The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wanted to share something I feel pretty happy about and thankful for tonight. I can feel all this work with Alanon and counseling really changing me and my relationships.
One of the big changes has obviously been the end of a 3-yr relationship with a practicing addict, but probably more important than the status of the relationship is how I related with him toward the end and how my thought patterns changed. It's been really really really hard, but I feel good about it and know that this is so much better for me. I'm rebuilding instead of breaking down.
I've had big changes in my friendships. I have recently realized some red flags with some friendships and am concerned about me seeking and feeling comfortable in relationships and friendships with people who abuse alcohol. I'm now choosing to avoid those kind of situations and just keeping my eyes open. This has also been really tough. I've lost some friends over this and it's been really tough to lose so many people at once and to lose friends just when I need them. But I've also realized that those friendships weren't necessarily positive and healthy for me, not what I actually need. Again, it's been so hard but I feel I'm rebuilding instead of breaking down.
I'm also seeing big changes in how I relate with my family. I just had such an incredible weekend with my mom. We had a huge talk and shared so much and she listened with support and without judging. That doesn't always happen :) I felt loved and accepted and valued. She shared one of her big fears and we built a lot of trust and closeness. I feel so thankful. I don't think those conversations would have happened if not for my recovery with Alanon and all of this work. I am also so grateful for my incredible mom. So thankful.
So... just wanted to post a note of hopefulness. It's been tough, really tough, but I feel good and grateful for these changes. I feel optimistic for the future.
Thanks all! I am not often able to post and don't always feel I have much to add, but I do read here often and SO appreciate this board and the great people here.
I too have lost some friendships when I began my journey of recovery. I think it was somewhere around my first or second year in the program and I had two close friendships dissolve. The program taught me how to gradually break free from these individual with dignity and grace. It was still painful as I felt like it left a hole inside of me.
Today I have wonderful friends that I am so grateful. Hot rod was right, this process isnt easy but it sure is worth it as you continue your journey of recovery.
You work a wonderful program and I enjoy your shares so much. Nothing changes, nothing changes. :)
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
One of the big changes has obviously been the end of a 3-yr relationship with a practicing addict, but probably more important than the status of the relationship is how I related with him toward the end and how my thought patterns changed. It's been really really really hard, but I feel good about it and know that this is so much better for me. I'm rebuilding instead of breaking down.
I'm in much the same place as you are now (the relationship hasn't quite ended yet, but it's on life support, lol) but I have grown SO much in the last 22 months in Al-Anon. I came into the program as someone with almost zero self-esteem and never thought that in such a short time I would become a person who would say to the ABF, "Look, this is ME, and what I want from you is acceptance of who I AM, not the person you wish I would be or who you think you can mould me into".
Isn't it amazing when you see how far you've come?
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
thanks doozy. I like to read the positive shares on days like today when hope is what I am searching for. You are full of it and though your relationship ended it was not futile. everything has shaped you and that is a beautiful thing.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Thanks everyone! I really appreciate hearing back from you. It so helps to get a little encouragement from people who really understand what these situations are like.
ythannah, it's good to hear from someone who identifies with the heartbreaking struggle part. I like what you said - "Look, this is ME, and what I want from you is acceptance of who I AM, not the person you wish I would be or who you think you can mould me into". The other thing I really needed to do was accept my boyfriend for who HE is and not the person I wished HE would be.
Michelle, I liked what you said about the relationship being over but that it wasn't futile. I do not regret it. I'm sad about it. I wish that I hadn't spent so many years in that relationship and of course I still wish that it had worked out. But at the same time, I don't regret it. I still love my ex and wish him well. I am THANKFUL he came into my life. I'm even thankful that it was finally so bad that I finally went to Alanon and all of these truths were brought to light. If it wasn't for the really hard times, I don't think I'd be on this path right now to finally really knowing and loving myself. I believe my life will be soo much better as a result of all this. It already is! I like this thought so much, I think I'll re-post it as a topic...
Hi there Doozy, I had to do this too and I took it hard, but I now have a better support system in place. I hear your growth and awareness. Keep up the great work!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
