The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night I became very honest with myself. I finally just started writing out the steps. I realized that I have successfully progressed with steps 1-3. I am currently working on step 4. I read a personality book a few weeks back and realized alot of my personality defaults come from the personality I was born with. Some other flaws definitely come straight from my Mom. Not that I am knocking my Mom, because I would never ever wish for anyone different but all the while I worked so hard to NOT be like my Mom was a very characteristic of my Mom. (being this perfect person and better than others.) Anyway, this book really made me look inside myself. I am a popular sanguine with some powerful choleric and I very much have the annoying personality traits of this combination. The good news is that I am aware of them and am ready to have them removed/work hard at correcting them. Before Al-Anon I would not have seen these as "defects of character. Again grateful to the program for molding me into a better person; the person I want to become.
Actually writing out my flaws made me very aware and more open to change. I am judgemental of people who do not do things just like me, I am controlling over what other's do, I interrupt people when they talk or at times ignore them and pretend to be listening, I also become easily angered over insignificant annoyances in every day life. This last one is a biggie because I will have to make ammends to my husband eventually for taking my anger over other things out on him (because he's there, because he's mine maybe.. maybe because I knew he wouldnt say anything.. this is all subconcious of course until now.) My husband lied for a year and spent all our money on drugs... his addiction took over and turned him into a deceitful person but I am slowly working on taking my anger away from him and onto just alcoholism/addiction in general until forgiveness can happen and eventually I can just be at peace with it. But the beauty of this program is I am directed to look at myself, not at hime.. and I will make ammends to the very man who I wasnted to strangle for the past two months.. because I have done wrongs to him.
So I realized as I was writing down my defects that steps 4-7 are very much joined. After each flaw I began to write a prayer to God to remove the characteristic or stop me from continuing the hurtful action. These prayers are something that I can say when I catch myself doing the unkind act. My list is not complete but I plan to start talking out loud about my character defects to my therapist and soon my sponsor.
I am humbled by these steps and I am also feeling weight being lifted from me as I realize more things about myself that I would like removed.
Any information on how you guys handled steps 4-7 would be appreciated. I am learning one step and one day at a time.
Thanks.
__________________
Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I would suggest that working a step 4 with a face to face sponsor is the most beneficial way in which one can be fearless and searching. It is in step 5 that you share your work with a sponsor. It is where I gained a new reflection of my own integrity, honesty, and willingness to go to any lengths to get what this program had to offer.
Alanon is a we program. A sponsor helped guide me through the steps and held me accountable when I was going upside down in my program. My sponsor helped me step outside of my thinking and clear the path for greater awareness a new perspective in my life as a result of working the steps with her.
In support,
T
-- Edited by tommyecat on Monday 14th of November 2011 09:20:55 AM
I really appreciate your honesty and wisdom in seeing the subtle unkind tools that we use to control and feel safe. Writing the small prayer after seeing the defect is a wonderful exercise
I do agree that this step and the ones following are best worked with a sponsor. I would just like to caution that these steps are written in order. We cannot skip to 7 without fully working the 4- 6th step
I believe that these steps helped me to see, know and feel my behavior, and accept myself warts and all and then take the action to have the defects lifted.
All my life I have jumped from awareness to action I see the defect and run to changing the behavior Alanon taught me that the acceptance is the key . In acceptance I admit I am human,and that I am not perfect, I see how my behavior is hurting me and others I must sit with who I am, honestly own this to HP and another and then I continue working the program. Seeing my defects in action I can become willing to ask that they be removed.
Another huge change is that I must ASK HP to heal me. The Courage to Change clearly state I cannot heal myself
Thank you, Betty, for your wisdom. I will take your advice and focus on four and five. I must admit though, I have already been working on adjusting my attitude because I see this as something that I DO have control over.
__________________
Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I just wanted to send you love and support as you continue you journey.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
