The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I went to a bonfire my local meeting has - it was very very windy and although warm for November the wind made it a bit chilly!
We had a meeting around the fire which was very nice. The topic was about taking care of yourself - the very fundamental side of taking care of yourself. The reading asked questions like "are you eating healthy? are you bathing and getting dental care and drinking enough fluids? Are you taking vitamins? Are you going for physicals? Are you getting exercise? Are you working your program or at least communicating with others and reaching out for help? " We all laughed at how ridiculous it sounded at first but one by one everyone started revealing how they only did those things for themselves if they had time. That everything else came first.
I hated to admit to myself that I've put off going to the dentist for way too long. I make sure my daughter goes but I don't make sure I do it for me. I take good care of my teeth just not proactively going to the dentist like I should - never enough time. I haven't been exercising as much as I should.
So, what have I been doing to care for myself? I've started drinking green tea everyday (I'm not a green tea fan but I'm getting better). I'm taking vitamins. I've been walking almost everday but want to go back to Yoga soon. I've been going to alanon meetings when I can. I'm eating less sugar and pasta and focusing on eating more fruit, lean meats and veggies. We'll see but I'm making a concerted effort to make sure that I'm doing that. If I don't take care of the "house" my spirit lives in then how can I expect my spirit to thrive?
Thank goodness for sponsors. That was the first thing she hit me on when we got started. I was so far from caring for myself when I new, I was always doing for others.
Today I live differently as a result of the Alanon program. Originally I thought self care was selfish. However, if I dont take care of myself first, no one else is going to do it for me. That makes me resentful and I dont want to carry the burdon of resentment. In our literature it talks about H.A.L.T. Specifically are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? If so, then I need to stop and practice self care. For me when I am any one of those, my ultimate character defect comes out when I am scrapping the bottom of the barrel and that is ANGER. Everyone pays the high price of my anger when I don't practice self care.
Today my self care is I go to seven meetings a week, I exercise six days a week, have at least 30 minutes of quiet time where I pray and meditate, talk to or meet with my sponsor once a week, eat on time not skip meals, and go to bed at a reasonable hour. I try to slow myself down rather take the fast food drive through approach to life. When I do so I am able to see all of the gifts and abundance all around me.
I found that mini luxuries help me a LOT. For example, one of my best friends, who has M.S., said she was going to deal with her disease via a two-prong attack: staying up to date on her medications, and.....pedicures. Of course we started cracking up. Now we hook up for pedicures and have a great time. I used to never be able to justify pedicures, and still feel like I'm burning money. However, it gives me this rebellious feeling like I'm getting away with something. And I'm amazed how much a bright splash of color on my feet cheers me up. Last pedicure I got was right before I was meeting an attorney, so I chose BRIGHT fire engine red, sort of like my version of war paint. I was chuckling to myself.
If I can't do pedicures, I never deny myself a mocha.
These little luxuries are small, but mighty! They make me feel like I'm living life as opposed to dragging myself through it.
I admit that I'm another one who puts off going to the dentist. I know I need to go but I've been procrastinating. I've used the excuse that I can't afford it (although there is some truth to that I also know it's mainly an excuse, shame on me.) On the positive side, I do eat well and take vitamins. I get plenty of exercise. I spend time with friends. I spend time in my garden. I play with my beloved pets. I make sure to spend 30 minutes a day in my hammock with a book. I come here to MIP, and I read my alanon literature. I spend time each day with my HP. I also drink green tea every day, love it! It's amazing to me how much difference the little things can make in my life. Good post amills, thanks.
rara avis- Your response reminds me of one of my very fvorite films, called The Women - but not the recent re-make! Oh no, I LOVE the older version from 1939 - catch it on TCM - the women were getting divorced and they wore the fierce "Jungle Red" on their nails from salon.
amills- I think this is a very serious condition of the American super woman concept we have- women try to do and have it all - career, kids, a marriage and women tend to put their needs last- I did hair for over 18 years and again and againm women barely squeeze nice luxuries in for themselves bc our society has taught women to sacrifice themselves for the "good" of others in their family. It is sick and sad, that we neglect us in the hopes others will thrive! Truth is if my mom put herself first I would have had that to emlate - instead of sacrifice, put self down, deny personal needs - be that robot so you can say you gave all to your family -- only teaches how to deny, sacrifice and starve the self of actual real physical needs that our human animal must have acknowledged or fail miserably.
So take excellent care of yourself, take time out to be kind, thoughtful and loving to the self, thru self care, through tending to basic needs first, so that you can thrive and be the best woman, mom, daughter and partner to others. When we are calm, well taken care of - we have our own inner respect, self esteem and dignity (which outshines the ego's pride) and is a real spiritual condition of wellness and ability to actually thrive ~ not just survive life.
Now as an adult in recovery - I am a role model for my own mom to emulate and for her to see that taking care of yourself, not only can allow you to thrive but it can be a beakon to others to follow.
Dont get me wrong here- I am very far from perfect, far from being "productive" (in society bc I dont have "a job") and I still feel so much better and am doing better for me bc today I can be honest, I dont beat me up if I do fail at eating at regular, healthy intervals during the day to raise my metabolism or if I fail to exercise - I can choose to do it now, today. Right now I can make a healthier choice for me by taking an action or forgiving myself for not taking an action (that I would have normally/previouisly condemned myself for) now I take it to HP and forgive me and try to do a little better next time. I am finally free!
For me: being quiet, thoughtful, reflective, prayerful and meditative- allowing me the chnce to try something new and different - are all ways to love me from the inside - and also working my program like it is air bc that is how important it is in my life- it is a life and death issue. Alanon has shown me how to live and make my life healthy and nurturing, to me first and foremost, then I extend that to everyone else.
Take care of YOU, whatever that looks like. KCB & working it bc you are worth it and so much more! Great thread! thanks
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
