Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

rosielightshines · rosielightshines

Howdy friends I had a BLAST today!!! Got up!!! cleaned up my bedroom and prepared my bedroom for my NEW COMPUTER... Its a Dell..Dual core...19" monitor...2 gig memory...2 harddrives the 2nd one is 1/2 tarabyte.....this things SMOKES!! I am downloading my music and my movies from my usb exteri...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

My son and I came home from the condo today knowing full well that the house would not be clean. When I walked in the door, I was almost in tears, not only was it not clean - it stunk to high heaven and my husband was still asleep. I cleaned up some cat puke, emptied the trash, ran the garbage disposal, and c...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

Back when my husband's drinking got out of control, his brother was here to help out. One of the things I asked him to do was to take my husband's gun out of the house. I didnt' feel comfortable having it in the house at all (let alone when his drinking was out of control). To be honest, we were never gun pe...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

(((((Friends)))), Seems I have been reading a lot of the same things in post lately, the insecurity of living with this disease. Try and remember we have absolutely no control over this, it is out of our hands. We can only control ourselves and our lives. I know the disease of addictions plays havic on...

Robinks · Robinks

husband had a job interview last tuesday, friday they called and asked for references. Please say prayers for him, I hope this means an offer is coming. We really need this job.

Diva · Diva

My A long-time companion had some scam attached to his debit card which is billing us $56.00 per month for God knows what. We cannot seem to find out anything about the source of the charge. So....our bank - we have co-mingled funds which I do not recommend to any of you - told him to cancel his debit c...

mia883 · mia883

Hello I would like to have an idea how things are managed in other states or districts or groups? At the moment in Australia, we are not using email at all between members, groups, districts, and areas? Everything is done by hand and posted with a 50 cents stamp. Expensive system. Plus it takes ages to be...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am changing! I feel more confident & not so much in fear. I used to be afraid of most things especially those things out of my control. I am more ready to face things head-on & take chances in my life. And trust is very important to me right now. My Alanon group is so special to me. I am really l...

Sincerely · Sincerely

I have learned that relationships are hard. ALL RELATIONSHIPS! husband and wife, mother and daughter, supervisor to coworker, coworker to coworker, etc. They are all just hard. It takes work. And it begins with me. I am high maitenance. I've always joked that I was high maintnance, but I was m...

angelchar375 · angelchar375

I really need some advice on this one. Totally at a loss as to what I'm supposed to do... My AH's mom in some ways is more crazy than her son. I have a strained relationship with her as she also does with her son. Today she was at our house dropping after having taken our dog for a walk. I drove up after being at t...

Lilly Burn · Lilly Burn

I sold my exAh's work bench yesterday, only £20 but he didnt want it and it took up room in the shed. I felt so low when it had gone, Ive spent the last few months getting rid of all the evidence of our life together, wedding album gone, wedding ring sold for scrap! Other bits and bobs that ive sold or am sellin...

Mariner · Mariner

I have been feeling alot of pain lately. Feelings of guilt and shame. I woke up today with that horrible feeling again. It starts almost immediatley, the self criticizising. Why did I do A B or C, I should have known better, why did I stay in that relationship so long, I'm not good enough........ I mus...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I am finding that things are really a-ok for me except in one area of my life/recovery: I am still going WAY overboard on the self-shame and self-blame when it comes to making mistakes. I made two mistakes yesterday. Not the end of the world: both had to do with mis-communications, one a work and one at...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Is something I don't have. I was reflecting after reading another post here by Becky about wanting to be rescued and hoping her boyfriend of 8 months would step up. I have been with mine almost 4 and been pushing for moving in, etc. I have a really hard time waiting for what I want. It's so foreign to me...

elevator · elevator

I hope this is the correct forum to post, I consider my friend a close family member.. A good friend of mine nearly died of cirrhosis last September. She had a very close call. Myself and her loved ones were hoping that would have been her wake up call to quit drinking and possibly seek help. Sadly, close t...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

My Recovering A has been slacking on meeting attendance. I believe I've mentioned this before and I have tried to keep my HANDS OFF of his program. It's difficult to do so and to DETACH without completely shutting him out. A resentment buds in knowing that he is not actively working his program AND that...

CarlosNA · CarlosNA

I am a newcomer. My problem is not being an enabler, but the other extreme. I am so ready to stop obsessing over my A's life that I have been told that I might be taking it too far. I have tried to detach from her bad decisions. She is currently clean. She was going to meeting daily and tried to go back to school...

lilgirl · lilgirl

Hi all. I'm not a stranger to Al-Anon . . . and the events of this week have brought me right back to Step 1, and I'm feeling so many old, familiar, nasty, painful things and I'm doing what is absolutely the hardest thing in the world for me to do - asking for help. My AH and I are almost divorced. The divorce i...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

I think I may have actually made some progress today. As I mentioned in a previous post, the night before Mother's Day (while I was out of the house), my husband broke the glass cooktop on our stove - Dad claims that he dropped a roasted chicken that was on a baking sheet on top of the stove - the story from m...

Jozie · Jozie

Ok as most of you know, my deseased Afathers things have been plaquen me for a while now, and that is now slow coming to an end..(Next Week)... Yesterday I was kinda drag'n and with great ESH... (Thank You All) I came to realize, that Yes... I was Waiting for the Storm..For It has been WAY To Calm, and thin...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

When I grew up we were FAR from wealthy. We ate good and were clothed but extras weren't possible for a widow with two small children. My father passed away when I was 2 and my oldest brother was called into the Army. My middle brother (7 yrs older than me-9 at the time), my mom and I moved and mom started a...

mkn · mkn

A few days ago I emailed my ACOA and CAS some information that I thought would help him. It was info I found on this website. It just made him angry and he repeated that all of our problems are my fault and that he doesn't feel "safe" with me. It's just so hard for me to let him go - especially when I...

ernie · ernie

May Business meeting Minutes Meeting was held on May 2nd 2009 New Co-Chairs (Edna & Danz)opened the meeting Agenda posted:I. Review of April minutesII. Review of op meeting scheduleIII. Old businessA. Discussion of H...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I found this today while I was surfing and thought it might be helpful to many of us here...... Shelly Are you wondering when the pain stops? The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I am realizing that strong feelings of pain are just that: strong feelings of pain. They won't kill me. They won't totally ruin my life forever, they are not the end of the world. They are just strong feelings of pain. They arrive, sweep over me and eventually run their course and are gone. I think th...

Rora · Rora

This is not a tongue in cheek question or a debate...I genuinely think I may have missed this life lesson somewhere along the line. Do you have any good and practical theories or slogans on how to distinguish the differences between helping and enabling? Rora

QOD · QOD

My 15 yo son went to court yesterday. He pleaded guilty to some charges he claims he is innocent on b/c the court had enough circumstantial evidence to convict him. He plea bargained and the lessened one of the major charges down to a misdemeanor, which was great. And by pleading guilty, it allowed h...

clara · clara

Spoke to AD last night and she is all set to come out here to take care of Bonnie Lou. We will have to leave before she gets here because she is trying to miss the FT Worth rush hour traffic, which I do not blame her. Bonnie Lou seems much better,however will not eat much, however she still beggs at the table...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

Hello Family - I'm struggling with the desire to control my A. As I posted a few weeks earlier, his meeting attendance has decrease significantly and it takes everything inside of me NOT to speculate on this. My comments and overwhelming worry HAVE decreased but, not vanished. Sometimes I feel I go to...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

So last night I got a group of girlfriends togather to spend the night at my parents' empty condo for a pre-Mother's Day celebration. Just something special for us moms so we can spend a night relaxing, hanging out, and having fun. I got home this morning and was greeted by my husband whose first words...

Mobirdie · Mobirdie

Two weeks ago today I buried my father and Saturday we buried my father in law. Grief has got ahold of me and I do not like where I am at. I am so angry with all of the people that have managed to slip into FIL's life and take, take take and never give back. There are even times I feel like they have robbed me of my...

rosielightshines · rosielightshines

What are the negative effects not detaching? If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you: * Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you. * Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to d...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear all, Have been reading the posts and getting so much out of them, its unbelievable. I rang my A father and told him the truth, that I would not be able to transfer dead step moms car to me and insure him as a named driver because of the consequences for ME. This is a first. I am sure he is annoyed. I made som...

Jozie · Jozie

Welp... Don't know what is up with me this morning... I feel ok I suppose, but a little off... I am not sure if it has to do with Yesterdays Good/Great news or not... when it come to getting rid of the My Deseased Afathers estate or what... Or if it is just Realizing... That I am getting were I need to be with it...

rosielightshines · rosielightshines

Hey guys...Sorry I did not quote source for those posts... I was going through some old posts of mine and notes of mine that I had saved over this 5 years and don't KNOW where I got the info from......SO for now "source unknown".....I surf my old notes...old posts.....internet....type fr...

Becky1 · Becky1

Actually found out my job is being done away with....actually being sent to China, come August. I have worked there 22 years last month. No matter what, men problems, health problems, whatever, I still had my job. I NEED MY JOB! I moved into my own apt. last July, and have been doing wonderfully. Gett...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

First of all thank you all for responding to my post yesterday, I always appreciate the ESH that comes from my MIP family, I have been carried more times than I can count by most of you here. Several people (not just here) have voiced to me that maybe my problem is that I am "overdoing" AlAnon....

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, Yesterday was my last day with my old teaching job. In August I start teaching in a new subject area - same school. After 15 years, it was bittersweet. No fanfare, no party, no gold watch (he, he). They asked for my keys. The transition is from a great environment - terrible co-worker to a ne...

Jerry F · Jerry F

(((((((MIP Family))))))) I am so awed by meetings where the shares by other members are exact echos from my past in program. When the thoughts and feelings are exactly as they were for me in the same language and expression. I just close my eyes and let myself be guided thru the journey by a newer willi...

rosielightshines · rosielightshines

How to Develop Detachment In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to: First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on. Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, plac...

barisax · barisax

I know that Alanon is a program for people who love an alcoholic. Or as the reading states, there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. This implies love, but how many of us really hate alcoholics? As a sober alcoholic myself, it's hard for me to hate alcoholics, but I do find myself har...

barisax · barisax

I know it's nowhere near Christmas, but I just had thoughts of the classic Jimmy Stewart / Frank Capra movie "It's A Wonderful Life". It truly is a film with many lessons and a timeless message - and it occurred to me that there's a specific message in it for we codependents too. At the heart o...

trenchy · trenchy

Hello. I'm new to this board and have only been to a few al anon meetings. I know there is wisdom there, but I do get frustrated by the fact that most members do tend to be wives/significant other -as opposed to parents. There are some differences in issues and emotions that are just hard for me to ignore a...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

For some reason this week, that I can't wrap myself around, I am feeling quite "off". Almost like I can see myself in this huge lake, and I am swinging my arms, kicking my legs and fighting with everything I have JUST TO KEEP AFLOAT, and I am getting so worn out, and just don't feel like fighti...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

I just want to apologize, I feel like I take, take, take from this board and hardly give. My emotions are such a roller coaster right now. I've been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for a few months now, I lately I've been doing well (between therapy, medications, and meetings). Yesterday, my hu...

Melissa21 · Melissa21

I made it!! He left for work early so I started packing up he came home for a minute to get something and I just said I will be out by tonight. He didn'ts ay anything just left. Then 2 hours later we had the first truck loaded up. My friends brother calls and said he did something to the propane tank in the garag...

clara · clara

Daughter is supposed to come out to our house while we go out of town this week end to take care of our sick Beagle(bonnie lou), who thank God is much better(Beagle, not daughter). She loves Bonnie Lou and would take good care of her and give her the medicines she is still taking So, I called her 3 times y...

Robinks · Robinks

I just started my dyslexia training, the class is hard and so many roadblocks before the class started. Husband lost job, son two surgery's on his elbow. I am able to concentrate in class and do the homework so far.... Last night brother who spent three years in prison called., he was drinking.... what...

Jozie · Jozie

Well.. Bit of an Odd Day... Had a good day volunteering at the school... No Drama per say... Which was... Got back to the office, and started reading some of my Daily's... "Really Working Hard :)" Well I have been studing up on "Exceptance"... For I have been excepting my respons...

Jozie · Jozie

Ok, Yesterday in my travels on my Bike, as I was praying for my al-anon family I also made a HUGE Step back to ME :) When we left here on our bikes we really didn't know were we were heading, just the oppisite direction of the rain :) 99.9% of the time, my husband will ALWAYS ask... Were to You want to go.. and I A...

Jozie · Jozie

Ok, yesterday I took a ride on my Harley to see what God had in store for me. And WOW did I have an awesome day... I have to say tho that the first 50 miles all I could think of was my Al-anon family and how much you all mean to me... In my prayers yesterday I could not thinking of: Jerry... how you are always there...

mkn · mkn

My husband just left me. Both of his parents and all his grandparents were raging alcoholics and he also is a child abuse survivor. When we met - I was very ill. The first two years we were together he had to really take care of me. Then as I got better and better he seemed to get angry. Aggitated all of th...

maryam · maryam

I have been on this site off and on and have had many good responces which is appreciated. My b/f who is a severe alcoholic/ bipolor and then started smoking crack. I hung in there for app 8 yrs, stuck with him through prison, through many breakups i always went back until this time. Was bad enough with the...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Today for some reason I got to thinking about EXABF and our relationship, how it started and ended. In the beginning I ran from him as soon as I found out he was an A, for fear. He pursued diligently, and fought to get me. He even told me at one point early on that I took all the fight out of him in the beginin...

Lilly Burn · Lilly Burn

I just needed to come to the board...Ive been so much stronger, getting out and about, meeting new people and re-establishing old friendships and importantly, sorting my finances etc and now I feel utterly flat. I have effectively cut my exAH out of my life, not responding to his various communicati...

Sincerely · Sincerely

Lucky #7. The interviewer closed the interview by saying to me: Well, Tonya....over the next 2 days I will be interviewing 18 people. You are number 7. And you are the first one that I am recommending to the second interview. You know what my friends???? This has inspired me so much! I am very confid...

Gailey · Gailey

My ex-dil decided that she would tell my granddaughters (8 & 6) the problem that daddy has. I agreed that they were probably old enough to tell them about the alcoholism. Here is the thing....ex-dil told A son that the oldest had a little anxiety about ex-dil and new husband having a beer the other n...

Inpain · Inpain

I'm slowly learning how I enable my dry drunk, to control me. He does it with ease and I need to stop. I need to stop running his calendar, and doing his business for him. I do step in from time to time still. Mainly when it affects my bottom line. I'm learning NOT to do this. It's not just my husband. I j...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear All, A-Father has asked me and initially i said i would take over step mother who is now dead, car and insure him as a named driver. I have checked this out and am not prepared to do same as if he has any problems, and he does he is eighty not declaring same however he got away with that, and it would affect...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

Ever since my husband's Mother's Day stunt (which seems like days ago, but it was only yesterday), my son and I have been staying at my parents' condo. It's pretty nice here - everything is so clean, it doesn't smell of booze or pets, and the condo complex has a nice pool with a hot tub (it's like a mini v...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	I had an absolute BLAST today!!! (Preview) Howdy friends I had a BLAST today!!! Got up!!! cleaned up my bedroom and prepared my bedroom for my NEW COMPUTER... Its a Dell..Dual core...19" monitor...2 gig memory...2 harddrives the 2nd one is 1/2 tarabyte.....this things SMOKES!! I am downloading my music and my movies from my usb exteri...	rosielightshines	5	313	May 18, 2009 by Jozie
	Came Home Today (Wish I Hadn't) (Preview) My son and I came home from the condo today knowing full well that the house would not be clean. When I walked in the door, I was almost in tears, not only was it not clean - it stunk to high heaven and my husband was still asleep. I cleaned up some cat puke, emptied the trash, ran the garbage disposal, and c...	N8SMOM	4	1063	May 18, 2009 by thinkstoomuch
	Important Question (Preview) Back when my husband's drinking got out of control, his brother was here to help out. One of the things I asked him to do was to take my husband's gun out of the house. I didnt' feel comfortable having it in the house at all (let alone when his drinking was out of control). To be honest, we were never gun pe...	N8SMOM	11	525	May 18, 2009 by Diva
	The simple things in life (Preview) (((((Friends)))), Seems I have been reading a lot of the same things in post lately, the insecurity of living with this disease. Try and remember we have absolutely no control over this, it is out of our hands. We can only control ourselves and our lives. I know the disease of addictions plays havic on...	Andrea12	6	585	May 18, 2009 by Karilynn
	prayers for husband (Preview) husband had a job interview last tuesday, friday they called and asked for references. Please say prayers for him, I hope this means an offer is coming. We really need this job.	Robinks	7	333	May 18, 2009 by Karilynn
	Enabling? No......just doing what needs to be done... (Preview) My A long-time companion had some scam attached to his debit card which is billing us $56.00 per month for God knows what. We cannot seem to find out anything about the source of the charge. So....our bank - we have co-mingled funds which I do not recommend to any of you - told him to cancel his debit c...	Diva	10	585	May 18, 2009 by Karilynn
	Email communication between members, groups, districts, area , etc... (Preview) Hello I would like to have an idea how things are managed in other states or districts or groups? At the moment in Australia, we are not using email at all between members, groups, districts, and areas? Everything is done by hand and posted with a 50 cents stamp. Expensive system. Plus it takes ages to be...	mia883	5	481	May 18, 2009 by mia883
	Changes (Preview) I am changing! I feel more confident & not so much in fear. I used to be afraid of most things especially those things out of my control. I am more ready to face things head-on & take chances in my life. And trust is very important to me right now. My Alanon group is so special to me. I am really l...	Hoot Nanny	5	385	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Relationships are Hard (Preview) I have learned that relationships are hard. ALL RELATIONSHIPS! husband and wife, mother and daughter, supervisor to coworker, coworker to coworker, etc. They are all just hard. It takes work. And it begins with me. I am high maitenance. I've always joked that I was high maintnance, but I was m...	Sincerely	4	328	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	mother in law blues (Preview) I really need some advice on this one. Totally at a loss as to what I'm supposed to do... My AH's mom in some ways is more crazy than her son. I have a strained relationship with her as she also does with her son. Today she was at our house dropping after having taken our dog for a walk. I drove up after being at t...	angelchar375	9	778	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Looking into big hole that used to be my life (Preview) I sold my exAh's work bench yesterday, only £20 but he didnt want it and it took up room in the shed. I felt so low when it had gone, Ive spent the last few months getting rid of all the evidence of our life together, wedding album gone, wedding ring sold for scrap! Other bits and bobs that ive sold or am sellin...	Lilly Burn	8	820	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Self Love (Preview) I have been feeling alot of pain lately. Feelings of guilt and shame. I woke up today with that horrible feeling again. It starts almost immediatley, the self criticizising. Why did I do A B or C, I should have known better, why did I stay in that relationship so long, I'm not good enough........ I mus...	Mariner	8	389	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Making Mistakes: Your ESH needed! (Preview) I am finding that things are really a-ok for me except in one area of my life/recovery: I am still going WAY overboard on the self-shame and self-blame when it comes to making mistakes. I made two mistakes yesterday. Not the end of the world: both had to do with mis-communications, one a work and one at...	Jean4444	13	946	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	Patience (Preview) Is something I don't have. I was reflecting after reading another post here by Becky about wanting to be rescued and hoping her boyfriend of 8 months would step up. I have been with mine almost 4 and been pushing for moving in, etc. I have a really hard time waiting for what I want. It's so foreign to me...	carolinagirl	6	631	May 17, 2009 by maresie
	seeking advice re: close friend (Preview) I hope this is the correct forum to post, I consider my friend a close family member.. A good friend of mine nearly died of cirrhosis last September. She had a very close call. Myself and her loved ones were hoping that would have been her wake up call to quit drinking and possibly seek help. Sadly, close t...	elevator	3	278	May 17, 2009 by rosielightshines
	Just Confused -- Denial and Detachment (Preview) My Recovering A has been slacking on meeting attendance. I believe I've mentioned this before and I have tried to keep my HANDS OFF of his program. It's difficult to do so and to DETACH without completely shutting him out. A resentment buds in knowing that he is not actively working his program AND that...	RunnerChick	8	841	May 17, 2009 by kitty
	Am I detaching from my marriage? (Preview) I am a newcomer. My problem is not being an enabler, but the other extreme. I am so ready to stop obsessing over my A's life that I have been told that I might be taking it too far. I have tried to detach from her bad decisions. She is currently clean. She was going to meeting daily and tried to go back to school...	CarlosNA	12	1581	May 17, 2009 by CarlosNA
	New here, not to Al-Anon, just need to reach out . . . (Preview) Hi all. I'm not a stranger to Al-Anon . . . and the events of this week have brought me right back to Step 1, and I'm feeling so many old, familiar, nasty, painful things and I'm doing what is absolutely the hardest thing in the world for me to do - asking for help. My AH and I are almost divorced. The divorce i...	lilgirl	5	604	May 16, 2009 by abbyal
	So Proud of Myself (Preview) I think I may have actually made some progress today. As I mentioned in a previous post, the night before Mother's Day (while I was out of the house), my husband broke the glass cooktop on our stove - Dad claims that he dropped a roasted chicken that was on a baking sheet on top of the stove - the story from m...	N8SMOM	8	718	May 16, 2009 by Hoot Nanny
	Patience & Hugs :) (Preview) Ok as most of you know, my deseased Afathers things have been plaquen me for a while now, and that is now slow coming to an end..(Next Week)... Yesterday I was kinda drag'n and with great ESH... (Thank You All) I came to realize, that Yes... I was Waiting for the Storm..For It has been WAY To Calm, and thin...	Jozie	3	659	May 16, 2009 by Hoot Nanny
	Coloring books, crayons and serenity... (Preview) When I grew up we were FAR from wealthy. We ate good and were clothed but extras weren't possible for a widow with two small children. My father passed away when I was 2 and my oldest brother was called into the Army. My middle brother (7 yrs older than me-9 at the time), my mom and I moved and mom started a...	shellyj123	6	1272	May 16, 2009 by Jean4444
	Having a really hard time keeping the focus on me. (Preview) A few days ago I emailed my ACOA and CAS some information that I thought would help him. It was info I found on this website. It just made him angry and he repeated that all of our problems are my fault and that he doesn't feel "safe" with me. It's just so hard for me to let him go - especially when I...	mkn	7	1789	May 16, 2009 by Jean4444
	May Business Minutes (Preview) May Business meeting Minutes Meeting was held on May 2nd 2009 New Co-Chairs (Edna & Danz)opened the meeting Agenda posted:I. Review of April minutesII. Review of op meeting scheduleIII. Old businessA. Discussion of H...	ernie	0	316	May 16, 2009 by ernie
	Are you wondering when the pain stops? (Preview) I found this today while I was surfing and thought it might be helpful to many of us here...... Shelly Are you wondering when the pain stops? The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human...	shellyj123	5	698	May 15, 2009 by buick23
	Pain won't kill me (Preview) I am realizing that strong feelings of pain are just that: strong feelings of pain. They won't kill me. They won't totally ruin my life forever, they are not the end of the world. They are just strong feelings of pain. They arrive, sweep over me and eventually run their course and are gone. I think th...	Jean4444	7	724	May 15, 2009 by nmike
	HOw do you you separate "helping" from "enabling"? (Preview) This is not a tongue in cheek question or a debate...I genuinely think I may have missed this life lesson somewhere along the line. Do you have any good and practical theories or slogans on how to distinguish the differences between helping and enabling? Rora	Rora	9	1094	May 15, 2009 by serendipity
	Yesterday's Positives and Negatives (Preview) My 15 yo son went to court yesterday. He pleaded guilty to some charges he claims he is innocent on b/c the court had enough circumstantial evidence to convict him. He plea bargained and the lessened one of the major charges down to a misdemeanor, which was great. And by pleading guilty, it allowed h...	QOD	5	690	May 15, 2009 by Jean4444
	dauhgter will actually be here!!!!! Can you believe???? (Preview) Spoke to AD last night and she is all set to come out here to take care of Bonnie Lou. We will have to leave before she gets here because she is trying to miss the FT Worth rush hour traffic, which I do not blame her. Bonnie Lou seems much better,however will not eat much, however she still beggs at the table...	clara	3	426	May 15, 2009 by rosielightshines
	Fighting the Desire to Control (Preview) Hello Family - I'm struggling with the desire to control my A. As I posted a few weeks earlier, his meeting attendance has decrease significantly and it takes everything inside of me NOT to speculate on this. My comments and overwhelming worry HAVE decreased but, not vanished. Sometimes I feel I go to...	RunnerChick	9	982	May 15, 2009 by Jean4444
	You gotta love how they can ruin the holidays (Preview) So last night I got a group of girlfriends togather to spend the night at my parents' empty condo for a pre-Mother's Day celebration. Just something special for us moms so we can spend a night relaxing, hanging out, and having fun. I got home this morning and was greeted by my husband whose first words...	N8SMOM	9	790	May 15, 2009 by tweety23
	Grief and anger....ESH needed (Preview) Two weeks ago today I buried my father and Saturday we buried my father in law. Grief has got ahold of me and I do not like where I am at. I am so angry with all of the people that have managed to slip into FIL's life and take, take take and never give back. There are even times I feel like they have robbed me of my...	Mobirdie	9	892	May 14, 2009 by Andrea12
	When we cannot DETACH, we---------------- (Preview) What are the negative effects not detaching? If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you: * Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you. * Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to d...	rosielightshines	4	702	May 14, 2009 by maresie
	Decision making...at last (Preview) Dear all, Have been reading the posts and getting so much out of them, its unbelievable. I rang my A father and told him the truth, that I would not be able to transfer dead step moms car to me and insure him as a named driver because of the consequences for ME. This is a first. I am sure he is annoyed. I made som...	maire rua	4	548	May 14, 2009 by maresie
	Feeling Off Today... (Preview) Welp... Don't know what is up with me this morning... I feel ok I suppose, but a little off... I am not sure if it has to do with Yesterdays Good/Great news or not... when it come to getting rid of the My Deseased Afathers estate or what... Or if it is just Realizing... That I am getting were I need to be with it...	Jozie	4	694	May 14, 2009 by Sincerely
	My detachment posts (Preview) Hey guys...Sorry I did not quote source for those posts... I was going through some old posts of mine and notes of mine that I had saved over this 5 years and don't KNOW where I got the info from......SO for now "source unknown".....I surf my old notes...old posts.....internet....type fr...	rosielightshines	8	799	May 14, 2009 by Robinks
	I Lost My Job, The Only Thing I Could Count on for 22 Years (Preview) Actually found out my job is being done away with....actually being sent to China, come August. I have worked there 22 years last month. No matter what, men problems, health problems, whatever, I still had my job. I NEED MY JOB! I moved into my own apt. last July, and have been doing wonderfully. Gett...	Becky1	19	2197	May 14, 2009 by carolinagirl
	Am I addicted to AlAnon? Need to find some balance.........ESH greatly needed today (Preview) First of all thank you all for responding to my post yesterday, I always appreciate the ESH that comes from my MIP family, I have been carried more times than I can count by most of you here. Several people (not just here) have voiced to me that maybe my problem is that I am "overdoing" AlAnon....	shellyj123	12	1086	May 14, 2009 by carolinagirl
	Last Day on the Job (Preview) Hi Alanoners, Yesterday was my last day with my old teaching job. In August I start teaching in a new subject area - same school. After 15 years, it was bittersweet. No fanfare, no party, no gold watch (he, he). They asked for my keys. The transition is from a great environment - terrible co-worker to a ne...	nmike	3	750	May 14, 2009 by Jerry F
	Echos (Preview) (((((((MIP Family))))))) I am so awed by meetings where the shares by other members are exact echos from my past in program. When the thoughts and feelings are exactly as they were for me in the same language and expression. I just close my eyes and let myself be guided thru the journey by a newer willi...	Jerry F	4	660	May 14, 2009 by RLC
	How to Develop DETACHMENT (Preview) How to Develop Detachment In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to: First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on. Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, plac...	rosielightshines	5	1161	May 14, 2009 by rosielightshines
	Alanons Who Hate Alcoholics (Preview) I know that Alanon is a program for people who love an alcoholic. Or as the reading states, there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. This implies love, but how many of us really hate alcoholics? As a sober alcoholic myself, it's hard for me to hate alcoholics, but I do find myself har...	barisax	16	1993	May 14, 2009 by MrsGratitude
	Who's Your Potter? (Preview) I know it's nowhere near Christmas, but I just had thoughts of the classic Jimmy Stewart / Frank Capra movie "It's A Wonderful Life". It truly is a film with many lessons and a timeless message - and it occurred to me that there's a specific message in it for we codependents too. At the heart o...	barisax	10	757	May 14, 2009 by MrsGratitude
	grown 'kids' and 'consequences vs control =confusion! (Preview) Hello. I'm new to this board and have only been to a few al anon meetings. I know there is wisdom there, but I do get frustrated by the fact that most members do tend to be wives/significant other -as opposed to parents. There are some differences in issues and emotions that are just hard for me to ignore a...	trenchy	13	2721	May 14, 2009 by trenchy
	Feel like I'm about to go under...... (Preview) For some reason this week, that I can't wrap myself around, I am feeling quite "off". Almost like I can see myself in this huge lake, and I am swinging my arms, kicking my legs and fighting with everything I have JUST TO KEEP AFLOAT, and I am getting so worn out, and just don't feel like fighti...	shellyj123	9	767	May 14, 2009 by RunnerChick
	Feeling Anxiety (Preview) I just want to apologize, I feel like I take, take, take from this board and hardly give. My emotions are such a roller coaster right now. I've been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for a few months now, I lately I've been doing well (between therapy, medications, and meetings). Yesterday, my hu...	N8SMOM	5	496	May 14, 2009 by RunnerChick
	Update on my situation! (Preview) I made it!! He left for work early so I started packing up he came home for a minute to get something and I just said I will be out by tonight. He didn'ts ay anything just left. Then 2 hours later we had the first truck loaded up. My friends brother calls and said he did something to the propane tank in the garag...	Melissa21	10	778	May 14, 2009 by thinkstoomuch
	Sick of walking on egg shells!!! (Preview) Daughter is supposed to come out to our house while we go out of town this week end to take care of our sick Beagle(bonnie lou), who thank God is much better(Beagle, not daughter). She loves Bonnie Lou and would take good care of her and give her the medicines she is still taking So, I called her 3 times y...	clara	10	678	May 14, 2009 by Gailey
	Need ES&H (Preview) I just started my dyslexia training, the class is hard and so many roadblocks before the class started. Husband lost job, son two surgery's on his elbow. I am able to concentrate in class and do the homework so far.... Last night brother who spent three years in prison called., he was drinking.... what...	Robinks	5	889	May 14, 2009 by Robinks
	Could my Prayers Be Answered????? (Preview) Well.. Bit of an Odd Day... Had a good day volunteering at the school... No Drama per say... Which was... Got back to the office, and started reading some of my Daily's... "Really Working Hard :)" Well I have been studing up on "Exceptance"... For I have been excepting my respons...	Jozie	4	759	May 14, 2009 by Christy
	My Newest Journey... ;) (Preview) Ok, Yesterday in my travels on my Bike, as I was praying for my al-anon family I also made a HUGE Step back to ME :) When we left here on our bikes we really didn't know were we were heading, just the oppisite direction of the rain :) 99.9% of the time, my husband will ALWAYS ask... Were to You want to go.. and I A...	Jozie	7	778	May 13, 2009 by Suzannah
	Lovin my MIP Family :) (Preview) Ok, yesterday I took a ride on my Harley to see what God had in store for me. And WOW did I have an awesome day... I have to say tho that the first 50 miles all I could think of was my Al-anon family and how much you all mean to me... In my prayers yesterday I could not thinking of: Jerry... how you are always there...	Jozie	4	737	May 13, 2009 by Suzannah
	Do I belong here? (Preview) My husband just left me. Both of his parents and all his grandparents were raging alcoholics and he also is a child abuse survivor. When we met - I was very ill. The first two years we were together he had to really take care of me. Then as I got better and better he seemed to get angry. Aggitated all of th...	mkn	8	853	May 13, 2009 by maresie
	should i write a letter????? (Preview) I have been on this site off and on and have had many good responces which is appreciated. My b/f who is a severe alcoholic/ bipolor and then started smoking crack. I hung in there for app 8 yrs, stuck with him through prison, through many breakups i always went back until this time. Was bad enough with the...	maryam	8	810	May 13, 2009 by Jozie
	Dealing with feelings of guilt for my part in it all. (Preview) Today for some reason I got to thinking about EXABF and our relationship, how it started and ended. In the beginning I ran from him as soon as I found out he was an A, for fear. He pursued diligently, and fought to get me. He even told me at one point early on that I took all the fight out of him in the beginin...	shellyj123	8	780	May 13, 2009 by kitty
	Feeling low again (Preview) I just needed to come to the board...Ive been so much stronger, getting out and about, meeting new people and re-establishing old friendships and importantly, sorting my finances etc and now I feel utterly flat. I have effectively cut my exAH out of my life, not responding to his various communicati...	Lilly Burn	7	812	May 13, 2009 by Lilly Burn
	Phone Job Interview -- Update (Preview) Lucky #7. The interviewer closed the interview by saying to me: Well, Tonya....over the next 2 days I will be interviewing 18 people. You are number 7. And you are the first one that I am recommending to the second interview. You know what my friends???? This has inspired me so much! I am very confid...	Sincerely	2	380	May 13, 2009 by Jean4444
	just a little venting here (Preview) My ex-dil decided that she would tell my granddaughters (8 & 6) the problem that daddy has. I agreed that they were probably old enough to tell them about the alcoholism. Here is the thing....ex-dil told A son that the oldest had a little anxiety about ex-dil and new husband having a beer the other n...	Gailey	8	433	May 13, 2009 by N8SMOM
	WHY am I such an enabler!? I really need to stop. (Preview) I'm slowly learning how I enable my dry drunk, to control me. He does it with ease and I need to stop. I need to stop running his calendar, and doing his business for him. I do step in from time to time still. Mainly when it affects my bottom line. I'm learning NOT to do this. It's not just my husband. I j...	Inpain	4	835	May 12, 2009 by Sincerely
	A-Father's request (Preview) Dear All, A-Father has asked me and initially i said i would take over step mother who is now dead, car and insure him as a named driver. I have checked this out and am not prepared to do same as if he has any problems, and he does he is eighty not declaring same however he got away with that, and it would affect...	maire rua	1	715	May 12, 2009 by rosielightshines
	Don't Want to Go Home (Preview) Ever since my husband's Mother's Day stunt (which seems like days ago, but it was only yesterday), my son and I have been staying at my parents' condo. It's pretty nice here - everything is so clean, it doesn't smell of booze or pets, and the condo complex has a nice pool with a hot tub (it's like a mini v...	N8SMOM	7	861	May 12, 2009 by maire rua
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.