Elcee, I never being around an A and knowing anything about one, married my friend and lover of over twenty years. We also have a son. He was on a strong recovery plan, AA, lived it.Would not take an aspirin or drink juice even!

We had a great time for almost 2 years before he got me to marry him. Treated me so well! And me him. We had normal bumping heads, but we both did great. Loved each others families too. My grama really loved him. Even after his disease made him a monster she said,"there is something so good about that boy!"

Anyway after I think 3 mo. he was found to have a brain surgery. Ignorant me never thougth about all the drugs he would have. He went off on his bed to surgery, both crying, to be in recovery no one I knew.

His brain damage, drugs, alcohol over time were horrible. He wrecked his work van, lost tools, was drunk at work. He wanted to stop but couldn't. Got horribly mean. Then in 2000 my best friend, my Mother was dying of breast cancer. I spent lots of time with her. When she was in active dying he called me and said horrible things to me! I later told him to get out of my house, I don't want you there when I come home!

Mother died, I went home to no husband and an animal sanctuary to take care of. large one. He sent flowers, cards apologized. I allowed him back.(WAs my inheritance to buy the house. He gave too by building lots of stuff and choosing to help with animals.)

He left again, I thru myself on my back deck and cried and prayed, I did not understand. I got an answer, al anon, online. So I found John and some great others here on MIP. I also tried some f2f meetings but kids were there. I could not open up with them there. crawling under the table, mashing p butter and bananas on the table....lol

so Mip became home. i learned tools, I was in college premed. took tons of addiction classes, did lots of research. educated me in everyway I could. When I learned it was a disease, all my fears, bitterness, blaming etc went away.I saw him as very sick, not his fault. so he would come home after i brought him to stay for months. I needed mip to be able to do this.

I loved him since i was 17. I was pg with his baby and married someone I met thru him when he was drafted in Thailand, during the war. In those days being pg and not married was not good. I loved this man too, very much.

anyway I loved him and knew he loved me so gave it all I had. I wanted to glean all the time I could to have him be here. He would freak out at times becuz he was A and his A best friend would start pulling him away with heroin. sigh

Now at the time I did not know it was heroin.

So each time he came home it was shorter. I was not happy he was not working. I refused to support him. I quit making his meals, doing wash etc.

It was ok, he ended up working some, drunk. sigh he was an independant remodel contractor.

anyway the brain damage was so bad, he got worse and worse. he got more verbal, I am going to burn the house down I am going to burn the barn down. I would say ok the matches are by the insense on that shelf....Or I am going to leave! um Ok there is a door there there and there.i just did not freak out as it was all bolony.

But he brought home that Heroin guys dog. The dog would try to kill the animals...rrrr he locked it in this bedroom. I would go in and spend time with it and walkhim. well the dog got out, he was drunk, he went to hurt the dog, was kneeled down. I said do not take your crap out on this dog! I had his sweatshirt hood in my hand.He got up turned around and flipped me onto my face and front. tore up my shoulders, permanently disabled. I have had one surgery so far. I ran with my phone, he thru my keys and it hit my wall of a shelf of my great gramas antiquesbreaking them! ran out side to my car with my phone calling 911, he bent over me grabbed it and broke it. Iran into the house. locked myself in my bedroom. I had him put a door out of this big room earlier. I got my other car keys from my purse and snuck out and drove away. as I drove away two sheriffs cars were zooming out.

It was raining, i was a mess, went to my bank. they calmed me. I went to the phone store, they gave me a phone right there. I called and told him again to get out. he did, he called his mommy and that Heroin guy, they took his stuff, thru all my hay off my truck into the mud, my feed too.

ugh. so this is why I need al anon. My parents NEVER even spanked me.I was alone, broken and grieving! I was scared to death. a friend came to stay with me I was going to kill myself. too scared to live, to much pain grieving and my body. I had a 357. I hid it in the barn where no one would find it. my friend found my address book and called everyone. they all came> I was still goign to do it.

then my one friends husband came and sat by me, told me how his daughter had shot herself and died in his arms. that was that. I allowed them all to comfort me. for awhile people stayed with me. then I had to rent my house and move into my barn and live in this 14 x 16 room. took an extension cord out there and a hose. took my bed and double recliner. all my dogs, cats.

I was a mess. found getting them sober, read c2c and odat, all of them. Back then we had a wonderful group, including tired tonight and abbyal who would get on chat on mip and chat many times alnight. I had pills lined up to take. but again they saved my life.

All these years I have been here to share what I learned, and also I still learn from everyone. I still have ptsd sometimes, but it happens rarely now.

My AH and I came to a good place at times when he lived at his mommys. He shared a lot with me about being an A. He helped me to understand. My al anon skills helped me to be around him a bit.

But he went to jail, wrote he wanted me back. I was done. but thought ok one more time.When he got out, he lost my number. My friends would not give it to him. He went to his mothers old lady friends. I heard he was out and went looking! posters out in the am going to homeless people. then his sis says he is at J...s I was told on this one street in apt. I prayed, somehow I figured out with HPs help which apartment. Just walked to it!

He was awful.

again I was tore up. mip saved me again. Now many years later. I don't know where he is, he could be dead. I have life insurance on him so friends are helping me to see if he is alive.

Why do I need it.......Now there are A's all around. Lots of homeless people here. If I go to the park I am not afraid of them, in fact we talk. I had one guy I gave two down comforters, money and dog food, and a dog coat for his dog.

two years ago I finally found homes for most all the animals. sadly had to put my horse in foster. great place though. I kept my dogs and cats and one pig. had to place my parrot too. My animals are family to me. then my huge family all died within 5 years and friends. i moved to a cabin on a river, beautiful place...but only neighbor was a viet nam war veteran, stark raving A sober. then across the river were people cooking meth!

those people would steal from everyone. one night some were yelling in my yard at my door!! when it snowed I saw foot prints all over on my side of the fence. Then these two horrible people up in WA state killed their family, came to oregon killed this kid hitchhiking. then they killed a guy for his jeep. ended up in the town I was right by! meth addicts. abandoned the jeep and the body not 15 min from my cabin.
THEN they were with the meth addicts across the river! ONe night someone was jiggling my doorknob trying to get in. My huge dogs went nuts. sheriffs came but they were gone.

that was it. I packed up my son came with a trailor and came back home. The A renters did $40,000 of damage on my home! Evicting them cost me hundreds. they shot out the windows in my barn and home. neighbors were so upset by the gunshots and 4 wheeling on my beautiful Eden. ugh

junk everywhere. took me a year to get it all in piles then burned and picked up.

I called to get my horse and he had died.

So here I am another year later. still painting and fixing the best I can. I am disabled, 61. A wonderful man I met here on mip many years ago, we have been friends all those years. talked on phone.

He helped me so much and me him. he told me he wanted to be with me. he loved me. he was in the process of divorcing his very sick AH. HIs family is very dyfunctional. well his grandkids had to be raised by him. sooo he quit the divorce cuz he thought childrens services would not allow just him to take them, it was a mess. He is a number one codependant.

so there I go falling apart again. he had to choose his family. I would have loved to take care of those kids.

so here I am. its all life. just life. I have learned I love many things about A's. They are a different bug than non A's. I know how to be compassionate with out doing too much.

I love how people work when they want to leave A's. I love how they may go and come back many times before they are ready. I see the patterns, I see the pain, the love, the compromises. I see anger and bitterness.

be careful if you ask me a question. lol hugs!