The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My younger sister has been battling with drug addiction for well over the last six years. Over the summer while my folks were out of town visiting me, my younger sister ransacked their home and stole priceless items like my mother's wedding set, her mother's ring, family heirlooms, anything gold, etc.I never thought she'd betray the family to such a degree so understandably I was very, very upset with my younger sister. In late September she called for the first time and I told her how I felt.She called again in October and I told her that she can't be a part of my life until she gets sober. She called last night to chat and I have to say, I'm so conflicted and confused. I want to know that she is ok but I do not even know if I am ready to have any further communication. My older sister is mad that I'm speaking with her and is trying to put me in the middle. Meanwhile, I always become sympathetic to my younger sister and it's hard for me to stay mad. She lies so much though that I should know that I can't trust her but when I speak to her, so much of me wants to believe her. I have great hope for her but sometimes I feel like I'm going insane. I feel like I'm in the middle of a situation that I have no control over but my heart insists on believing her and then I step back and wonder if she's just lying to me again.
I guess I don't know what to do about it. I love her. I'll always love her. For a long time I considered her my best friend and now I'm having to detach and it hurts very much - torturous. She's living such a destructive life but then last night she told me she's finally got a job and trying to live an honest life. My parents have said they are trying to "love her from a distance" while they press criminal charges and seek custody of her child. Thankfully, I have a strong mate at home who's helped me draw a line in the sand- no money, not welcome at our home, etc. It's breaking my heart and yes, confuses my mind.
My younger sister is 29, I'm 33 and my older sister is 39. We're all adults but we're still floundering like children.
One book I would highly recommend is "Getting Them Sober", volume one, written by Toby Rice Drews.... This book literally saved my sanity, and it will provide you a lot of hope, ideas, and reassurance of how best to deal with situations around an active alcoholic...
I wish you well in your journey.... Choosing a program - for YOU - face to face Al-Anon, etc., is a wonderful step, and will assist you in dealing with what you are (and are not) facing with your sister.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am glad you found us. As it was suggested, face to face Alanon meetings are where the rubber meets the road. They are a source of peace, comfort, love and understanding amongst of group of people who come together for mutual aid. I have found practical tools there in which I use to preserve the love for alcoholics in my life, yet remain detached maintaining relationships with boundaries to keep myself safe. Alanon taught me how. For newcomers, it is suggested that you try six or more meetings before making a decision as to whether or not alanon is for you.
Please keep coming back and continue to share. I am so gald to have the chance to meet you.
Hi and welcome here :) As the other responders said, alanon meetings and getting support for you are what helps. There are some great books that have helped me, the Alanon books: One day at a time and Courage to change, as well as the AA Big Book which helped give me another perspective. Its a wonderful step in the right direction, when you go to a meeting and reach out. Glad you are here and found us :) Take care of you!!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Youre headed in the right direction, Lizzy. Al-Anon has made me such a stronger, healthier, happier person and it can do the same for you if you work it. Keep reading, posting, and attend live meetings if possible. No one judges you when you walk through that door because everyone there is going through it (different stories with the same pain.)
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Hi and welcome to MIP. I shadow Tom in saying "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews is a great book to read going through this. I also hope you are able to make it to face to face meetings and find a sponsor in time. I am sending you love and support on your journey! Keep coming back!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
