Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

el-cee · el-cee

A member shared tonight on unacceptable behaviour and it got me thinking. When you read the CAL there are a lot of readings on unacceptable behaviour. There are plenty on the A's unacceptable behaviour but there are also many readings on our own unacceptable behaviour. One reading talks about how we...

Beatrice · Beatrice

"Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere." Coehlo

Slugcat · Slugcat

So I rang and hes mad so i said i dont want to talk to you when you are drunk so later he rings me back and is all emotional and misses me etc but he says "he doesnt want to sound clingy" but hes drunk. and i wanted to scream get lost i dont want to talk you while u are drunk i put up with the conversat...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

I am so confused. I will try to make this short. my AH is trying to convince me has changed just in the last few months I have moved out. I actually see him doing new things like cleaning up a lot of JUNK surrounding our house. For that, I give him credit. What hurts is the fact that he wouldn't do any cleanup w...

deacon · deacon

and then, almost every time you go away for a few hours, gets into the alcohol, what does that really say about your relationship. I am just so emotionally tired of coming home and finding him trying ever so hard to hide that he has been drinking. I suspect that his age is now really against him and he can't...

SunshineGirl · SunshineGirl

Hello all I am feeling very grateful to my program. One thing I learnt quite some time ago that has helped me enormously is that everything my AH does/says can be treated as an 'invitation' not a given. Meaning I can chose to accept the invitation to his fight, pity party, insanity, buy into lies, etc...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

My AH tried apologizing to me last night. I heard lots of excuses, a bit of blaming (even though he would follow it up with: that's my issue), and a lot of alternate reality talk. What I'm trying to remember is that he made an effort. What bothers me today is that I didn't care. I was more frustrated tha...

1lostmom · 1lostmom

I consider myself a good wife. I work full time, I do all the driving for my daughter to and from daycare, I make dinners when I am home first, and I grocery shop. On the weekends, I do a load or two of laundry so my husband, daughter and I have clean clothes for the week. I do ALL of the dishes in my house. My...

hotrod · hotrod

Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together!http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t57634504/alanon-step-7/

mm830 · mm830

i can't take credit for this one but it's got me thinking quite a bit. In yoga tonight the instructor told us there are two things, the story, and the truth. The story consists of all the dramatic details, i.e. the A drank a whole bottle of vodka then took off in his car and called and verbally attacked me an...

Kerrymom · Kerrymom

Growing up my older sister was always demanding attention, she's adopted and don't know if it's attachment disorder or something in her genes, but everything is always about her, even now when she has 3 wonderful kids, her problems are more important, if I was trying to talk to our mom she would either...

Jill · Jill

You consistently keep this site safe. I appreciate all the time and dedication you have.

Truth · Truth

He is not sick. He is not a victim. He is a twisted individual. I am not crazy. It is not my fault. I have power. He is not healthy. He is not a positive role model. A positive role model does not do what this man does.

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I kind of had an A-HA moment in terms of realizing that there is a good probability my STBAX will never be close to being the same man I married .. I don't think he was ok then .. however the progressiveness of the disease is unreal. I don't know why this struck me so hard last night. I consider myself fairl...

Gaby · Gaby

I'm a bit sad mad hurt confused!!! My son sent me a message yesterday that they let him go from work on Friday. I was not surprised. This disease or I should say his poor choices will take everything away from him. This message was about noon. Then I get a message in the late PM and he said mom my phones about t...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Im having the tough time excepting my son and his denials and non-truths. He cant tell me anything without exaggerating it to the max or lying about it. I asked him yesterday if he had talked to his dad and he said no. I know for a fact he did. When I was quite about it, he then said. oh I think I talked to hi...

KennyFenderjazz · KennyFenderjazz

I was waiting for the wife outside her meeting last night. She came up and introduced me to a couple that were at her meeting the first time. The guy was an A, hadn't been to AA for 30 years, hadn't drank in thAT time, but HAD recently relapsed. his wife went to the meeting because it was open, but my wife r...

Frustrated Daughter · Frustrated Daughter

Today casually texting with my mother turned bad when I realized she was in fact drunk at 2 in the afternoon and had started a text rant about members of our extended family. My cousin expressed a couple years ago that my mother thinks she's better than the rest of the family. The thing I don't understand...

Truth · Truth

So at our mediation session my ex-a tried to label me as judge and jury. I never once said the word good or bad, (he did) however I stuck to behaviors. He also told me I was bi-polar. Today I am having a hard time not letting his comments sink in. I know I need rest.

Fifi · Fifi

These days the little things show me how much work I have to do for myself and for healing my disease. Example. It is night time and I go to bed early with a migraine. When sober BF comes to bed, I wake up. I feel upset and "wronged" because "he woke me up". I still have my migraine and I...

Hot Chicka · Hot Chicka

My older son is noticing more and more when AH is drinking. Most of the drinking is done after the kids go to bed, but lately he's been spending more and more weekends drinking all weekend. My son says.... "He acts so weird." "He talks so funny." "He smells so bad."...

Lyne · Lyne

When I came to alanon, I already had a relationship with HP. I'd had a "religious" experience 20+ yrs ago and went from agnostic to believer. So to incorporate HP into my recovery was not a struggle. My A on the other hand told me today that she is looking for her HP. I said "good."...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

My AH still doesn't have a job. We aren't living together so he thinks I shouldn't be asking him about his plans on getting a job. He finds my questioning offensive. When I express my concern about this subject, he tells me I am selfish. when I get upset i read CAL. I opened up the book "opening our hea...

PP · PP

ssilver · ssilver

Hi. I visit this board often, but only post occasionally. I'm almost 5 months in Alanon, with f2f meetings and a sponsor. I am truly grateful for the support of the program and mostly the beautiful people who help each other. While I've made significant progress, I think, I still grapple daily with my d...

lookingup · lookingup

Is there such thing as internet innocence ?between a married woman and A single man that has a steady g/f that he lives with??or am I just jumping to conclusions and being mean????thats what I'm feeling from all that .and now they both are off the internet and have each other's cell phones but he says the...

Gaby · Gaby

Today I got a message from my son saying : many prayers needed. I responded : I will always have you in prayers and giving you to god is healthy for me as well as yourself. I know my son is going through a lot but I can't do nothing for him that he can not do for himself. I have turned him over to god. I have so much f...

sadsusie · sadsusie

Thank you PP for such a simple yet thought provoking challenge! PP kept asking me if I was still "sad" susie. I didn't think much of it the first few times, but I did today. I can think of a million other things that describe my present journey as well as what I HOPE for my journey to look like. Th...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I have really struggled over the last 10+ years. My AH has been very controlling and demeaning. I had felt worthless, and was subtly encouraged to stay in my "safe" shell of a home, and I had no friends. Really, NO friends. I had lots of acquaintances, but no phone numbers saved to my phone. An...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I was thinking a lot about this today for some reason at what point did I stop listening to my intuition regarding my stbax. Really any romantic relationship .. I really have picked emotionally unavailable people .. pretty much because I'm emotionally unavailable. I have never had a model of what a...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

I really needed a new car. I researched a lot about the car I was looking at. I went to 2 dealerships. One that was close to me told me my credit was too bad to get an interest rate lower than 20% and my payment would be $400-500 a month. He told me this without even trying to get me a loan. I received a call from an...

Truth · Truth

My son is visiting with his father today and what we mediated yesterday he is already deciding that he is not following. Today I cannot do anything about it but pray because it is not filed with court yet. I am ready to move on. This man has shown me who he is and I believe him. I am actually thankful for the ex...

Beatrice · Beatrice

"Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it badly." Paulo Coehlo

lookingup · lookingup

My a bf has been talking to a old childhood school friend for mths,everyday sometimes several times a day.and then they started texting and exchanged phone no.and my a bf still wants to say it was all innocent .but he is trying to come off suboxones and he has been ill and can't sleep.im trying to keep my c...

Holly09 · Holly09

I haven't been here in a long time during that time we have had our ups and downs but nothing really serious. My A fiance quit drinking almost 4 years ago doesn't go to meetings but overall does well, except with me. He has depression and has been on meds. for the same amount of time which seem to help some...

astallaslions · astallaslions

We went out for a congratulatory: 'I got into school' dinner, knowing he'd been drinking. I knew the fun night would slowly shift into his usual woe-is-me the world is out to get us, antics, but I was hoping for something that wasn't going to happen. I knew my expectations were unreasonable. I could fee...

NavySealWife · NavySealWife

I'm so angry out of my mind, my husband has been sober for two months. But he seems to think that just because he is sober he can be very irresponsible when it comes to do what is priority in the house like make sure we have money to pay bills, pay for gas, eat etc. So, he begged me to go with him to local casino ne...

Theoceancalls · Theoceancalls

sooooo tonight my ah went to a friend of mines house with me, to hang. he had had a few before we left. which ticked me off, . .those at the gathering all drink , but when im there on my own its just relaxed and laid back.i had a glass of wine. as the night went on, he drank more, talked more and finally i managed t...

sharonnpr · sharonnpr

This is the first time i have ever been on a sight talking about my daughter. She is 23 and i am so scared for her. She has been an addict for what seems like so long now. I feel like i am watching her slowly kill herself. She has seen so many of her friends die from their addictions. I worry everyday that i am goi...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

After reflecting on "we are powerless", I think to some extend, everyone has the misconception that they are in control or can effect a change in someone else. Except that with an A in our lives, the door slammed hard on our face. It is living with an A that causes our control mentality to wors...

lookingup · lookingup

My a bf came and helped me go get a shelf that I bought ,and he brought it to my house and while he was here he ate the spaghetti I made ,and then he jumped up and walked outside in a bold way we had words about this internet woman he had been talking to for 5mths and it got really ugly,then I went to get me 1of my 2mg...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

I received a gift from A the other night. The first, ever. It is a coffee machine that I have been quite vocally wishing for for a long time. I'm awfully fussy about my coffee. So that was a surprise. I decided not to question his motives, and to stop second guessing my own (should I accept it, does that mean...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I am thinking a lot about this as is my son. He has been cheated on so many times, then the last, looked like he found the one, someone he knew a long time, just out of nowhere left. huh? I have been widowed twice. Then had a very very serious long long term friendship that he told me he loved me and wanted more....

lookingup · lookingup

I was at my neighbors house and had left my purse in her house and stepped outside with my neighbor and my purse was left unattended inside neighbors house with her drug addict son who just got out of prison,but I'm not gonna even mention it to my neighbor she is Old and tired.im feeling a bit bad for accusi...

el-cee · el-cee

Im really interested in the steps at the moment and Im quite new to them. I can see my shortcomings clearly these days, thankfully. Im not in denial of my own issues and i am willing to deal with them. I want to work through them in a healthy way. I know il never be perfect, i dont think that would be a good thin...

Lyne · Lyne

Today was hard. My mother is 91 and has dementia. Her live-in friend/part-time caregiver is an active alcohol. We have paid care-givers coming in daily for several hours. The A just can't go with the program. I can't expect him to. I am powerless over his illlness and his behavior. But the care...

lookingup · lookingup

This all seems weird but my a/bf is be haveing like he or she has done nothing wrong,ha.he put all his stuff in the other bedroom and he told me earlier that we was even now,I don't know what he is talking about except that he is trying to mask his guilt ,I can't go any loger with him I'm ready for him to leave bu...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I swear it has been the craziest week ever .. the computer system went down at work, I worked by myself a day and a half which was fine .. however WOW. In between all of this I am taking care of the kids .. me .. and then running the cat around to get her taken care of and trying to do the right thing. I guess I did...

neshema2 · neshema2

n their book, Safe People, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend outline the personality and behavioural traits of both safe and unsafe people. Knowing the difference between them means that you can enter into relationships with people who are good for you and avoid those that arent. Without thi...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi Everyone, My name is Slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. I've been back with my alcoholic father for about 2 weeks now and it really feels like 2 years. He's a very draining man. Last night he brought home some woman and it's funny how all the winners always find each other......... I ne...

Truth · Truth

Well had my mediation session. I at least got the court order to read police enforced. I was going to tell Pink that I don't think he is using but he is reserving himself for a relapse I think.

He is dating a huge drinker. I also got the impression he is dating her because he is mad about the boundaries. I s...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

!I am unsure how to communicate very well in a healthy dating relationship, but am trying hard to push through it. The exAH of course rarely wanted to hear about my feelings or if he hurt them of course, rub some dirt on it he would joke about a lot, only he meant it. I do not feel like I dig and bury them any lon...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

I've been watching a series recently that has been a bit emotionally "stirring" because the main character both looks eerily like, and also behaves eerily like the A (in earlier days when he was more "irresistible, lovable rogue" and less "angry beard-covered crazy gu...

Pamela1954 · Pamela1954

After much denial we realized my son has relapsed and found the proof yesterday. He has one week to get out. We are not yelling and screaming, just told him that he must leave and he agrees. He is 33 years old. He once again used all of his money from work to buy drugs and alcohol. He got out of rehab in Ja...

SpiderArcana · SpiderArcana

Lessons in detachment - you may think you have all the answers, or can do anything, but that doesn't mean everyone else can. I cannot make his job better, I cannot give him self-confidence, I cannot find friends for him. I can, however, be supportive and continue to take care of myself. And he does te...

RoseODAT · RoseODAT

SO why am I so used to a rollercoaster life if I've been detatched from AH? I want to reconstruct my psyche. My brain has gotten so used to the vicious cycle, and I want to find a way out. To be reborn without the effects....the trauma of experiences. I'm NOT a martyr as I chose to take part as a codependent...

neshema2 · neshema2

el-cee · el-cee

Okay, I spoke to my higher power and my sponsor and me and admitted quite a lot, not all of my shortcomings, due to time constraints really but it felt good to tell my higher power, in fact it was an emotional experience. I then spoke about want ing to be rid of my intolerance as I think it could be at the root...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

We went out with AH today after he got back from his business trip. Upon seeing me, he said to me in front of the kids "useless, go die, ...". I ignored him. When he had lunch with one of my kid and he kept asking her about the move and her daily schedule. He told her that it was my fault that things h...

lookingup · lookingup

I've got to make a dicision the ultimate division concerning my a b/f he lives here under my roof and I pay most all bills cause his work got slow but now it's picking up and I've just called him up and told him to get out of my house ,I found again on my internet where he has been talking with another woman but s...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Our own unacceptable behaviour (Preview) A member shared tonight on unacceptable behaviour and it got me thinking. When you read the CAL there are a lot of readings on unacceptable behaviour. There are plenty on the A's unacceptable behaviour but there are also many readings on our own unacceptable behaviour. One reading talks about how we...	el-cee	16	821	May 22, 2014 by Breakingfree
	thoughts (Preview) "Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere." Coehlo	Beatrice	1	274	May 22, 2014 by hotrod
	hanging up on drunk people (Preview) So I rang and hes mad so i said i dont want to talk to you when you are drunk so later he rings me back and is all emotional and misses me etc but he says "he doesnt want to sound clingy" but hes drunk. and i wanted to scream get lost i dont want to talk you while u are drunk i put up with the conversat...	Slugcat	9	512	May 22, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Really need feedback from members with ESH. Help! (Preview) I am so confused. I will try to make this short. my AH is trying to convince me has changed just in the last few months I have moved out. I actually see him doing new things like cleaning up a lot of JUNK surrounding our house. For that, I give him credit. What hurts is the fact that he wouldn't do any cleanup w...	Newlife girl	18	525	May 22, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	If someone professes to love you (Preview) and then, almost every time you go away for a few hours, gets into the alcohol, what does that really say about your relationship. I am just so emotionally tired of coming home and finding him trying ever so hard to hide that he has been drinking. I suspect that his age is now really against him and he can't...	deacon	6	779	May 22, 2014 by Beatrice
	Invitations! (Preview) Hello all I am feeling very grateful to my program. One thing I learnt quite some time ago that has helped me enormously is that everything my AH does/says can be treated as an 'invitation' not a given. Meaning I can chose to accept the invitation to his fight, pity party, insanity, buy into lies, etc...	SunshineGirl	10	469	May 22, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	Apologies from the AH (Preview) My AH tried apologizing to me last night. I heard lots of excuses, a bit of blaming (even though he would follow it up with: that's my issue), and a lot of alternate reality talk. What I'm trying to remember is that he made an effort. What bothers me today is that I didn't care. I was more frustrated tha...	ilovedogs	21	493	May 22, 2014 by milkwood
	Resentment (Preview) I consider myself a good wife. I work full time, I do all the driving for my daughter to and from daycare, I make dinners when I am home first, and I grocery shop. On the weekends, I do a load or two of laundry so my husband, daughter and I have clean clothes for the week. I do ALL of the dishes in my house. My...	1lostmom	8	452	May 21, 2014 by Debilyn
	Step 7 (Preview) Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together!http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t57634504/alanon-step-7/	hotrod	2	427	May 21, 2014 by hotrod
	The Story and the Truth (Preview) i can't take credit for this one but it's got me thinking quite a bit. In yoga tonight the instructor told us there are two things, the story, and the truth. The story consists of all the dramatic details, i.e. the A drank a whole bottle of vodka then took off in his car and called and verbally attacked me an...	mm830	10	597	May 21, 2014 by Debilyn
	My problems do matter (Preview) Growing up my older sister was always demanding attention, she's adopted and don't know if it's attachment disorder or something in her genes, but everything is always about her, even now when she has 3 wonderful kids, her problems are more important, if I was trying to talk to our mom she would either...	Kerrymom	11	367	May 21, 2014 by Kerrymom
	Thank you to our moderators (Preview) You consistently keep this site safe. I appreciate all the time and dedication you have.	Jill	6	363	May 21, 2014 by WorkingThroughIt
	He is an abuser (Preview) He is not sick. He is not a victim. He is a twisted individual. I am not crazy. It is not my fault. I have power. He is not healthy. He is not a positive role model. A positive role model does not do what this man does.	Truth	29	545	May 21, 2014 by Jerry F
	The Brain Damage . . (Preview) I kind of had an A-HA moment in terms of realizing that there is a good probability my STBAX will never be close to being the same man I married .. I don't think he was ok then .. however the progressiveness of the disease is unreal. I don't know why this struck me so hard last night. I consider myself fairl...	SerenityRUS	10	546	May 21, 2014 by pinkchip
	Update: ;( (Preview) I'm a bit sad mad hurt confused!!! My son sent me a message yesterday that they let him go from work on Friday. I was not surprised. This disease or I should say his poor choices will take everything away from him. This message was about noon. Then I get a message in the late PM and he said mom my phones about t...	Gaby	8	526	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Continue to let it go and go with the flow (Preview) Im having the tough time excepting my son and his denials and non-truths. He cant tell me anything without exaggerating it to the max or lying about it. I asked him yesterday if he had talked to his dad and he said no. I know for a fact he did. When I was quite about it, he then said. oh I think I talked to hi...	Cathyinaz	10	398	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Irritated (Preview) I was waiting for the wife outside her meeting last night. She came up and introduced me to a couple that were at her meeting the first time. The guy was an A, hadn't been to AA for 30 years, hadn't drank in thAT time, but HAD recently relapsed. his wife went to the meeting because it was open, but my wife r...	KennyFenderjazz	15	494	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	My rigid mother Mom Denial Coping Unhealthy (Preview) Today casually texting with my mother turned bad when I realized she was in fact drunk at 2 in the afternoon and had started a text rant about members of our extended family. My cousin expressed a couple years ago that my mother thinks she's better than the rest of the family. The thing I don't understand...	Frustrated Daughter	6	7452	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Brain is trying to trick me today (Preview) So at our mediation session my ex-a tried to label me as judge and jury. I never once said the word good or bad, (he did) however I stuck to behaviors. He also told me I was bi-polar. Today I am having a hard time not letting his comments sink in. I know I need rest.	Truth	7	396	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Little thing, big work (Preview) These days the little things show me how much work I have to do for myself and for healing my disease. Example. It is night time and I go to bed early with a migraine. When sober BF comes to bed, I wake up. I feel upset and "wronged" because "he woke me up". I still have my migraine and I...	Fifi	5	231	May 21, 2014 by Fifi
	The kids..... (Preview) My older son is noticing more and more when AH is drinking. Most of the drinking is done after the kids go to bed, but lately he's been spending more and more weekends drinking all weekend. My son says.... "He acts so weird." "He talks so funny." "He smells so bad."...	Hot Chicka	3	347	May 21, 2014 by 1lostmom
	HP (Preview) When I came to alanon, I already had a relationship with HP. I'd had a "religious" experience 20+ yrs ago and went from agnostic to believer. So to incorporate HP into my recovery was not a struggle. My A on the other hand told me today that she is looking for her HP. I said "good."...	Lyne	3	352	May 20, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Apparently I am selfish (Preview) My AH still doesn't have a job. We aren't living together so he thinks I shouldn't be asking him about his plans on getting a job. He finds my questioning offensive. When I express my concern about this subject, he tells me I am selfish. when I get upset i read CAL. I opened up the book "opening our hea...	Newlife girl	6	458	May 20, 2014 by grateful2be
	Yep, you are enough! (Preview)	PP	12	546	May 20, 2014 by pinkchip
	A or B? (Preview) Hi. I visit this board often, but only post occasionally. I'm almost 5 months in Alanon, with f2f meetings and a sponsor. I am truly grateful for the support of the program and mostly the beautiful people who help each other. While I've made significant progress, I think, I still grapple daily with my d...	ssilver	8	533	May 20, 2014 by PP
	How do you deal with the internet? (Preview) Is there such thing as internet innocence ?between a married woman and A single man that has a steady g/f that he lives with??or am I just jumping to conclusions and being mean????thats what I'm feeling from all that .and now they both are off the internet and have each other's cell phones but he says the...	lookingup	8	447	May 19, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Faith Faith Faith (Preview) Today I got a message from my son saying : many prayers needed. I responded : I will always have you in prayers and giving you to god is healthy for me as well as yourself. I know my son is going through a lot but I can't do nothing for him that he can not do for himself. I have turned him over to god. I have so much f...	Gaby	6	342	May 19, 2014 by Pamela1954
	Am I still "sad" susie anymore??? (Preview) Thank you PP for such a simple yet thought provoking challenge! PP kept asking me if I was still "sad" susie. I didn't think much of it the first few times, but I did today. I can think of a million other things that describe my present journey as well as what I HOPE for my journey to look like. Th...	sadsusie	5	255	May 19, 2014 by sadsusie
	My HP is really leading me to be the real me. (Preview) I have really struggled over the last 10+ years. My AH has been very controlling and demeaning. I had felt worthless, and was subtly encouraged to stay in my "safe" shell of a home, and I had no friends. Really, NO friends. I had lots of acquaintances, but no phone numbers saved to my phone. An...	sadsusie	5	334	May 19, 2014 by Lyne
	Red Flags .. (Preview) I was thinking a lot about this today for some reason at what point did I stop listening to my intuition regarding my stbax. Really any romantic relationship .. I really have picked emotionally unavailable people .. pretty much because I'm emotionally unavailable. I have never had a model of what a...	SerenityRUS	8	537	May 19, 2014 by Debilyn
	I bought a new car! Got a great deal...my HP works in mysterious ways! (Preview) I really needed a new car. I researched a lot about the car I was looking at. I went to 2 dealerships. One that was close to me told me my credit was too bad to get an interest rate lower than 20% and my payment would be $400-500 a month. He told me this without even trying to get me a loan. I received a call from an...	Newlife girl	5	235	May 19, 2014 by Debilyn
	Hard Day (Preview) My son is visiting with his father today and what we mediated yesterday he is already deciding that he is not following. Today I cannot do anything about it but pray because it is not filed with court yet. I am ready to move on. This man has shown me who he is and I believe him. I am actually thankful for the ex...	Truth	5	310	May 19, 2014 by Breakingfree
	wisdom (Preview) "Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it badly." Paulo Coehlo	Beatrice	3	255	May 19, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Internet cheating (Preview) My a bf has been talking to a old childhood school friend for mths,everyday sometimes several times a day.and then they started texting and exchanged phone no.and my a bf still wants to say it was all innocent .but he is trying to come off suboxones and he has been ill and can't sleep.im trying to keep my c...	lookingup	11	355	May 19, 2014 by grateful2be
	The behaviors/blaming is still there (Preview) I haven't been here in a long time during that time we have had our ups and downs but nothing really serious. My A fiance quit drinking almost 4 years ago doesn't go to meetings but overall does well, except with me. He has depression and has been on meds. for the same amount of time which seem to help some...	Holly09	7	503	May 19, 2014 by Holly09
	Unrealistic expectations, grim forecast (Preview) We went out for a congratulatory: 'I got into school' dinner, knowing he'd been drinking. I knew the fun night would slowly shift into his usual woe-is-me the world is out to get us, antics, but I was hoping for something that wasn't going to happen. I knew my expectations were unreasonable. I could fee...	astallaslions	6	415	May 18, 2014 by milkwood
	Im so angry! (Preview) I'm so angry out of my mind, my husband has been sober for two months. But he seems to think that just because he is sober he can be very irresponsible when it comes to do what is priority in the house like make sure we have money to pay bills, pay for gas, eat etc. So, he begged me to go with him to local casino ne...	NavySealWife	9	424	May 18, 2014 by Grace7
	conflicting feelings (Preview) sooooo tonight my ah went to a friend of mines house with me, to hang. he had had a few before we left. which ticked me off, . .those at the gathering all drink , but when im there on my own its just relaxed and laid back.i had a glass of wine. as the night went on, he drank more, talked more and finally i managed t...	Theoceancalls	14	446	May 18, 2014 by el-cee
	scared (Preview) This is the first time i have ever been on a sight talking about my daughter. She is 23 and i am so scared for her. She has been an addict for what seems like so long now. I feel like i am watching her slowly kill herself. She has seen so many of her friends die from their addictions. I worry everyday that i am goi...	sharonnpr	3	273	May 18, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Step 1 (Preview) After reflecting on "we are powerless", I think to some extend, everyone has the misconception that they are in control or can effect a change in someone else. Except that with an A in our lives, the door slammed hard on our face. It is living with an A that causes our control mentality to wors...	sunshine23	9	518	May 18, 2014 by Truth
	I don't know what's going on??? (Preview) My a bf came and helped me go get a shelf that I bought ,and he brought it to my house and while he was here he ate the spaghetti I made ,and then he jumped up and walked outside in a bold way we had words about this internet woman he had been talking to for 5mths and it got really ugly,then I went to get me 1of my 2mg...	lookingup	7	440	May 18, 2014 by Debilyn
	Happy A was here for a day. (Preview) I received a gift from A the other night. The first, ever. It is a coffee machine that I have been quite vocally wishing for for a long time. I'm awfully fussy about my coffee. So that was a surprise. I decided not to question his motives, and to stop second guessing my own (should I accept it, does that mean...	Melly1248	11	656	May 18, 2014 by Debilyn
	A Question....ok what makes ya not answer???? (Preview) I am thinking a lot about this as is my son. He has been cheated on so many times, then the last, looked like he found the one, someone he knew a long time, just out of nowhere left. huh? I have been widowed twice. Then had a very very serious long long term friendship that he told me he loved me and wanted more....	Debilyn	15	928	May 18, 2014 by WorkingThroughIt
	I found who stole from me (Preview) I was at my neighbors house and had left my purse in her house and stepped outside with my neighbor and my purse was left unattended inside neighbors house with her drug addict son who just got out of prison,but I'm not gonna even mention it to my neighbor she is Old and tired.im feeling a bit bad for accusi...	lookingup	3	286	May 18, 2014 by Debilyn
	the steps and shortcomings (Preview) Im really interested in the steps at the moment and Im quite new to them. I can see my shortcomings clearly these days, thankfully. Im not in denial of my own issues and i am willing to deal with them. I want to work through them in a healthy way. I know il never be perfect, i dont think that would be a good thin...	el-cee	6	350	May 18, 2014 by el-cee
	some days are hard, others, not so much (Preview) Today was hard. My mother is 91 and has dementia. Her live-in friend/part-time caregiver is an active alcohol. We have paid care-givers coming in daily for several hours. The A just can't go with the program. I can't expect him to. I am powerless over his illlness and his behavior. But the care...	Lyne	8	416	May 18, 2014 by grateful2be
	Hey I'm back. (Preview) This all seems weird but my a/bf is be haveing like he or she has done nothing wrong,ha.he put all his stuff in the other bedroom and he told me earlier that we was even now,I don't know what he is talking about except that he is trying to mask his guilt ,I can't go any loger with him I'm ready for him to leave bu...	lookingup	4	225	May 18, 2014 by grateful2be
	Full Moon? LOL? (Preview) I swear it has been the craziest week ever .. the computer system went down at work, I worked by myself a day and a half which was fine .. however WOW. In between all of this I am taking care of the kids .. me .. and then running the cat around to get her taken care of and trying to do the right thing. I guess I did...	SerenityRUS	4	578	May 18, 2014 by Breakingfree
	this describes my bio FOO to a TEE....THANK YOU MIP, I have progressed past this... (Preview) n their book, Safe People, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend outline the personality and behavioural traits of both safe and unsafe people. Knowing the difference between them means that you can enter into relationships with people who are good for you and avoid those that arent. Without thi...	neshema2	9	580	May 18, 2014 by Katy
	2 weeks feels like 2 years. (Preview) Hi Everyone, My name is Slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. I've been back with my alcoholic father for about 2 weeks now and it really feels like 2 years. He's a very draining man. Last night he brought home some woman and it's funny how all the winners always find each other......... I ne...	slogan_jim	5	525	May 17, 2014 by RoseODAT
	Woot woot (Preview) Well had my mediation session. I at least got the court order to read police enforced. I was going to tell Pink that I don't think he is using but he is reserving himself for a relapse I think. He is dating a huge drinker. I also got the impression he is dating her because he is mad about the boundaries. I s...	Truth	4	175	May 17, 2014 by Truth
	Communication is NOT easy for me and I suck at it really! (Preview) !I am unsure how to communicate very well in a healthy dating relationship, but am trying hard to push through it. The exAH of course rarely wanted to hear about my feelings or if he hurt them of course, rub some dirt on it he would joke about a lot, only he meant it. I do not feel like I dig and bury them any lon...	Breakingfree	16	436	May 17, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Finally OK with me. (Preview) I've been watching a series recently that has been a bit emotionally "stirring" because the main character both looks eerily like, and also behaves eerily like the A (in earlier days when he was more "irresistible, lovable rogue" and less "angry beard-covered crazy gu...	Melly1248	2	270	May 17, 2014 by el-cee
	Tough Week Ahead (Preview) After much denial we realized my son has relapsed and found the proof yesterday. He has one week to get out. We are not yelling and screaming, just told him that he must leave and he agrees. He is 33 years old. He once again used all of his money from work to buy drugs and alcohol. He got out of rehab in Ja...	Pamela1954	2	187	May 17, 2014 by Mattie
	I cannot fix him (Preview) Lessons in detachment - you may think you have all the answers, or can do anything, but that doesn't mean everyone else can. I cannot make his job better, I cannot give him self-confidence, I cannot find friends for him. I can, however, be supportive and continue to take care of myself. And he does te...	SpiderArcana	4	273	May 17, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	Reconstructing My life & Keeping it simple (Preview) SO why am I so used to a rollercoaster life if I've been detatched from AH? I want to reconstruct my psyche. My brain has gotten so used to the vicious cycle, and I want to find a way out. To be reborn without the effects....the trauma of experiences. I'm NOT a martyr as I chose to take part as a codependent...	RoseODAT	5	639	May 17, 2014 by grateful2be
	its starting to sink in (Preview)	neshema2	7	358	May 17, 2014 by neshema2
	next!! (Preview) Okay, I spoke to my higher power and my sponsor and me and admitted quite a lot, not all of my shortcomings, due to time constraints really but it felt good to tell my higher power, in fact it was an emotional experience. I then spoke about want ing to be rid of my intolerance as I think it could be at the root...	el-cee	11	412	May 17, 2014 by grateful2be
	Sad day (Preview) We went out with AH today after he got back from his business trip. Upon seeing me, he said to me in front of the kids "useless, go die, ...". I ignored him. When he had lunch with one of my kid and he kept asking her about the move and her daily schedule. He told her that it was my fault that things h...	sunshine23	3	177	May 17, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Distressed and feeling crazy! (Preview) I've got to make a dicision the ultimate division concerning my a b/f he lives here under my roof and I pay most all bills cause his work got slow but now it's picking up and I've just called him up and told him to get out of my house ,I found again on my internet where he has been talking with another woman but s...	lookingup	4	492	May 17, 2014 by Mattie
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