were pretty bitter. Here it is a year later...so much has changed and yet in some ways, it still feels glum. I think I am in a funk. I guess it is...	sookie	4	1083	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Alateen - amazing speaker from F2F meeting last night (Preview) I read a lot of the postings on here daily and I post as well. I'm a child of an alcoholic and married to someone who is not alcoholic but has alcoholic behaviors. I attend Face to Face meetings when I can. Last night I attended a meeting and there was a speaker. A girl from Alateen. She was originally bo...	amills4294	5	487	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	what a difference a day makes! (Preview) It may sound like a cliche but what a difference today has made in my life! Even yesterday I was giving out hugs & I received what I gave. Talk about a sure thing! I am so happy to say that God my HP is working a great work in me & I am definitely still a work in progress! So much to be grateful for & I a...	Hoot Nanny	3	455	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Embarrassment - a different twist (Preview) I sympathize with the embarrassment post. It's taken me a very long time, but I am (mostly) beyond being able to get embarrassed by my AH behaviour. My question is, how to deal with the family pressure on "you need to control your husband!" They are really taken aback by the fact that I don...	tlynna	8	519	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Not responsible for another's happiness + Sparky update (Preview) Oh limited time and so much to say ... here it goes. This morning I had a tiny event happen that made me take note of how strange it truly is to not feel responsible for any one else's happiness. I like the fact that I can enhance another person's happiness or do something that makes them happy but lifelong h...	Jennifer	6	634	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Update (Preview) Was able to (again) attend my weekly homegroup meeting yesterday. It takes place over the lunch hour, and is not located near my work, but near home. Trying to work up the courage to ask my boss if I can work from home on Monday afternoons. Not sure how to pitch it - as a support group? I don't feel comfor...	KLotus	9	416	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Separating Fact from emotion and removing expectations from the dynamics (Preview) This has been a truly challenging year for me. I wish I had discovered this "concept" sooner. I was always the drama queen. Caught up in the emotion and drama of the situation because we were sooo not allowed to have drama or feel emotions when we were kids. As my aunt stated we were the &quo...	amills4294	4	721	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Lois Remembers (Preview) Has anyone read this book? I think I'm going to put it on my list of must reads. I'm curious who else has read it?? Hugs P :)	Pushka	8	3024	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Embarassment (Preview) How do you guys deal with embarassing behavior of your A. Mine has had two in the past week, one in the grocery store, one in front of our house that a neighbor witnessed. Both were little temper tantrums, beyond my control, but when you are the person standing next to them and people look at you like eithe...	surfgirl123	6	426	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Alanon changing me and changing relationships (Preview) I wanted to share something I feel pretty happy about and thankful for tonight. I can feel all this work with Alanon and counseling really changing me and my relationships. One of the big changes has obviously been the end of a 3-yr relationship with a practicing addict, but probably more important th...	Doozy	7	407	Nov 17, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Recovering from being berated? (Preview) Anybody here have any ESH on recovering from being berated and/or in general being treated like caca? Besides meetings. W/an attorney, I recently put together the paperwork for a temp. restraining order [ FUN! ] and seeing all the things my ex did, didn't do, called me, etc...really brought hom...	rara avis	15	594	Nov 16, 2011 by Breakingfree
	New here, not to addiction though, need support (Preview) Ok well I had a "ahha" moment, like a light bulb went off finally after going to another al anon meeting (while my AH) is in treatment for the 3rd time. I realised I am as sick as he is or sicker for my insane behavior and for life to change for me I have to change. BUT IT is hard to change... this is al...	dawnrg7	7	379	Nov 16, 2011 by Breakingfree
	I had the response I needed (Preview) I first posted on here about how my AH said my love is conditional and that bothered me and at the time I didn't know how to respond to him. I've been learning, a lot. We had a great weekend, well I'm sick but he was awesome making soup, just being there. We watched a bunch of movies. I had said thank you for tak...	Jackie11	11	426	Nov 16, 2011 by Breakingfree
	A 'God-incidence' (Preview) Hello and hugs to my MIP family! In my last post, I was extremely stressed about an up-coming confrontation with my AH. I read and re-read the advice given here. With the help of my HP and using your words as a guide, I stood fast to my resolve to live separate from my AH unless/until he was willing to seek s...	never going back	7	526	Nov 16, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Concern of Face to Face Meetings (Preview) Newbie to the boards, haven't made the call yet to find face to face meetings. Here is why? While sober my AH knows I am posting on these message boards, he understands I need to talk to someone, to vent. It has been helping, not one argument in 5 days as he still continues to be drunk daily. I am keeping...	Lilbearz	7	370	Nov 16, 2011 by Breakingfree
	New here please help!? (Preview) Hello :) my name is Christina and I have a few questions I've been searching the Internet for with no luck. Lucky for me I have sober alcoholics in my family and friends to help me relate and others who will be bringing me to an alanon meeting Wednesday. My boyfriend of 3+ years surrendered to alcoholi...	Christina1215	12	621	Nov 16, 2011 by Breakingfree
	My wife is exactly who I wanted her to be (Preview) We had an interesting discussion at my meeting last night about what attracted us to our qualifiers. It got me thinking about my past. I met my wife when I was 34--old enough to have gone through a decade plus of horrible relationships that just caused pain and misery for everyone involved. When I met my...	usedtobeanyer	14	446	Nov 16, 2011 by Michelle814
	is there anyone here living in Australia (Preview) and may be willing to swap numbers??? I have one number for a lady who is in Al Anon but she travels so much she is very difficult to get hold of. There are three people that go to meetings in Darwin, I had thier numbers but they never answer either on the two occassions each I have rung them. I know there is th...	Lindaoakford	4	408	Nov 16, 2011 by tommyecat
	What are YOU doing to take care of YOU? (Preview) Well I went to a bonfire my local meeting has - it was very very windy and although warm for November the wind made it a bit chilly! We had a meeting around the fire which was very nice. The topic was about taking care of yourself - the very fundamental side of taking care of yourself. The reading asked que...	amills4294	4	472	Nov 16, 2011 by kitty
	Confused by choices... (Preview) I am struggling lately in the process of separating from my AH. He already lives outside the home, but given his recent drinking binge and random lies (I believe he is a pathological liar), I just do not want to be married to him anymore. I deserve a better life, and alone is better right now. I am SO enjoy...	sookie	7	460	Nov 15, 2011 by Not Alone
	confused??? (Preview) Okay, so I've started working on myself - counsellor, doing some reading etc. I'm feeling great - I really am! Can't believe I let myself get so lost. I know I wasn't always this way but I know what has brought me here and I'm working on it. ABF has started attending meetings regularly and counselling - h...	Not Alone	7	329	Nov 15, 2011 by sookie
	3rd Time Was Different (Preview) My husband (who legally is my ex) went through 3 inpatient rehabs within 3 years. The first rehab we were both so naive. He was full of promises and I swallowed them hook, line and sinker. He was back to drinking in no time. (That G in my name used to stand for gulliable.) The second rehab I was out of the p...	GailMichelle	6	481	Nov 15, 2011 by sookie
	Rough Evening (Preview) Im struggling to keep my sanity tonight....Husband has only been home for about an hour and it's taken all I have in me to stay halfway sane....We have the same charger for our phones...Well, he lost his a couple of months ago, and hasn't bothered to replace it...He needed mine tonight, and I told him I'...	KimK	13	453	Nov 15, 2011 by KimK
	self worth and control (Preview) After 28 years married to an AH, I am surprised at how shakey I am in terms of confidence. Whenever anything goes wrong, I immediately take the blame, and then spend time worrying because I didn't get it right (which is often not the case). My counselor says that this all stems from the idea that I can con...	rehprof	7	883	Nov 15, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	preparing myself... (Preview) My Abf gets paid on the 16th... I already know that he will be high.. Even maybe today and the next day because he usually "fronts" some a few days in advance to him getting paid... And last month he did something different. He got paid and gave his whole paycheck to his dealer so they could buy m...	kris10	16	557	Nov 15, 2011 by Jackie11
	In a healthy world people do not act like this (Preview) Deblyn said this in a very recent post and it is oh so true. But the problem is, they don't start out being the horrible people they become. I said to a friend just last night that if mine had started out as the horrid, verbally abusive, treating me like dirt, donkey behind I no longer live with, I would NEVE...	likemyheart	8	415	Nov 15, 2011 by tlynna
	OT - Cats .. (Preview) LOL .. I can't remember if I shared once again what happened with the kittens .. dummy next door came and got them. I was upset however I handed them over no fuss no muss. Outside of letting her know clearly that if she did ANYTHING in ways of bothering myself or my children would have issues. This IS our p...	Pushka	5	3470	Nov 15, 2011 by Pushka
	Bad day--my fault (Preview) It's been a rough day and I fully acknowledge responsibility for it. My wife had a job this morning and I took out the kids. When we got home, she was home and I immediately for whatever reason went into judgement mode. She wasn't drunk, I knew that, but I'm analyzing everything to what she's saying and ev...	usedtobeanyer	15	534	Nov 15, 2011 by pinkchip
	Step Four in Progress - Direction Appreciated step four (Preview) Last night I became very honest with myself. I finally just started writing out the steps. I realized that I have successfully progressed with steps 1-3. I am currently working on step 4. I read a personality book a few weeks back and realized alot of my personality defaults come from the personali...	Michelle814	6	441	Nov 15, 2011 by Michelle814
	Teen looking for support (Preview) Hi, my name is Alexa, and obviously I am new to this forum. I am really struggling right now trying to find a place in Alanon, but I know I really need the support and guidance that the program can give me. I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for almost three years now. I am only 19 years old, so he...	newbeginning1	8	460	Nov 15, 2011 by danni
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.