The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I may have actually made some progress today.
As I mentioned in a previous post, the night before Mother's Day (while I was out of the house), my husband broke the glass cooktop on our stove - Dad claims that he dropped a roasted chicken that was on a baking sheet on top of the stove - the story from my 3-year old son is that Dad broke it with a beer bottle (I think I believe my son).
I've been staying at my parents' condo with my son and I told my husband yesterday that I don't want to come home until the stove top is fixed because it's broken glass and it's very dangerous for our son. I even went online to look up how to get it fixed and forwarded the GE website to him. When I talked to him on the phone last night, I asked him if he made the call to have someone come out to look at it, and he said "not yet."
This morning, I checked the GE website and found out that I am able to make an appointment online, so I went ahead and set up an appointment for tomorrow. I started to send an e-mail to my husband to tell him about it, when I realized that this is his problem to fix, not mine. So I went back online and canceled to appointment.
I would say this is a little bit of progress on my part, right?
I'm pleased that you didn't get into his stuff. What I'm wondering about is if you can be ok with every time you see the broken stove not becoming resentful; not nagging him; not becoming angry. The thing to your husband is that the stove isn't a big deal. So for you it is. So this is where the slogan of "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy" comes in. If you want the stove fixed, you may need to do it yourself; this is different from enabling. When we enable, we protect the alcholic from themselves. In this case, the broken stove isn't necessarily a hazard to him, but to your child and you.
Yes I believe that if you and your son are safe at the condo, I think you made WONDERFUL boundry's as to your return when "He Fixes what he broke"... I also think it is Wonderful that you Canceled that Appt. Telling him about the place it one thing, but doing it for him "Which I am Sure He Expects" is another... I am slowly learning that what ever don't get done for the "A's" in my life is on them... I have to live with my own life choices not theirs... I sleep better are night knowing this...
I wish you luck, and I also agree that You shouldn't let resentment hold you down if you choose to go back, once its over make it over, and move on working on your program and taking care of your 3 year old...He Needs you more then Any other one out there...
Take what you like and leave the rest... :) Love & Prayers Jozie
PS... Progress Not Profection...
-- Edited by Jozie on Wednesday 13th of May 2009 01:41:29 PM
it is so hard to just stop jumping in & doing everything b/c that's what we always end up doing but you made a boundary and you're sticking to it, good for you!! Enjoy your time alone w/ son away from home *smiles*
take care of YOU
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
He broke it; he should fix it. We are usually very good at fixing their mess. Now is the time for the tables to turn. Let him clean up the mess. Afterall, he broke the stove with the chicken(right) or most likely the beer bottle. Stay strong!!!
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Good for you!! This boundary is 2 fold. It's his problem to fix AND if he wants you to come back he'll get-r-done (but don't count on that being incentive).
I would suggest from here you don't mention it again. Leave it in his hands and embrace the calm you have at the condo.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
weeeeee-HOOOOOOO! Yes indeedy, I'd say that's progress. Frankly I'd call it a BIG bit of progress, not just a little bit. That whole idea of paying attention to what was "my stuff" and what was "his stuff" was such a big part of what I spent my early months in alanon on - it was quite different from anything I had learned how to do in my life before that. Freeing, isn't it? OK, sometimes it's annoying, too, but you've got a lovely alternative in your parents' condo, you've expressed your (entirely reasonable) condition for going back to the house - ball's in his court now, and you get to concentrate on you. Great opportunity for some meetings here!
