Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Truth · Truth

I am so happy today. I know I deserve a relationship of equality. I know the only way to stop the cycle of abuse is to leave. I know I am not to blame for what was taught. I know abuse is a learned behavior. I know that holding people unaccountable for their actions is enabling. I know that secrets keep you sic...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

So, I got home from walking the dog and I was complaining about how I had an audiobook that I really should have bought a hard copy of because I wanted to take better notes. But, I had free credits on audible and didn't want to waste them. So, AH says, "Oh, speaking of good reads. Here's one I finish...

abba31 · abba31

I feel trapped...I know I am new here but I am really in a bad way right now. I have lived with this for so long now. I feel like i am in a position where I am unable to leave and that makes this worse. I have been living in Arkansas for about 7 years now...i have no family here and very few friends and of those t...

Truth · Truth

So I was reading a very interesting article today about a betrayal bond. It is so interesting because 30 years from know everything we thought we knew will change.

sunshine23 · sunshine23

Tough day for me. From the people staying with AH now, he skipped work today. He broke some beer bottle and probably step on them so this morning there were bloody footprint around the living room. As much as I want to ask him how he is, I did not because he might think hurting himself is the way to get my atte...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Hey all. I deleted my account. Don't ask. I've been really ill for 10 days or so, lying in bed with a monster fever and questionable reasoning skills, stabbing blindly at my laptop occasionally in a futile attempt to communicate with the outside world and mostly just deleting stuff I needed and puttin...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Ok .. so I'm kind of working this out in my head and I guess I just need some validation for what I think I should do and what I want to do which is always a big jump .. I want to burn that dam truck .. I know I shouldn't .. LOL. So as I've posted it was a wild weekend in terms of the insanity that my STBAX THINKS he can...

Debb · Debb

I really want to learn how to see the truth, not just put all the blame on him so that I can be free of the self pity and the victim role. When he drinks all the normalcy of our lives goes out the window. Everything becomes a monumental problem for which I am always to blame. Today we had to come to the realizati...

Mattie · Mattie

I've been watching episodes of a British TV show called "The Hoarder Next Door." It's on YouTube. It's very good in examining how people came to be hoarders (often losses in early life, coupled with becoming attached to objects as comfort). But the part that's most mind-boggling is th...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

After calming down and processing the events that had happened, I realized my hands are not clean in failed marriage. It is like my AH hurting himself and I added salt to the injury. He is responsible for hurting himself but I made it more painful for everyone. On hindsight, I should have left earlier or...

John · John

A big thank you goes out to everyone who made a donation to help pay for 2 years coverage on our web hosting and domain address! The total donated in the past 48 hours is 323.52. 275.00 was needed to cover our web site hosting and domain name registration (12stepforums.net) for 2 years. This leaves us...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Page 1 of 1 sorted by Oldest FirstNewest First Elcee, I never being around an A and knowing anything about one, married my friend and lover of over twenty years. We also have a son. He was on a strong recovery plan, AA, lived it.Would not take an aspirin or drink juice even! We had a great time for almost 2 ye...

el-cee · el-cee

The behaviours that come with addiction are a bit predictable and obvious to me, most tell lies, manipulate others using fear, pity, sympathy etc, most are verbally abusive, some are physically abusive, most are devious and cunning. The list could go on and on but most of the negative behaviours see...

HisMrsWright · HisMrsWright

Hi! I have posted here before and then I started regularly attending face to face meetings. I tried to do an online meeting this weekend but my wifi and iPhone weren't having that. :( My sponsor is having some health issues and I don't want to be a bother and I can't find the phone list. I'm having troubl...

AnneR · AnneR

My husband has been sober for 9 years. At that time things had gotten pretty bad, I threatened to leave, and it convinced him to do "rehab at home". It was very expensive, but worked. Recently he started drinking again. He has been going for 9 years and still to AA meetings once a week. He never...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

of a small town .. I'm seriously laughing so hard I am crying. I decided that I wanted to kind of put my toe in the water again of the dating stream I haven't had a first date in what .. 17 years I think it's been? I realize I'm not divorced yet .. I'm not looking for a hook up or even a long term boyfriend .. it w...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I just sent my AH off to figure out a way for himself to get to the ER. This is the umpteenth time. He knows what happens when he does drugs. He is not my responsibility. I will not clean up after his messes. All he can think about is Guilt..He is in a pit of Guilt. Boy does that sound familiar, because I was the...

lookingup · lookingup

His money makeing is from illegal means ,my a bf.now how do I relate to him is my ?,without my blowing up at his behavior,he don't sleep or don't hardly sleep, ill,etc.he stays gone a lot...hugs ,looking up and I do think he is on it himself it's crystalmeth or ice is what my a bf finally told me after I staye...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I completely forgot to mention this and in one regard I hesitate to, on another it is the reality of what happens when someone goes back out and starts drinking/drugging again .. it's a big reality check on how powerful, cunning and baffling the disease is and the collateral damage that is left to deal w...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Growing up in a non dysfunctional family, no oxy moron either! (c: I know that accepting anyone being mean to you, hurting you, not listening, not caring is wrong for me. I know me, and phoniness is not part of me. You be mean to me, and I am gone, or that person is. Unless one comes back to apologize, I am don...

Debilyn · Debilyn

We do have to be careful what we post on our mip board. Please make sure you check before you share things, that what you are sharing is ok'd by the author. It is illegal, in Al Anon and on mip we do not support illegal events even if they may never be found. We could lose our MIP, and John could be in trouble if w...

Forgiveness82 · Forgiveness82

I'm so angry. I haven't posted on here in a while as I tried to spend less time online/meet with people face to face more but I'm ANGRY. I'm angry at my ex who is an alcoholic who stole money and cheated, and couldn't get it together. I know it's not about me..I know he has his demons and I can't take it person...

John · John

Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums is hosted by GoDaddy.com. Two years of web hosting cost 242.00. Our domain address (12stepforums.net) cost 33..00 for two years. Both are due for renewal at this time. Please consider helping us meet this expense by sending in a donation using the Do...

John · John

Hi everyone, Since posting the following post last night we have collected 170.00 in donations! I am hopeful that we can meet the full amount to secure our place in cyberspace for two years by the end of today. If you made a donation already, thank you ever so much, and if not, I hope you will consider it t...

Truth · Truth

I am beginning to realize their is a difference between alcoholics/addicts and abusers. I am also beginning to realize that victims of domestic violence heal differently. I am beginning to see "red" flags of domestic violence in the rooms. These are the woman and men that appear out of co...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Well, STBAX has the kids today. He offered to take our daughter for a haircut. Now this is after telling her he had no money and wouldn't until he'd been moved out and so on. I know him well enough to know he's thinking if he does this the judge will think he's a nice guy and he's going to lower the child s...

Caspita08 · Caspita08

TRIGGER WARNING...... link to image of addiction below So the wife of a very good friend of mine posted the following image on Facebook and I sort of lost it : I was so triggered that I blocked her. Well....truthfully first I mentioned that the picture was not funny as someone wh...

Truth · Truth

About the horse thief?

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

My AH decided to tear down an old wooden play structure in our backyard. My older children with my first husband helped him build it. They remember helping him and it meant a lot to them, even though the structure needed to be torn down. It had termites and was in bad shape. My AH mentioned tearing it down t...

Truth · Truth

I am beginning to understand the fear tactics the alcoholics/addicts in my life use to control the situation. They accuse you of judging them, they accuse you not letting them make mistakes, they accuse you that you are responsible for who they associate with. They recruit and get negative advocate...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

I just spoke to my relative whose functioning A (at least I think so) had a heart to heart talk with my AH in a bar (lol). Verdict is "you are asking for the impossible"( eyes rolling) "his job requires him to drink" (eyes continues to roll with blood pressure rising) and everyone t...

Gaby · Gaby

My morning started rough. I get a call from my sons daughters mom. I chose to not answer. This just tells me that my son has not been over there to see his daughter. I have not heard from my son for a week and have not seen him going on 4 weeks. I have to have to get my energy an my strenghth for what ever comes my wa...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

After I have moved out, AH also moved out after 10 days. Now I have two places to stay. Since I signed a 6 months lease, I am now responsible to pay this and my first house. my family members asked if I regretted moving out since I could have waited for 10 days and AH may moved by then. I actually feel that the ac...

StargazerLily · StargazerLily

I had a falling out with my parents over a year ago and have not spoken to them since then. My sister got mad me over it without talking to me about what happened. I wanted so badly to talk to her about it for a few reasons. In 2008 we tried family counseling with my parents but my parents dropped out because th...

Truth · Truth

Gosh I have so much trouble with this statement. What if sometimes it is real evidence appearing real and your body is reacting naturally?

sunshine23 · sunshine23

I have moved out for 2 weeks. I know it is definitely the right decision. Beside moving, I also divided our savings after he hurled insults at me about leaving him broke. He told that to people who know about our situation. Every time he said such things about me, it will hurt and drive me insane. How coul...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Hi I have a friend who's daughter is graduating this next week and is all upset about having to get her daughter a new dress. Excuse.....she's wearing a cap and gown why does she need a dress.

Well it took me back. I didn't have much of a family growing up because my mom died young and my dad was a very bu...

Mirandac · Mirandac

I am having problems with my dry a tone of voice.once in awhile his Tone will be nasty or disrespectful. I call call him on it sometimes, sometimes Other people are around or its the wrong time or place. Should i just hand him his nastiness back or Say " that tone of voice is not acceptable behavior&q...

giraffe13 · giraffe13

So. Phew. It has been 2 months since I saw him last. Passed out on the floor, and 2 weeks since we talked and I left him. I kept my side of the road clean through it all, despite his trying to trigger me. I didn't react. Inside some days I was raging mad at how irrational and angry he behaved after we broke up, ov...

Gaby · Gaby

Today marks 4 days I have not heard from my son. I believe he sold his phone. I have not seek my son going on 4 weeks. I am trying to stay busy.. And praying. And believing and having faith that god will pull me through this and I know our god is with my son. But I do have to admit it hurts. I say over and over my son k...

Beeker · Beeker

Hi guys, I'm new to the board and to Al-Anon. I need some advice concerning my older brother, who is an alcoholic. Apparently he has had a problem for about 10 years and it has grown increasingly serious, with some particularly bad events happening this past December, but since he lives is a different...

mongowal · mongowal

I received divorce papers the other day, STBEX wants the divorce as soon as possible so he can come out with his relationship to the woman he had the affair with me on. Of course I'm hurt but trying at the same time to realize that this is my HP plan for me and it must be for my betterment. Since my STBEX h...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I know I was with him 15 years and he knows how to push my buttons like no one else, but I have gotten so good at not communicating with him and letting my 16 year old and him work out visitation through text, that I forget what a pain he can be. I will have been divorced 3 years this July and it has gotten easier e...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

It has been years that I have had an AH. He goes to meetings regularly and still relapses consistently. Just when I think he has sobriety like some of the AA members have had for many years, he is drinking again. I feel our marriage is being undermined steadily. After each bout, I usually feel depres...

Thoughtanya · Thoughtanya

I just typed a long long long email to my husband who drove home drunk again last night... The long email was beautifully written, with love... But it was about what I call boundaries... I sent it to him or I thought idid... Then I looked in my sent mail to re- read it... Not there!!!! Ahhhhh do you think thi...

Mari1978 · Mari1978

I would like to thank all those who have shared experiences on what we can do to be supportive. My 7 year old is ever challenging and her genetics scream her father quite often. After a difficult day and feeling exhausted and a little weak I dialed her bio dads number. I didn't know why I bothered I didn...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I had a great therapy appointment today and I really needed it and something that he said that really struck me was about anxiety and what part it plays in terms of for me why I had basically what he classified as a mini panic attack recently that really really threw me .. I am really not used to feeling thi...

bluedawn · bluedawn

I am new. I am seeking help. I am not sure I am on even in the right place or how to do this.

el-cee · el-cee

I tried to ask a question about this but it is a closed topic. I dont know anything about copyright or the risks to this site so I think its important to have clarification on it. As far as I know we are ok to post small extracts, not full pages, as long as we state where it came from. Is this correct? Alanon all...

Onlyhope · Onlyhope

Today it's been ten weeks since I've spoken to my daughter and her husband who are my current active A's in my life. I was heartbroken 12 weeks ago when I found out that my daughter had become an active alcoholic along with her husband. We went through years of her in recovery from drugs as a young teenage...

onestep33 · onestep33

Hi all, I've been lurking for awhile since my AH went to rehab after stealing thousands of dollars from his parents because of his addiction to drugs and alcohol. He had a spiritual awakening at rehab and is home now and seems to be doing well. He is attending meetings once or twice a day, working with h...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

So I know I'm not suppose to focus on my stbax .. however .. LOL .. that being said .. this was something else that came up in therapy the other day .. There is some BIG dejvu happening right now .. 2 1/2 years he's back at his mothers for the 3rd time 5th move during this time. So pretty much he's in the exact sa...

abba31 · abba31

I want to try and start taking my 17 year old and going to some meetings...however i have 2 smaller boys that cannot be left at home.

Hot Chicka · Hot Chicka

I was at a family type event yesterday.... AH had originally planned to be there, until he decided that the cure for his hangover was more beer. At the family event, a friend says, "Where is Brad today?" (Not really his name....) The thought that ran through my head was, "He's cur...

Beatrice · Beatrice

" You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it." Coehlo

oldergal · oldergal

A New Kind of DoingThursday, May 22, 2014 In the second half of life, we do not have strong and final opinions about everything, every event, or most people, as much as we allow things and people to delight us, sadden us, and truly influence us. We no longer need to change or adjust other people to be happ...

el-cee · el-cee

A member shared tonight on unacceptable behaviour and it got me thinking. When you read the CAL there are a lot of readings on unacceptable behaviour. There are plenty on the A's unacceptable behaviour but there are also many readings on our own unacceptable behaviour. One reading talks about how we...

Beatrice · Beatrice

"Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere." Coehlo

Slugcat · Slugcat

So I rang and hes mad so i said i dont want to talk to you when you are drunk so later he rings me back and is all emotional and misses me etc but he says "he doesnt want to sound clingy" but hes drunk. and i wanted to scream get lost i dont want to talk you while u are drunk i put up with the conversat...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

I am so confused. I will try to make this short. my AH is trying to convince me has changed just in the last few months I have moved out. I actually see him doing new things like cleaning up a lot of JUNK surrounding our house. For that, I give him credit. What hurts is the fact that he wouldn't do any cleanup w...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	A relationship of equality (Preview) I am so happy today. I know I deserve a relationship of equality. I know the only way to stop the cycle of abuse is to leave. I know I am not to blame for what was taught. I know abuse is a learned behavior. I know that holding people unaccountable for their actions is enabling. I know that secrets keep you sic...	Truth	3	491	May 28, 2014 by neshema2
	Aww, that's sweet: he shared his new book with me, LOL (Preview) So, I got home from walking the dog and I was complaining about how I had an audiobook that I really should have bought a hard copy of because I wanted to take better notes. But, I had free credits on audible and didn't want to waste them. So, AH says, "Oh, speaking of good reads. Here's one I finish...	ilovedogs	9	661	May 28, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	TRAPPED (Preview) I feel trapped...I know I am new here but I am really in a bad way right now. I have lived with this for so long now. I feel like i am in a position where I am unable to leave and that makes this worse. I have been living in Arkansas for about 7 years now...i have no family here and very few friends and of those t...	abba31	7	864	May 28, 2014 by grateful2be
	Betrayal Bond (Preview) So I was reading a very interesting article today about a betrayal bond. It is so interesting because 30 years from know everything we thought we knew will change.	Truth	1	437	May 27, 2014 by neshema2
	Throwing tantrum (Preview) Tough day for me. From the people staying with AH now, he skipped work today. He broke some beer bottle and probably step on them so this morning there were bloody footprint around the living room. As much as I want to ask him how he is, I did not because he might think hurting himself is the way to get my atte...	sunshine23	6	627	May 27, 2014 by sunshine23
	Hello, Melly here :-) (Preview) Hey all. I deleted my account. Don't ask. I've been really ill for 10 days or so, lying in bed with a monster fever and questionable reasoning skills, stabbing blindly at my laptop occasionally in a futile attempt to communicate with the outside world and mostly just deleting stuff I needed and puttin...	missmeliss	13	669	May 27, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Now I wonder .. (Preview) Ok .. so I'm kind of working this out in my head and I guess I just need some validation for what I think I should do and what I want to do which is always a big jump .. I want to burn that dam truck .. I know I shouldn't .. LOL. So as I've posted it was a wild weekend in terms of the insanity that my STBAX THINKS he can...	SerenityRUS	5	451	May 27, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Want to learn how to not blame Learning to see the truth (Preview) I really want to learn how to see the truth, not just put all the blame on him so that I can be free of the self pity and the victim role. When he drinks all the normalcy of our lives goes out the window. Everything becomes a monumental problem for which I am always to blame. Today we had to come to the realizati...	Debb	10	708	May 27, 2014 by Debb
	Thoughts on the excuses (Preview) I've been watching episodes of a British TV show called "The Hoarder Next Door." It's on YouTube. It's very good in examining how people came to be hoarders (often losses in early life, coupled with becoming attached to objects as comfort). But the part that's most mind-boggling is th...	Mattie	8	592	May 27, 2014 by el-cee
	Apologizing to A (Preview) After calming down and processing the events that had happened, I realized my hands are not clean in failed marriage. It is like my AH hurting himself and I added salt to the injury. He is responsible for hurting himself but I made it more painful for everyone. On hindsight, I should have left earlier or...	sunshine23	11	495	May 27, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	MIP Site Hosting and Domain Reg. Funding Met! (Preview) A big thank you goes out to everyone who made a donation to help pay for 2 years coverage on our web hosting and domain address! The total donated in the past 48 hours is 323.52. 275.00 was needed to cover our web site hosting and domain name registration (12stepforums.net) for 2 years. This leaves us...	John	3	364	May 27, 2014 by grateful2be
	For El-cee,my recent life. What makes me need MIP (Preview) Page 1 of 1 sorted by Oldest FirstNewest First Elcee, I never being around an A and knowing anything about one, married my friend and lover of over twenty years. We also have a son. He was on a strong recovery plan, AA, lived it.Would not take an aspirin or drink juice even! We had a great time for almost 2 ye...	Debilyn	11	681	May 27, 2014 by milkwood
	The predictable alcoholic (Preview) The behaviours that come with addiction are a bit predictable and obvious to me, most tell lies, manipulate others using fear, pity, sympathy etc, most are verbally abusive, some are physically abusive, most are devious and cunning. The list could go on and on but most of the negative behaviours see...	el-cee	23	797	May 27, 2014 by el-cee
	Right now I'm insane, again! (Preview) Hi! I have posted here before and then I started regularly attending face to face meetings. I tried to do an online meeting this weekend but my wifi and iPhone weren't having that. :( My sponsor is having some health issues and I don't want to be a bother and I can't find the phone list. I'm having troubl...	HisMrsWright	5	524	May 26, 2014 by HisMrsWright
	Spouse went off the wagon after 9 years; what should I do? (Preview) My husband has been sober for 9 years. At that time things had gotten pretty bad, I threatened to leave, and it convinced him to do "rehab at home". It was very expensive, but worked. Recently he started drinking again. He has been going for 9 years and still to AA meetings once a week. He never...	AnneR	10	494	May 26, 2014 by AnneR
	Ohhh the irony .. (Preview) of a small town .. I'm seriously laughing so hard I am crying. I decided that I wanted to kind of put my toe in the water again of the dating stream I haven't had a first date in what .. 17 years I think it's been? I realize I'm not divorced yet .. I'm not looking for a hook up or even a long term boyfriend .. it w...	SerenityRUS	12	1954	May 26, 2014 by grateful2be
	Find your own way to the ER.....again.. (Preview) I just sent my AH off to figure out a way for himself to get to the ER. This is the umpteenth time. He knows what happens when he does drugs. He is not my responsibility. I will not clean up after his messes. All he can think about is Guilt..He is in a pit of Guilt. Boy does that sound familiar, because I was the...	sadsusie	5	649	May 26, 2014 by el-cee
	I'm slow but I figure it out. (Preview) His money makeing is from illegal means ,my a bf.now how do I relate to him is my ?,without my blowing up at his behavior,he don't sleep or don't hardly sleep, ill,etc.he stays gone a lot...hugs ,looking up and I do think he is on it himself it's crystalmeth or ice is what my a bf finally told me after I staye...	lookingup	4	515	May 26, 2014 by hotrod
	Prayers for the recovery family here in town .. (Preview) I completely forgot to mention this and in one regard I hesitate to, on another it is the reality of what happens when someone goes back out and starts drinking/drugging again .. it's a big reality check on how powerful, cunning and baffling the disease is and the collateral damage that is left to deal w...	SerenityRUS	3	381	May 26, 2014 by Debilyn
	I firmly believe this (Preview) Growing up in a non dysfunctional family, no oxy moron either! (c: I know that accepting anyone being mean to you, hurting you, not listening, not caring is wrong for me. I know me, and phoniness is not part of me. You be mean to me, and I am gone, or that person is. Unless one comes back to apologize, I am don...	Debilyn	7	536	May 26, 2014 by Debilyn
	Copyrighted material on MIP (Preview) We do have to be careful what we post on our mip board. Please make sure you check before you share things, that what you are sharing is ok'd by the author. It is illegal, in Al Anon and on mip we do not support illegal events even if they may never be found. We could lose our MIP, and John could be in trouble if w...	Debilyn	3	604	May 26, 2014 by Debilyn
	I'm ANGRY. (Preview) I'm so angry. I haven't posted on here in a while as I tried to spend less time online/meet with people face to face more but I'm ANGRY. I'm angry at my ex who is an alcoholic who stole money and cheated, and couldn't get it together. I know it's not about me..I know he has his demons and I can't take it person...	Forgiveness82	8	388	May 26, 2014 by Debilyn
	MIP Site Hosting and Domain needs your support (Preview) Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums is hosted by GoDaddy.com. Two years of web hosting cost 242.00. Our domain address (12stepforums.net) cost 33..00 for two years. Both are due for renewal at this time. Please consider helping us meet this expense by sending in a donation using the Do...	John	5	344	May 26, 2014 by Debilyn
	MIP Site Hosting and Domain needs your support (PS) (Preview) Hi everyone, Since posting the following post last night we have collected 170.00 in donations! I am hopeful that we can meet the full amount to secure our place in cyberspace for two years by the end of today. If you made a donation already, thank you ever so much, and if not, I hope you will consider it t...	John	5	370	May 26, 2014 by grateful2be
	Alcoholics/addicts and Abusers (Preview) I am beginning to realize their is a difference between alcoholics/addicts and abusers. I am also beginning to realize that victims of domestic violence heal differently. I am beginning to see "red" flags of domestic violence in the rooms. These are the woman and men that appear out of co...	Truth	13	633	May 26, 2014 by grateful2be
	Follow up to irony .. (Preview) Well, STBAX has the kids today. He offered to take our daughter for a haircut. Now this is after telling her he had no money and wouldn't until he'd been moved out and so on. I know him well enough to know he's thinking if he does this the judge will think he's a nice guy and he's going to lower the child s...	SerenityRUS	5	366	May 26, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Overly sensitive at offensive jokes? (Preview) TRIGGER WARNING...... link to image of addiction below So the wife of a very good friend of mine posted the following image on Facebook and I sort of lost it : I was so triggered that I blocked her. Well....truthfully first I mentioned that the picture was not funny as someone wh...	Caspita08	6	608	May 25, 2014 by Caspita08
	What is the saying.... (Preview) About the horse thief?	Truth	9	321	May 25, 2014 by hotrod
	I have to stop engaging in conversation with the A. He did something malicious :( (Preview) My AH decided to tear down an old wooden play structure in our backyard. My older children with my first husband helped him build it. They remember helping him and it meant a lot to them, even though the structure needed to be torn down. It had termites and was in bad shape. My AH mentioned tearing it down t...	Newlife girl	8	444	May 25, 2014 by Debilyn
	Using Fear Tactics to Control (Preview) I am beginning to understand the fear tactics the alcoholics/addicts in my life use to control the situation. They accuse you of judging them, they accuse you not letting them make mistakes, they accuse you that you are responsible for who they associate with. They recruit and get negative advocate...	Truth	9	718	May 25, 2014 by Truth
	Keeping cool (Preview) I just spoke to my relative whose functioning A (at least I think so) had a heart to heart talk with my AH in a bar (lol). Verdict is "you are asking for the impossible"( eyes rolling) "his job requires him to drink" (eyes continues to roll with blood pressure rising) and everyone t...	sunshine23	7	452	May 25, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Needing to express what I feel... (Preview) My morning started rough. I get a call from my sons daughters mom. I chose to not answer. This just tells me that my son has not been over there to see his daughter. I have not heard from my son for a week and have not seen him going on 4 weeks. I have to have to get my energy an my strenghth for what ever comes my wa...	Gaby	6	484	May 25, 2014 by Pamela1954
	Moving out, enabling and resentment (Preview) After I have moved out, AH also moved out after 10 days. Now I have two places to stay. Since I signed a 6 months lease, I am now responsible to pay this and my first house. my family members asked if I regretted moving out since I could have waited for 10 days and AH may moved by then. I actually feel that the ac...	sunshine23	11	723	May 25, 2014 by ssilver
	Sister's wedding is stirring things up (Preview) I had a falling out with my parents over a year ago and have not spoken to them since then. My sister got mad me over it without talking to me about what happened. I wanted so badly to talk to her about it for a few reasons. In 2008 we tried family counseling with my parents but my parents dropped out because th...	StargazerLily	21	809	May 24, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real (Preview) Gosh I have so much trouble with this statement. What if sometimes it is real evidence appearing real and your body is reacting naturally?	Truth	33	1035	May 24, 2014 by grateful2be
	Staying detach (Preview) I have moved out for 2 weeks. I know it is definitely the right decision. Beside moving, I also divided our savings after he hurled insults at me about leaving him broke. He told that to people who know about our situation. Every time he said such things about me, it will hurt and drive me insane. How coul...	sunshine23	6	608	May 24, 2014 by Debilyn
	Remembering my Graduation (Preview) Hi I have a friend who's daughter is graduating this next week and is all upset about having to get her daughter a new dress. Excuse.....she's wearing a cap and gown why does she need a dress. Well it took me back. I didn't have much of a family growing up because my mom died young and my dad was a very bu...	Cathyinaz	3	548	May 24, 2014 by PP
	Tone of voice (Preview) I am having problems with my dry a tone of voice.once in awhile his Tone will be nasty or disrespectful. I call call him on it sometimes, sometimes Other people are around or its the wrong time or place. Should i just hand him his nastiness back or Say " that tone of voice is not acceptable behavior&q...	Mirandac	10	607	May 24, 2014 by Mirandac
	Fear of exabf dying (Preview) So. Phew. It has been 2 months since I saw him last. Passed out on the floor, and 2 weeks since we talked and I left him. I kept my side of the road clean through it all, despite his trying to trigger me. I didn't react. Inside some days I was raging mad at how irrational and angry he behaved after we broke up, ov...	giraffe13	12	503	May 24, 2014 by el-cee
	Heart breaker.. Please help me stay sane.. (Preview) Today marks 4 days I have not heard from my son. I believe he sold his phone. I have not seek my son going on 4 weeks. I am trying to stay busy.. And praying. And believing and having faith that god will pull me through this and I know our god is with my son. But I do have to admit it hurts. I say over and over my son k...	Gaby	6	564	May 24, 2014 by el-cee
	Need advice on sharing information (Preview) Hi guys, I'm new to the board and to Al-Anon. I need some advice concerning my older brother, who is an alcoholic. Apparently he has had a problem for about 10 years and it has grown increasingly serious, with some particularly bad events happening this past December, but since he lives is a different...	Beeker	10	571	May 24, 2014 by PP
	Does the Lying ever end? (Preview) I received divorce papers the other day, STBEX wants the divorce as soon as possible so he can come out with his relationship to the woman he had the affair with me on. Of course I'm hurt but trying at the same time to realize that this is my HP plan for me and it must be for my betterment. Since my STBEX h...	mongowal	14	661	May 24, 2014 by sunshine23
	I let my exAH trigger me this morning (Preview) I know I was with him 15 years and he knows how to push my buttons like no one else, but I have gotten so good at not communicating with him and letting my 16 year old and him work out visitation through text, that I forget what a pain he can be. I will have been divorced 3 years this July and it has gotten easier e...	Breakingfree	10	732	May 24, 2014 by Breakingfree
	What do I do with anger? (Preview) It has been years that I have had an AH. He goes to meetings regularly and still relapses consistently. Just when I think he has sobriety like some of the AA members have had for many years, he is drinking again. I feel our marriage is being undermined steadily. After each bout, I usually feel depres...	wifeofalcoholic	8	695	May 24, 2014 by 1lostmom
	Question regarding boundaries (Preview) I just typed a long long long email to my husband who drove home drunk again last night... The long email was beautifully written, with love... But it was about what I call boundaries... I sent it to him or I thought idid... Then I looked in my sent mail to re- read it... Not there!!!! Ahhhhh do you think thi...	Thoughtanya	6	552	May 23, 2014 by Jerry F
	Handy tools (Preview) I would like to thank all those who have shared experiences on what we can do to be supportive. My 7 year old is ever challenging and her genetics scream her father quite often. After a difficult day and feeling exhausted and a little weak I dialed her bio dads number. I didn't know why I bothered I didn...	Mari1978	4	441	May 23, 2014 by Jerry F
	A new way to look at anxiety .. (Preview) I had a great therapy appointment today and I really needed it and something that he said that really struck me was about anxiety and what part it plays in terms of for me why I had basically what he classified as a mini panic attack recently that really really threw me .. I am really not used to feeling thi...	SerenityRUS	7	496	May 23, 2014 by hotrod
	asking for help (Preview) I am new. I am seeking help. I am not sure I am on even in the right place or how to do this.	bluedawn	15	631	May 23, 2014 by Beatrice
	question on copyright material (Preview) I tried to ask a question about this but it is a closed topic. I dont know anything about copyright or the risks to this site so I think its important to have clarification on it. As far as I know we are ok to post small extracts, not full pages, as long as we state where it came from. Is this correct? Alanon all...	el-cee	3	384	May 23, 2014 by grateful2be
	Trying to Not be Sad.... (Preview) Today it's been ten weeks since I've spoken to my daughter and her husband who are my current active A's in my life. I was heartbroken 12 weeks ago when I found out that my daughter had become an active alcoholic along with her husband. We went through years of her in recovery from drugs as a young teenage...	Onlyhope	4	347	May 23, 2014 by Onlyhope
	Trusting again? (Preview) Hi all, I've been lurking for awhile since my AH went to rehab after stealing thousands of dollars from his parents because of his addiction to drugs and alcohol. He had a spiritual awakening at rehab and is home now and seems to be doing well. He is attending meetings once or twice a day, working with h...	onestep33	8	531	May 23, 2014 by Debilyn
	Ok .. Dejvu .. (Preview) So I know I'm not suppose to focus on my stbax .. however .. LOL .. that being said .. this was something else that came up in therapy the other day .. There is some BIG dejvu happening right now .. 2 1/2 years he's back at his mothers for the 3rd time 5th move during this time. So pretty much he's in the exact sa...	SerenityRUS	4	548	May 23, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	can you take children to alanon meetings (Preview) I want to try and start taking my 17 year old and going to some meetings...however i have 2 smaller boys that cannot be left at home.	abba31	6	1130	May 23, 2014 by Debilyn
	"What's your husband up to today?" (Preview) I was at a family type event yesterday.... AH had originally planned to be there, until he decided that the cure for his hangover was more beer. At the family event, a friend says, "Where is Brad today?" (Not really his name....) The thought that ran through my head was, "He's cur...	Hot Chicka	10	492	May 22, 2014 by giraffe13
	helpful thoughts (Preview) " You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it." Coehlo	Beatrice	5	328	May 22, 2014 by grateful2be
	Second Half of Life (Preview) A New Kind of DoingThursday, May 22, 2014 In the second half of life, we do not have strong and final opinions about everything, every event, or most people, as much as we allow things and people to delight us, sadden us, and truly influence us. We no longer need to change or adjust other people to be happ...	oldergal	6	419	May 22, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Our own unacceptable behaviour (Preview) A member shared tonight on unacceptable behaviour and it got me thinking. When you read the CAL there are a lot of readings on unacceptable behaviour. There are plenty on the A's unacceptable behaviour but there are also many readings on our own unacceptable behaviour. One reading talks about how we...	el-cee	16	937	May 22, 2014 by Breakingfree
	thoughts (Preview) "Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere." Coehlo	Beatrice	1	369	May 22, 2014 by hotrod
	hanging up on drunk people (Preview) So I rang and hes mad so i said i dont want to talk to you when you are drunk so later he rings me back and is all emotional and misses me etc but he says "he doesnt want to sound clingy" but hes drunk. and i wanted to scream get lost i dont want to talk you while u are drunk i put up with the conversat...	Slugcat	9	593	May 22, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Really need feedback from members with ESH. Help! (Preview) I am so confused. I will try to make this short. my AH is trying to convince me has changed just in the last few months I have moved out. I actually see him doing new things like cleaning up a lot of JUNK surrounding our house. For that, I give him credit. What hurts is the fact that he wouldn't do any cleanup w...	Newlife girl	18	610	May 22, 2014 by SunshineGirl
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.