The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hope you will grant me some forebearance with my questions and offer me your insights. I have recently met an amazing woman, 57, with whom I hope to build a long term relationship. We have discussed that she is an alcoholic who has been sober for 18 years. She continues to attend weekly AA mtgs and acts as a sponser for others.
My question is how or what should I do or need to know to support her. I really like this woman, though I have been a social drinker and she has said she has no problem with me having a glass of wine with dinner or a beer, I have abstained since we have been together and am prepared to do this on a permanent basis in order to support her sobriety.
She has asked me if I would be comfortable going with her to AA with her or to AA activities like pot lucks. Of course I have said yes as I want this relationship to work.
I am a complete novice at this and have no idea what questions to ask her or what to do to support her.
Hello and welcome .For me the best way to support my husb is to have my own program and learn to stay out of his stuff , your lady sounds as if she is totally commited to her own recovery and thats awsome .cudos for her for attending 18 yrs later . I would suggest you find an Al-Anon meeting for yourself and attending AA with her is great but you both need a little space * separate meetings* AA potlucks are awsome and we attend them often its nice to meet your partners friends and if she agreed to attend Al-Anon functions with you Perfect !!!! good luck
-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 14th of November 2011 08:20:31 PM
I would think that attending an open AA meeting may be appropriate and meeting her friends may be nice. Attending Al Anon is always good also, even if just to learn what goes on and to understand some of the 'principles' she may live by.
18 years is fantastic and she sounds like a lady that is working this one day at a time.
Hi IJ, and welcome! Applause to your lady on her 18 years of sobriety, and to you for wanting to support her continued success. If it were me, I would read everything you can about alcoholism. The book 'Getting Them Sober" is often recommended here. I am the wife of a recovering Alcoholic, and I found the book "Marriage on the Rocks" very informative. I'd also suggest just asking her, it sounds like she has a pretty good grip on her recovery program. She would probably be pleased that you'd care enough to ask. Best of luck, I hope this is the beginning of a long and happy relationship!
Denise
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
Congratulations on meetings your wonderful lady friend. Like attracts like - so it's understandable that you want to do all you can to support her.
I think the best thing I do for my husband, who is only 6 months into his recovery, is to attend Al-Anon meetings and strive to put the program's principles into my daily practice to the best of my ability. He thanks me for finally going to Al-Anon. I, too, thank me! LOL
I go to one of his weekly AA meetings in our small town once in a while, especially when he gets a chip. It's such an honor to be able to listen to others who have struggled with this disease. I've learned so much and hope to learn more.
He has gone to one of my Al-Anon events and enjoyed it.
We are relatively newbies in our respective programs.
I'm glad you are here. There is much to learn by participating on this board.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
It is suggested for all newcomers who attend alanon meetings to try six or more meetings before making a decision as to whether or not alanon is for you. In my homegroup there are quite a few members whose significant others are members in the AA program. The alanon program was derived from the 12 steps of AA. In order to gain an appreciation of the her committment to her program, try a few alanon and open AA meetings and you will gradually understand the magic that goes on in the rooms.
