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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I let my exAH trigger me this morning
Post Info TOPIC: I let my exAH trigger me this morning
Breakingfree


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I let my exAH trigger me this morning
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I know I was with him 15 years and he knows how to push my buttons like no one else, but I have gotten so good at not communicating with him and letting my 16 year old and him work out visitation through text, that I forget what a pain he can be. I will have been divorced 3 years this July and it has gotten easier every year with detaching. Now this morning I get a text saying, Is our 16 year old planning on coming up by him this weekend and if so why did he have to hear it today from his Mom and not directly from us with only a days notice. So he was stressed about this and well me being me figured since his Mom takes our 6 year old for him on Friday nights he was going out to party, this is a big weekend and our 16 year old is changing his plans, last minute. Well how is that my problem first off and why in the world is he not happy she is coming to see him and fine with these changes? Oh yeah because, he is an A and is not going to make any sort of sense in his thinking or actions and the kids do not come first. Well now that I figured that out and had to detach from him and his problems. I texted back I will have our 16 year old text him after her soccer game with her plans and they can work it out and I added have a good day, and he texted back I am not good at filling his bucket and never was (meaning building him up, because he has God size whole that I was never able to fill up during our marriage) and he added, I make his brain twitch and he did start to say something about my parenting with our little one when she gets back in June and I just let him know we will figure it out like we have before he received her the last few months, lol, I texted back I missed that in the divorce decree that it was my job any longer to make him fill good about himself and told him to again have a good day. I know I should not poke the bear, but it did make me laugh and remember what it was like to go to the train station. I didn't board heading towards crazy town, but did flirt with the idea. So yeah I am glad to have my al-anon program intact and realize that once I get my almost 6 year old back for the Summer I will never again choose to let him have one of my kids so willingly. I will figure things out for us and make it work, because it just makes my life much more serene that way. So yeah I am over it and got to work my program today and it felt good to remember I do not need to take on his stuff, or to let him make me feel bad about myself which he attempted and I didn't accept.  So yeah, all is well, crisis averted and my emotions got to be filtered through my program which is alive and well. I visited again with my sponsor yesterday and it was very nice. Sending you all love and support on your journey's! 



-- Edited by Breakingfree on Thursday 22nd of May 2014 09:32:01 PM

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
grateful2be


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Oh, BF. It was fun to read your share. Yes, you do have your program intact and I'm glad you are seeing a way to detach that feels good to you.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Jerry F


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That reminded me of an awareness I had in Al-Anon when going thru the divorce process myself.  "There is no such thing as a divorce;  as long as I have memory".  That helps me deal with how to deal with the fallout whenever it comes.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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el-cee


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Great program bf, he sent the invitation, you declined with dignity, peace, serenity in tact, what a great example this post is to remind us all that its up to us, our choice, do we stay or go? So glad you stayed away from lala land and chose reality and clarity.x

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SerenityRUS


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LOL .. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone with the stbax telling me those things and me just trying to be calm and stay on task by redirecting him to the source. I really pick and choose when I engage and when I don't.

You have an amazing recovery program :)

So glad to share this journey with you .. hugs S :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

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hotrod


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Good Work BF Thanks for sharing your growth

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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pinkchip


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I only hear good in this. Sounds like the "not my job to make you feel good" comment was stating boundaries and if the "bear" feels poked, that is his fault for being a bear...You get my drift. Good work.

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ilovedogs


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So, he went fishing and you didn't take the bait! I love it! You placed the responsibility right where it was supposed to be: in his own lap. Nice work, hope things get worked out this weekend for the kids.

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Struggling to find me......
Breakingfree


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Yeah they worked them out last night together through text without me, funny how that happens. Now I have to plan my weekend, besides just my birthday party. I found a great park with biking and walking trails and plan on putting some miles on my legs and tires. Sending you all love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Debilyn


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ugh! Glad you have this figured out! Good for you to leave it in daughters hands and his.

So what his mom told him, he lives with mommy? They are always on the defensive as we know the whole worlds problems land on them alone...phew.

Poor poor pitiful me.

sigh, hugs!



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Breakingfree


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No, he lives alone and works for his parents business, he had a hard time working for anyone else. But all is well now and my daughter's are together for the weekend!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I let my exAH trigger me this morning