Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

I'm reading this Al-Anon pamphlet on Detachment. One of the last things it says is: -Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events. The thing that is so hard for me to understand is, how can I not try to stop something that will ultimately affect my son and me? For instance, my husband dr...

Jozie · Jozie

Well once I had it in my head, what i was going to do next, I put it in motion and got to it. I first went up by myself and got things going into boxes, and bags, and totes, to which I really didn't "Go" thru any of it, for now it is in my basement, and I have hopes today of getting thru some of it. because...

xrayr · xrayr

I have been married for 18 years and we have a 10 year old child. I am almost 40 My husband is an alcoholic, and he says he wants to get help but he never does anything about it. He was in rehab in 2000 and only stayed for 4 days (thats all insurance would cover). He does not go to AA because he said that all people...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((Family)))), Good morning to you all. I just wanted to give you an update on the robbery. The neighbor was charged and arraigned with a class E felony for possession of stolen goods. ( I will not get them back as they have all been melted down.) The judge gave me a temporary order of protectio...

Josie46 · Josie46

Hi, I am new here, gotta start somewhere. My husband is an Alcoholic. ( I think) He is a functional one I guess is what you call it. He is able to maintain and drink. By that I mean he is not messy, and in fact cleans the house, keeps the shop clean, mowes the lawn, does his own laundry I never have to take ou...

Melissa21 · Melissa21

I left him almost a week ago. Doing much better than I thought I would. I did bring the baby to see him last night. He called and asked if we would spend the night there. It was hard, but I can't let the baby go with him without me because he always passes out. I almost didn't even let him see our son, but I know it...

meme1114 · meme1114

Hello Everyone! I'm new to this forum and haven't attended an Al-Anon meeting as yet. I plan to. I've been reading various threads and hope for some guidance. Can a person abuse alcohol and not be an alcoholic? Not making excuses for my hubby......had a threapist tell me some abuse alcohol and others...

Inpain · Inpain

My dry AH and I are struggling in this 24 hours. I realize we have NO friends that don't drink. We are both struggling with this. We know there are many activities open to us, but there are no real dry events. I'm here because of him AND me. The only people I know who are dry, are in al-anon. I'm greatfu...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

The more I try to work on staying in the present, the more I begin to value how my time IS spent in the present. When I read others post about 'Enjoying today' it triggered a reaction in me that wondered - "I can't enjoy today since my job is so incredibly unenjoyable." So then I wonder - am I not ch...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I enjoy walking because I know that when I do, I get so much out of it! It affects me mentally, spiritually & physically. I get closer to nature, my mind is clearer & I feel so much better physically although I get very tired sometimes, I think that kind of tired is good for you. Lately the weathe...

andica · andica

I haven't had a chance to be on the computer much in the last couple weeks. My husbands symptoms are progressively worse. On 5/5 he was admitted to a skilled nursing facility because of confusion and problems walking. Within 3 days he went from normal kidney function tests to hepatorenal syndrome....

Ness · Ness

I'm back on step one...again! I was stressed when my son was drinking and I'm still stressed now he is in recovery. My serenity is hard won! My son is at home with us and I think this is week 8 of his recovery but, as I'm trying to live one day at a time, I've lost count. He's doing ok, probably better than m...

clara · clara

Not only did Jennifer come through for me, another family member who has a history of drugs, alchol, etc. came through for me, in a big way. Jen came out to watch Bonnie. Jenn loves Bonnie Lou dearly and I knew she would be in good hands . And I honestly think Jenn was proud of herself for stepping up to...

florida · florida

end of dec drove to fl from ma - getting divorced after 28yrs, 17 yr son still in ma lost my license in fl - (someone elses DUI, I switched seats) met someone new end of feb somehow i cant get myself back into my routine - feel lost, need to get my life here but dont know how to start - any thoughts?

Jozie · Jozie

Well the final week of D-Day has come... I can no longer put off, or delay the fact any longer, I have to charge forward, and do the dreaded things that I have been regretting for some time. I have to remove all the contence of my Deseased Afathers belonging! I have so many mixed emotions about the whole de...

maresie · maresie

I used to torture myself over choices. I would find myself totally fixated on what I could not do and not be able to do what I needed to do. Al anon has really helped me with that. Making a plan be was a start. I didn't like any of it but I saw the choice I had clearly ahead. Rignt now I can't say I really like my...

Inpain · Inpain

5 months out. I'm 5 months out from when I found my husband cheated and when it all came to a head he quit drinking. We've tremendous strides in our marriage. I've felt closer than I ever had in 10 years. The trust is gone, reasonably so, and we're working toward re-building it. He is a dry drunk. Goes...

rosielightshines · rosielightshines

Howdy friends I had a BLAST today!!! Got up!!! cleaned up my bedroom and prepared my bedroom for my NEW COMPUTER... Its a Dell..Dual core...19" monitor...2 gig memory...2 harddrives the 2nd one is 1/2 tarabyte.....this things SMOKES!! I am downloading my music and my movies from my usb exteri...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

My son and I came home from the condo today knowing full well that the house would not be clean. When I walked in the door, I was almost in tears, not only was it not clean - it stunk to high heaven and my husband was still asleep. I cleaned up some cat puke, emptied the trash, ran the garbage disposal, and c...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

Back when my husband's drinking got out of control, his brother was here to help out. One of the things I asked him to do was to take my husband's gun out of the house. I didnt' feel comfortable having it in the house at all (let alone when his drinking was out of control). To be honest, we were never gun pe...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

(((((Friends)))), Seems I have been reading a lot of the same things in post lately, the insecurity of living with this disease. Try and remember we have absolutely no control over this, it is out of our hands. We can only control ourselves and our lives. I know the disease of addictions plays havic on...

Robinks · Robinks

husband had a job interview last tuesday, friday they called and asked for references. Please say prayers for him, I hope this means an offer is coming. We really need this job.

Diva · Diva

My A long-time companion had some scam attached to his debit card which is billing us $56.00 per month for God knows what. We cannot seem to find out anything about the source of the charge. So....our bank - we have co-mingled funds which I do not recommend to any of you - told him to cancel his debit c...

mia883 · mia883

Hello I would like to have an idea how things are managed in other states or districts or groups? At the moment in Australia, we are not using email at all between members, groups, districts, and areas? Everything is done by hand and posted with a 50 cents stamp. Expensive system. Plus it takes ages to be...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am changing! I feel more confident & not so much in fear. I used to be afraid of most things especially those things out of my control. I am more ready to face things head-on & take chances in my life. And trust is very important to me right now. My Alanon group is so special to me. I am really l...

Sincerely · Sincerely

I have learned that relationships are hard. ALL RELATIONSHIPS! husband and wife, mother and daughter, supervisor to coworker, coworker to coworker, etc. They are all just hard. It takes work. And it begins with me. I am high maitenance. I've always joked that I was high maintnance, but I was m...

angelchar375 · angelchar375

I really need some advice on this one. Totally at a loss as to what I'm supposed to do... My AH's mom in some ways is more crazy than her son. I have a strained relationship with her as she also does with her son. Today she was at our house dropping after having taken our dog for a walk. I drove up after being at t...

Lilly Burn · Lilly Burn

I sold my exAh's work bench yesterday, only £20 but he didnt want it and it took up room in the shed. I felt so low when it had gone, Ive spent the last few months getting rid of all the evidence of our life together, wedding album gone, wedding ring sold for scrap! Other bits and bobs that ive sold or am sellin...

Mariner · Mariner

I have been feeling alot of pain lately. Feelings of guilt and shame. I woke up today with that horrible feeling again. It starts almost immediatley, the self criticizising. Why did I do A B or C, I should have known better, why did I stay in that relationship so long, I'm not good enough........ I mus...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I am finding that things are really a-ok for me except in one area of my life/recovery: I am still going WAY overboard on the self-shame and self-blame when it comes to making mistakes. I made two mistakes yesterday. Not the end of the world: both had to do with mis-communications, one a work and one at...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Is something I don't have. I was reflecting after reading another post here by Becky about wanting to be rescued and hoping her boyfriend of 8 months would step up. I have been with mine almost 4 and been pushing for moving in, etc. I have a really hard time waiting for what I want. It's so foreign to me...

elevator · elevator

I hope this is the correct forum to post, I consider my friend a close family member.. A good friend of mine nearly died of cirrhosis last September. She had a very close call. Myself and her loved ones were hoping that would have been her wake up call to quit drinking and possibly seek help. Sadly, close t...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

My Recovering A has been slacking on meeting attendance. I believe I've mentioned this before and I have tried to keep my HANDS OFF of his program. It's difficult to do so and to DETACH without completely shutting him out. A resentment buds in knowing that he is not actively working his program AND that...

CarlosNA · CarlosNA

I am a newcomer. My problem is not being an enabler, but the other extreme. I am so ready to stop obsessing over my A's life that I have been told that I might be taking it too far. I have tried to detach from her bad decisions. She is currently clean. She was going to meeting daily and tried to go back to school...

lilgirl · lilgirl

Hi all. I'm not a stranger to Al-Anon . . . and the events of this week have brought me right back to Step 1, and I'm feeling so many old, familiar, nasty, painful things and I'm doing what is absolutely the hardest thing in the world for me to do - asking for help. My AH and I are almost divorced. The divorce i...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

I think I may have actually made some progress today. As I mentioned in a previous post, the night before Mother's Day (while I was out of the house), my husband broke the glass cooktop on our stove - Dad claims that he dropped a roasted chicken that was on a baking sheet on top of the stove - the story from m...

Jozie · Jozie

Ok as most of you know, my deseased Afathers things have been plaquen me for a while now, and that is now slow coming to an end..(Next Week)... Yesterday I was kinda drag'n and with great ESH... (Thank You All) I came to realize, that Yes... I was Waiting for the Storm..For It has been WAY To Calm, and thin...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

When I grew up we were FAR from wealthy. We ate good and were clothed but extras weren't possible for a widow with two small children. My father passed away when I was 2 and my oldest brother was called into the Army. My middle brother (7 yrs older than me-9 at the time), my mom and I moved and mom started a...

mkn · mkn

A few days ago I emailed my ACOA and CAS some information that I thought would help him. It was info I found on this website. It just made him angry and he repeated that all of our problems are my fault and that he doesn't feel "safe" with me. It's just so hard for me to let him go - especially when I...

ernie · ernie

May Business meeting Minutes Meeting was held on May 2nd 2009 New Co-Chairs (Edna & Danz)opened the meeting Agenda posted:I. Review of April minutesII. Review of op meeting scheduleIII. Old businessA. Discussion of H...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I found this today while I was surfing and thought it might be helpful to many of us here...... Shelly Are you wondering when the pain stops? The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I am realizing that strong feelings of pain are just that: strong feelings of pain. They won't kill me. They won't totally ruin my life forever, they are not the end of the world. They are just strong feelings of pain. They arrive, sweep over me and eventually run their course and are gone. I think th...

Rora · Rora

This is not a tongue in cheek question or a debate...I genuinely think I may have missed this life lesson somewhere along the line. Do you have any good and practical theories or slogans on how to distinguish the differences between helping and enabling? Rora

QOD · QOD

My 15 yo son went to court yesterday. He pleaded guilty to some charges he claims he is innocent on b/c the court had enough circumstantial evidence to convict him. He plea bargained and the lessened one of the major charges down to a misdemeanor, which was great. And by pleading guilty, it allowed h...

clara · clara

Spoke to AD last night and she is all set to come out here to take care of Bonnie Lou. We will have to leave before she gets here because she is trying to miss the FT Worth rush hour traffic, which I do not blame her. Bonnie Lou seems much better,however will not eat much, however she still beggs at the table...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

Hello Family - I'm struggling with the desire to control my A. As I posted a few weeks earlier, his meeting attendance has decrease significantly and it takes everything inside of me NOT to speculate on this. My comments and overwhelming worry HAVE decreased but, not vanished. Sometimes I feel I go to...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

So last night I got a group of girlfriends togather to spend the night at my parents' empty condo for a pre-Mother's Day celebration. Just something special for us moms so we can spend a night relaxing, hanging out, and having fun. I got home this morning and was greeted by my husband whose first words...

Mobirdie · Mobirdie

Two weeks ago today I buried my father and Saturday we buried my father in law. Grief has got ahold of me and I do not like where I am at. I am so angry with all of the people that have managed to slip into FIL's life and take, take take and never give back. There are even times I feel like they have robbed me of my...

rosielightshines · rosielightshines

What are the negative effects not detaching? If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you: * Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you. * Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to d...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear all, Have been reading the posts and getting so much out of them, its unbelievable. I rang my A father and told him the truth, that I would not be able to transfer dead step moms car to me and insure him as a named driver because of the consequences for ME. This is a first. I am sure he is annoyed. I made som...

Jozie · Jozie

Welp... Don't know what is up with me this morning... I feel ok I suppose, but a little off... I am not sure if it has to do with Yesterdays Good/Great news or not... when it come to getting rid of the My Deseased Afathers estate or what... Or if it is just Realizing... That I am getting were I need to be with it...

rosielightshines · rosielightshines

Hey guys...Sorry I did not quote source for those posts... I was going through some old posts of mine and notes of mine that I had saved over this 5 years and don't KNOW where I got the info from......SO for now "source unknown".....I surf my old notes...old posts.....internet....type fr...

Becky1 · Becky1

Actually found out my job is being done away with....actually being sent to China, come August. I have worked there 22 years last month. No matter what, men problems, health problems, whatever, I still had my job. I NEED MY JOB! I moved into my own apt. last July, and have been doing wonderfully. Gett...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

First of all thank you all for responding to my post yesterday, I always appreciate the ESH that comes from my MIP family, I have been carried more times than I can count by most of you here. Several people (not just here) have voiced to me that maybe my problem is that I am "overdoing" AlAnon....

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, Yesterday was my last day with my old teaching job. In August I start teaching in a new subject area - same school. After 15 years, it was bittersweet. No fanfare, no party, no gold watch (he, he). They asked for my keys. The transition is from a great environment - terrible co-worker to a ne...

Jerry F · Jerry F

(((((((MIP Family))))))) I am so awed by meetings where the shares by other members are exact echos from my past in program. When the thoughts and feelings are exactly as they were for me in the same language and expression. I just close my eyes and let myself be guided thru the journey by a newer willi...

rosielightshines · rosielightshines

How to Develop Detachment In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to: First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on. Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, plac...

barisax · barisax

I know that Alanon is a program for people who love an alcoholic. Or as the reading states, there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. This implies love, but how many of us really hate alcoholics? As a sober alcoholic myself, it's hard for me to hate alcoholics, but I do find myself har...

barisax · barisax

I know it's nowhere near Christmas, but I just had thoughts of the classic Jimmy Stewart / Frank Capra movie "It's A Wonderful Life". It truly is a film with many lessons and a timeless message - and it occurred to me that there's a specific message in it for we codependents too. At the heart o...

trenchy · trenchy

Hello. I'm new to this board and have only been to a few al anon meetings. I know there is wisdom there, but I do get frustrated by the fact that most members do tend to be wives/significant other -as opposed to parents. There are some differences in issues and emotions that are just hard for me to ignore a...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Detachment Question (Preview) I'm reading this Al-Anon pamphlet on Detachment. One of the last things it says is: -Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events. The thing that is so hard for me to understand is, how can I not try to stop something that will ultimately affect my son and me? For instance, my husband dr...	N8SMOM	7	506	May 19, 2009 by Andrea12
	Made it thru Day 1... One Moment at A Time... (Preview) Well once I had it in my head, what i was going to do next, I put it in motion and got to it. I first went up by myself and got things going into boxes, and bags, and totes, to which I really didn't "Go" thru any of it, for now it is in my basement, and I have hopes today of getting thru some of it. because...	Jozie	4	433	May 19, 2009 by maire rua
	Need Guidance..Husband is an alcoholic (Preview) I have been married for 18 years and we have a 10 year old child. I am almost 40 My husband is an alcoholic, and he says he wants to get help but he never does anything about it. He was in rehab in 2000 and only stayed for 4 days (thats all insurance would cover). He does not go to AA because he said that all people...	xrayr	8	429	May 19, 2009 by rosielightshines
	Update & Doing Good (Preview) ((((((Family)))), Good morning to you all. I just wanted to give you an update on the robbery. The neighbor was charged and arraigned with a class E felony for possession of stolen goods. ( I will not get them back as they have all been melted down.) The judge gave me a temporary order of protectio...	Karilynn	6	463	May 19, 2009 by david62
	I think I am in the right place? (Preview) Hi, I am new here, gotta start somewhere. My husband is an Alcoholic. ( I think) He is a functional one I guess is what you call it. He is able to maintain and drink. By that I mean he is not messy, and in fact cleans the house, keeps the shop clean, mowes the lawn, does his own laundry I never have to take ou...	Josie46	8	485	May 19, 2009 by maresie
	I'm doing alright (Preview) I left him almost a week ago. Doing much better than I thought I would. I did bring the baby to see him last night. He called and asked if we would spend the night there. It was hard, but I can't let the baby go with him without me because he always passes out. I almost didn't even let him see our son, but I know it...	Melissa21	6	598	May 19, 2009 by maresie
	Hello - New Here (Preview) Hello Everyone! I'm new to this forum and haven't attended an Al-Anon meeting as yet. I plan to. I've been reading various threads and hope for some guidance. Can a person abuse alcohol and not be an alcoholic? Not making excuses for my hubby......had a threapist tell me some abuse alcohol and others...	meme1114	5	465	May 19, 2009 by maresie
	Friends (Preview) My dry AH and I are struggling in this 24 hours. I realize we have NO friends that don't drink. We are both struggling with this. We know there are many activities open to us, but there are no real dry events. I'm here because of him AND me. The only people I know who are dry, are in al-anon. I'm greatfu...	Inpain	10	797	May 19, 2009 by serendipity
	Jobs and managing stress (Preview) The more I try to work on staying in the present, the more I begin to value how my time IS spent in the present. When I read others post about 'Enjoying today' it triggered a reaction in me that wondered - "I can't enjoy today since my job is so incredibly unenjoyable." So then I wonder - am I not ch...	RunnerChick	8	405	May 19, 2009 by maresie
	Walking--helps mental, spriritual & physical (Preview) I enjoy walking because I know that when I do, I get so much out of it! It affects me mentally, spiritually & physically. I get closer to nature, my mind is clearer & I feel so much better physically although I get very tired sometimes, I think that kind of tired is good for you. Lately the weathe...	Hoot Nanny	5	565	May 19, 2009 by maresie
	UPDATE on AH medical condition (Preview) I haven't had a chance to be on the computer much in the last couple weeks. My husbands symptoms are progressively worse. On 5/5 he was admitted to a skilled nursing facility because of confusion and problems walking. Within 3 days he went from normal kidney function tests to hepatorenal syndrome....	andica	8	502	May 19, 2009 by Karilynn
	Stress of drinking.... stress of recovery AAAArrrrgggghhhh (Preview) I'm back on step one...again! I was stressed when my son was drinking and I'm still stressed now he is in recovery. My serenity is hard won! My son is at home with us and I think this is week 8 of his recovery but, as I'm trying to live one day at a time, I've lost count. He's doing ok, probably better than m...	Ness	5	758	May 19, 2009 by RunnerChick
	The world has surely tilted on its axis (Preview) Not only did Jennifer come through for me, another family member who has a history of drugs, alchol, etc. came through for me, in a big way. Jen came out to watch Bonnie. Jenn loves Bonnie Lou dearly and I knew she would be in good hands . And I honestly think Jenn was proud of herself for stepping up to...	clara	10	539	May 19, 2009 by Karilynn
	feeling lost - how do i find myself once again? (Preview) end of dec drove to fl from ma - getting divorced after 28yrs, 17 yr son still in ma lost my license in fl - (someone elses DUI, I switched seats) met someone new end of feb somehow i cant get myself back into my routine - feel lost, need to get my life here but dont know how to start - any thoughts?	florida	6	526	May 18, 2009 by debilyn
	Today! I Ask for Strength to See Me Thru... (Preview) Well the final week of D-Day has come... I can no longer put off, or delay the fact any longer, I have to charge forward, and do the dreaded things that I have been regretting for some time. I have to remove all the contence of my Deseased Afathers belonging! I have so many mixed emotions about the whole de...	Jozie	5	496	May 18, 2009 by Robinks
	Making choices (Preview) I used to torture myself over choices. I would find myself totally fixated on what I could not do and not be able to do what I needed to do. Al anon has really helped me with that. Making a plan be was a start. I didn't like any of it but I saw the choice I had clearly ahead. Rignt now I can't say I really like my...	maresie	4	489	May 18, 2009 by Andrea12
	Trust and boundaries (Preview) 5 months out. I'm 5 months out from when I found my husband cheated and when it all came to a head he quit drinking. We've tremendous strides in our marriage. I've felt closer than I ever had in 10 years. The trust is gone, reasonably so, and we're working toward re-building it. He is a dry drunk. Goes...	Inpain	10	539	May 18, 2009 by rosielightshines
	I had an absolute BLAST today!!! (Preview) Howdy friends I had a BLAST today!!! Got up!!! cleaned up my bedroom and prepared my bedroom for my NEW COMPUTER... Its a Dell..Dual core...19" monitor...2 gig memory...2 harddrives the 2nd one is 1/2 tarabyte.....this things SMOKES!! I am downloading my music and my movies from my usb exteri...	rosielightshines	5	327	May 18, 2009 by Jozie
	Came Home Today (Wish I Hadn't) (Preview) My son and I came home from the condo today knowing full well that the house would not be clean. When I walked in the door, I was almost in tears, not only was it not clean - it stunk to high heaven and my husband was still asleep. I cleaned up some cat puke, emptied the trash, ran the garbage disposal, and c...	N8SMOM	4	1076	May 18, 2009 by thinkstoomuch
	Important Question (Preview) Back when my husband's drinking got out of control, his brother was here to help out. One of the things I asked him to do was to take my husband's gun out of the house. I didnt' feel comfortable having it in the house at all (let alone when his drinking was out of control). To be honest, we were never gun pe...	N8SMOM	11	537	May 18, 2009 by Diva
	The simple things in life (Preview) (((((Friends)))), Seems I have been reading a lot of the same things in post lately, the insecurity of living with this disease. Try and remember we have absolutely no control over this, it is out of our hands. We can only control ourselves and our lives. I know the disease of addictions plays havic on...	Andrea12	6	595	May 18, 2009 by Karilynn
	prayers for husband (Preview) husband had a job interview last tuesday, friday they called and asked for references. Please say prayers for him, I hope this means an offer is coming. We really need this job.	Robinks	7	345	May 18, 2009 by Karilynn
	Enabling? No......just doing what needs to be done... (Preview) My A long-time companion had some scam attached to his debit card which is billing us $56.00 per month for God knows what. We cannot seem to find out anything about the source of the charge. So....our bank - we have co-mingled funds which I do not recommend to any of you - told him to cancel his debit c...	Diva	10	603	May 18, 2009 by Karilynn
	Email communication between members, groups, districts, area , etc... (Preview) Hello I would like to have an idea how things are managed in other states or districts or groups? At the moment in Australia, we are not using email at all between members, groups, districts, and areas? Everything is done by hand and posted with a 50 cents stamp. Expensive system. Plus it takes ages to be...	mia883	5	490	May 18, 2009 by mia883
	Changes (Preview) I am changing! I feel more confident & not so much in fear. I used to be afraid of most things especially those things out of my control. I am more ready to face things head-on & take chances in my life. And trust is very important to me right now. My Alanon group is so special to me. I am really l...	Hoot Nanny	5	397	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Relationships are Hard (Preview) I have learned that relationships are hard. ALL RELATIONSHIPS! husband and wife, mother and daughter, supervisor to coworker, coworker to coworker, etc. They are all just hard. It takes work. And it begins with me. I am high maitenance. I've always joked that I was high maintnance, but I was m...	Sincerely	4	337	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	mother in law blues (Preview) I really need some advice on this one. Totally at a loss as to what I'm supposed to do... My AH's mom in some ways is more crazy than her son. I have a strained relationship with her as she also does with her son. Today she was at our house dropping after having taken our dog for a walk. I drove up after being at t...	angelchar375	9	794	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Looking into big hole that used to be my life (Preview) I sold my exAh's work bench yesterday, only £20 but he didnt want it and it took up room in the shed. I felt so low when it had gone, Ive spent the last few months getting rid of all the evidence of our life together, wedding album gone, wedding ring sold for scrap! Other bits and bobs that ive sold or am sellin...	Lilly Burn	8	835	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Self Love (Preview) I have been feeling alot of pain lately. Feelings of guilt and shame. I woke up today with that horrible feeling again. It starts almost immediatley, the self criticizising. Why did I do A B or C, I should have known better, why did I stay in that relationship so long, I'm not good enough........ I mus...	Mariner	8	401	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Making Mistakes: Your ESH needed! (Preview) I am finding that things are really a-ok for me except in one area of my life/recovery: I am still going WAY overboard on the self-shame and self-blame when it comes to making mistakes. I made two mistakes yesterday. Not the end of the world: both had to do with mis-communications, one a work and one at...	Jean4444	13	959	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Patience (Preview) Is something I don't have. I was reflecting after reading another post here by Becky about wanting to be rescued and hoping her boyfriend of 8 months would step up. I have been with mine almost 4 and been pushing for moving in, etc. I have a really hard time waiting for what I want. It's so foreign to me...	carolinagirl	6	644	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	seeking advice re: close friend (Preview) I hope this is the correct forum to post, I consider my friend a close family member.. A good friend of mine nearly died of cirrhosis last September. She had a very close call. Myself and her loved ones were hoping that would have been her wake up call to quit drinking and possibly seek help. Sadly, close t...	elevator	3	298	May 17, 2009 by rosielightshines
	Just Confused -- Denial and Detachment (Preview) My Recovering A has been slacking on meeting attendance. I believe I've mentioned this before and I have tried to keep my HANDS OFF of his program. It's difficult to do so and to DETACH without completely shutting him out. A resentment buds in knowing that he is not actively working his program AND that...	RunnerChick	8	862	May 17, 2009 by kitty
	Am I detaching from my marriage? (Preview) I am a newcomer. My problem is not being an enabler, but the other extreme. I am so ready to stop obsessing over my A's life that I have been told that I might be taking it too far. I have tried to detach from her bad decisions. She is currently clean. She was going to meeting daily and tried to go back to school...	CarlosNA	12	1603	May 17, 2009 by CarlosNA
	New here, not to Al-Anon, just need to reach out . . . (Preview) Hi all. I'm not a stranger to Al-Anon . . . and the events of this week have brought me right back to Step 1, and I'm feeling so many old, familiar, nasty, painful things and I'm doing what is absolutely the hardest thing in the world for me to do - asking for help. My AH and I are almost divorced. The divorce i...	lilgirl	5	616	May 16, 2009 by abbyal
	So Proud of Myself (Preview) I think I may have actually made some progress today. As I mentioned in a previous post, the night before Mother's Day (while I was out of the house), my husband broke the glass cooktop on our stove - Dad claims that he dropped a roasted chicken that was on a baking sheet on top of the stove - the story from m...	N8SMOM	8	732	May 16, 2009 by Hoot Nanny
	Patience & Hugs :) (Preview) Ok as most of you know, my deseased Afathers things have been plaquen me for a while now, and that is now slow coming to an end..(Next Week)... Yesterday I was kinda drag'n and with great ESH... (Thank You All) I came to realize, that Yes... I was Waiting for the Storm..For It has been WAY To Calm, and thin...	Jozie	3	672	May 16, 2009 by Hoot Nanny
	Coloring books, crayons and serenity... (Preview) When I grew up we were FAR from wealthy. We ate good and were clothed but extras weren't possible for a widow with two small children. My father passed away when I was 2 and my oldest brother was called into the Army. My middle brother (7 yrs older than me-9 at the time), my mom and I moved and mom started a...	shellyj123	6	1285	May 16, 2009 by Jean4444
	Having a really hard time keeping the focus on me. (Preview) A few days ago I emailed my ACOA and CAS some information that I thought would help him. It was info I found on this website. It just made him angry and he repeated that all of our problems are my fault and that he doesn't feel "safe" with me. It's just so hard for me to let him go - especially when I...	mkn	7	1807	May 16, 2009 by Jean4444
	May Business Minutes (Preview) May Business meeting Minutes Meeting was held on May 2nd 2009 New Co-Chairs (Edna & Danz)opened the meeting Agenda posted:I. Review of April minutesII. Review of op meeting scheduleIII. Old businessA. Discussion of H...	ernie	0	330	May 16, 2009 by ernie
	Are you wondering when the pain stops? (Preview) I found this today while I was surfing and thought it might be helpful to many of us here...... Shelly Are you wondering when the pain stops? The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human...	shellyj123	5	709	May 15, 2009 by buick23
	Pain won't kill me (Preview) I am realizing that strong feelings of pain are just that: strong feelings of pain. They won't kill me. They won't totally ruin my life forever, they are not the end of the world. They are just strong feelings of pain. They arrive, sweep over me and eventually run their course and are gone. I think th...	Jean4444	7	738	May 15, 2009 by nmike
	HOw do you you separate "helping" from "enabling"? (Preview) This is not a tongue in cheek question or a debate...I genuinely think I may have missed this life lesson somewhere along the line. Do you have any good and practical theories or slogans on how to distinguish the differences between helping and enabling? Rora	Rora	9	1112	May 15, 2009 by serendipity
	Yesterday's Positives and Negatives (Preview) My 15 yo son went to court yesterday. He pleaded guilty to some charges he claims he is innocent on b/c the court had enough circumstantial evidence to convict him. He plea bargained and the lessened one of the major charges down to a misdemeanor, which was great. And by pleading guilty, it allowed h...	QOD	5	707	May 15, 2009 by Jean4444
	dauhgter will actually be here!!!!! Can you believe???? (Preview) Spoke to AD last night and she is all set to come out here to take care of Bonnie Lou. We will have to leave before she gets here because she is trying to miss the FT Worth rush hour traffic, which I do not blame her. Bonnie Lou seems much better,however will not eat much, however she still beggs at the table...	clara	3	441	May 15, 2009 by rosielightshines
	Fighting the Desire to Control (Preview) Hello Family - I'm struggling with the desire to control my A. As I posted a few weeks earlier, his meeting attendance has decrease significantly and it takes everything inside of me NOT to speculate on this. My comments and overwhelming worry HAVE decreased but, not vanished. Sometimes I feel I go to...	RunnerChick	9	992	May 15, 2009 by Jean4444
	You gotta love how they can ruin the holidays (Preview) So last night I got a group of girlfriends togather to spend the night at my parents' empty condo for a pre-Mother's Day celebration. Just something special for us moms so we can spend a night relaxing, hanging out, and having fun. I got home this morning and was greeted by my husband whose first words...	N8SMOM	9	802	May 15, 2009 by tweety23
	Grief and anger....ESH needed (Preview) Two weeks ago today I buried my father and Saturday we buried my father in law. Grief has got ahold of me and I do not like where I am at. I am so angry with all of the people that have managed to slip into FIL's life and take, take take and never give back. There are even times I feel like they have robbed me of my...	Mobirdie	9	904	May 14, 2009 by Andrea12
	When we cannot DETACH, we---------------- (Preview) What are the negative effects not detaching? If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you: * Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you. * Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to d...	rosielightshines	4	714	May 14, 2009 by maresie
	Decision making...at last (Preview) Dear all, Have been reading the posts and getting so much out of them, its unbelievable. I rang my A father and told him the truth, that I would not be able to transfer dead step moms car to me and insure him as a named driver because of the consequences for ME. This is a first. I am sure he is annoyed. I made som...	maire rua	4	558	May 14, 2009 by maresie
	Feeling Off Today... (Preview) Welp... Don't know what is up with me this morning... I feel ok I suppose, but a little off... I am not sure if it has to do with Yesterdays Good/Great news or not... when it come to getting rid of the My Deseased Afathers estate or what... Or if it is just Realizing... That I am getting were I need to be with it...	Jozie	4	711	May 14, 2009 by Sincerely
	My detachment posts (Preview) Hey guys...Sorry I did not quote source for those posts... I was going through some old posts of mine and notes of mine that I had saved over this 5 years and don't KNOW where I got the info from......SO for now "source unknown".....I surf my old notes...old posts.....internet....type fr...	rosielightshines	8	813	May 14, 2009 by Robinks
	I Lost My Job, The Only Thing I Could Count on for 22 Years (Preview) Actually found out my job is being done away with....actually being sent to China, come August. I have worked there 22 years last month. No matter what, men problems, health problems, whatever, I still had my job. I NEED MY JOB! I moved into my own apt. last July, and have been doing wonderfully. Gett...	Becky1	19	2223	May 14, 2009 by carolinagirl
	Am I addicted to AlAnon? Need to find some balance.........ESH greatly needed today (Preview) First of all thank you all for responding to my post yesterday, I always appreciate the ESH that comes from my MIP family, I have been carried more times than I can count by most of you here. Several people (not just here) have voiced to me that maybe my problem is that I am "overdoing" AlAnon....	shellyj123	12	1112	May 14, 2009 by carolinagirl
	Last Day on the Job (Preview) Hi Alanoners, Yesterday was my last day with my old teaching job. In August I start teaching in a new subject area - same school. After 15 years, it was bittersweet. No fanfare, no party, no gold watch (he, he). They asked for my keys. The transition is from a great environment - terrible co-worker to a ne...	nmike	3	762	May 14, 2009 by Jerry F
	Echos (Preview) (((((((MIP Family))))))) I am so awed by meetings where the shares by other members are exact echos from my past in program. When the thoughts and feelings are exactly as they were for me in the same language and expression. I just close my eyes and let myself be guided thru the journey by a newer willi...	Jerry F	4	677	May 14, 2009 by RLC
	How to Develop DETACHMENT (Preview) How to Develop Detachment In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to: First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on. Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, plac...	rosielightshines	5	1179	May 14, 2009 by rosielightshines
	Alanons Who Hate Alcoholics (Preview) I know that Alanon is a program for people who love an alcoholic. Or as the reading states, there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. This implies love, but how many of us really hate alcoholics? As a sober alcoholic myself, it's hard for me to hate alcoholics, but I do find myself har...	barisax	16	2011	May 14, 2009 by MrsGratitude
	Who's Your Potter? (Preview) I know it's nowhere near Christmas, but I just had thoughts of the classic Jimmy Stewart / Frank Capra movie "It's A Wonderful Life". It truly is a film with many lessons and a timeless message - and it occurred to me that there's a specific message in it for we codependents too. At the heart o...	barisax	10	771	May 14, 2009 by MrsGratitude
	grown 'kids' and 'consequences vs control =confusion! (Preview) Hello. I'm new to this board and have only been to a few al anon meetings. I know there is wisdom there, but I do get frustrated by the fact that most members do tend to be wives/significant other -as opposed to parents. There are some differences in issues and emotions that are just hard for me to ignore a...	trenchy	13	2756	May 14, 2009 by trenchy
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.